Ever been killed in a dream by a manifestation of repressed desire? Yeah, me neither. 

Lyrics:

Feel the lungs rattling in my chest 
Coughing up the excess
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night

Raining on your reverie
I hope you find your missing key
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night 
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night

I went home yesterday 
Darling don’t forget to pray
For the doors to be unlocked
All the saints are off the clock 

I went home and back again 
Heaven’s gate won’t let you in 
Hope that you can jump the fence 
And don’t forget to hide the evidence 

(and I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much) 

Sacred cow’s got a razor blade 
Waiting in the colonnade 
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night 

He slashed the backs of both my hands 
And tried to make me understand 
That it is gonna be a long, long night 
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night 

I went home yesterday 
Darling don’t forget to pray
For the doors to be unlocked
All the saints are off the clock 

I went home and back again 
Heaven’s gate won’t let you in 
Hope that you can jump the fence 
And don’t forget to hide the evidence 

And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much

I went home and on the run 
Where did I put the gun 
I’ll kill him or he’ll kill me 
On the cliff over the sea

I went home and lit the flame 
Darling you would do the same 
Kerosene be our incense 
And don’t forget to hide the evidence 

And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much

I went home yesterday 
Darling don’t forget to pray
For the doors to be unlocked

Hide The Evidence

guess what day it is

image credit: Stabat Mater dolorosa by Giovanni Gasparro (http://www.giovannigasparro.com/sp.php?p=244)

Lyrics: 

If you loved me
You would let me die
On the cross of 
Jesus Christ 

With the nails in my feet and the nails in my wrists 
The stones in my knees and hyssop on my lips 
With the spear in my side and the thorns on my head
God is dead, God is dead

God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead

And we killed him 

Mother, can you do what love demands
Even though it tears you apart
Wringing out your precious hands 
With seven swords in your heart 

With the nails in my feet and the nails in my wrists 
The stones in my knees and hyssop on my lips 
He has struck at my heel, but I will strike at his head
God is dead, God is dead 

God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead

And we killed him 

Does it seem like it’s 
just a little bit too much 
We were born for this but 
we live and die alone

I can take the beating
Can you clean up all this blood? 
Watch me stumble up the hill
Onto my throne 

God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead

And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 

And we killed him

Good Friday (God Is Dead)

sometimes things do be shapeless

image credit: photo from the Enfield Poltergeist haunting, Graham Morris, mirror.co.uk

Lyrics:

I’m the same shapeless thing I already was 
I’m the same faithless thing that I have become 
I’ve got nothing to hold onto 
Nothing holding me on 

I am a weightless thing, floating out of bed 
I’m an ungrateful thing, a hole in my head
I’ve got nothing to hold onto
Nothing holding me on 

God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real

Well lately I’ve been talking in my sleep
Coughing up things that you would not believe 
And the lights in my bedroom
Flicker off and on and on 

Well lately I’ve been peeling back my skin 
Oh just to see if I can let some light in
Cause I never trust a man who 
Says he knows the mind of God 

God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real 

God am I 
Oh God am I real 
God am I 
Oh God am I real

I am a graceless thing, untreatable 
I am a faceless thing, unreadable 
I’ve got nothing to hold onto 
Nothing holding me on 

God am I 
Oh God am I real 
God am I 
Oh God am I real

Shapeless Thing

You were a beatific vision 
Through the dirty windshield 
driving through the gap at night 
I am privileged to have witnessed your life 

Through the screen I perceive 
My own eyes moving rapidly
Through the screen I can see
It play out like a movie dream 

all that I've wasted on you 
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

Original boys, original girls 
Doin burnouts in the parking lot
Strawberry moon, the height of June 
Precious in the eyes of God 

all the saints I have estranged
could have never held a flame 
all the saints, and devils too
Know my name and so do you 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

(You were a beatific vision 
Through the dirty window 
Driving through the gap at night 
 I am privileged to have witnessed your life)

In my mind I rewind 
the worn out tape until it grinds 
In my mind I rewind 
The worn out tape until I find 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

You were a beatific vision
flying through the windshield 
Laying mangled in the moonlight 
Your eyes flashed like glittering glass
Ephemera never dies 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths

Little Deaths

she wears a mantle of the sun
with the moon under her feet
with twelve stars in her diadem 
call her queen of peace 

her baby fights the devil 
the firstborn of the dead 
they call him food for angels
and he's my best friend 

you don't need me to protect your honor 
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt
i wanna sit at your feet

i could be good for you
i got your chains around my wrists
i'll do whatever you want me to
i wanna hold him like you did

i'm a little shy of your glory 
smile like the moon
reflective and serene 
wash over the room

i'm crooked like a broken arrow 
i crumple when i hit the gate
you could put me on the narrow
you could make me straight 

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take of yourself well enough Mary 

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt
i wanna sit at your feet 

i could be good for you
i got your chains around my wrists
i'll do whatever you want me to
i wanna hold him like you did

and you're always standing there
in his shadow 
are you ever separated 
from your sorrow 
and was it worth it to become 
queen of heaven 
for the angels bow before you
cause in their hearts they all adore you 

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt
i wanna sit at your feet 

i could be good for you
i got your chains around my wrists
i'll do whatever you want me to
i wanna hold him like you did

i just wonder what you were really like

Mary (demo)

my love hung me out to dry
my love left me hanging 
i am washed and i am waiting 
i am wet and i am heavy 
i am lost and i am ready 

simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again 

simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again

my love hung me out to dry
my love left me hanging 
i am washed and i am waiting 
i am wet and i am heavy 
i am lost and i am ready 


simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again 

simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again

you were my only friend 
don't wanna die alone again 
you were my only friend 
don't wanna die alone again

Simon My Cyrene

Midnight Crush lyrics

I wanna study him like a bug 
I got a jar with the air slits cut 
And Watch him while he sleeps
Twitching like an animal

fireflies, cold light, sky
turns to blue, turns to night 
He is pale to the point 
of glowing Like an alien 

I’m always leaving, 3 am
It’s just a midnight crush 
Don’t know what I’m supposed to learn
Just know that I don’t know that much 

My favorite part of him was 
 his skin because 
It’s fluid against mine 
Falls around my shoulders, like dim light 

I’m the stain on the ceiling and
I’m reaching for a feeling 
 I can never find, trapped between
A piece of paper and a water glass

I’m always leaving, 3 am
It’s just a midnight crush
Don’t know what I’m supposed to learn
Just know that I don’t know that much 

Throw a sheet over my cage 
so I can sleep in peace
Sometimes I get the creeps 
and I don’t have the words for what is happening 

Tailspin, rail thin, try 
my best to suck more oxygen 
and he doesn’t know that I’m
Looking up from the bottom of a well 

I’m always leaving, 3 am
It’s just a midnight crush
Don’t know what I’m supposed to learn
Just know that I don’t know that much 

You’re being nice to me and I feel weird 
You know I’m using you, right?
In a year of isolation you were 
 the nearest warm body I could find 

Soft like skin, tough like ligament
How I’d get in this predicament 
You are every single person 
I have ever met 







Flash your mandibles 


It’s just a waste of time 

I almost had a thought today 


I’m Looking for patterns  
I’m the Stain on the ceiling
 like a T.S. Eliot
And What if there’s no meaning 

I drank so much 
I became a painting
Float like an impressionist 
And what is there remaining 

You are every single person I have ever met 

Maladaptive daydreaming 

Reaching for a feeling 

I hope they’re having fun without me 

Always been a bit of a pessimist 


Tailspin 
Rail thin
Autograph
Oxygen 


Throw a sheet over my cage 
so I can sleep in peace
Sometimes I get the creeps 
Careful what you’re doing there in my teeth

Midnight Crush (iPhone Demo)

Honey I can’t save you and
I won’t make you well again 
Honey I won’t make you clean
Baby I won’t set you free

I knew it was over before it began 
And melted like wax in the palm of your hand 
I made a monster and God made a man
human in all his condition
lost in transmission 

Animals we love and fight
Laughing in an endless night
Grinning skulls beneath the flesh 
Meaty thump (UNH!) inside your chest

Lean into the nothingness
There’s nothing better than this
Leaning in to touch your face
On a rock spinning through space 

No one cares who we are
Nothing out behind the stars
I loved you long I loved you first 
Heat death of the universe

(Ah, ah) 

Time takes your time 
Will takes your will
All that you find
Confusion where you fell 

Time takes your time
Will takes your will
All that you find 

I knew it was over before it began 
And melted like wax in the palm of your hand 
I made a monster and God made a man
human in all his condition
lost in transmission

Heat Death Of The Universe (iPhone demo, 2022)

Early signs of seraphic radiation include: dizziness, narcolepsy, unexplained stigmata, and glossolalial outbursts. Progressed stages include eruptions of divine radiance, visions of mercy, and perception of more than five spatial dimensions. The final stages include miraculous occurrences and violent ascension. There is no treatment for seraphic radiation. If you have been exposed to seraphic radiation, quarantine yourself from others immediately. None shall see the face of God and live.

SERAPHIC RADIATION

Raincoat

Ocean Static

Sunday Morning I

Fingers (Nov 2022)

Fingers 2024

Plastic Fossils 2024

Midnight Crush (with Kaleidoscopic)

stabatmater

Houses

mannequin (86bpm)

I hitchhiked, caught a ride on the wind 
The landscape wavered in diaphanous flames
It’s hotter than it’s ever been 
And my body has not been quite the same 

We are damned fools in search of lost fruit 
Blackberry venom, nebulous shame 
Trying to give shape to a pain that is nameless
We took a tab around noon

Be careful when you put your ear to the ground to listen 
The earth may be screamin
From the trees cut down in the clearing 

Hey brother, we can become triangles together 
You can be a pine cone if you wanna 
Watch the ceiling swim like a river 
Why’s it feel like we shouldn’t be here 

Our childhood home, it’s too heavy for your birthday
We should’ve watched a movie
We ran through sprinklers in the orchard, it shone like diamonds 

And I’ve never seen our brother cry like that
And I’ve never held him for such a long long long time 

I gave over control of the music
And we danced in a house that’s  never been danced in 
And I ran my hands through the dogs  fur, it crackled in prisms 

And you played Grandpa’s Epiphone
And in your hands it unfolded
The notes peeled off the fretboard 
And around us they floated 

You beat on the land and the land beats you back

triangles (130 bpm)

RE ENTRY (prod. Kaine Vrooman)

Carthage

Late bloomer
Staring blankly, eyes wide
Into a mirror darkly 
Like a fundamentalist bride

And shit was so ugly
Cancer raining from the sky 
Fire in the valley 
And a fever on my mind 

I was higher than I’d ever been
Part of me was scared of him when he got angry 
Part of me excited, like an accomplishment 
Look at me, I’m normal, I’m worthy 

Did you think I really liked you?
I thought you were pathetic 
I thought it would protect me 
But it didn’t 

We could die, we could die
There could be a war
World on fire, world on fire
What are you waiting for?

Late bloomer
Late bloomer

Late bloomer 
They put a voyeur into my head 
I feel like everybody else now
Living life under surveillance 

So desperate 
To be human, to be touched
Thought I had to give it all up 
Just to get what I want

How should I know what I’m comfortable with?
What desires are mine, cause I don’t trust them 
Everything we got taught was worse than useless
Laughing but I feel numb and stupid 

Did you think I really liked you?
I thought you were pathetic 
I thought it would protect me 
But it didn’t 

We could die, we could die
There could be a war
World on fire, world on fire
What are you waiting for?

Late bloomer
Late bloomer
Late bloomer
Late bloomer

What kind of man did you think you were?
What kind of man did you think you were?
I think I look just like her
I think I look just like her 

What kind of man did you think you were?
What kind of man did you think you were?
I think I look just like her
I think I look like

Late bloomer
Late bloomer
Late bloomer
Late bloomer

(You were so young then
You were so young then 
You were so young then
You were so young then 
You were so young then
You were so young then)

Late Bloomer

Perfect Wound (live at The Houndstooth)

Hey, pretty baby 
you’re a new soul lately 
do you got a moment or two?

Everything is crystalline, 
don’t care for innocence, 
It’s only something you can lose 

I’m 1 million years old
I was born last week
dripping in gold 
hanging from a leaf

Traveling for generations 
I won’t see the destination 
I will read the ultraviolet 
I will give my consecration

And it wasn’t your fault 
for the weight of the world 
you’re a butterfly bitch 
watch shit unfold 

And it wasn’t your fault 
for the weight of the world 
you’re a butterfly bitch 
watch shit unfold 

(We feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
Of the ones who came before us 
Feast on flowers, feast on corpses)

They’ll try to pin you down, collect you, debate you and dissect you 
and put you in a museum for the kids and intellectuals 
It’s demonic, it’s effective
It’s chaotic and collective 
Twitch your wings and flip the hegemonic dialectic

Twitch your wings and flip the world into a new perspective 

And it wasn’t your fault 
for the weight of the world 
you’re a butterfly bitch 
watch shit unfold 

And it wasn’t your fault 
for the weight of the world 
you’re a butterfly bitch 
watch shit unfold 

They wish they could be as beautiful as you
They wish they could change the way you do 
They wish they could be as beautiful as you
They wish they could change the way you do 
They wish they could change the way you do 
They wish they could change the way you do 

And it wasn’t your fault 
for the weight of the world 
you’re a butterfly bitch 
watch shit unfold 

And it wasn’t your fault 
for the weight of the world 
you’re a butterfly bitch 
watch shit unfold 

(We feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
feast on flowers, feast on corpses 
Of the ones who came before us 
Feast on flowers, feast on corpses)

butterfly bitch!

mercy like a sinking ship
no perfect self waiting to be found
just you now 

it's a funny thing, collapsing dreams
waste your day in make-believe
no one is coming
to save you from yourself, somehow 

and in some way, it's already years from now
as if you really had to ask 
and in some way, the clock is counting down 
in some time bomb from the past 

feels like the future never came 
ancestor in the present day 
in the picture frame 
that's you now 

in a landscape shaped by violence 
let's find a place and make a home inside it 
you have more power than you know
reach out, reach out 

and in some way, it's already years from now
as if you really had to ask 
and in some way, the clock is counting down 
in a time bomb from the past 

just keep growing, just keep growing
through sunlight and the rain
though the rhythm changes
the song remains the same 

just keep growing, just keep growing
through sunlight and the rain
though the rhythm changes
the song remains the same

time bomb

Razor Honey demo.m4a

The curve of her thumb
Skins a tangerine 
peel comes off
Perfect serpentine 

Citrus perfume 
Lingers above me
Her fingers are lovely
Her fingers are lovely

Her fingers are (ooh ooh ooh)
Her fingers are (ooh ooh ooh)
Her fingers are (ooh ooh ooh)
Her fingers are 

Rosary beads
Wrapped around her wrist 
Cross in her palm
Chain to her lips 

Receive your peace 
Spirit above me
Her fingers are lovely 
Her fingers are lovely 

Her fingers are (ooh ooh ooh)
Her fingers are (ooh ooh ooh)
Her fingers are (ooh ooh ooh)
Her fingers are 

(And yet, we never touched
I was too scared 
I thought there was no way in the world you’d ever want me 
So I shaved my head in penance 
And I tried running away to join 
the Sisters of the Penance of the Sorrowful Mother 
but, they didn’t want me either, so…
What’s a gender-confused basket case to do but lay back, and imagine, and wonder…)

I wish that we were closer
Between the flesh and rind 
I want to hold you closer
Across the great divide

Strong hands, strong hands, strong hands 
Strong hands, strong hands, strong hands 
Strong hands, strong hands, strong hands 
Strong hands, strong hands, stro-o-ong hands 

You’re going to need every piece of strength you didn’t know you had 

You’re going to need every piece of strength you didn’t know you had 

You’re going to need every piece of strength you didn’t know you had 

You’re going to need every piece of strength you didn’t know you had

Fingers (Penance Remix)

Fingers - 12-23 - no spoken interlude

bedroom folk pop for the ex-youth group kids and the intrinsically disordered, the flesheaters and flagellants, the immaculate, the vampires, and all of god's little mercenaries

Fingers

Reviews for Lazarus Pearl: 

“Butch, but make it Elton John” - GR 

"Like if Alanis Morisette banged a disco ball" -JT

“No less than mesmerizing” -Erin 

Insta: https://instagram.com/lazaruspearl?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==

Lazarus Pearl

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