Ever been killed in a dream by a manifestation of repressed desire? Yeah, me neither. 

Lyrics:

Feel the lungs rattling in my chest 
Coughing up the excess
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night

Raining on your reverie
I hope you find your missing key
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night 
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night

I went home yesterday 
Darling don’t forget to pray
For the doors to be unlocked
All the saints are off the clock 

I went home and back again 
Heaven’s gate won’t let you in 
Hope that you can jump the fence 
And don’t forget to hide the evidence 

(and I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much) 

Sacred cow’s got a razor blade 
Waiting in the colonnade 
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night 

He slashed the backs of both my hands 
And tried to make me understand 
That it is gonna be a long, long night 
I think it’s gonna be a long, long night 

I went home yesterday 
Darling don’t forget to pray
For the doors to be unlocked
All the saints are off the clock 

I went home and back again 
Heaven’s gate won’t let you in 
Hope that you can jump the fence 
And don’t forget to hide the evidence 

And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much

I went home and on the run 
Where did I put the gun 
I’ll kill him or he’ll kill me 
On the cliff over the sea

I went home and lit the flame 
Darling you would do the same 
Kerosene be our incense 
And don’t forget to hide the evidence 

And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much
And I don’t think it’s too much

I went home yesterday 
Darling don’t forget to pray
For the doors to be unlocked

Hide The Evidence

guess what day it is

image credit: Stabat Mater dolorosa by Giovanni Gasparro (http://www.giovannigasparro.com/sp.php?p=244)

Lyrics: 

If you loved me
You would let me die
On the cross of 
Jesus Christ 

With the nails in my feet and the nails in my wrists 
The stones in my knees and hyssop on my lips 
With the spear in my side and the thorns on my head
God is dead, God is dead

God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead

And we killed him 

Mother, can you do what love demands
Even though it tears you apart
Wringing out your precious hands 
With seven swords in your heart 

With the nails in my feet and the nails in my wrists 
The stones in my knees and hyssop on my lips 
He has struck at my heel, but I will strike at his head
God is dead, God is dead 

God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead

And we killed him 

Does it seem like it’s 
just a little bit too much 
We were born for this but 
we live and die alone

I can take the beating
Can you clean up all this blood? 
Watch me stumble up the hill
Onto my throne 

God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead
God is dead, God is dead

And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 
And we killed him 

And we killed him

Good Friday (God Is Dead)

sometimes things do be shapeless

image credit: photo from the Enfield Poltergeist haunting, Graham Morris, mirror.co.uk

Lyrics:

I’m the same shapeless thing I already was 
I’m the same faithless thing that I have become 
I’ve got nothing to hold onto 
Nothing holding me on 

I am a weightless thing, floating out of bed 
I’m an ungrateful thing, a hole in my head
I’ve got nothing to hold onto
Nothing holding me on 

God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real

Well lately I’ve been talking in my sleep
Coughing up things that you would not believe 
And the lights in my bedroom
Flicker off and on and on 

Well lately I’ve been peeling back my skin 
Oh just to see if I can let some light in
Cause I never trust a man who 
Says he knows the mind of God 

God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real 
God am I real 

God am I 
Oh God am I real 
God am I 
Oh God am I real

I am a graceless thing, untreatable 
I am a faceless thing, unreadable 
I’ve got nothing to hold onto 
Nothing holding me on 

God am I 
Oh God am I real 
God am I 
Oh God am I real

Shapeless Thing

You were a beatific vision 
Through the dirty windshield 
driving through the gap at night 
I am privileged to have witnessed your life 

Through the screen I perceive 
My own eyes moving rapidly
Through the screen I can see
It play out like a movie dream 

all that I've wasted on you 
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

Original boys, original girls 
Doin burnouts in the parking lot
Strawberry moon, the height of June 
Precious in the eyes of God 

all the saints I have estranged
could have never held a flame 
all the saints, and devils too
Know my name and so do you 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

(You were a beatific vision 
Through the dirty window 
Driving through the gap at night 
 I am privileged to have witnessed your life)

In my mind I rewind 
the worn out tape until it grinds 
In my mind I rewind 
The worn out tape until I find 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

You were a beatific vision
flying through the windshield 
Laying mangled in the moonlight 
Your eyes flashed like glittering glass
Ephemera never dies 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths 

all that I've wasted on you
all of my wasted breath 
I just keep on dying all these little deaths
I played the fool for your truth 
on warm leatherette
I just keep on dying all these little deaths

Little Deaths

Graveyards Into Gardens (Midnight Session)

CHURCH OF LIVING STONES

RELICS

Transplant

she wears a mantle of the sun
with the moon under her feet
with twelve stars in her diadem 
call her queen of peace 

her baby fights the devil 
the firstborn of the dead 
they call him food for angels
and he's my best friend 

you don't need me to protect your honor 
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt
i wanna sit at your feet

i could be good for you
i got your chains around my wrists
i'll do whatever you want me to
i wanna hold him like you did

i'm a little shy of your glory 
smile like the moon
reflective and serene 
wash over the room

i'm crooked like a broken arrow 
i crumple when i hit the gate
you could put me on the narrow
you could make me straight 

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take of yourself well enough Mary 

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt
i wanna sit at your feet 

i could be good for you
i got your chains around my wrists
i'll do whatever you want me to
i wanna hold him like you did

and you're always standing there
in his shadow 
are you ever separated 
from your sorrow 
and was it worth it to become 
queen of heaven 
for the angels bow before you
cause in their hearts they all adore you 

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt

you don't need me to protect your honor
you can take care of yourself well enough Mary
i'm just staring at the folds of your skirt
i wanna sit at your feet 

i could be good for you
i got your chains around my wrists
i'll do whatever you want me to
i wanna hold him like you did

i just wonder what you were really like

Mary (demo)

my love hung me out to dry
my love left me hanging 
i am washed and i am waiting 
i am wet and i am heavy 
i am lost and i am ready 

simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again 

simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again

my love hung me out to dry
my love left me hanging 
i am washed and i am waiting 
i am wet and i am heavy 
i am lost and i am ready 


simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again 

simon my cyrene 
i'm gonna need you 
before this is over I 
don't wanna die alone again

you were my only friend 
don't wanna die alone again 
you were my only friend 
don't wanna die alone again

Simon My Cyrene

A thousand eyes blink in the blue light 
a thousand eyes lovelessly take you in 
Can’t run can’t hide can’t run can’t hide 
A thousand eyes burn through your head 

You crawl to the edge of infinity
Soul laid bare for the feral deities
Dont fight, dont cry, dont fight, dont cry  
don’t want attention from  thousand eyes

Is it the eye of god? 
Panopticon
Someone is watching me 
In my disjointed dreams 

you miss something that never existed
the golden age of television
the faces disappeared and twisted 
when you turned it off 

And radio, the voices from the void 
In your car stereo that you enjoyed 
fell out of range when you drove away
alone with your thoughts

now you float in the flat w hite eternal
now the two dimensional infernal
Pictures flick too fast to comprehend 
but they live in you and you live in them        

and you are an eye and you come with a price 
and you are an eye and you come with a price
and you watch yourself on the screen at night
can’t run can’t hide don’t cry please fight 


Is it the eye of god? 
Panopticon
Someone is watching me 
In my disjointed dreams

1000 EYE SONG (panopticon)

Honey I can’t save you and
I won’t make you well again 
Honey I won’t make you clean
Baby I won’t set you free

I knew it was over before it began 
And melted like wax in the palm of your hand 
I made a monster and God made a man
human in all his condition
lost in transmission 

Animals we love and fight
Laughing in an endless night
Grinning skulls beneath the flesh 
Meaty thump (UNH!) inside your chest

Lean into the nothingness
There’s nothing better than this
Leaning in to touch your face
On a rock spinning through space 

No one cares who we are
Nothing out behind the stars
I loved you long I loved you first 
Heat death of the universe

(Ah, ah) 

Time takes your time 
Will takes your will
All that you find
Confusion where you fell 

Time takes your time
Will takes your will
All that you find 

I knew it was over before it began 
And melted like wax in the palm of your hand 
I made a monster and God made a man
human in all his condition
lost in transmission

Heat Death Of The Universe (iPhone demo, 2022)

I wanna study him like a bug 
I got a jar with the air slits cut 
And Watch him while he sleeps
Twitching like an animal

fireflies, cold light, sky
turns to violet, turns to night 
He is pale to the point 
of glowing Like an alien 

I’m always leaving, 3 am
It’s just a midnight crush 
Don’t know what I’m supposed to learn
Just know that I don’t know that much 

My favorite part of him was 
 his skin because 
It’s fluid against mine 
Falls around my shoulders, like dim light 

I’m the stain on the ceiling and
I’m reaching for a feeling 
 I can never find, trapped between
A piece of paper and a water glass

I’m always leaving, 3 am
It’s just a midnight crush
Don’t know what I’m supposed to learn
Just know that I don’t know that much 

Throw a sheet over my cage 
so I can sleep in peace
Sometimes I get the creeps 
and I don’t have the words for what is happening 

Tailspin, rail thin, try 
my best to suck more oxygen 
and he doesn’t know that I’m
Looking up from the bottom of a well 

I’m always leaving, 3 am
It’s just a midnight crush
Don’t know what I’m supposed to learn
Just know that I don’t know that much 

You’re being nice to me and I feel weird 
You know I’m using you, right?
In a year of isolation you were
 the nearest warm body I could find 

Soft like skin, tough like ligament
How I’d get in this predicament 
You are every single person 
I have ever met

Midnight Crush

Plastic Fossils

Gold

Early signs of seraphic radiation include: dizziness, narcolepsy, unexplained stigmata, and glossolalial outbursts. Progressed stages include eruptions of divine radiance, visions of mercy, and perception of more than five spatial dimensions. The final stages include miraculous occurrences and violent ascension. There is no treatment for seraphic radiation. If you have been exposed to seraphic radiation, quarantine yourself from others immediately. None shall see the face of God and live.

SERAPHIC RADIATION

The kingdom of God 
is a whitewashed tomb
it was in your hearts 
and you never knew
it was in your hearts the whole goddamn time 

Daddy fought for the empire 
and planned for disasters 
the things that you hide from
end up finding you faster and
it's not on your terms, it's on mine 

Maybe I'll leave in October 
maybe I'll fly to the sun
maybe I'll find what I'm after
maybe I'll fuck on the run 
we can shake the dust, leave this place behind

Baby when we get home
let's invent a new religion 
from the scraps that we scavenged 
from the land of the living 
and say my prayers to the amber sky 

I-de-ee, I-dee-I
I-de-ee, I-dee-I

Come on! (ooh)
Can you feel yourself rot from inside?
Come on! (ooh) 
He hides himself in borrowed light 
Come on! (ooh)
I don't know where we're going to go
Come on! (ooh)
Carry on! (ooh) 
the road 

Though all is uncertain 
blessed are those who grieve 
tell me what you want 
tell me what you need
I wanna rip his guts out right here on the lawn 

Well, we're losing our shit 
and we're taking our turns 
Call's-a-comin' from inside 
the house as it burns, well
I would not hang around for long 

We're in the future now 
and we should have known 
and it comes to you softly 
when you're sleeping alone 
that something's off, but you can't say what's wrong 

Well, I'm sick of keeping secrets 
for holy men who use us 
to clean up their skeletons while 
vultures wend in the amber sky 

I-de-ee, I-dee-I
I-de-ee, I-dee-I 
Come on! (ooh)
Can you feel yourself rot from inside?
Come on! (ooh) 
He hides himself in borrowed light 
Come on! (ooh)
I don't know where we're going to go
Come on! (ooh)
Carry on! (ooh) 

There's precious little time to catch your breath 
When you're speeding down the valley of death
Red eyes in the distance, glowing, veiled in dust 

Well, you don't have to do it by yourself 
When you're driving through the gates of hell
Welcome to resistance, friends you trust 

Come on (mmm)
I don't wanna do this all alone 
come on (mmm)
Stepping out into the great unknown 

Come on! (ooh)
Can you feel yourself rot from inside?
Come on! (ooh) 
He hides himself in borrowed light 
Come on! (ooh)
I don't know where we're going to go
Come on! (ooh)
Carry on! (ooh) 
the road 

(ooh, ooh 
ooh, ooh)

Amber Sky Dust (iPhone demo)

I loved not yet / yet I loved to love
And from a deep seated want
I hated myself for wanting not
I sought an object for my love

In love with loving
And safety I hated
And a way without snares
Anything that could save me
Scraping up against 
The joy that enchained me
Trying to feel something 

To Carthage I came 
And it inflamed me
To Carthage I came
And it amazed me
To Carthage I came
And it was blazing 

I loved the theater
Like I loved being sad
Can’t get enough fictional grief
Can’t find something I can believe

And I loved my fall and I loved the flames
And I loved to be loved and the joy that enchains
And I’ll ruin friendships that I have obtained 
Trying to feel something 

To Carthage I came 
And it inflamed me
To Carthage I came
And it amazed me
To Carthage I came
And it was blazing 

My friend had a fever
They baptized him in his sleep
We fell out over a joke
And we weren’t speaking 

Then the fever took him
And everything looked like death
I had to leave, I lost half my soul
I lost half my soul, I lost my friend 

To Carthage I came 
And it inflamed me
To Carthage I came
And it amazed me
To Carthage I came
And it was blazing 

Trading in violet
All the walls surround you
You’ll be destroyed so many times
And salt the earth around you

Trading in violet
All so I could find you
Burn it down til there’s nothing left
And salt the earth behind you 

 To Carthage I came 
And it inflamed me
To Carthage I came
And it amazed me
To Carthage I came
And it was blazing

Carthage

Do you remember when we split the moon in two?

Half of the Moon

I see my friend there 
Right at the end there
Far from the fire
Far from the flood 

I saw you grieving
Silent and seething
Foolish and wise 
Your hair in a muss 

Are we rising in love, ah, ah 
Are we rising in love, ah, ah 
Are we rising in love, ah, ah 
Are we rising in love, ah, ah 

Sun Swinging low 
over the horizon 
Coming home 
to carry me 

Over the threshold 
like a newlywed 
Radiating 
walls of heat 

Fields Like a modern 
art installation, 
Hay Monoliths
The threshers and the bailers 

And like the prophet 
fed by ravens 
I’ll hand you my coat
I won’t need it any more  

Are we rising in love, ah, ah 

Oh Elijah, 
Chariot of fire 
Rolling gold smoke and
Dust devil eyes

Here with the birds on
Telephone wires 
Haunt me again 
With your desire

Are we rising in love, ah, ah

Elijah (key of A)

“Cook’s Chasm I”

Cheek to cheek to coastline 
Tip to toe to cave 
Rush of white foam 
I plucked a light stone
Hand to hand to wave 

Rock to rock to heartline 
Shell to shell to hand 
Burrowed in my coat 
Clicking with my pulse
Grain to grain of sand

And it was me and the sea
And for the first time in a while
I was cold, I was free and I didn’t want to die 
Saw my father and my brother outlined against the sky 
Alive

Hair to hair to hairline 
Brow to brow to wind
Sun gets in your eyes 
Sets the mist alight 
Light to light to skin

Tree to tree to tree line 
Road to road to ridge
Crashing down the coast
Lifting all the boats 
Flood to flood to bridge 

And it was me and the sea
And for the first time in a while
I was warm, I was free and I didn’t want to die 
Saw my sister and my mother outlined against the sky 
Alive

Life and death, cheek to cheek like sea and sky 
Sweeping underneath 
Wild and fragile at the same time
Sweeping over me 

And it was me and the sea
And for the first time in a while
I was cold, I was free and I didn’t want to die 
Saw my father and my brother outlined against the sky 
Alive

And it was me and the sea
And for the first time in a while
I was warm, I was free and I didn’t want to die 
Saw my sister and my mother outlined against the sky 
Alive

Cook’s Chasm I

Your body is not your own / 
Your body is a temple of the lord

And you can’t trust your heart

Body is a Temple (demo)

Eternity

I feel the shadow of your arms around me 
As I fall asleep 
Unseen silhouette 

When rain falls down the window
traces of your touch linger
and I wish my body would forget 
 
And I’m dreaming of a forest and I’m walking through these woods
In the twilight dripping amethyst

And I’m looking down on you from Spencer’s Butte 
At your car where
You and I first kissed 

I feel the echoes of your flesh, though my heart is still
I’ve known the ghost of your caress 
Since I ran for the hills

I’ve been missing you like a phantom limb 
And in my mind there is a man on Moon Mountain 

I’ve been missing you like a phantom limb 
And in my mind there is a man on Moon Mountain 


Somewhere between sleep and waking I knew
 I am free of you 
I am clean of you

And When I woke up 
I knew I made the right decision 
saw you glowing like a ghost 
And I kept my distance 

I feel the echoes of your flesh, though my heart is still
I’ve known the ghost of your caress 
Since I ran for the hills

I’ve been missing you like a phantom limb 
And in my mind there is a man on Moon Mountain 

I’ve been missing you like a phantom limb 
And in my mind there is a man on Moon Mountain 

Cause I know if I let you in 
if I let you touch me 
I would melt again
And I can’t have that, no I can’t have that 
Cause I can touch myself
Better than you can 


I feel the echoes of your flesh, though my heart is still
I’ve known the ghost of your caress 
Since I ran for the hills

I’ve been missing you like a phantom limb 
And in my mind there is a man on Moon Mountain

Moon Mountain, Phantom Limb

Raincoat

Ocean Static

Staring at Strangers

I feel like making friends and getting emotionally close to people has changed my brain chemistry

Tangled up in the arms of love

Lights burn out one by one 
Generators crashing all around/ now we’ve begun 
So far from the ocean, wanna be carried away 
So far from the ocean, now I’m crashing/
Tenebrae 

Lights burn out down the line 
Darkness circling closer to/ the center all the time 
So deep in the mountain, so deep in the grave 
So far from the ocean, now I’m drowning, Tenebrae 

Lights burn out til they’re gone
Now I’m in the chapel/ now I face the favored one 
Face the naked altar with a numbness in my face
Trace the wooden railing, 
now I’m fading
Tenebrae

TENEBRAE

bedroom folk pop for the ex-youth group kids and the intrinsically disordered, the flesheaters and flagellants, the immaculate, the vampires, and all of god's little mercenaries

Fingers

pov: you go to a catholic school and have a crush on a girl (and you are also a girl)

The curve of her thumb 
Skins a tangerine 
Peel comes off 
Perfect serpentine

Citrus perfume 
Lingers above me 
Her fingers are lovely 
Her fingers are lovely 

Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are    (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 

Rosary beads 
Wrapped around her wrist 
Cross in her palm 
Chain to her lips 

Receive your peace 
Spirit above me 
Her fingers are lovely 
Her fingers are lovely 

Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are    (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 

I wish that we were closer 
Between the flesh and rind 
I want to hold you closer
Across the great divide 


Strong hands, strong hands, strong hands 
Strong hands, strong hands, strong hands 
Strong hands, strong hands, strong hands 
Strong hands, strong hands, strong hands 

Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are    (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Her fingers are     (ooh-ooh-hoo) 

You’re going to need every piece        (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Of strength you didn’t know you had 
You’re going to need every piece         (ooh-ooh-hoo)

Of strength you didn’t know you had 
You’re going to need every piece        (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Of strength you didn’t know you had 

You’re going to need every piece         (ooh-ooh-hoo) 
Of strength you didn’t know you had

Fingers- 2 - 20

Lazarus Pearl (fka bitterfruits) is an Oregonian queer folk/ art pop singer-songwriter with a distinctive vibrato, incisive lyrics, and an electrifying stage presence.

Reviews for Lazarus Pearl: 

“butch, but make it Elton John” - GR 

“No less than mesmerizing” -Erin 

Insta: https://instagram.com/lazaruspearl?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==

Lazarus Pearl

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks