The album is a bit delayed, but have a listen to one of the tracks!

The album, "Perpetual Confusion", comes out when I can re-record the rest of it. I lost about half my work because my recording laptop decided to delete my user profile. 

Here's the lyrics:

Gossamer girls go gently spinning susurrations, secretly in speech
I have a knife that cuts too deeply corroded corners climbing out of reach 

Flickering flame, kiss my brow
Tongues of fire roar quickly now
Every living thing knows exactly how
It ends, but the log glows brightly now.

She was a sharp straight line of sunlight sliver
Onto the surface of the slowly rolling river 
A warmth like that makes a cold soul smile, shiver
And yearn for lovely things to give her.

Flickering flame, in my ear 
Whisper the things that I should hear
Tell me if she's still standing near
And can finally sense my fevered fear 

And I'll tell her 

She is a flame that hurts your face when you lean too close 
She's a too-strong hit of a sleeping drug, she's an overdose 
She's a tidal wave on an ocean front, she's the cresting foam
And a long journey mandates a lust to go back home.

Gossamer Girls

This is a work in progress just like I am, but holy fuck I have never been prouder of writing something, and I have written a fucking lot of things. Turns out, I can rap. (But only circumstantially. Don’t try this at home. Or do.) 

Lyrics: 
Every day, I get a little better.

I confess when I regress, I follow footsteps to the letter

I’m a mess when I’m depressed, but I’m a constant go-getter

I don’t matter any less, I’m a surviver,

I’m a veteran 

I’m better than my past, I’m better in my future

Over the years that passed, became a better troubleshooter

And the truth is that I last due to the questions I’ve been asked

I’m not gonna be the reason for a flag half-mast 

It’s too fast? I speak rashly

And too brashly

I look at ashes and my eyes go glassy

I’m afraid I’m gonna say something hackneyed, 

So when I choose words, I make them have the

Utmost effect, 

In retrospect

Passed “Go” so many times, but neglected to collect

On occasion, I’m egregious

But when I cross lines, I freeze up, paraplegic 

Aha, I cross lines, like Cavalry did to Jesus

Okay, that’s facetious. I mean, he did teach us

I mean, he taught me all good things come at high cost

You only gain at least as much as you have lost

And when you make a monumental fuck-up, own up

Most things can be fixed if you act quick before they’ve blown up. 

Forgive the people that you hate, and fuck, forgive yourself

You’re the one who has to live with things you’ve overthought to hell

I’m in no place to stand on a soap box while I’m still in water,

But the reason I’m not drowning is because I fought harder. 

And currently, the water’s current is too strong

I struggle and the riptide rages on

But while I’m healing, I won’t seek to fix the weather

Ignore what’s out of my control, instead I tie a tether to reality

Analogies only go so far, but I’m still swimming. 

Some days I lose the battle but the war, I’m fucking winning. 

I’M GETTING BETTER, BITCH




Slow Recovery (First Draft)

Oscillation Imagery.m4a

 I ONLY WROTE THE LYRICS. I USED THIS BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7ghIuf0V-o 
LYRICS
It's easy to write about the fears that make you shake 
Visceral vice-like vitriol is venomous like a snake
Charm the serpent with a fervent need, and aspire 
To fire up the flames that dig you out and bring you higher. 
It's a dire circumstance that's worth a chance to advance 
The pain that's hardly pushing you to take a higher stance 
Is it the medication that fucks with my ability?
Are drugs the scapegoat for personal responsibility 
Coping skills they teach you, it's the roping skills you need though 
No delay, it's in your DNA, you can't climb while you belay
Will you stay if I voice everything that's in my head,
All the scary parts that make me wish that I were dead? 
It's a large task so I try to mask the things that show I'm vulnerable 
If I make you aware then you can't say you're gullible
It's trouble when I get too close to anyone while I'm in this state
I'm independently getting myself to a better place 
I'm on the up and up like Relient K
I'm reliant on my passions to make me okay 
Reliant on my writing 
Compliant on the right thing
I'm pliant while I'm fighting 
Defiant while I'm fighting 
I pray to God though I'm spiritual but not religious 
It doesn't matter if the deity's real or fictitious 
When my wish is only when the world is vicious that I'll live this through and through and the people whom I love will too 
Are you there god? It's me Margaret 
I'm reminding you of things I don't want you to forget 
Humanity is shitty, our vanity's not pretty 
Rape and murder, liars and burglars make our reputation gritty
But volunteers, EMTs, do our best to cure disease, 
and throughout all these tragedies in history,
People stand up for victims 
Doctors go to help the sick, the
Heroes run through fiery danger 
Choking on smoke to save a stranger 
Someone sacrifices sleep 
To talk to someone who's in deep 
And tries to keep them here because there's people who still need them 
It's a cheap shot to say that we got 
No good in us left, that we're left cold and bereft, 
Acting through selfish neglect, that this is as good as it gets 
So resurrect the better sector
And perfect the better lector
Telling us hectically to especially eclectically  
Inspire and create
Let your writing dominate
The way you want to be 
Instead of wallowing you see 
Misery loves company 
And I'm all for catharsis 
But I'd rather harvest magic carpet rides, the sunrise hard hit Smiling is important; it's overlooked as naivety
Pain is linked with beauty and that's not the way it needs to be  
I want more people writing how the sunrise makes them feel 
Instead of how depression crushes like a slab of steel
Instead of wired nerves and racing thoughts I think there ought 
To be a revolution of poetry for the positive minded,
A writing spree for the clinically excited 
Who are tired of having their personalities tied and tightened and frightened
I had a frightened friend 
Who took her Zoloft, had to spend 
A while, enduring trial and trial 
But when she said this she made me smile:
"Do you ever just get really excited at all the possibilities there are for you? I love not being depressed, oh my god." 
THAT'S THE VOICE OF HOPE
THE VOICE OF MEDICATION TAKING HOLD, 
TAKING IT BACK WHEN IT WAS NEVER DEPRESSION'S TO WITHHOLD

She had a revelation 
A positive notion 
That she could find elation 
And set her life in motion 
She uses her coping skills 
She uses her coping pills 
And ultimately the way she goes is chosen by her will 
She had a drop of hope and held onto it tight 
And she inspires me by fighting demons day and night 
So I'll chase hope and happiness in hot pursuit
Negativity's a noisy sound, I'm turning down the dial to mute
Write happy poems. Make good art. 
Make something that makes you smile when you're shattered apart It's hard.
I'm on a road to recovery 
Swimming in depths of discovery 
Propelling myself forward by chanting: 
I love me. I love me.

Make Happy Art

The full lyrics wouldn't fit in the description box so the rest are in the comments. 
LYRICS:
I. The Problem
I’ve had anxiety since I was sixteen, chronically
Ping-pong clash and clatter of my brain distracts me sonically
I have a predilection for self-destruction
Attend therapy sessions, but still under construction
My lack of motivation, the helplessness, my wracked brain
The lights go out, it’s nighttime now, under my skin, my muscles strain
I’m too tired to go higher, I get wired
I mentally sprint, take the hint, when I’m inspired
Always inconvenienced by energy, too lenient with pleasure 
It’s only when the sun rises I crash, nerves severed 
It’s just like me to write the feelings heightening it’s frightening 
When I lack self-control, hit hard like lightning 
And the right thing to do, repress your mood ‘til it’s subdued
Knock yourself out, come to, and succumb to ineptitude 
I cry out, I’m not enough
Think myself superhuman, and sleep calls my bluff
I have dreams but it seems that I’m failing them
The dirty demolition of my apathy is ailing them
I have a mental illness! I said it! I shout it! 
It’s not my whole identity but it’s a part of me, and yet without it
I think that I could be someone to be proud of. 
I don’t hate myself all the time, but second tries I’m out of. 
I have a choice to ignore my loud-as-hell brain
I have a voice and it soars and sounds like felt pain
I’m insane! I’m circling the drain, I’m so fucked up and what is worse, I only have myself to blame
I try to keep positive. It’s difficult to go on but it’s worth it. 
I’ve fucked up but I have potential, so I must unearth it. 
II. The Destruction
You deserve better than to deal with the likes of me
I have to wonder how you can be so nice to me
I want to open up your skull and see into your head
If it wouldn’t strike you dead, but I’ll just talk to you instead
Clearly I’m clairvoyant when I come across connections
Interpersonal insight is one of my few predilections
But each time I open up my eyes to see the morning light
It’s harshly loud, blindingly bright
Close my lids quickly, out of spite
Close eyelids quickly, intermittently 
Unfit to be 
A student so imprudent that I’m killing me, and chillingly
Indifferently, I blink them open 
And I can’t breathe, I am choking
Out of body, oddly floating
Keep provoking bears I’m poking
And despite the ways I try to turn from wrong to right
I manage to fuck up but the judge is nice and won’t indict
But you seem to know what that’s like. 
Solidarity is comforting in its own right, 
I’m not alone in this fight.
But it’s not out of sight
that the limit of your patience is approaching 
Infinity and encroaching
on your sanity, 
You need to sleep more, please.
Me? i need to sleep less
See, i’m under duress
Everybody does this
and everybody has stress
It’s in your best interest
to care less when i make a mess it’s a crisis, stop the presses
Make the ink spill, it’s endless 
Boundless pleasure-pain
It’s soundless when i write my name 
in blades, it fades too fast to make a permanent imprint in my brain 
I’m on a different plane of reality in headspaces of tragedy, 
Morality is more to me, causality the core of the 
Vicious cycle that’s a chorus in my mind infallibly 
FUCK
Hold on ladies and gents, 
Going on a tangent
What the fuck’s a tangent?
Perpendicular to circles, red and blue are purple, hot and cold make balance
Sifting through my talents, but I’m so unstable, fault of fallacy
FUCK, are you mad at me?
God, please I’m shackled the
only thing that I can do is rattle free 
I’m padlocked, where’s the key?
I’m front of me, above me?
Found through prayer or apology?
Fuck, even I can’t follow me, 
ADD or anxiety?
GODDAMN I’m doing it again
I’m sorry shit please understand
I’m more than this but I’m about as stable
as the last row of the periodic table.

(Part III, Recovery, is in the comments)

DEMO: Anxiety (I, II, III)

Darcy is one of my favorite people in the universe and I wrote her this song back in November 2015. I still like it so I'm posting it here.

Lyrics:
I have these doubts about myself every day
And you are so good at making those doubts go away

Get in the car with me let's floor it, we'll just drive all through the night 
Around you ten million stars orbit, 
Your galaxies make you blindingly bright 
I weigh a ton but you still lift me 
I can't believe how damn strong you are 
I'll sing out loud if you sing with me 
Your voice is my favorite sound by far…

Ugh.

These words are cheesy
They are a cliche
I still have to rhyme things, I'm a slave to my habits
But you're my best habit 
And while I am at it 
I feel so erratic, 
Ears full of static, static sound 
You turn my day and my life around, 
Holding hands with you I stand my ground, 
Solid ground, spitting up water cause I almost drowned, 
Spitting up cause of the drinks I downed, 
You held me back when I lost count, 
You hold my hair when I pull it out, 
You don't mind when I don't filter my mouth, 
You point me north when everything goes south, 
When I am lost you help me to re-route, 
You are my compass, my North Star, 
And from this, I have heart 
I fall short each time 
To convey to you how I feel
It's infuriating, each line
Never seems to cut the deal 
I love you, te amo, ich liebe dich, ti amo
You're my partner forever, let's have an adventure. Vamos, andiamo.


For Darcy (Twenty-One Pilots Style)

this song is so much fun to play you have no idea. composing is fun. jazz is fun. banging on the piano in the name of jazz is fun. Fadden is totally gonna get some jazz guitar on this.

LYRICS:
Slick like ink, there’s a beetle on my back
Dripping like a sinner in a stone cold cape
Latched onto ribs boring into my spine
Mischievously grinning with its mouth agape

It never says a thing, never says a thing
I still hear it, I still hear it
Never means to sting, never means to sting
I still feel it, I still feel it

Quick like dust scampers over a road
Scuttles over shoulders and vice-like gripping
Once I was free but I don’t remember when
Stepping, stippling, clinging, crippling

Heavy as a stone, it’s as heavy as a stone
I still lift it, I still lift it
Sometimes I think I am finally alone
I’m still with it, I’m still with it



Beetle Song (Demo)

yes, I'm aware I haven't uploaded in a year and when I DO upload it's with a five-month-old iPhone recording
don't @ me

Lyrics:
I'm gonna take my time with you 
At my own pace so mind your place 
I am the reason behind your blush 
I am at ease, I'm in no rush 

I'm gonna take my time with you
Hands on the clock spin, your hands are locked in 
I am the reason you hardly speak 
I am a tease and why you're weak 

Oh, we have a special dynamic 
We play when we can when we plan it 
I'll be your special escape 
Give just as much as you can stand it 

You're gonna take the time I give 
You know you're mine, I'm gonna remind you 
You'll take what I want you to take 
Till you give the sign, I'll make sure you're fine 

You're gonna take the time I give 
It's a slow burn you toss and you turn 
You're where lust and love intersect
Hands in your hair and on your neck 

Oh, is it hard to think? Did I hear you stammer? 
The sounds in your ears grow to a clamor 
If green is your color, this is where the best part is 
My hand's on your throat, which is right where your heart is

Oh, we have a special dynamic 
We play when we can when we plan it 
And afterwards I will unfold you 
I'll pet your hair when I hold you
We have a special dynamic
We play when we can when we plan it
I'll be your special escape
Give just as much as you can stand it

Take My Time

This song has undergone several drafts over several months (Beginning of September to mid-December) and I like this one. Here, have a guitar song with no words

Phosphene

here, have a song about curiosity

Verses: 
C - B/C 
Am7 - G sus 4 – G#/E7
Am 
Dm - Db/Gdim5? - C/F – G7
G7 – B/G7

C - B/C - Am7 - G sus 4 – G#/E7
Am 
Dm - Db/Gdim5? – C/F – G7 
G7 – B/G7
C

Chorus:
Dm - G
C – Em – Am7
Dm - G
C

Lyrics:
Why? One
Question, it’s probably the 
First, Humanity asked, the first 
Word, that we thought, the first
Question we sought answers for, and forgot that it’s

Not a concept that’s quiet or 
Still, it’s like a hydra, each
Kill, problem solved, question’s
Dead, you look to see another 
Instead 

(Chorus) 

Ancient 
Alphabets spell such elo-
quence All life ATGC, Ele-
gance, Human genes shared with
C. elegans, nearly half of them – nothing makes 

Sense. I don’t much care if I’m 
Wrong; If you explain then I’ll 
Learn, I’ll teach you too, 
We can take
Turns

"Love Letter to Fire" by Sam Beam and Jesca Hoop is an 11/10 album - do yourself a favor and listen to/fall in love with it. This is an abridged piano arrangement of a song from that album, "Every Songbird Says". This doesn't even come 10% close to covering how good the original is, it's too pretty for words.

Every Songbird Says (abridged Piano Cover)

Here's a mashup you never knew you needed. 


Am                         E7
  On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
G                                        D
  Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air
F                                               C
  Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
Dm
   My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
E
  I had to stop for the night

Am                                                     E7
  There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell
G
  And I was thinking to myself
                          D
This could be heaven or this could be hell
F                                            C
  Then she lit up a candle, and she showed me the way
Dm
   There were voices down the corridor,
E
  I thought I heard them say...

Am 		E
Are you serious?
C       G
Are you serious?
      C     G             C
Cause every night of your life
        E
You'll fight for it

Am    Dm  
So mysterious
C     G
How imperious!
     C      B 
But are you serious
Em                E
When it really comes down to it?

Am      E           Am
You see my problem is this
 	 	   F           
I’m dreaming away
             E                   Am
Wishing that heroes, they truly exist
Am        G           Am
I cry, watching the days
			    F			 E
Can’t you see I’m a fool in so many ways


AT THE SAME TIME: 

         Dm             
cause to lose all my 

 	         I'm gonna cut to the quick
E
senses
Dm
This is all non-fiction                       
           Dm                
That is just so typically me

Words you beat with a stick
  E7
These are my true convictions
     E
Oh baby, baby

F                          C
  Welcome to the Hotel California
       E7                                          Am
Such a lovely place, (such a lovely place), such a lovely face (oh baby, baby)
        F                               C
There's plenty of room at the Hotel California
    Dm                                       E
Any time of year, (any time of year) You can find it here 
   (When it really comes down to it?)

Am     E        Am
I think I did it again
  G            C           G              C       G
I made you believe were more than just friends (Oh baby)
Am              Dm         Am
Used to be so willfully obtuse
    Dm              C
or is the word abstruse?
  G              C
Semantics like a noose
             E
Get out your dictionaries

AT THE SAME TIME: 
                     
F                                                   E    
Welcome 				California
        I'm gonna cut to the quick
                Dm
This is all non-fiction
               G 
so typically me
              E7
These are my true convictions
     E
Oh baby, baby

bittersweetrox

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