File this one in the "no right to complain" folder: Anyone that started a business through an trust fund, inheritance, venture capital, stock sale, etc.

It's easy to get on your high horse about the economy, job creation or any other fiscal policies when there are virtually no consequences if your business fails. So shut the fuck up about being the ones doing the "hard work" while others are greedy scum or leeching off the system.

Your Privileged High Horse

There's an often used saying that "the customer is always right" - and it refers to the concept that offering the best service, support and experience will reap rewards for your business' bottom line.

Truth be told, though. It doesn't. Price and convenience trumps customer service every single fucking time. Why? Because we, as consumers, are stupid.

Sure, we'll *say* that we want exemplary customer service and complain to the high heavens when we don't deservedly get it, yet end up still going back to the same shitty places to buy the same things regardless.

And they know it. The books don't lie.

The Customer Being Right

Productivity tools are supposed to make you more productive. That's the intention right in the fucking name. They bundle things together, lay it out in a way for you to save time, maybe eliminate a few steps to accomplish a task. Then why is it, usually, that I find myself getting things done quicker doing it the "luddite" manual way?

That's why I'm done with this shit. Sure, I'll use some apps and tools that fit my very specific needs, but I'm finished trying to optimize every little fucking thing I do. As with everything, spending time and thought with finding a shortcut ends up costing you more energy than doing it the long way to begin with all along.

Workflows

Nearly every article I've read about Steve Ballmer's retirement as Microsoft CEO has come from the perspective that he just didn't "get it". That the stagnation of the company over the past decade was due to the lack of innovation and being behind the times.

I call bullshit. In many occasions you're only struggling to keep up because you're *too* focused on innovation. Constantly trying to place bets down on "the next big thing" ends up with you putting too little effort in iterating the *already successful* aspects of your business. This is what has haunted Microsoft under Ballmer - and what happens to many people in their professional lives,

The Next Big Thing

There's no fucking easy button. There's no foolproof system to anything. You can't do it in your spare time or while you sleep. You can't quit your job. You can't get financial freedom. You're not going to live the care-free life.

You're just going to be broke. Even worse, you'll end up shilling these programs to others as the only way to save face, boost your lost self-esteem and continue to lie to yourself to mask the shame that you're stupid enough to have been taken by a charlatan psychopath.

Don't be tempted by anything they say. Don't think for even a moment about it. Just run.


Seminar Scams

What happens when you start measuring someone's performance? They actually become accountable for the quality and effectiveness of their work. It's obvious why unions don't want this and fight tooth & nail over implementing any system that does so in any way. 

Unions are *built* for the mediocre. They get their power in numbers, not the individual. You're not rewarded on merit, but just by being part of the collective. Any type of evaluation system destroys this flattened structure and could only hurt, and never help the typical person looking to just "get by" and cash a paycheck - which are the bulk of the folks that make up unions.

Measuring Teachers

I'm not apologizing for going a month without sending out one of these. It's not like you thought I was dead or something. None of you were losing sleep over it. I'm not that fucking important for you to give two shits about. That's fine, though.

Many people (including myself) fall into the trap of keeping up appearances rather than actually being successful. Worrying too much about what others will think if they stopped even when it isn't truly showing a return on investment. Fuck 'em. They probably don't give enough of a shit anyways.


Keeping Up Appearances

I post a ton of shit online that people could potentially take as offensive. But I don't give a fuck about those folks - even if they're my aunt. If you're in the business of entertaining people, your goal should be to draw an audience that resonates with your voice and persona. Those are the people that matter. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.

What's the cliched business axiom? Trying to be everything to everyone leaves you being nothing to no one. Feel free to bland up your content all you want, but it better be fucking golden. Mediocre shit doesn't survive in the mainstream, yet it still can work well in niche markets if you execute competently.

Offensive Jokes On Social Media

Social media is word-of-mouth on steroids. At least that's what the marketing douchebags say in nearly every goddamn keynote I see. "Consumers have the power now" is another that's parroted as if it's one of the ten fucking commandments.

It's bullshit. Sure, there's always a chance that a message by some person in the corner of the world can be amplified to mainstream prominence, but it's a rarity. For every one, there's a hundred thousand that disappear into the ether.

See, The internet now gives us the *illusion* that we can reach everyone with a single click, but the sad truth is that power really only comes in numbers. It's always been that way. Digital doesn't change it whatsoever.

Running your life or business on edge of the next little fragment of criticism you need to pounce on is a waste of time and stress. As with anything, you should devote resources in proportion to the value you receive from doing so. If isn't net positive, then what does it matter? Fuck 'em.

The Numbers

Many years ago I had a conversation with a fairly wealthy investor-type. He knew I was in web development and he wanted to start a website. I asked him what exactly was he looking to build. His response: "Something. Anything. I don't care. Whatever will make me money".

Of course, nothing materialized past that. But the notion behind his attitude is still stuck in many people's minds today. That if it's a business on the internet, it somehow is instantly and exponentially more profitable than a product or service in the brick & mortar world. It's like saying "let's open a store on this street corner because of all the foot/car traffic" without even considering what you're even going to actually sell.

Although the internet can provide a wider distribution or awareness platform for a business, it doesn't change the fundamentals of business. The internet isn't a business model. It's a place just as anywhere else is.

Internet Business Success

Stand-up comedian. Web marketer. Tech douchebag.

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