tl;dr: go on drinks date, guy makes me share 7 plates of food with him, is a total douchebag, refused to let me pay, I walk out eventually, he leaves me THIS gem of a voicemail.

I'd like to note I am not fat. Not that it matters, but it makes this deal all the more sweeter.

Highlights (paraphrased, can't listen to this another time, I'll throw up on my work desk):

"You might want to look into what a BMI is, you're into sciencey stuff"
"You are a glutton."
"I will advertise you everywhere for what you are"
"You are not an average body type [OKCupid details section lets you list a body type), you are definitely above average."

A date from hell.

We are at a bar at a nice Italian restaurant, I said I was not hungry. I'd just like to enjoy a drink with him! 

He proceeded to order me 7 plates of food for "us to share". I figured it was just generosity. 

He went on to spend hours flaunting how they made $432,000 last year by blackmailing a hospital as an IT Specialist (after snooping through their personal files). I work in IT myself.. .and would never do this, let alone pull it off!? 
He also steals machinery from private property to refurbish into furniture pieces in his 65,000 sq. ft. warehouse. He bragged about the money he made "this week ALONE!". After all this jibber jabber,  I insisted on paying half of the bill, even though he ordered everything FOR me.  Still, he refused to let me pay. (and you know what, I'm pretty pleased I didn't drop $80 on this date!)

He went on to spend another 30 minutes bragging about his (rather illegal) accomplishments. He never asked me a single thing about myself. I finally got a word in edgewise, saying I'd like to pursue a PhD in disease/cell biology. How even though I have an undergrad in Molecular Biology, that leaving a full-time IT job for a PhD would be tricky. He said "if I felt like it, I could do that tomorrow. I know people."

The guy never went to high school, let alone college. 

Naturally, I called him out on it saying that molecular/cell biology is quite complex and it is an insult to cheapen peoples' life research by claiming you could waltz in and take their job, because you "have an entire hospital under your thumb".

blowedtosmitheroons