Written circa 2009 about my dating life at the time, where  I would keep meeting guys who I would be in "lust" with, but couldn't seem to find anyone I liked or worked with on a deeper level.

LYRICS:
Who's gonna save me from myself?
Who's gonna fill these cobwebbed shoes?

I know that there are bigger things that could go wrong.
I know that there are bigger things I need to fix.
I know that I don't need a boy to make me feel.
But I'm so lonely.

An hour into days.
Into weeks, into months.
A month into years.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.
I'm not in love.

The club of lonely hearts has ceased.
I guess I'm in this on my own.

I know that I'm a shitty friend to feel like this.
I should be more supportive rather than jealous.
I wonder what it is you have I seem to lack.
'Cause I'm so lonely. 

An hour into days.
Into weeks, into months.
A month into years.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.
I'm not in love.

I know that it's a matter of waiting my turn.
I know that it's a matter of loving myself.
I'm sick of every day ending up being the same.
But I'm so lonely.

An hour into days.
Into weeks, into months.
A month into years.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.

An hour into days.
Into weeks, into months.
A month into years.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.
And I'm in lust, not love.
And I'm in lust, but not in love.

I'm not in love.

In Lust, Not Love

Written circa 2012 when I was going through some mental health problems. I wrote it as a song to myself, and tried to capture the thoughts I was having, while trying to be kind to myself at the same time (i.e. being my own medication). I still find it useful to this day when going through mental health problems.

LYRICS:
Since you were just a boy, you've had compulsions.
And they're messing with your life.
You're missing out

Be a man and take it by the horns and face it.
Otherwise, your greatest fear will come to life.
You'll stay alone.

I know it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault, but I need you to medicate me.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault, but I need you to medicate me.

Since you were old enough to have opinions, you've looked down on boys called "sluts".
You hypocrite!

Can't you see you really are a whore inside?
How many years has it been since you've counted boys on one hand?

I know it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault, but I need you to medicate me.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault, but I need you to medicate me.

You hate your life, but it's alright.
You think you're fat, but you are fine.
You're feeling sad most of the time.
You're wasting life, your every breath.

Since you first learned what love meant, you've convinced yourself a boy would make you feel complete.

You need to understand you're doing fine on your own.
All the loneliness is only in your head.
And it will pass.

I know it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault, but I need you to medicate me.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault, but I need you to medicate me.

You've lost your way, but you'll return.
You've got more strength than you believe.
You are loved more than you think.
I promise it'll be okay.

I hate you, but I love you.
I hate you, but I love you.
I hate you, but I love you.
It'll be okay, it'll be okay.

Medicate Me

Written circa 2007 after a break up. There's not really a lot of back story to this one - just the usual scorned lover feelings. Random piece of trivia - some of the lyrics in the second verse are taken either directly or slightly re-worded from  actual text messages between myself and the ex-boyfriend at that time.

LYRICS:
I was knocked down.
But I got back up again.
To the naked eye, I left the aftermath unscathed.

Then you arrived.
Plaster for my wounds in tow.
I thought I'd finally found the one to gain my trust.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

I dealt my way.
And it cut you to the bone.
Even though you were the one with our blood on your hands.

You crossed the line.
And it shook me to my core.
I can't help but wonder when you'll finally let me fall.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

Good  intentions weren't enough to render our alliance saved.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

You could've had it all.
I would've given it to you.
But you threw it all away.
So I'll take it to my grave.

Nothing I could say or do could render our alliance saved.

Threw It Away

Written  circa 2006 for a close friend who was struggling with several aspects of life at that point in time. I didn't feel like there was a whole lot I could do, and felt quite helpless, so decided to channel everything I was thinking into a song.

LYRICS:
Back in the day, you would never have thought you'd end up where you have.
And it's killing us to see you drown.
He's a user, abusing you time after time.
He's not your hero.
He's purposely bringing you down.

Such a pretty girl.
You're such a pretty girl.
You're far too pretty girl to be doing that shit.

You're just so used to the boys who will threaten to leave.
And who treat you like dirt and like you're currency.
But believe me, the boy that you deserve will come.
He's not your hero.
He's poison running through your veins.

Such a pretty girl.
You're such a pretty girl.
You're far too pretty girl to be doing that shit.

Such a pretty girl.
You're such a pretty girl.
You're far too pretty girl to be doing that shit.

One day, he'll look back and regret the times he went wrong.
By that time, you'll be free and the blindfold is off.
He's not a man, he's a coward who's not worth your time.
He's not your hero.
He'll never be what you need.

Such a pretty girl.
You're such a pretty girl.
You're far too pretty girl to be doing that shit.

Such a pretty girl.
You're such a pretty girl.
You're far too pretty girl to be doing that shit.

Heroes & Heroin

Written circa 2007. I wrote it about the fact that, at the time, I would meet dudes who claimed they wanted a relationship, or something more than a one or two night stand, but who didn't really follow through with that in practice. The song is written about one person in particular, however I used that situation to write about the subject more broadly. Although I was annoyed by the way they could hook up with no feelings attached, I was also jealous, and wished (at the time) that I could do that too. This is my favourite of the old demos so far - I absolutely love this song.

LYRICS:
Through the dark sea of the wafer bodies, you're staring at me.
You're pulling my head towards your own.
Lips  will lock.

We're lying in bed.
The shadow now has a face, and it now has a name.
Reality's still not quite set in.
Lips still locked.

And you will never know 'cause he will never know.
And I will never know because I'm clearly that far in denial.
'Til lips unlock.

And I have always known that I'm programmed this way.
And I'm pretty sure you knew that I was programmed this way.
Still I wish I was a slut like you.

But I can't.
I'll never be the kind of person who can separate my body from my open wounds.
I bet it makes you proud to know that you've conquered me.

I  seem to recall that you were  jaded with life.
The  empty feeling inside the random boys each week would bring.
I guess you lied.

You covered your ass, and you covered it well.
But drunken honesty won't bail you out of anything.
'Cause you still lied.

And I would love to know if you regretted it all the moment that you came.
Did you look into my eyes and think of how you lied?

And now I really wish I had've opened my eyes to see the person inside.
To get a sense of how it feels to be a slut like you.

But I can't.
I'll never be the kind of person who can separate my body from my open wounds.
I bet it makes you proud to know that you've conquered me.

Surprise, surprise, we haven't spoken since then.
You said you wanted the norm.
It was staring you right in the face.
You must be blind.

You can place all the blame on the bottle.
But I will never let you forget.
That's a fucked up excuse to hide behind.
That you were blind.

You're never gonna get what you claim that you want when you fuck then you fuck off anyone who braves your enticing gaze.
Just 'cause you're blind.

And now I really hope this has been burned in my brain.
And I hope this will recur so that I will learn to stay away from sluts like you.

And I will.
And I will stay the kind of person who can't separate my body from my open wounds.
I wonder if you're proud to know that they're just sluts like you.

...Like You

Written circa 2012. I wrote this one during a time when I was using dating apps like Grindr, but found that so many dudes seemed to be the same buff, slightly self absorbed and conceited type of people. This is an exaggerated version of my frustration, because that wasn't the type of dude I was looking for. I love that this is a simple, straight forward rock song.

LYRICS:
You hit the gym five days a week to keep your vanity in check.
Your afternoons are with the boys, drinking your beer and strutting around.
You spend your weekends getting drunk, and sleeping with the "lucky" ones.
Your hand is firmly on your crotch whenever you open your mouth.

And all the hot boys  and their fast cars and their crew of wannabes could never match up to the normal boy I know I'm meant to meet.
Don't need perfection.
All I need is someone real and I would be keen as.
I know I'd be keen as.

You take an hour for your hair to make sure every strand is straight.
You paid a fortune for your clothes, the ones you'll surely hate in the end.
Your ego's growing everyday 'cause you're convinced everyone stares.
Good  looks and attitude will only get you so far, then you're screwed.

And all the hot boys  and their fast cars and their crew of wannabes could never match up to the normal boy I know I'm meant to meet.
Don't need perfection.
All I need is someone real and I would be keen as.
I know I'd be keen as.

And I'm keen as.
And I'm keen as.
And I'm keen as.
And I'm keen as.

And all the hot boys  and their fast cars and their crew of wannabes could never match up to the normal boy I know I'm meant to meet.
Don't need perfection.
All I need is someone real and I would be keen as.
I know I'd be keen as.

I know I'd be keen as.
I know I'd be keen as.

Keen As

Written circa 2007. At the time, I was in my early 20s, so was doing quite a lot of dating. I realised that I had a bad habit of giving too much of myself to dudes way too quickly, and realised that I needed to make a conscious effort to tone it down a notch. This song was written as an letter of sorts to the dudes I was dating, and was a bit of an exaggerated version of how I felt I was acting.

LYRICS:
If I were yours, I'd burn my candle so bright for you.
If I were yours, I'd part the sea so you needn't swim.

And if you loved me, I would fight the masses for you.
And if you needed me, I would crawl on hands and knees to be by your side.

If I were yours, I'd spend every minute by your side.
If I were yours, I'd make the heavens scream your name.

And if you loved me, I would change myself to suit your needs.
And if you needed me, I'd become your knight in shining brass.
And if you'd let me, I'd become your first counsel and support.
And if you loved me, you would have every limb and feeling.

And that's my problem.
And that's my mess up.
And that's where I lose out.
All my thoughts are with you.
And those who have always cared are shunned.

If I were yours, you'd use and abuse me as you please.
If I were yours, I'd be filled with resentment by the end.

And if you loved me, I'd forgive and forget all your wrongs.
And if you needed me, I'd still risk everything to save the day.
And if you'd let me, I could be the perfect boy of your dreams.
So if you loved me, I'd continue the cycle I've brought on myself.

If You Loved Me

Written circa 2007. I like that this one starts and ends with quiet piano, and is straight up rock for the rest of the song. This is a pretty standard "f-you" break up song that I wrote after a relationship ended. He was acting as if my whole world had ended, and while I was certainly upset, it wasn't to the point where he had devastated me because I was so unhappy in the relationship anyway.

LYRICS:
It's far too late for apologies.
'Cause this has gone far too far.
And I sat and I waited in hopes that I'd finally forgive you.
But I couldn't.
And now we're over.

It's far too late to be honest now.
'Cause this went on for far too long.
And I hope that every time you looked at me and wished I was him that your heart shattered.
'Cause you'd deserve that.

Millions of people will part their ways everyday.
So I don't understand why you think you're so special and missed.
While you're still burning inside and wiping those tears away.
I'll be counting my blessings that you've removed yourself from us.

It's far too late for third and fourth chances.
'Cause those were revoked far in the past.
And I know that you know that you messed up.
And I won't argue to save your conscience.
'Cause you're not worth that.

Millions of people will part their ways everyday.
So I don't understand why you think you're so special and missed.
While you're still burning inside and wiping those tears away.
I'll be counting my blessings that you've removed yourself from us.

It's far too late for this so-called friendship.
'Cause you pushed me away far too far.
The emotional charge and the effort and will to try faded.
So now we're nothing.
You can thank yourself for that.

Millions of people will part their ways everyday.
So I don't understand why you think you're so special and missed.
While you're still burning inside and wiping those tears away.
I'll be counting my blessings that you've removed yourself from us.

Millions of people will part their ways everyday.
So I don't understand why you think you're so special and missed.
While you're still burning inside and wiping those tears away.
I'll be counting my blessings that you've removed yourself from us.

It's far too late for explanations.
You had your hold on me for far too long.
You've locked yourself out from my head and my heart and my feelings.
I'm better off now.
I'm finally happy.

Far Too Late

Written circa 2007. A coping mechanism I have used a lot over the years is being in denial that anything is happening. The issue with doing that is that it prolongs the time it takes to actually heal and move on, and that's what this song is about. It was written after a break up, however listening to it/singing it now all these years later, I think it can be applied to anything in life where denial is being used as a coping mechanism.

LYRICS:
I am so sorry for everything that I put you through.
I know it can't change anything, but I am paying now.
You've heard it all before, but just let me say it one last time.
I've cared all along, and I still miss you even more.

If I am ignorant, I'm unaware.
If I can't see you, then it means you're not there.

I'll admit at the start, I thought that you'd come running back.
To be honest, even now, I'm still holding onto fading hope.
Eyes desperate to the sky, still searching for that shooting star.
The one that brought you here, the wish I fucking threw away.

If I am ignorant, I'm unaware.
If I can't see you, then it means you're not there.

The denial only prolongs the pain.
The denial only prolongs the pain.

I promise this will be the last time you will sit through this.
I've tried to be your friend, I've tried but it was too damn hard.
I'm happy you've moved on, I just wish I could do the same.
Some day I know I'll be strong, 'til then I wish you only good.

If I am ignorant, I'm unaware.
If I can't see you, then it means you're not there.

Reality has hit, and I'm more than aware.
Though I can't see you, you're still painfully there.

Goodbye...
Goodbye...

Denial Only Prolongs The Pain

Written circa 2009. This was the last song I ever wrote about my previous relationships. I'd written so many songs that were filled with anger, sadness, disappointment, blame etc about them, but by this point, I realised I didn't feel any of those emotions anymore, and that I had moved on. I'd written so many songs about the relationships that I thought it was only fitting to write a final chapter to give complete closure. I have a real soft spot for this song, because I'd written so many doom and gloom songs, but this is one of the more  positive songs. Fitting that I'm uploading it around Christmas as well!

LYRICS:
So I saw that it's over.
You thought it would last, but it's crumbled into dust like us.
I thought that I would be happy to know that you were miserable.
That you now know how I felt.

But to be honest, I hope that you're okay.
And you know that you'll bounce back.
Despite all the shit you pulled, the times that you messed up.
I'm still here with open arms.

For years, I've hated you, couldn't let the anger go.
Trying to forget rather than forgive is all I've known.

But all the times I've seen you and I've tried to run the other way are all but gone.
'Cause I don't hate you anymore.
And any time your name was mentioned I had to resist the urge to go.
But I don't hate you anymore.

I don't hate you anymore.
I don't hate you anymore.

So I saw that you're happy.
That he's finally giving you everything that you deserve.
I hope you've learned to let go of the boy from your past.
So you don't hurt him like you hurt me.

I know you think I wish you unhappiness.
But I'm glad you're finally good.
I understand it's best that we don't speak.
I guess I always have inside.

For years, I've hated you, couldn't let the anger go.
Trying to forget rather than forgive is all I've known.

But all the times I've seen you and I've tried to run the other way are all but gone.
'Cause I don't hate you anymore.
And any time your name was mentioned I had to resist the urge to go.
But I don't hate you anymore.

For years, I've hated you, couldn't let the anger go.
Trying to forget rather than forgive is all I've known.

But all the times I've seen you and I've tried to run the other way are all but gone.
'Cause I don't hate you anymore.
And any time your name was mentioned I had to resist the urge to go.
But I don't hate you anymore.

And all the hatred and resentment and the grudges I held are all but gone.
'Cause I don't hate you anymore.
And any time your name is mentioned, I don't need to resist the urge to go.
'Cause I don't hate you anymore.

I don't hate you anymore.
I don't hate you anymore.

Forgiveness

Just an early-thirties Aussie guy who left 10+ years of the corporate working life behind him to start focusing on the important things in life, including music.

This channel shares the alternative/rock/pop music I have written over the last 15 years. All songs are in demo or acoustic form, to stay within the strict budget of $0 (which converts to "nothing" in all currencies based on current exchange rates).

The acoustic songs feature me playing guitar (at an amateur level), the full demos were created from scratch as sheet-music MIDIs and then transposed into Garage Band, and all vocals are my own, very purposely without filters or pitch correction to keep me as honest as possible.

Enjoy x

Blunt Mocha

Popular tracks