Soundtracks

For Two Soprano Saxophones

Recorded at the University of Oklahoma in May of 2021 by Alexis Seah Hee Cheng and Jacob Nance

I. July: Sock, Lament, and Denial
II. August: Hopeless and Fear
III. September: Deafness
IV. October - November: Insomnia
V. December - January: Early Stages of Acceptance

The first movement harkens back to and is inspired by the baroque form of a prelude and fugue. It captures the initial shock and terror I was left with immediately following my stroke, and then the utter denial I was in for many weeks. I had been oblivious to many of my new detriments, and was trying to “figure out” ways I could retain elements of my life before that had been lost.

The next movement reflects my emotional state I was in at this point after my accident. I had returned to college, only to find that many of my close friends had already graduated and I was still left to finish my degrees. Here, I reached what I believe to be the darkest moment in my life thus far.

Only weeks after this moment, I discovered I had lost about 70% of my hearing in my left ear, first discovered when listening to a voice mail that I had put up to my “good ear,” only to find it was now my “bad ear.” Immediately, panic ensued, captured in the third movement. When I was told that hearing loss can be a side-effect of anesthesia, I heavily considered suing the hospital for non-disclosure before I had the surgery to repair the hole in my heart and spoke to a few lawyers about it. After six months had passed since my stroke, and confirming that hearing loss is a possible side-effect of a stroke, I settled on that being the source of the hearing loss.

Suddenly around late October of 2019, I started experiencing symptoms of insomnia. I went two full weeks cycling through multiple antidepressants to aid with sleep and only felt adequately rested two to three of those nights. The sheer frustration of it was unbearable, as sleeping is the best thing to do after a brain injury; I had been sleeping ten to twelve hours each night before this began. I eventually discovered it in fact was not insomnia, but an inability to enter into REM cycles when I slept. I had been totally unaware of me falling asleep throughout the night and was left not feeling rested. The cyclical nature of this episode, along with the frustration, is captured in the fourth movement.

Finally, in December I traveled to Prague for three full weeks for a study abroad course. This was the first time I had ever traveled to Europe. This trip was a breath of fresh air for me, and shortly after returning, I had my first non-university performance of my music. This performance happened to land on the six month anniversary after my stroke. As I reflected on this accomplishment after what I had been through not terribly long before, I began to experience the first stages of resolution and being at peace with all that had happened, and this resolve is captured in the final movement of this work.

Five Post-Stroke Miniatures

First tracks with the upgraded Aerophone (AE-30)

My One And Only Love Alto Sax

Plum Flowers

Here it is guys! The full finished version of Bleeding Hearts!
Hope you enjoy! #NotOneMore

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
if i ever thought it, yeah i would speak it, 
speakin' my heart, what i talk is bleedin'
ain't got no love, got no one to fuck,
i'm by myself, so who could i trust?

chokin' the chicken, to myself i'm stickin,
all alone i say, got no one i'm missin'
no one to listen to, no bitchin', just visuals, to spectate 
i'm in the middle girl, ya i'm just grey

i'm just fine, 
talkin' all the time
rewinding the time back, 
just to be more precise, 
synchronizing mics,
spit it right between your eyes
i'm the fuckin' lame' kid
now why would i lie?

i'm a bottom feeder,
but i don't wanna eat her, 
so put her back,
plus i gotta weiner, 
dudes just get mad
when i let em know
i shoulda couldn't wouldn't have 
they can see right through me
like wooden glass,

AH HA HA they want me stop it
over some garbage, just drop it,
i'm poppin' pills cause i want it
POP EM POP EM! pop em I NOM EM

my hormonal influx gives me inspiration
message in bottles, i'm formally taking, 
i'm what i make it, like origami paper
i don't make up anything, life's the foundation

I am erased and I'm faceless now
no doubt about it, my heart just pounds,
I am an animal like in and out
it's gonna rain but least i'm on clouds

from dimes, to pounds, all across the world, 
i am the illest, on the mic i hurl, 
can ya'll just feel it? My heart is burned
how to conserve this fuel? i'd better learn

[Chorus]
And I'm not sure where i need to go, 
this quest for love, just bleeds me slowly
i'm going, down, and i can't get up, and i can't get out

And I'm not sure if i need to throw, 
it all away, or let it float up, 
i know what, i have, but i don't know how, i'll get it back

[Verse 2]
so I live my life,

 like my cock is out it
put on a shirt, and hop out, 
i doubt it
oh how i don't like it, 
when it's crowded, 
and boy don't i hate it when i'm outted?
you should too, you should, too.
wouldn't it be better if noone knew?
if you could pass, in a different gender's shoe, 
like me, like you, like who would do, 
such a thing to their little body, 
don't compare me, to the suicide party, 
don't compare me, to a fake bitch, barbie
don't compare me, and don't get me started, 
to the little things, 
like the little shine, 
on my lip ring, 
are you friend of mine?
oh bitch please, 
get the fuck off my clit, please, 
oh you wanna fight? then go ahead and mother fuckin' hit me, 
and i'm all alone, so i'm indie,
i want this moar than life, like whitley 
all the tunes that i wrote, is simply, 
me, i'm inbetween, anatomy, 
i'm okay, 
oh i'm just fine
i'll take my love and walk down the line

[Bridge]
All I had, were my two hands, 
to lay on the ground, and meet their demands
I am okay
yes i am okay, 
i am okay

[Chorus]
And I'm not sure where i need to go, 
this quest for love, just bleeds me slowly
i'm going, down, and i can't get up, and i can't get out

And I'm not sure if i need to throw, 
it all away, or let it float up, 
i know what, i have, but i don't know how, i'll get it back

Bleeding Hearts (Full Version)

It's been a long week! But here's a new song. ^-^
It's for an upcoming EP kinda thing, my next project. :D Enjoy!!

Lyrics:

[Chorus]
I'm a bad boy, 
I'm a bad boy, 
I'd rather put on some make-up
cause i'm a bad boy
Yes I'm a bad boy, 
yes i'm a bad boy, 
fuck the suit, gimme the dress, 
cause i'm a bad boy

[Verse 1]
so i'm bad boy, 
this ain't a man's choice, 
i got some bitches that love me, 
but fuck that noise
i don't mean i'm hard, 
i am softer than cotton, 
and i am venus mars, 
astronomically uncommon, 

i'm always, habitually vicious, 
used to fuck bitches i'm kissin'
but now i'm fickle, no one knows, 
where i'm gettin' nutrition
now my visions, are missives, 
but now i'm missin' the mission, 
became the misses i used to be dissin'
and noone gets it

but that's fine, so i tell it out, 
grab my nuts, hop the block, straight to your mouth
and i say it loud, i go homo, 
i started as bud, but now i'm goin for loko

and now i'm showin' off more throat, 
blowin' off even more domes, 
and no chrome on the wheels of my whip that won't go, 
i'm a bad boy, 
ya i'm a bad boy, 
i gave up all that i had 
now i'm better than that boy

[Chorus]
Is this why we're alone?

Is this why we self loathe?

I'm a bad boy, 
I'm a bad boy, 
I'd rather put on some make-up
cause i'm a bad boy
Yes I'm a bad boy, 
yes i'm a bad boy, 
fuck the suit, gimme the dress, 
cause i'm a bad boy

[Verse 2]
oh, and the world just brought me down, 
molotov fires, breathin' carbon now, 
i'm only cockin' now, 
and i don't fuck around, 
i hold myself up, 
when they hold me down, 

let the showers, pour, 
the victimless pain, 
it won't even the score, 
when we're all just the same, 

and we take, take, take, 
and we take, take, take, 
and we take, take, take, 
we don't wanna give, 

and we take, take, take, 
and we take, take, take, 
and we take, take, take, 
we don't wanna give, 

and we take, take, take, 
and we take, take, take, 
and we take, take, take, 
we don't wanna give, 

and we take, take, take, 
we're just takin' n takin'
we're gonna take take take take
everything, that's just how we live

[Chorus]
Is this why we're alone, 

Is this why we self loathe?

I'm a bad boy, 
I'm a bad boy, 
I'd rather put on some make-up
cause i'm a bad boy
Yes I'm a bad boy, 
yes i'm a bad boy, 
fuck the suit, gimme the dress, 
cause i'm a bad boy

I'm a bad boy, 
I'm a bad boy, 
I'd rather put on some make-up
cause i'm a bad boy
Yes I'm a bad boy, 
yes i'm a bad boy, 
fuck the suit, gimme the dress, 
cause i'm a bad boy


Bad Boy [Full Song]

Vincent (Starry, Starry Night)

middle child, ca

Backing track used as part of membership to SmartMusic.com

If I Only Had A Brain

Can You Read My Mind

Flintstones

Leia's Theme

Suicide Is Painless (Theme from M*A*S*H)

Here's a song guys. Enjoy!! :3

Lyrics:
[Chorus]
My eyes are red, 
and they're looking down
at the cracks of the pavement 


I felt them hit me, 
like hammers on strings
I'm kickin' and screamin'

and i'm caught in the crossfire, 

and I'm caught in the smoke, 

oh yes i'm lost, in the gunfire, 

and i'm going down i know

[Verse 1]
yea, and even if i wanna change
all the bullshit will all just stay the same
i've been feelin' grey, 
like the smoke in the air, 
and when i take another toke
i just choke in despair

that's fair, i don't needa care,
for ALL THE things that happened
back then and there

but don't think i forgot, 
i just focus on what i got
cause i ain't livin' for today, 
i'm livin' for tomorrow


but fuck it, i love it, 
for everything it's ever been, 
but don't let it keep you down, 
just remember it

some people gon' say, 
things you gon' hate, 
it's up to you to tell them
to say it your face, 
 
man, people may get me down, 
but i've always got a smile, i don't turn around
i move forward, bitch i move forward
it don't matter to me if i end up no where

[Chorus]
My eyes are red, 
and they're looking down
at the cracks of the pavement 


I felt them hit me, 
like hammers on strings
I'm kickin' and screamin'

and i'm caught in the crossfire, 

and I'm caught in the smoke, 

oh yes i'm lost, in the gunfire, 

and i'm going down i know

[Verse 2]
man, i get a lot of hate for the things i do, 
and i'm only doing me so what's, it to you?
you got a problem?
fuck you no condom, 
i got my own problems, 
i know you won't want em, 

i'm upside down, 
but my head is always up, 
what the fuck, got no time, 
but fuck it, i grab a cup

and i pour my heart out, 
for this night out
I'm gonna stay up, 
until i lie down

and i won't back down, 
there's no sense to stand my ground, 

so i run for it, run for it, run for it
oh yes i run for it, run for it, run for it


[Chorus]
My eyes are red, 
and they're looking down
at the cracks of the pavement 


I felt them hit me, 
like hammers on strings
I'm kickin' and screamin'

and i'm caught in the crossfire, 

and I'm caught in the smoke, 

oh yes i'm lost, in the gunfire, 

and i'm going down i know



Sidewalk [Full Song]

Pavane Jazz Violin

Tenor Sax Voicing for people with moderate to severe hearing loss

The Nearness Of You Tenor Sax

40+ year sax and wind player recently switched to digital (Roland Aerophone AE-30) and digging the range and flexibility.  Developing content for hearing loss rehabilitation program under construction.

Vincent (Starry, Starry Night)

Brad Ingrao

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