In this episode we talk about the much-avoided topic: SHAME. We explore how shame has wreaked havoc in our lives and then look to the experts for their perspective. 

Dr. Brene Brown talks about shame in her work. We love her work and her books. She highlights the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is I did something bad, shame is I am bad. According to Brown, “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging ... Shame creates feelings of fear, blame and disconnect.” 

From the Habits for Wellbeing Blog: Shame has been associated with depression, grief, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction and violence. 

An awesome article in The BMJ (British Medical Journal), that highlights the lack of research, and acknowledgement of the power of shame and its impact on health. 

Liv talks about her experience of shame — feeling as though she wasn’t accepted in many areas of her life and working through it. We know that this work is an ongoing process. Tiffany shared how shame has shown up in her life, including in her relationship with food, in behaviors like numbing, overworking, and avoiding, and in feeling like she wasn't good enough and trying to make up for it.

We rang a bell for:
J.F. Benoist’s book: Addicted to the Monkey Mind.
Nadine Burke’s book: The Deepest Well. 
Liv’s article on diet culture and shame, soon to be released by The Fix. 

We also dive into what to do about shame, such as recognizing it and increasing awareness (knowing what it feels like in our body), speaking it, and sharing our story. Last but not least, we work on self-forgiveness. Be sure to listen to our next episode on self-forgiveness!  
 
We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

030 Shame

In this episode we get real and share our journey in self-forgiveness. Tiffany shares why this topic is near and dear to her heart. She actually cries on air (might be a first, folks!). 

We discuss about what prompted us to be intentional in doing self-forgiveness work. You might be surprised!) 

We discuss barriers and how we can go about healing as laid out in an article by Beverly Engel L.M.F.T.: “One of the barriers to self-forgiveness …You may view self-forgiveness as ‘letting yourself off the hook,’ as if self-judgment is the only way to improve. But negative self-judgment and self-blaming can actually act as an obstacle to self-improvement. The more shame you feel about your past actions and behaviors, the more your self-esteem is lowered and the less likely it is you will feel motivated to change.”

Beverly goes on to examine how we can go about self-forgiveness. 

Self-understanding
Common humanity
Earning your forgiveness: taking responsibility, apologizing and making amends
Asking for forgiveness from your higher power
We talked about the 5 apology languages. It's so important to know what is meaningful for you!

Liv shares her approach to self-forgiveness through the lens of parenting a small child. 

Tiffany shares her favorite affirmations:

Ho’oponopono prayer: “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you.”

And another that she adapted: “The person I was in that moment in time did the best that I could with the skills that I had. Forgiveness is a gift I give myself today.”

We rang a bell for:

Sarah Blondin 
Dr. Brene Brown
Tara Mohr
Nadia Ghaffari, at Teenz Talk  
 
We hope this episode has been encouraging and supports you in knowing that you are valuable and worthy of respect and you deserve forgiveness. If you are experiencing any barriers to self-forgiveness, we hope you will know you are not alone. Please, if you need it, get support!

Suicide is discussed in this episode. If you or someone you love is suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. 
 
We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

031 Self - Forgiveness

In this episode, we talk about how self-expectation is so prevalent in our lives, especially as female entrepreneurs, and what we can do to be more realistic with our expectations of ourselves.  

The longer we’ve been in recovery, the more awareness we’ve gained around self-expectation. That’s not uncommon for women, as sexist and binary as this is. We’re often expected to have two roles: looking after the household, taking care of kids if we have them, and going to work all week.  

As business owners, we both have competing priorities. But we still experience a gap between what we think we can do and what we achieve. For Liv, she can then use that deficit in achievement as a reason to be critical of her abilities. For Tiffany, there are always so many things she wants to do and so many unreasonable expectations. 

As an antidote to high self-expectation, we discuss boundaries with ourselves and others, particularly our clients. We practice business efficiency where we can, and we try different ways to manage our time and our endless to-do lists more effectively. We talk about the importance of downtime, saying no, and listening to and honoring what our bodies need.

We rang a bell for:
Camp Yes 
Eat that Frog
 
We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

032 Self - Expectation

In this episode we discussed holiday-related boundaries. We talked about body and food-related boundaries, knowing our limits, and how to keep ourselves safe and honor our needs. For Liv, this has been one of the most painful lessons in recovery. Some of the challenges she has faced are well-meaning family members being overly focused on her body size and eating habits, and not understanding her needs as an empath and introvert.

For Tiffany, her challenges are self-expectations: hosting the family and ensuring everyone gets everything they might want. Sometimes, she has pushed herself to the point of exhaustion, and eaten foods she wouldn’t otherwise in fear of upsetting others.

This episode is packed full of hard won lessons, and potential solutions we can all use at this time of year.

We invite you to subscribe to our podcast, and tell us the ways in which you’re breaking free in our free Facebook community: Breaking Free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingfreecommunity.

033 Holiday Boundaries

Breaking Free: Your Recovery. Your Way. 

Are you wanting something more from your recovery? Join us as we discuss everything it means to be in recovery and thrive independently. Through lively discussions — based on our lived experiences, research, and experts in the field — we will unpack the ways recovery has been limited. Our mission is for you to be empowered to find your recovery, your way. It's time to break free!

Breaking Free Recovery

Popular tracks