Unstoppable Failure: The Song

Unstoppable Failure Theme Song

Christmas is a time for family, love and care
A magical time for all to have
A time to see fresh fallen snow, a time to share, a time to grow
A time to find out Santa is your dad

Now picture what it’d be like to be almost 27
And just find out that Santa is your dad
My parents both have lied to me, I’ll set fire to that fucking tree
I can’t believe that Santa’s just my dad

All those pointless letters, telling Santa what I want
And sitting on some random old dude’s lap
My father is a dick.  My mom a worthless cunt
Cuz Santa is just my fucking dad


Mom and Dad, you both can die, go to hell, cause it’s a sin to lie
You should see me when I’m actually mad
I knew Frosty was horseshit, but apparently so are my parents
Cause turns out that Santa's just my dad

So now I hate this season, I swear I do, it’s true
No jokes right here, I’m not being funny
But mom and dad, you bet, I will cut off both your heads
If I find out you are also the Easter Bunny

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me 26 times, well fuck you. 
All those years I could have just been bad.
It’s not about Jesus this year, cause Jesus would never lie to me
Santa Is just my stupid dad.

No cherry nose, no ho ho ho’s, no Red/white robes, no nose that glows
And certainly no elves making ipads
No Mrs. Claus, no reindeer paws, No workshop laws It’s all because
Santa is just my fucking dad
No magic, no white beard, no stupid hat
When Santa dies, I’ll be really glad
Cause Santa is just my lying Dad.


Santa Song

2 top, not hot, sitting at my six top.  Where the fucks the busboy at? Probably out back smoking pot.
Welcome to sit down food, I don't mean to sound rude, but could you please hurry up, I gotta turn this table soon.
I need dough, here we go, why are you ordering slow, can i get you both a drink, waters? really? stupid hoes.
Here you are, from the bar, believe me that was extra hard, two fresh waters both with lemon, would you care to try the tar tar
No, of course, said with force, you look like you ate a horse, though youre so big I bet you still get a salad for your main course  
Specials? Spinach with lime in it.  Say youre vegan. Are you kiddin?  You should have just stayed at home.  I'll be back in just a minute.

I'm a waiter, Yes I cater, to your every need, you hater
Stayed here while my friends took real jobs and they said we'll see you later
I'm still here, it's been years, go out every night for beers
Walking out with cash in hand, trying just to drown my tears...oooo

Hi Im back, The Cod? It's black, The lamb, you see comes on a rack, We bring free bread to every table, sorry, let me take that back
Get my pad, act all glad, act like what you say is rad, I'm so pissed that youre both foreign, of course ma'am, I've tried that.
No tomatoes, Sub potatoes, yes, the burgers all have mayo, griddle up your onions for you, serve it while I recite Plato
Salad for you, the cheese is blue, the dressing comes on the side, too, can I get you anything else,  or will just more water do

[Repeat Chorus]

Hey folks, how's everything, yes for birthdays we will sing, how old are you gonna be? Really only 53?
Why lie, Apple Pie, stick a candle in my eye turns out that we 86'd it, God just shoot me, let me die.
Clean the mess, wish you best, of course I'll do seperate checks, on the condition you stop looking at the bartenders chest
Thank you Heather, see you never, we both know you should tip better Sure when you're done I suppose you can both just hang out forever.


Brian O'Sullivan 4