Music by Igor Rabovsky
Lyrics and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Photo by Jane Duursma (unsplash.com/@madebyjane)

"It Doesn't Matter"

Our bodies rise and fall with the ocean tide
The sun shines down its light on the shore line

It doesn't matter like before
You're already free

I wish you knew
I wish you thought about-

Go on and fight your war
It doesn't matter like it did before
Wrapped up in a blanket on the living room floor

It doesn't matter like before
You're already free
It doesn't matter like before
What do you need?
I'm letting you down
This is not some kind of dream
Don't you cry

I wish you knew
I wish you thought about-

It Doesn't Matter (feat. Igor Rabovsky)

Music by Jordan Morris (reddit.com/u/Zealousideal-Pin445)
Lyrics and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Image by Caleb White (unsplash.com/@caleb_white)

The sun don't shine when you're around.
And it's been two years now.
We assumed it was my fault,
Like maybe I'm broken, or something else.
When my relationships have so much instability,
and I'm the only common link.

We're going around in another circle.
Spiral around in another circle.

Tell me what you thought you said,
and I'll tell you what it meant to me.
You don't know everything.
I put you on a pedastool
That you just couldn't live up to
And I expected the impossible from you.

You did the same to me.

I stayed up late to be around,
And now I'm sleep walking.
I wanted to fix this,
But maybe I'm looking for something else?
That is such a bitter pill to swallow.
Sunk costs fallacy.

There are so many poems in two years.
So many songs.

We're going around in another circle.
Spiral around in another circle.

Circles

Music by Dave Marnocha (@segfaultofficial)
Lyrics and Vocals by Brian Vaughn
Image by Caleb White (unsplash.com/@caleb_white)

You told me what it meant to you.
And we talked about it.
Now we're not talking,
but I'm not mad at all.

Hello to the city,
To the lights and the sirens.
I haven't been the man I thought I would be.
If you look, you won't find me where I thought I would be.

You told me what it meant to you,
and I didn't recognize it.
Our perspective changes things.

Hello to my city!
I haven't felt alive for a long time.
For always and always and always.

You're London in December.

In case you're wondering, I can tell you.
I'm not mad.
I'm just moving on.

In March we drew a line–
(walked away)
Put up a boundary-
And it was the right decision,
At least for me.

You're London in December.

Before you called it
Before you'd fallen–
I was there,
and you were there for me.

It's hard to think about,
Even after all this time.
I still cry when I hear "Holocene".

You're London in December.

I don't remember (why it all crashed down).
I don't remember.

London In December

Music by Rhys Jones
Lyrics and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Image by Caleb White (unsplash.com/@caleb_white)

You're all living in my head.
Until tomorrow, I'll carry you around.

Going to the beach today.
I'm a one armed airplane,
Hanging out the window of the car.
I still want a lot of things,
But at least for this moment we both found someone to love.

I think of you when I think of yesterday.

When I look back upon those years,
I think about you often,
And how you shaped the person I've become.
Life separates, but you don't feel so far away,
Because I know you'll always be there.
You'll always be a part of me.

We don't often talk about it.
We're scared of what we'll find if we look too close at just how far apart we are.
I'm not ready to grow up and let go of you.
I'm holding on.

I'm holding on to yesterday.

When I look back upon those years,
I think about you often,
And how you shaped the person I've become.
Life separates, but you don't feel so far away,
Because I know you'll always be there.
You'll always be a part of me.

Tomorrow won't be as good as yesterday.

I think of you.
You're tangled up in my thoughts of yesterday.

Yesterday

Music by Dave Marnocha (@segfaultofficial)
Lyrics and Vocals by Brian Vaughn
Image by Caleb White (unsplash.com/@caleb_white)

So it is.
This is the story.

Back with hindsight,
I should know that we made the right decision.
All of our friends told us the truth.
I was so out of pocket with you.
One at a time, our excuses fell down,
and we were left with the ruins of each other.
I tried to support you but I got hurt
And so I let go.

This is the story.
This is the story of how we fell apart.

I think I'm finally close to feeling whole.
I think I've processed the anger.
And I hope you were able to let it go.
I've learned a lot about myself.
I wouldn't go back to how things were before,
but I wish I hadn't wasted so much time.

Maybe I'm not special, but I'd like to be.

I think that it's important that I do this for me.

This is the story.
I know we can't shy away from it,
Although it can hurt to remember.
This is the story of how we fell apart.

The Story

Music by Jordan Morris
Lyrics and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Image by Caleb White (unsplash.com/@caleb_white)

It doesn't matter who's right
Probably half the time, it's you, and the other half doesn't matter.
One thing I've learned with time is to pick your fights–
and always take a breath before shouting out whatever's on your mind.
The other night, I wanted to stay and work it out with you

They say the best time to talk about these things is when you're feeling them,
So that you don't go to bed when you're upset.
Because hurt will grow,
And before you know you're looking back and wondering,
How'd we get so far apart?

Why didn't I notice that you were drifting away from me?
I got too focused on my work, and I left you a distant second place,
Too far away from me.
Too far away.

The best time to talk about these things is when you're feeling them,
So that you don't go to bed when you're upset.
Because hurt will grow,
And before you know you're looking back and wondering,
How'd we get so far apart?

Looking Back

Lyrics and music by Brian Vaughn
Image by Caleb White (unsplash.com/@caleb_white)

If you're going out again, take me with you.
I'm a mess when I'm left here.
It's not your fault that I'm so broken.
I'm the product of a series of mistakes I made before you met me.

I believe that "choice" is just a joke,
And we all do our best with what we have.
That counts double after our mistakes,
Because we could only do exactly what we did.

So go easy on your yourself.
Go easy on your yourself.

Go Easy (unplugged)

Lyrics and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Music by Igor Rabovsky

---

"One Name"

Watch me dig a hole and bury myself
I see fewer problems underground
Sometimes I don't know what's happening
Jackpot
It's paying off to keep my head down
Keep my head down

I ache
Skin and teeth all turn to gray
Bones under water hold the canvas in place
Don't go looking if you cannot bear the weight

There's still one name
Wash me
I'm unclean again
I can't turn it off now
I'm unclean again

My face
If you don't like it, you can leave
It's worse inside
Don't rush to judge me

Waking up from Revelation has me second guessing everything
Always feeling paranoid is the biggest gift that you gave me
Or was it guilt
Sometimes it's hard to think
Sometimes it's hard

There's still one name
Wash me
I'm unclean again

Washed away
Out of mind

Do you believe
And what are the consequences
Do you believe
Can you say it
Can you say the name

Will you deny me

One Name(feat. Lecture on Nothing)

Music, lyrics, and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Photo by Lerone Pieters (unsplash.com/@leronep)

There you are again
Break the boundary I left
Make my phone ring when I just want to be alone
Do you love or do you hate me?
The question breaks me
I don't think I'll ever know
I don't think you'll know,
For all your books and all your searching
Like I was a poem
Like I was just lines on a paper
Strung out on a crowded train
Simple words,
So you say I'll always be beneath you
It's ironic, how you thought you knew everyone around you
You were so sure
You tried to read me but didn't understand
Like I was a poem on the subway
Every card in the deck
Forgive me, I regret
You're coming out of nowhere
Making me uneasy
The world is surely full of paper
So I'll write this down
Wed the words to sound,
And then I'll try to forget about
You read me like you're bored already
Like I'm just lines on a paper
Strung out on a crowded train
Simple words,
So you say I'll always be beneath you
It's ironic, how you thought you knew everyone around you
You were so sure that you could read me
But you don't understand
Like I was a poem on the subway

A Poem on the Subway

Music and lyrics by Brian Vaughn
Photo by Cedric Letsch (unsplash.com/@cedricletsch)

About the time I'm getting home from work in California,
You're laying down my nephew in a bed back in Virginia.
Distance is a funny thing.
I feel the miles a little more today.

The cold sets in back home around this time of year.
Bath tubs offer comfort for our bones.
And winter decorations, from the boxes to the table,
Tell a story of the years that come and go.

Oh...
Home in California, here I go.

Cool without being cold.
A room that never really feels like home.
I guess it's only obvious and hindsight shows it best,
The price you pay for striking out alone.

Oh...
off to California.

Sing it out. Sing it loud.
These thin walls and that empty couch- things that I'm finding out.
Sing it out. Feel the sound.
The rooftops of apartments downtown are all too close together but so far away.

Seaside and the 101,
Redwoods and the California sun-
Beautiful reminders to let it go,
To stop and smile once and a while.
All in all there's nothing wrong.
I just have a tendency to over analyze.
It's natural to question and to second guess,
And it's hard not to romanticize, here in California.

Sing it out. Sing it loud.
No matter where you go you leave parts of yourself is something that I'm finding out.
Sing it out. Feel the sound.
The thin walls in apartments downtown don't bring anyone together.

Oh, I'll tell.
Out here in the El Dorado state
There's a tremor I just felt
From within myself,
An echo from far away.

Home in California (revisited)

Music by Ralf Balogh (@ralfbalogh)
Lyrics and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Photo by Osman Rana (https://unsplash.com/photos/h8ZvH1Nf7Bk)

"Uncertainty"

Read between the lines.

You tear me apart in your haste to find the perfect way to vocalize.
I think I'm nothing.
Just an obstacle along your path to self discovery.

I was okay before, until I met you here.
Everything got so tangled.
Now I'm just reacting to all the things that you say.
You overwhelm me.
I'm so unsure.
Too much uncertainty to read between the lines.
So take your time.

If you're unsure, you only have yourself to blame for how things are.
I don't need you holding me down.
I gave you what I had.
I couldn't do more than that.

So what do you say?
You overwhelm me.
I'm so unsure.
Too much uncertainty to read between the lines.
Just take your time.

Uncertainty (feat. Ralf Balogh)

Lyrics by Luna Ruan
Music and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Photo by Daniele Colucci

"Fire"

We walked down a one way street,
Kicking pebbles at our feet.
The city burned like the sun.
Smell of ashes in the air.
Boarded windows and empty stairs.
Dozed for a while and we're gone

In the hazy afterglow the distant car horns cry.

In my sleep we were ablaze.
Your hand burned my face as I tore us apart.
You screamed at me to confess.
Was it love or loneliness that made us reach for the stars?

You pretend nothing's wrong,
But we both know I'm to blame.
We are the ash and I was the flame.

We wake,
And can’t remember if it was June or December,
In a year with no end.
California laid to waste,
And between us only space of a life that we’d planned.

You pretend nothing's wrong,
But we both know I'm to blame.
We are the ash and I was the flame.

Fire

Music, lyrics, and vocals by Brian Vaughn
Drums by Alex Hinson
Photo by takahiro taguchi (unsplash.com/@tak_tag)

"If I Don't"

i was hid behind the curtain
and suddenly stepped out
you were the sun behind the clouds

maybe life is falling
like me for you? no
like on the ground
i puddle and i reflect you from below
  
sometimes it's easier to be impossible than just a bit too far away
i know it's a fragile thing
like you and me, and our insecurities
but if you let me
if you let me
i plan to stay

right now the easiest thing to do would be to run away
take the secrets i still have
so i don't give them to you

the safest place that i could be now is home inside my room
but i spent 2020 doing just that
the only part that i don't regret was in september
and then into the winter
as i opened up to you

If I Don't

Music by @scratchcard_glory, lyrics and vocals by Brian Vaughn

It's just a name, but one you're meant to have.
Don't turn away.
I feel it when you move.
I gravitate to you.

I'm falling down.
I'm falling down to you.

Lead the way with your body.
I'll follow.
Take me anywhere.
Just say the words and I'll be yours.

I'm falling down.
I'm falling down to you.

I see your eyes from across the room.
But next to you, I'm not so pretty.
What do you see?

I'm falling down.
I'm falling down to you.

Sakura (feat. Scratchcard Glory)

I’m a software engineer, musician, and runner.

brianvaughn

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