The demos of a man struggling with life and depression circa February 2022.

6 Feet Closer to Hell

[Intro] 
Coldest days I froze in face of 
Foes of fate; I don’t engage 
I’m sold away with no debates 
Ropes and chains now hold my brain 
Stoned all day til holes are made 
The lobes decay in mold from rain 
Choke the flames, the smoke parades 
I go insane and thrown away  

[Verse 1] 
Sober system and solo, I’m slowly slipping  
No go is in him, I’m rollin with no ignition 
Focus drifting, a vision with no precision 
Those prescriptions so deficient when I’m only shown the difference 
My only motive existing is my indifference 
But locomotives of thinking will find its victims 
With no control of decisions I load the clip in 
So don’t come over, just know that it’s over swiftly  

[Chorus] 
What you know of growing 
Going through addiction 
Reminiscing, got you wishing  
That you did it all different  
Pistol to your dome 
Ask the Devil will he pull it 
To Hell with him won’t do it cuz these drugs will get you through it 
Ask yourself what you doin 
Why’d you buy the gun if you won’t use it 
Oh it’s fun but inside you’re feeling clueless 
Start to tip, get the hint, boy you ain’t stupid  

[Bridge 1] 
Feel the pain 
Numb the pain 
Never change 
Stuck with me  

Feel the pain 
Numb the pain 
Die the same 
Done with me  

Feel the pain 
Numb the pain 
Never change 
Stuck with me  

Feel the pain 
Numb the pain 
Die the same 
Done with me  

[Verse 2] 
Quick with the draw, triggering thoughts, hit with them all  
No peace, war keeps, going on 
Stick in the bog, hid in the fog but tipping them off 
So weak, so bleak, no remorse 
Sit in the dark, temperature drops, shivering heart 
No heat holds me, lonely, lost 
Pill in the palm, slit in the arm, still a tomorrow 
No sleep, don’t eat, OD? Nah  

[Bridge 2] 
No sleep, don’t eat, OD 
No sleep, don’t eat, OD  

[Pre-Chorus] What you (what you) know of (know of) 
Goin through addiction (through addiction) 
Reminiscing, got you wishin (got you wishin) 
That you did it all different (that you did it all different) 
What you (what you) know of (know of) 
Goin through addiction (through addiction) 
Reminiscing, got you wishin (got you wishin) 
That you did it all different (that you did it all different)  

[Chorus] 
What you know of growing 
Going through addiction 
Reminiscing, got you wishing  
That you did it all different  
Pistol to your dome 
Ask the Devil will he pull it 
To Hell with him won’t do it cuz these drugs will get you through it 
Ask yourself what you doin 
Why’d you buy the gun if you won’t use it 
Oh it’s fun but inside you’re feeling clueless 
Start to tip, get the hint, boy you ain’t stupid  

[Post-Chorus] 
Boy, you ain’t stupid 
Why’d you buy the gun 
If you won’t use it 
Why’d you buy the gun 
Boy, you ain’t stupid 
Why’d you buy the gun

The Grim Tweaker

Grim Tweaker (feat. jeZki)

Land Grab (Instrumental)

[Chorus 1]
No friends in the industry
My brothers been my brothers man
You bitches ain’t no kin to me, a fact
Snappin on the chat but they can’t grasp it on the track
Rattle all this smack and never tap into the act
No friends in the industry
I had to draw the line between my symptoms and their energy, a fact
Yeah, I been bastard since my rapture, never tact
Captivating masses gets a stabbing in the back

[Verse 1]
It’s a trap
Sunk the line and lure him, an assurance of his ego
Come to find the vermin that has furnished for it’s evil
The tongue inside’s a surrogate that’s nourished as an equal
Fuck with fire, burn him, now to serve him to the eagle
Ain’t preaching myths they’re just the prequels
A beacon for the bleak to see barbarians in Beatles
Your record’s what redeems you or ravines upon retrieval
Don’t need no social reasoning when your history precedes you

[Bridge 1]
Throw an off speed on a 3-2
I seen all that I need, either walk free or defeat you
Bind him up inside, it’s high and tight just like a kegel
Tryna scratch the ivy where the pine is like a needle, feeble

[Verse 2]
All these babies, bean em, we gone bleed em till their sapped
Always ABC shit, the car seat is how they’re strapped
Y’all just caught the fever, offer sweets before their nap
Carve the way for weakness, chocolate teeth will lead to gaps
Huh, wait, are y’all not reaping what you sew
Hell to pay for streams, that mean it freed him of his soul
Sending praise to meek, not even dreams could be a home
Sets the stage for heat, but got no features cuz he’s Cole
Oh, that’s over
So why he solo?

[Chorus 2]
No friends in the industry
My brothers been my brothers man
You bitches ain’t no kin to me, a fact
Y’all don’t know the half of it, the facts beneath the raps
Cadavers in my backyard, cemetery’s where’s it’s at
No friends in the industry
I had to draw the line, between my symptoms and their energy, a fact
Hard to hold a convo where the hollow aren’t aghast
Artificial armor as a cast

[Bridge 2]
No friends, won’t try
Fuck em
Open end, closed mind
Fuck em
Won’t end no time
Fuck em
No guests of mine
Fuck em

[Verse 3]
Takin my stake in the claim of the servers, you’re drainin your data for hotspots
Stay isolated, a raven surveying the Earth for its prey for a drop shot
Came in the game as a hater, grenade and a burner, the gators turn crock pot
Charade til it ain’t, when the blanks that I’m aiming for murder ain’t chambering prop shots
Gone for a minute, now off with the rust
Baldwin a bitch leave em all in the dust
Doggin the Clintons who thought they had won
Y’all are just sons that I’ve already trumped
The stuck up have sunk in, a subject to slugs
Supplements swole but no muscling up
I’m hunting for fun, getting drunk from the blood
If you stunt for the doe, get the buck of the gun

No Friends in the Industry (Remix)

Beat: How To Build A Relationship (Feat. JPEGMAFIA) by Flume

[Verse]
My friends say I ain’t approachable
Yet I approach some friends and they get broken up
But over what?
I ain’t even nice with the words, cept for poems, I’m the chosen one
It all goes and comes, once you get the blood rushing from the shoulder rubs
Physical touch is my love language, plus I’m asking what they holdin up
And though I’m foldin on em, for every time I’m flipping I be showin up
But even with them seeing it’s a cult of personality, they still be thinking they can win it, and go with luck
Fiending for the payoff in the coldest months
It eats at them, the playoffs often leave em all choking up
Every night it woke em up
Fleein conscience, I’m the reason
It always runs, but so does mine
Project comin with the broken lines I still gotta overcome
But I don’t owe them shit
And that’s comin from a loner, better grip the uncontrollable and hold it in
They always got a bone to pick until they hover over it and put some pressure on it
Ah shit, here we go again
All roads go to hell, and I’m paving the way
I tarred over the skeletons, who are they anyway
Carve exits for relatives, come and pray where they lay
While I’m on to extensions, no blood but pain will purvey
I ain’t focused on jealousy, I’m just taking my aim
Know I ain’t got the etiquette, it’ll be facing your way
They all go and they tell, this shit like stranger danger
Cupid with the baby maker, exes hate to be replaced
And so do I, as a matter of fact
In a moment it overrides, never back on the track
My momentum will always die cuz my path ain’t in tact
It’s like I’m hoping for my own demise, that’s why my only pattern is black, bitch

How To Build A Relationship (Remix)

Original: Walkin - Denzel Curry

Lyrics:
[Verse 1]
Walkin with my back to the sun, til there’s stars in the sky
For now I’m big brother, it’s me and my shadow, no god
Lost touch with my soul
Shade trained in my mind
Smokey flames stained, coughed up, sparked my demise
Whether wrong or it’s right, morals fog in its sight
The primordial soup, turn soluble at night
Digest all that you find, divest all set aside
I guess gone are the times I thought it garnered my life
It only guarded my view after my garden was eaten
Now I gotta produce, no progress in a grievance
No one groveled and grew, cept for gravity’s frequenc’
Give it all I can do and get the gall to be beaten
Without wavin the white flag or waiting on white bags
To save him from tight grasps, the weight of em
Always takin him right back
To where he from, just a weary yet wise ass in place again
I’m Isolating til I’m negative, by then the elephant’s been shelved til it’s swelled to fill the cell I’m in
How can you settle in or set it straight without a set of sedatives
Regress to Reddit forums, headed toward involuntary celibate, it’s delicate
To toe the line of elegance when every second seems to stretch itself to the indefinite
I’ve self assessed the bleeding, now to treat it
So I’m killin off my demons cuz my souls worth redeeming

[Chorus]
Clear a path as I keep on walkin', ain't no stoppin'
In this dirty, filthy, rotten, nasty little world we call our home
They get pillies poppin', ain't no options for my partners
So they resort to grams and dollars
Take away stress, we ganja coppin'
Blow it all out, it's all forgotten
Keep on walkin', ain't no stoppin'
In this dirty, filthy, rotten, nasty little world we call our home
They get pillies poppin', ain't no options for my partners
So they resort to grams and dollars
Take away stress, we ganja coppin'
Blow it all out, it's all forgotten

[Verse 2]
Walking with my back against the sun
I been fuckin up my life, that’s way before my life begun
Since my birth, a peasant on Earth, I been the worst one to confront
All the cycles that get recycled, I get stifled, stuck in mud
Roll me a blunt so I forget it
But it made me chill with being timid
Been through a lot of shit in the past year, never been one to handle my business
I did 180 on shit that was taking me, breaking me, making me fallen ill
Skidding right off the hill
Achilles was all my fears, feels
This is my call to heal
Ain’t no use you gotta walk
Ain’t no use you gotta walk
Who the fuck said stop the track bruh, let a real rapper talk
I walk from the bitches and walk from my friends, give a fuck bout the digits, I’m 6 in the ditch yet I’m living indifferent cuz life is a bitch but believe imma switch it
Twist it, with no bic shit
Kick flip, my addictions
Enlisting all this diction just to inch in on this mission
All of y’all keep listing
While my songs evolving
I’m just goin with my instincts
I just gotta keep walkin

[Chorus]
Clear a path as I keep on walkin', ain't no stoppin'
In this dirty, filthy, rotten, nasty little world we call our home
They get pillies poppin', ain't no options for my partners
So they resort to grams and dollars
Take away stress, we ganja coppin'
Blow it all out, it's all forgotten
Keep on walkin', ain't no stoppin'
In this dirty, filthy, rotten, nasty little world we call our home
They get pillies poppin', ain't no options for my partners
So they resort to grams and dollars
Take away stress, we ganja coppin'
Blow it all out, it's all forgotten

Walkin (Remix)

Original: Fire in the Hole - Earl Sweatshirt

[Intro]
Shit, it’s like ray always said

[Verse]
Yo, it’s the way of the road, just the way that she goes
Sometimes the shows on the go or it’s the trailer that’s home
I’m toeing overweight, no debate, load is taking its toll
I got no payment for it, broker faith, I’m scraping the bowl
Ashley’s to ashes, im cashing, the resin’s scraped and it’s worn
The same as pain, though some would hate, it’s safe to say I’d adorn
A little grave that’s what it takes to heat the flame that I hold
I take for granite every slate that’s etched and placed in the soil
Don’t know what made me this cold
A stone thats frozen in shape
But incubates all the smoke
While the coals are at bay
So there’s a false sense of security with socials involved
This isn’t fraud, it’s all part of the job, tried paying it forward
Making it sober, well shit, we all know the cost
You’re either off your shit or off of it, and Vegas won’t know it
Cuz it’s as vague as it always is as this nation would hope it is
So it’s praise be lawyers and hope the bank’s in your corner
Step in my world, you see the crime scene ‘fore it even happens
Cuz I’m the bolt of lightning setting scenery for the crashes
Gone in a Flash like Gordon whippin
Isn’t static in the kitchen
There’s a rat beneath the cap, as for the meal it’s fantastic
Mister elastic, I’m snappin back after it’s tragic
That’s the thing, I’m magma-casted, obsidian glasses
Not for drinking, but I’m with it if it’s the tint of my last chick
A swig of pain for the enflamed just to distract from the lashings
I break a sweat, an aching back, time has slowed in this traffic
So can you take me for a grain because my silo packed with them
God only knows what’s next and I have no faith in his faction
Fire in the hole, it blows, Armageddon’s in action

Fire in the Hole (Remix)

[Intro]
Nodding off, it goes dark
All alone, a slow heart starts
Conjure thoughts I don’t want
On and on it won’t stop
Trauma grows, holds strong
Problems I don’t solve


[Bridge]
Only share a veil of myself, always had a fear of myself
All the times I stare at myself, I don’t know if I am myself
All those times I dared myself, never prepared myself
Plenty times failed myself, never took care of myself
Hop up on the scale myself, weights too much to bear myself
Let it all wear on myself, never been fair on myself 
Walking to the chair myself, I’m the first to damn myself
You would think that I’d wanna spare myself, but I think I’m gonna bury myself 


[Verse]
I was lone soldier that consoles when there’s no one
Now I throw the cold shoulder, all those tears are frozen over
All the cheers, I disowned them, over years   need em more
But no reason if I’m folding on the people that’s important
I found kindness as a weakness, hold it down and keep it secret
I am not your enemy I’m just misguided in beliefs
Know some times you grind your teeth, but I saw smiles, I’m deceived
I can’t identify your feelings, gotta pry them outta me
Cuz society is biased, I’m defined a black sheep
A lion with no pride cuz my own attacked me
So I hold it tight, defying everyone one who backs me
Now my life is in denial, feel it flowing past me

Judgment Day

[Verse]
If you didn’t know your boy is sick
Then this’ll be your formal introduction
I was born despite the warning I could be a disappointment
Cuz they tested in the morning, mothers levels were abnormal
So if she weren’t a nurse, for sure I would have been aborted
Guess I’m fortunate, but it hit a different chord
Cuz those employed to be supportive, couldn’t even be a voice for him
Defeated since a fetus that’s the reason I be dormant
Wouldn’t need a fleet of forces, I just freeze up, rigormortis
Though I’m introverted, the show’s behind the curtain
A chosen few who know me free to go beyond the surface
A multitude seen me exposed, a toast to bottle service
Cuz I probably wouldn’t have told them that I walk amongst the serpents
Product of my curses, fire up the furnace
I’m liable for burning bridges, lining up the hearses
Civil servant turning sinister so citizens submerging
And my kin is not a cure, I let them in and kicked to curb 
So if you didn’t know your boy is sick
It’s best to keep your distance like a voyeurist
I’m fillin voids and toying with them, feeling like I’m born again
Experiment, exploit until I hit the tipping point again
You lickin what’s forbidden for reciprocal enjoyment
And I’ll give it in a hurry, clean it up, I’m not a furry
But I’m still into shit that’s worrying, the thinking inadvertent  
Never listened to the sermons, now the symptoms needing surgery
I can’t cut without a tourniquet, you’re just gonna have to turn him in
Not a risk of hurtin him- self
But still he’s burnin shit - down
Getting worse and gettin- wild
This shit wasn’t personal but word is getting- out
Another vermin in your- house
Now the circle ain’t a- round
And the Earth is just the ground
All the hurting and the hurling from a hermit’s just a- sound

Red Flag

[Chorus]
I’m fucked up, gotta get up
I don’t got nothing to give but don’t wanna give up
Holding on to slivers while I’m missing a chunk
I just go about my biz, but can’t keep it a buck, uh huh

I’m a miserable fuck
Lickin all my cuts til I’m spitting it up
Liquor turns to venom as it spills from the mug
You can’t figure what I’m thinking, bitch I’m mischievous 

Quiet since a child, I’m the ominous blood
Hide from the sights of the dominant ones
Shying from the light til the time has come
Imma die on the knife I’ve been sharpening up, uh huh

Down on my luck
I got a lot of problems now I got em with drugs
I was shopping for love, always stoppin at lust
Used to try to save a dime, now I’m the prodigal son


[Verse 1]
Once upon a time
When I’d fall in line, hair parted on each side
Prospect not a prodigy, to problem child
Project after project with no bottom line
Pessimistic discontent
Disconnected, in distant step
Disingenuous, I disinfect
But as a dismal presence, I will diss the best


[Bridge]
I’m fucked in the head
I’m fucked in the head

Never givin into meds
Let it linger til it ends
Never givin into meds
Let it linger til I’m dead


[Verse 2]
Someone take me back
Before the angry bastard was a blatant ass
I was taking shape ‘fore I was made to act
Now there’s a stage imagined, every day in fact, oh fuck
Just gotta make it past
Under speculation I cave in fast
It’s like a gun is aimed and I am faced with that
So what the fuck you think when I evade the flash


[Chorus]
I’m fucked up, gotta get up
I don’t got nothing to give but don’t wanna give up
Holding on to slivers while I’m missing a chunk
I just go about my biz, but can’t keep it a buck, uh huh

I’m a miserable fuck
Lickin all my cuts until I’m spitting it up
Liquor turns to venom as it spills from the mug
You can’t figure what I’m thinking, bitch I’m mischievous 

Quiet since a child, I’m the ominous blood
Hide from the sights of the dominant ones
Shying from the light til the time has come
Imma die on the knife I’ve been sharpening up, uh huh

Down on my luck
I got a lot of problems now I got em with drugs
I was shopping for love, always stoppin at lust
Used to try to save a dime, now I’m the prodigal son

Prodigal Son

Death is in the Air - Interlude

[Chorus]
Fuckers never cared bout me
They all fuckin bailed on me
Wonder why I sail on em
I won’t let em wail on me
Fuckers never cared bout me
That’s why I don’t care bout em
I know I don’t share, hardly
But I don’t wanna wear it on me


[Post-Chorus]
Would you blame me being shady when I’m fading out
Or just for anger left adjacent as I’m shaping out
All the pages fall in place and I ain’t taking bounds
I guess the staple of the paper is what’s taken out


[Verse]
Whiskey straight, switch in brandy on the packy runs
Twisted fate, shit is damning, either path I’m on
The cap is off, but I’m still breathing like the mask was on
Feels like asthma, acid reflux really pack a punch
A sign of the times that I’m ticking older, I’m losing the water that boils
But I think it’s fine, if not tipping over, so choosing to mix in some oil
Let it ignite, the dim is now glowing, Judas’s kiss isn’t loyal
A tribalist mind that rivals its own, it you or it’s them in the soil


[Pre-Chorus]
Shit ain’t payin, should be prayin stead of breaking off
Saving face became ingrained and I can’t take it off
All the anger I misplaced was in vain, what a shame on my name, pain in all I came across


[Chorus]
Fuckers never cared bout me
They all fuckin bailed on me
Wonder why I sail on em
I won’t let em wail on me
Fuckers never cared bout me
That’s why I don’t care bout em
I know I don’t share, hardly
But I don’t wanna wear it on me

Echo Chamber

[Intro]
Sky tinted grey
Hide in its shade
Mind is still clay
Swiped from the rain

Shy in his ways
Quiet not tame
Finding his place
Pry him away

A child misplaced
Twice in the race
Of rising grades
Subsidized education

The triumph of state
In spite of its base
The price of its fate
In sight of what’s saved


[Verse 1]
Knew I was a pawn since the break of dawn
Why I’m truant to the calls of the patriarch
The students underwater see a wave of promises 
The foolish get involved for the strength and honor
Doomed to fall unless you make a dollar
Proof is in the vault that your banking on  
Use your deposits to make them stronger 
Misconstrue the politics so blame’s behind them
Fuck that
Have you seen the way they treat em when they 
Come back
Should be treason how they clean them from a
Blood bath, under attack
PTSD dreams, still can feel the gun straps, they’re gonna snap
Fuck that
I ain’t dealing with the dealings of a 
Scumbag
Make a villain or they kill you, if you come at them and their cash
You get one stab or never touch grass, good luck with that


[Chorus]
You holding to this (pop culture)
Your let go of that (counter culture)
You’re told what to think as you scroll through your Twitter, a home for agenda (you got no idea)

I’m forsaken for this (shock value)
Not shaken at that (desensitized)
I be takin the piss cuz I ain’t feelin shit, so you tase me to test it (like the fuckin cops)

You posting all this (propaganda)
Put your soul into that (humanitarian)
I ain’t voting for shit cuz the socialist shtick is for voter retention (fuckin sheep)

Y’all can blame me for this (Ight cool)
Y’all can shame me for that (yeah whatever)
I take care of myself so you sharing your wealth isn’t making it better (shut the fuck up)


[Bridge]
Ughhh
Fuck
It’s just like
God damn
Y’all think I don’t know
Maybe the problem’s that I know way to fuckin much for my own good


[Verse 2]
Ranting and raving, I love to complain, but to actually think that shit’s changing
Is fantasy, faith in the fuckin insane, you’ll never see fruits of the labor
Damaging ways
Ingrained in our day to day, waste is just spilling right back in the bay
With no management, though fiscally shit has been handled, huh
But what about me, the life that I lead
If cash is the king, had a hard time believing it
Leaving me far from Muhammad Ali
I been fighting my demons til I starved my needs
I mean I can survive, but I ain’t feelin so lively
Ever since ISIS videos on my feed
Live Leak, suicide live streams
Why I drop bombs, I ain’t livin in a pipe dream


[Chorus]
You holding to this (pop culture)
Your let go of that (counter culture)
You’re told what to think as you scroll through your Twitter, a home for agenda (you got no idea)

I’m forsaken for this (shock value)
Not shaken at that (desensitized)
I be takin the piss cuz I ain’t feelin shit, so you tase me to test it (like the fuckin cops)

You posting all this (propaganda)
Put your soul into that (humanitarian)
I ain’t voting for shit cuz the socialist shtick is for voter retention (fuckin sheep)

Y’all can blame me for this (Ight cool)
Y’all can shame me for that (yeah whatever)
I take care of myself so you sharing your wealth isn’t making it better (shut the fuck up)

Black Flag

[Verse]
Fresh start to best y’all, impress y’all
Menthol to fend off the end-alls
Kendama pen, imma get ballin
Ken dolls get pressed off the stencil
Menstrual, these men always head strong
Ethanol, from pent up to let off
Get all this bread just to spend on
Head, all is well til you said nah

I might never bang a bitch
But catch a vibe with who I’m hangin with 
I might never make a banger bitch
Imma get the hang of this
I been flagrant with the hating shit
Ex or competition, make a diss
You know I be debating shit
Never knowing what to make of things
I be wakin just to bake again
Isolating just to take it in
Invasive shit, in my face with it 
Find my place within

This a new development 
Welcome to dude’s element
The devil my new delegate
Ever since you let him in
The tune’s unsettling
Get used to the Hell I’m in
The presence of your elegance
Reduced to a skeleton
Lose all embellishments
It’s you and your essence left
What you call essential
Only oozes in decadence
You are not the measuring stick
Just move on your level bitch
Consumed by the test
You either bested or you’re better than it

Oh, who am I now that this shit fast forward
Who have I found when I strip back clothes
Who will I amount to, a kid got goals
And if the kick’s not goin imma switch that flow
Who have I found when I ditched that mold
Who will I astound if I give em that soul
Who will I crowd when I get that going
All this shit stack slow, get that shit natural

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

[Intro]
Never not talking shit, I get all defensive, knowing I caused the shit
Cuz the negative is a sedative, I’m getting off from it, never getting off it
Even if another thing brought you in, this still what I’m offering


[Verse 1]
Always been small and thin, seemingly harmless
Smart as shit with no confidence, 
Though cockiness had evolved from wit
Feel targeted and log it in
Ain’t no reason for me blogging it
Maybe subtweet just to cause some shit
Day I spill tea, add it on to it
They can talk their shit, let em walk their shit
But if they ever test me, I’m a problem, bitch
I let it slide cause I’m dead inside, but the menace isn’t, still my father’s kid
I go farther with it just to carve it in
It’s all a riddle while I’m plotting shit until our scars connected on some Potter shit
So you can kill me off but my mark will live


[Bridge]
Walk through the fire
War, want a war, want to
Walk through the fire
I’ll give a tour as we 
Walk through the fire
War, want a war, want to
Walk through the fire
I’ll give a tour as we 

They gotta talk to him
But none of that talks to him
I’m a walking tomb, the Marianas with guarded truths
Fall into it, fault of you
Darkness swallows you
No embalming fluid
Just look how I’m doing


[Verse 2]
Own worst critic, I own that shit
Holding that shit in til I hone that shit
But I’m over the limit cuz it’s low as shit
I fold on the business as ownership

Holy shit, oh shit
It goes to shit, over again
No motion, it soaks in
Compulsion, to overthink

Yo worst critic, I know that shit
Hold resentment, you aren’t noticing
Put my whole self in it, not my own ambitions
Cant focus in, not my own best friend

Holy shit, oh shit
It goes to shit, over again
I throw shit in your vision
Hopin you’ll go for it


[Outro]
There’s no match for the masochist
That’s been mastering his crafts that will never be a magnet for
Capturing the masses, the maggots
Mad Hatter imagination
I start and die a martyr for massacres 

Got my bachelors it didn’t mean shit
I feel I’m backwards in where I need it
I’m In the past and I’ll never leave it
I still breathe it
But feel dead

Pain is Inevitable

[Intro]
*intro reversed*
I don’t give up until I go down
Cuz Im holdin up but not holdin out
And I won’t get up until I get down
I loathe in descent til it all levels out


[Verse 1]
In the midst of vectors, I live on edge
with a victim complex and thin skin
So when it gets in, see the vessels popping, man it gets so violent, all from within
Hear the missiles launchin ‘fore it gets to conflict, discombobulated, I dig in
I can be so heartless nothing gets in
Or I can be so honest that I’m did in
Either way, I be thinkin if I did it different 
If I really made a case for the way I’m living 
‘Stead of sticking where it’s paved and your fate is limited
In a cage, MMA, never faced Brazilian 
Though I’ve changed, no game is consistent
Go long, throw away, that’s a plague of the system, ditch it
Or self-preservation’ll be the bane of my existence


[Chorus]
I repress, live a life distressed
And just hide away from the light of day
Mind infested, come to like the stench
What it pries from me always finds its way back
Lift me up but you kick me down
No consistency
I’m conditional
Need a pick me up just to live it down
Feel it building up
Until I hit the ground


[Bridge]
What is friendship, kinship
I can’t even mend within but (l long)
I am at attention, tension filling
Premonitions (I’m lost)
Wired nights, I’m in suspension 
Scratch the ceiling (Time bomb)
Why do right with wrong intentions
All I’ll feel is (I’ve lost)


[Verse 2]
I am so dependent 
No consoling message 
Can result in acceptance
But can’t avoid the sentence
A flair in voids is helpless
So devoid of self-respect
Sold my soul to settle
But the stone was heavier
I’m my lone contention
The only one in debt with
Sole owner of my own descent into hell


[Chorus]
I repress, live a life distressed
And just hide away from the light of day
Mind infested, come to like the stench
What it pries from me always finds its way back
Lift me up but you kick me down
No consistency
I’m conditional
Need a pick me up just to live it down
Feel it building up
Until I hit the ground


[Outro]
Pull up flooded to weddings, but I’m still dressing up
What you want from me, none of me wants to get a hug
It’s like I’m blood letting enough of me to let in blood
But instead of me severing, out here getting drunk
As with everything, anything just to get it done
Seems like it never ends, then in a second, schedules crumble
What was expected, regretfully wasn’t set to come
Losses resonating, death is when I felt the love

Event Horizon

[Intro]
This the shit that get my skin crawling
Thin walls, distinct thoughts for what I think’s knocking
But I ain’t checking shit
If it’s the end then imma settle in
And if it’s not I guess I’m meant to live
The dissonance with intuition and my conscience
Ink blots slip in grim promises but isn’t obvious, I’m 
Pressured in my pondering
A perfectionist with missing plans - is left wandering


[Verse 1]
Bawling in my bed, got me sprawling ‘cross the spread
All the odds are called long before the rosters’ set
And now I’m caught up in my head til I brought it to my desk
And though it’s written off, I can’t rip it off my chest
Clinging on, strong friend, symboled with an ‘S’
Signaling for help means the city’s lost its rep
Gotta keep it to myself and never give it all a rest
Cuz if they really wanted heart then I would lead with Clark Kent
What the mob wants, needs, is what the mob receives
I can’t get them off me, a committed carny
I been in this shit too long for me to live in harmony
I must listen to their calls even if it scars me


[Bridge]
Fuck
I don’t why the fuck I do this to myself
No good ever comes to me
The fuck


[Verse 2]
Caught up on impressions, where’s the yes men
In my mentions, comments section, attesting
Self assessment is incessant, 
Misdirection obsession


[Verse 3]
Still missing pieces but I’m operable just disengaged in
The simple rhythms y’all are into cuz I’m gettin jaded
I tried to give it all I got until the system takes me
Shit, I was listening to pop just wishin I could break free
Nope, becoming bitter as I hit new ages
Another hypocrite that’s picky 
Don’t try to entertain me
Here comes the plane shit, I’m not a baby
Can’t seem to say shit but still I’m blatant
An ancient spirit with a cryptic language
Still figuring the culture that distills it’s flavor
The signatures are miniature so it’s debated
Can’t point a finger at what I’m tasting
From disjointed to dissipating, I’ll see you later

 
[Outro]
Y’all just want a savior, I wanted that to 
But then I lost my faith, now I’m filled with taboo
Y’all just want a savior, I wanted that to 
But then I lost my faith, now I’m filled with taboo

Brutus Balthazaar

Pinned to spotlight

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