hypochondriac

4𝔁4 (ᵉᵖ) 𝓸𝓾𝓽 10 𝓷𝓸𝓿 2023... 𝓷𝓸𝔀

₁. 1𝓍1
₂. 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑜 𝓊
₃. 𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒
₄. 𝓀𝑜𝓉𝒶 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓃𝑒
➎. 𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓸 𝓾 (4𝔁4 𝓶𝓲𝔁)

Cᵣᵢₘₛₒₙ gₗₐᵣₑ, ₙₑw cₐᵣₚₑₜ
Cᵤₜ yₒᵤᵣ ₕₐᵢᵣ, ₙₑw ₙᵤₘbₑᵣ
Gᵢₘₗₑₜ fᵣₒₘ ₜₕₑ dₑₑₚ ₙₑₜ
ₛₒₘₑₒₙₑ ₖₙₒwₛ yₒᵤᵣ ₛₑcᵣₑₜ 
Gₒₜₜₐ gₑₜ ᵤₚ ₐₙd gₒ Gₑₜ ₐwₐy ᵢₙ yₒᵤᵣ cₐᵣ
Bₒₜₜₗₑ ᵢₜ ᵤₚ dₒwₙ ₗₒw Wₕₐₜ ᵢₛ ᵢₜ ₜₕₐₜ ᵢ ₛₐw?
ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₑy ₛₕₒᵤₗdₙ’ₜ ₖₙₒw Cₒᵤₗd ᵢₜ bᵣᵢₙg yₒᵤ ᵤₙdₒₙₑ?
Cₒᵤₗd ᵢ ₜₐₖₑ ᵢₜ ₜₒₒ fₐᵣ? 

ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ dₒₙ’ₜ wₐₙₙₐ ₛₑₑ yₒᵤ dₒwₙ ₐₙd ₒᵤₜ

ₗₐₛₕₑd ₒᵤₜ
ₖₑₑₚᵢₙg ᵢₜ cₗₒₛₑ wₕᵢₗₑ ᵢₜ’ₛ ₛₜᵢₗₗ wₐᵣₘ
ₘₐₛₖ ₒₙ
Dₒᵢₙg ₜₕₑ ₘₒₛₜ ₜₒ cₕₐₙgₑ yₒᵤᵣ fₒᵣₘ
ᵢ ₕₒₚₑ ᵢₜ’ₛ fₐₗₛₑ Bᵤₜ wₕₒ ₖₙₒwₛ ₐₕ yₑₐₕ

Gₒₜₜₐ gₑₜ ᵤₚ ₐₙd gₒ Gₑₜ ₐwₐy ᵢₙ yₒᵤᵣ cₐᵣ
Bₒₜₜₗₑ ᵢₜ ᵤₚ dₒwₙ ₗₒw Wₕₐₜ ᵢₛ ᵢₜ ₜₕₐₜ ᵢ ₛₐw?
ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₑy ₛₕₒᵤₗdₙ’ₜ ₖₙₒw Cₒᵤₗd ᵢₜ bᵣᵢₙg yₒᵤ ᵤₙdₒₙₑ?
Cₒᵤₗd ᵢ ₜₐₖₑ ᵢₜ ₜₒₒ fₐᵣ? 

ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ dₒₙ’ₜ wₐₙₙₐ ₛₑₑ yₒᵤ dₒwₙ ₐₙd ₒᵤₜ
ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ
ᵢ ₖₙₒw ₛₒₘₑₜₕᵢₙg ₜₕₐₜ cₒᵤₗd ᵤₙdₒ yₒᵤ

...

𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓸 𝓾 (4𝔁4 𝓶𝓲𝔁)
ʷʳⁱᵗᵗᵉⁿ 𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕚 & 𝕛𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕝𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕫
ᵖʳᵒᵈᵘᶜᵉᵈ 𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕚
ᵐⁱˣᵉᵈ 𝕨𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕖𝕣
ᵐᵃˢᵗᵉʳᵉᵈ 𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕟𝕖 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕
ᵃʳᵗʷᵒʳᵏ 𝕛𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕔𝕪𝕠

© NLV Records 2023 / NLVR0163

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Undo U (4x4 Mix)

Stream & Download

memory garden || 8/13/2023 - 1/6/2024 

This song is about realizing that no matter how low you get in life, you can always remember the times where you didn't give up and back down, giving you the motivation to keep moving forward.

Song written and composed by me with contribution from @foryears
Lyrics written by me
Vocals recorded by the wonderful @pookikitty


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
lyrics:

Lest I forget, even if the world was so cruel to me
I managed to come out okay
As the worst came to shove, I refused to let it take me
"At least I'm alive to see another day"

I walk through this garden that holds my joy and holds my pain
yet I wonder, "Will I ever be the same?"
those feelings have torn me apart and they still rip at my heart
I'm just lying to myself, anyway

But I've come so damn far, I just can't afford to die
I lay down in the flowers and I look up at the sky
reminisce on all who I've lost 'till I started to cry
but through my willpower, I made it out alive

Hope, a funny word I hate, yet I cherish
a fallacious savior for all to flourish
but I don't believe in hope
or maybe I'm just not ready to accept that

I walk through this garden that holds my joy and holds my pain
yet I wonder, "Will I ever be the same?"
those feelings have torn me apart and they still rip at my heart
I'm just lying to myself, anyway

But I've come so damn far I just can't afford to die
I lay down in the flowers and I look up at the sky
reminisce on all who I've lost 'till I started to cry
but through my willpower, I made it out alive

I made it out alive
I made it out alive
I made it out alive
I made it out alive
...
[𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘦𝘭]
[𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨]
[𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨]
[𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶.]
[𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳, 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶.]
[𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘶𝘱.]
[𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨]
[𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥]
[𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶.]

[Originally made in 24 hours for FORM's All Nighter event, to which the rejection allowed me to work on this track to bring it to this version you are hearing right now.]

memory garden

Desafinado

come find me

it's silent
i can't hear you!
just wait a minute 
for a moment 
it crossed the sky

so lay your hands
oh so gently on my shoulders
so come with me
please come with me

i'll find you
i'll find you
i'll find you
i'll find you

additional vocals by @pookikitty

come find me

(Let's go!)

I couldn’t name the place I’m going
Even though I’ve been there six or seven different times
I can tell the sky is getting darker
I might fuck around and walk back home alone tonight
And even though I came here just to nurse a bottle, to the mouth or to the face, my mom says not to talk to guys
But if a stranger looks me in the eyes and orders me into the restroom, I’m just not the type to put up too much of a fight

You know I’m not like all the othеr girls around the function
He could have gonе and chosen any single one of them
I know it’s not my voice, it’s not my looks, he wants to rush in
When you’re a rarity, you end up shackled to a bed
The music’s way too loud and I don’t care if he don’t love me
It’s just a number, what’s a couple drinks around some friends?
And for some reason I don’t mind it when he interrupts me
He looks me in the eyes and I can tell i might be dead

Put me in your pocket, baby, let’s go for a drive
Let me tell a little secret, I’ve lived way too many lives
I know that you want it, baby, let me be your little crime
I don’t know where i would end up if i make it past tonight
Put me in your pocket, baby, let’s go for a drive
Let me tell a little secret, I’ve lived way too many lives
I know that you want it, baby, let me be your little crime
I don’t know where i would end up if i make it past tonight

(The devil inside of you says to listen to secret girlfriend)
(Secret girlfriend 2036 world domination)
(My lifelong dream has finally come true)
(Of course i’m not in love with him, It’s just a convenience)

I see it coming for me six or seven miles away
I greet it standing in the road, a smile on my face
He treats me like a million bucks when he wants something i can give, i wake up in the hospital along with bruises on my face

I see it coming for me, I’m convinced i love the pain
I greet it standing in the road, a smile on my face
He treats me like a million dollars, give him everything
I wake up in the hospital alone with the new-

Never thought I’d make it this far off the path
Got a smoke in hand like I’m a man
Then he gives a smile, spits a laugh
“You know pretty things like you aren’t meant to throw-“ (ugh)
Got a funny feeling in my chest
Got a smoke in hand like I’m a man
Then he flicks the lighter, takes a drag
“You know pretty things like you aren’t meant to throw tantrums”

Streaming

Tantrums

with @warpstr

additional production by @underscores
written by Umru Rothenberg, Ethan Robert Andrade & April Harper Grey
music video directed by Dillon Edlin https://youtu.be/rEzh4SgQLpo
artwork by umru & JOYCE®

Matter of Time

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my neck

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