I get self conscious about being this poor ghetto kid my entire life. I hope people love me for me and hope on my train now, because when i eventually have what i want, i dont want new people cause they'll only want me for what i have and not am. 

so this song is dedicated to any and all the girls i am or have ever been interested in knowing for romantic purposes ahaha

The Struggle

Thank you taking the time to listen,like, share, and/or downloading 'Suicide' (soon to be uploaded on main streaming platforms)

Suicicdal thoughts and behaviours affect millions of humans on planet earth. There are plenty of factor involved, but as someone who struggles with these thoughts and behaviours really you don't fully understand why, you just kinda of live with it and keep going. doesn't mean you don't necessarily love yourself or whatever, it just kinda is... its that way for me cause I'm looking for something I can't provide myself.

This song, in particular, was written/created in a few parts. It started after a falling out with my blood family after being bullied by my mother to the point of tears. I had jsut started my treatment an my pills were thrown in my face (side note, initially i never wanted to go on meds out of worry someone would use that against me)

I saw my doctor not long after, and we had our "typical" discussions about what really matters and what makes me happy. I can't remember if it was the first time or during one of the sessions with my GP that I talked to him about suicide, my thoughts, and feelings behind it and everything. It was the first time i felt HEARD, but not just that LISTENED too. Working with my GP has been very beneficial for my music and life. It's something i highly recommen anyone do if they just feel (know) that something is off. Talk to them. If you're too scared to speak to one that has seen you for years, like i was, find a new one, go to a walk-in, like i did.

Shout out to Dr.Shahrestani! I know the last time we spoke, we talked about how far I had come and that it was me that did it, and although true to a certain extent, i feel like its very unnatural and inhuman to not acknowledge to role you, and others, play in my music and my life.

Brittney, Steven, Shelby, Vicky, ya'll, too,  have been such good friends and support systems for and to me. My medication lets me see this more clearly now and I, as you've seen, and learning to be comfortable with my self and managing my energy to not shine too bright.

So welcome...
To my Art...
My Mind.

You are not entering my spirit...
My consciousness.

Introducing to the world 
BuddahBelli, Creator of Sound and God of the Bass Apes, and Electro Emo Hop.

Single

Suicide

On a dark and cold December night, 
A human weighing 7 pounds and 4 ounces was born.

Known to many by his mortal name, but known throughout the galaxy as BuddahBellii, Creator of Sound and God of the Bass Apes. 

And After nearly three decades of slumber,
he has awakened to bring his interdimensional sound 
to the creatures of planet earth...

So prepare your soul,
And prepare your mind, 
For during his wavelengths, 
You'll know not, 
what you find...

Buddahbellii