My entry into the "roast Jake Paul" challenge. Because I have no life. And because the Jake Paulers could use a little banjo in their lives.

LYRICS:
Where do I start on this kid Jake Paul,
The supermodel star who has it all?
I wish that he would just go away for a while,
Like, maybe forever? That would make me smile.

"I'm just a small-town boy from Ohio."
Shut up, Jake, we've heard it all before. We know.
You're so innocent that for making some noise,
The neighbours tried to bump off you and the boys?

Everyone just hates you, they think you're the worst.
They're just using you to quench their YouTube views thirst.
It's not like they might actually be trying to be helping, 
But I guess you wouldn't know since you're too busy crying and yelping.

"All I ever did was dab for my fans."
You really wanna go there, Mister "I'm the man"?
You set your pool on fire, your boys left poop next door,
But that's the easy stuff, cause there's much much more. 

Let's talk about Caylee. You remember her?
Or maybe you don't, so did it ever occur...
This girl's dying of cancer (I'm surprised she stood)
"But I'll use her in a diss track to make me look good." 

And while we're on the topic, let's talk "Bizaardvark",
The show that makes you look like you're a walk in the park.
You said you left on purpose, you said you had your reasons,
But if that's true and if you're sure, then why the split midseason?

And what about the news truck? Yeah, I'm sure the fans loved that.
Hanging out up there like you're so "cooly" and so "phat". 
Your fans sure loved your car during Hurricane Harvey day,
And now some got run over but they saw you do it that way. 

Let's go back to YouTube now and talk about you and Faze.
You claimed that he assaulted Meg, and you garnered all that praise.
But if it's something that insane with the police involved,
then why make a vlog first instead of getting the problem solved?

Now, how about Olivia, the girl that you kissed?
Oh wait, which one? The one that you missed. 
Yeah, you lost her to your dad. Now, isn't that a little strange?
Who would really do that? Are your parents that deranged? 

Honestly, how have you not already been put in jail?
The illegal things you've done would make any lawyer pale. 
Filming without permission, vlogging way beyond your ban,
Not to mention Meg and Banks and your fake-looking policeman. 

You barely made it to ten million,
And then you lost a hundred k (I'll bet that was lots of fun).
Meanwhile, Logan's half a mil ahead of you,
And all he had to do was fake colourblindness for views. 

"No, wait, please, let me have some defense!
Everyone wants me to die, and my life is so intense!"
You're just so small and so helpless, man, you should play the victim card. 
Rally all the 12-year-old girls standing in your yard. 

One more thing before I stop: let's talk about this song. 
I'm a musician, born and raised, and so don't get me wrong:
I know a good piece of music when I hear one,
And let's be honest here... I don't hear one. 

It's just the same four notes played repeatedly. 
Your rhyming is horrendous, and you barely use the scheme.
You only have two chords; someone got paid for that?
I think you and your music guy should have a little chat. 

So, really, JP, I think you're not so bad.
Some of the things you've done have made me pretty mad,
But I think you're getting better, and I hope I get your call.
So from the bottom of my heart, man, screw Jake Paul.

Jake Paul Diss Track #jakepaulroastchallenge

Multi-instrumentalist, actor, writer, all-around entertainer.

The Earl of Banjo