an outflow

outpours

outpours pt.2

friday at 1am

end of time

If you never size up, if you come crashing down
If the payoff, prepaid off, never comes round
You have failed once again now let’s see what you do
When you next fail again in a moment or two

And you do you have failed, and you start to believe
That perhaps you just might never ever succeed
So you turn to yourself and it’s now fully clear
That you’ve always been broken since you first arrived here

Is this true? Who’s to say, I mean you know yourself best
But your too self-aware and you know you’re depressed
And you know that depression, it distorts your thinking
So this notion of failure and bottomless sinking

You know it has flaws and it’s not fully true
But it digs in its claws and you’re stuck in its glue
You remember the start how it has only been you
Who has ever detracted from the things that you do

It’s a game that you play to avoid and deny
Where your role is the victim and the culprit is life
And it helps just a little to know it’s not you
It’s the major depression that’s why you can’t do

But again, self-aware, you return with a vengeance
Since you disrespect life, you must now pay your penance
And the cycle repeats and it only gets worse
You start to self-harm and you pray for a hearse

At this point it is clear that some help is now due
But you don’t really want it, simply something to prove
To the outsider world that your trying is true
But of course it’s no help since you don’t want it to

But now, proof in hand, you manipulate others
Garner guilt along pity attempting to smother
What has now for so long caused you nothing but pain
But what is it that causes, you choose to refrain

You have learned over time that it’s no use to try
You have done so you say and all is still awry
In response comes a choice which defines what’s to come
Resignation to life as a mean zero sum

There are winners and losers you say to yourself
While you long for success, it’s absence is felt
So of course that must mean you’re a loser at heart
You accept this new role as a purposeless part

While you know that your end won’t be chosen by you
If it’s chosen by other, you might let it be true
But deep down you can feel something grasping to hope
No more life that’s defined as the one who will mope

It’s the part that deep down which holds on to belief
That will never give up on your passions and dreams
It’s the part that remains when your self is to die
And allows you to soar as you stare at the sky

You fly far above, from up here, oh so high
You can see the big picture, how you sabotage life
The truths that you’ve held live only in your mind
That same mind that compels and lives the apathy life

commitment song put

[Intro]
I just wanna talk
Get some things off my chest


[Verse 1]
I don’t know if off my chest is right
It’s more that it was buried deep inside
It’s calling out, wants to be known
It’s mutual, cut to the bone
It’s tearing out the stitch I’d sewn
I’m healed enough to look alone
I’m terrified of the unknown


[Verse 2]
Hi to the feeling that’s arising. I’m inviting you to stay
And hi to the dead child inside me. You’ve been hiding
Bye to the negligent abandon, apathetic take on life
And bye to that which does not serve me. I deserve me

audio.mp3

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