an original song. from my album [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

tell me i'm your guilty pleasure
i promise i won't laugh at you
you know it's true
it's so true
through your life you seem to notice
all the mannerisms they miss through
i see right through you
right through

people are so cold out on the street
keep marching
marching
they don't seem to respect me
but we'll see

so long
i didn't know you well
but you can go to hell
for all i care
i don't care

tell me of your guilty pleasure 
i promise i will make it all come true
so true
for you
when you look at the sky
do you notice all the dots that slip your focus?
focus on what you want to become

people- they don't give a fuck what you think
keep talking
talking
but i think they'll come to respect me
hope they keep on laughing

so long
i didn't know you well
but you can go to hell
for all i care
i don't care

they never notice me
well-
they never notice me
i don't care

i don't care


---

[Story Notes]
Porter wanders the town in a drunken state. He is deeply disgusted by the state of society and the way people are acting now that there is so little time left before Red Sky obliterates Earth.

your guilty pleasure

an original song. from my album [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

where did your friends go?
on the chat feed
there's no names to be seen
they're all panicking
hey-
did you know the world ends August 23?

well-
i took your advice
and-
i turned off my screen
made plans to see the countryside
i don't see what you mean...

i made some memories
though-
in the end
i couldn't feed the machine
so when the time comes...
i'll burn beside them
in the very last scene

no time for advice
years in front of a screen
i taught myself to play guitar
but i can't write anything...
i drank until i couldn't walk
and i made some new friends
all seeking salvation
before this summer ends

Avion

i'm ready

ready

ready to die


---

[Story Notes]
Porter is left despondent after seemingly all of his online acquaintances seem to drift away from the virtual world as society begins to plunge into an even more nightmarish state with the impending doom of what August will bring to Earth. Avion gives him the idea to get out of his apartment and face the outside world. Porter decides to get out and wander the chaotic streets until he eventually enters a bar. He spends the night getting drunk and losing his inhibitions with the other bar-goers as they numb their worries and fear with alcohol and laughter.

hall of heroes (A.V.I.O.N.)

an original song. from my album [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

you left us so mystified
this summer
we'll be liquefied
we'll find you a heart yet
i can't believe
there's nothing in that chest

i can die a happy man
because i know
you'll suffer until the end
this time
i really mean this
do come on over
and let's get to it

tick tock
let's go
please epi
don't let me go
smoke is over fire
at last
the snow is
over the grass

you left us so mystified
this summer
we'll be liquefied 
we'll find you a heart yet
i can't believe
there's nothing in that chest

"i'll take 
everything when you die
because
you don't deserve
anything
you're just
the brother i hate
i taste acid when i see your face"

tick tock
time up
please fix me
whatever's enough
coma switch to restart
sterile field
open heart

can you pick me up?
i know it's been years since we've even talked
but
you're the only one
the only family that i've got
even if you hoped
that i'd rot away years ago
well
i'm doing just fine
slipped through a flatline

angels come down
down to my death scene
around my corpse
summer is slipping
the angels weep
disconnect me
"now that you're dead
summer is slipping
away"


---

[Story Notes]

Porter is rushed to a hospital by paramedics as they perform CPR on him. He is resuscitated in the ER and eventually taken to the ICU after tests are run.
During his episodes of fading in and out of consciousness, he experiences memories of Sonya and how their relationship was torn apart after the death of their mother and father.
He also hallucinates that a group of angels descend from the heavens and surround his hospital bed- telling him that summer is slipping away.
When Porter is discharged from the hospital, he finally decides to call Sonya. He doesn't reach her, however, and is stuck with leaving a voicemail asking for her to come pick him up. He waits several hours before giving up and deciding to take a bus home.

flatline

an original song. from my album [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

and now, it's raining...
the red sky: obscured.

and now, we're sitting alone...
i think we're going home?

i feel isolated...
in a crowd...

i f e e l it.

do you feel it too?

no...


---

[Story Notes]
After being discharged from the hospital, Porter waits at a bus stop to catch a ride home. After deep rumination, he suddenly decides that he needs to get out of the city.

at the bus stop (intermission)

an original song. from my album [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

out on the beach 
they'll take you for everything 
if you don't know what you're doing
down on the street
they'll take your food 
as soon as you leave the building

i don't know why
but i came to Seaside
i've tried to kill myself three times now
and it never works
i think i know why
i am still alive
i cannot die because you love me
how selfish of you

i went to Seaside 
and they loved me
they loved me
yes they did
well-
i went to Seaside 
and they loved me
they loved me
yes they did

the drive was just fine
Astoria in time
a shelter from taxes and meteors
and at a certain time 
up and down the coastline
the sun dips down 
and the moon roars to us
it says:

i went to Seaside 
and they loved me
they loved me
yes they did
well-
i went to Seaside 
and they loved me
they loved me
yes they did

i went to Seaside and they LOVED me


---

[Story Notes]
Porter and Avion leave home on a trip down the Oregon coast. After stopping for some rest and food in Astoria, Porter starts to feel better and remembers how much he loved going on summer vacations along the Oregon coast with his family when he was younger. Porter and Avion eventually reach the tourist destination town of Seaside Oregon and stay in the fanciest hotel that Porter can find. After two days of relaxing in Seaside, Porter eventually slips back into a depressed state. He ends the trip early and tells the confused Avion that they will spend the rest of their vacation back in Washington. When Avion asks why, Porter only states that he should see his mother one last time, before Red Sky arrives.

Seaside

an original song. from my album- [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

way up where the docks creak
grey water beneath my cold feet
i know i love you
and i know i'll get through this alone
save for the voices in my head
tell me i'm better off just dead and gone
the angels sing their song above

hallelujah

make time to set the table for two
i'm barely able to eat alone
and i still share our home with your ghost 
i took the ferry to come say goodbye
to where all the good girls die
but i met a ghost and she said
she said you're never coming home again
she says:

we're getting off with you
and you'll take us home like new
but we know that you'll be back real soon to Orcas Island

[keep swimming...]

come out to the island
bring love and keep it silent
she says "i do."
and i just wish i could shoot 
i miss you most
i think i might be mad
this is the best time that i've had
qithout you
she says our love is true
truest of all
she says:

we're getting off with you
and you'll take us home like new
but we know that you'll be back real soon to Orcas Island
we'll never leave you alone
and we can't wait to come back home
hope to see you soon
wish you were here
Orcas Island

up and down the coast
i swear i miss you most
it's getting harder every day
to let these waves wash me away
i swear i'm right here
can't you hear me?
can't you see me?
can't you feel me?
can't you?

we're getting off with you
and you'll take us home like new
but we know that you'll be back real soon to Orcas Island
we'll never leave you alone
and we can't wait to come back home
hope to see you soon
wish you were here
Orcas Island
you'll never feel that sad
because the weather's not that bad
we know you'll visit soon
we'll be here

Orcas Island


---

[Story Notes]
Porter decides to take a vacation to Orcas Island in Washington state. He brings Avion along with him via his portable hologram projector. The two aimlessly wander around the island and bond as they take in the scenery. Porter eventually reveals that Orcas Island is where his mother was buried and that visiting her grave was the real purpose of the trip. The two stay at his mother's grave for the night, and Porter debates simply staying there until Red Sky destroys Earth. Avion ultimately convinces Porter to leave the island and return to the city- in order to finally visit Sonya.

Orcas Island

an original song. from my album [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

we tried
we're all dust now
what more could you ask of me?
i'm a dead man down

as dead as the bodies falling from the sky
body parts cold and floating out in free space
what did you learn?

humanity doesn't matter on grand scales
if they burn...

silence marks where machines once failed us
yeah...
i failed too
but remember:
you failed you

we all failed to save our souls

august comes
translucent malignant rays burn through us 
to fabled dust we fade
the sun blocked out by red sky
strato and meso failed us
now we die

breathe deep atmospheric dust
we weep for the God we may never trust again

we all failed to save our souls

this is the s.o.s. from strato
be sure to look up when we go home

angels come down
down to my bedroom
around my bed
summer is slipping
the angels speak
whisper so softly 
next to my head
summer is slipping

i don't speak
and i don't try
pretend they're not there
pretend you can't die
do what you will
or please just go
open the ground
i'll see you down in hell below

summer is slipping

this is the s.o.s. from strato
be sure to look up when we go home
this is the s.o.s. from strato

you should have known how this would end though...


---

[Story Notes]
Strato and Meso are two space crafts launched from Earth after the world learns of the asteroid (Red Sky) making course for collision with the planet. The ships were created and manned as a joint effort by the governments of America, England, Germany, China, Russia, India, and Japan. They are both armed with high-powered laser weaponry, intended to destroy- or at least break apart Red Sky enough to avoid the complete destruction of Earth. The astronauts aboard the ships know that their role is likely a suicide mission. The last transmission back to Earth from the ship Strato is that the mission has failed. The population of Earth watches helplessly as Red Sky comes crashing down, blocking out the sun.

s.o.s. from strato

this is a partial demo for an original song. this is only the bridge and outro of the song.

---

[LYRICS]

they don't make
models like me anymore...
[YOU WON'T FIND MORE AT ANY FUCKING STORE]
pull the string
to lift my feet off the floor...
[THE FUCK YOU THINK THAT LOOP WAS FOR?]

when i'm on fire
their eyes stay glued...
[MAYBE I SHOULD DOUSE MYSELF IN GASOLINE AND THEN WE CAN END]
this with a nice view?
[I WANNA KNOW IF IT IS POSSIBLE]
to buy separate pieces?
[THAT SORT OF LOOK LIKE ME SO-]
you can make your own...
[SHITTY LITTLE KNOCK-OFF VERSION OF ME]

[WRAPPED IN PLASTIC]
it's a mechanical universe  
[NO NEED TO CLEAN
I'M POLYPROPYLENE
SMASH THAT LIKE
OR SHRINK MY PSYCH]

[RENT TO OWN THEN DIE ALONE]
manic panic makes life tragic
[NOW WITH SYNTHETIC OPPOSABLE APPENDAGE
I'M NOT SICK
BUT FEEL LIKE SHIT]

come any night!
all odists write-
may the children never sing:
my art is suffering...

one more to go!
listen or don't...
i'm likely:
not coming back-
this is the last track...

guess i never learn?
that i don't deserve...
anything-
i'm not even real?
no need to pity me...

i can't wait-
to hear how you hate:
every song i sing...

MY.
ART.
IS. 
SUFFERING.

my art is suffering

an original song. from my album [A Letter To Sonya].

---

[LYRICS]

put the salt back into this wound
i cleaned up this place
in case you come home soon
and you always feel better
when i'm feeling down
last night i wished that you would
pack up your things
and leave town

i've been running on empty
for far too long
and i missed the last exit
where you changed the song
and you almost feel better
because i swallowed pills
you don't have to feel deeply
to feel how it feels
to feel numb

guess i got too excited
when i thought you'd be proud
but i guess that wasn't good enough
so you beat me back down
and i almost felt some kind of
respect for myself
but forgot the gold standard
out of reach on the shelf
in your mind

now
call me an ambulance
face down
scattered pills
chemical dissonance
i called you
but i only got voicemail
last message


i never really liked you.
at all...


and i didn't want to wake you
in case you said goodbye
i was really kind of hoping
just for once
you would cry
drunk and spun out on the back porch
like we're all to blame
every time i blew out candles
i was wishing i would never be the same 

as you preach of a well-spent life
praising everyone not me
for living right
it's your fault
i never really tried fighting
it's your fault
i never finish anythi

i'm trying to change
i'm domesticated
how strange
i'm domesticated
and strange
i'm domesticated
house stage


---

[Story Notes]

Porter falls into depression after the death of Carri and goes back to shutting himself inside his apartment. He begins to drink and think about his past life with his family.

domesticated

an original song. from my album [My Art Is Suffering].

---

[LYRICS]

now,
i haven't slept for days
i don't even know the last time i ate
( this ashtray... )
[ HERE'S ANOTHER RED FLAG SONG ]
( full always... )
[ YOU NEVER LISTEN OR SING ALONG ]

reaching out to what i call a "friend"
as a means to provide proof that i'm not dead
( still useless... )
[ NOTHING I MAKE ]
( no noose fits... )
[ MAKES ME HAPPY ]

hold it in your hand 
JUST BREATHE IN.
then-
bring it slowly to your wrist
BLISS BURNS.
when life turns bland-
KNOW YOU CAN:
grace your skin
with a razor's kiss

ketamine? 
i mean-
i might?
i may...
KNOWING SOMEDAY I'LL DIE
KEEPS ME SLEEPING SOUNDLY
dramamine.
i need:
to keep.
to feed.
ALL THE NAUSEA INSIDE
WHENEVER MIGRAINES TAKE ME

i've been-
RUNNING WITH FIRE
under my feet again
so i can
lie to these 
FAKE FUCKING PEOPLE
with groomed-in ANXIETY

am i lonely?

i've been-
RUNNING WITH FIRE
under my feet again
so i can
fight the need 
TO KEEP ASKING PEOPLE
the questions i tend to think

am i lonely?

[ ONE DAY I'LL FADE LEWY BODY IN MY BRAIN ]
[ THE ONLY SWEET RELEASE FROM A LIFE THAT WAS ALL PAIN ]

am i lonely?

( i don't think so? )
then again- 
i don't win...
[ COMPLIMENTS, I DON'T GET ]
what do i know?
( my life... bores me? )
sometimes love-
mostly numb...
[ MISS. ME. WITH. THAT. FAKE. SHIT. ]

am i lonely?

[ SOME DAYS I SLIP GET COMPLACENT AND FORGET ]
[ HOW EVERY DAY'S A STRUGGLE AND EVERYTHING. IS. STILL. SHIT. ]

am i lonely?

tropicanna Cusack

For the most part, I write stories and make music to go along with them.

This track is not available anymore.

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