The feeling that she had never really lived in this world caught her by surprise. It was a fact. She had never lived. Even as a child, as far back as she could remember, she had done nothing but endure.

She had never lived

i don't remember writing this song but i guess i did.

Feeling better now that I know that you are home
But the last few weeks were hell not sure if you were on your own
In a perfect world I'm always there for you
But in the real one I have things that I don't want but have to do

Yeah I feel upside down and sideways
I can't find which way to go
I wish life was just a straight line
But it zigzags through my skull
If I could figure out the key to all my
Closed doors I'd be fine
So until then I'll keep singing songs
About my views on life

Someday I will stop complaining to you about my friends
The bad relationships and other things I wish I could just end
High school seems pointless if you're ready for a change
But I'm too young for opinions, I guess some things never change

Yeah I feel upside down and sideways
I can't find which way to go
I wish life was just a straight line
But it zigzags through my skull
If I could figure out the key to all my
Closed doors I'd be fine
So until then I'll keep singing songs
About my views on life

Nothing matters anymore
Nothing matters anymore
Nothing matters anymore

Yeah I feel upside down and sideways
I can't find which way to go
I wish life was just a straight line
But it zigzags through my skull
If I could figure out the key to all my
Closed doors I'd be fine
But I can't, so I'll just shut up about
All my views on life

upside down and sideways (shit quality)

covered one of my favorite bands, definitely listen to the original if you haven't already


When you told me you were leaving, 
well I couldn't feel my mouth, 
because all I'll ever be is someone else. 
As I watched you walk away, 
I felt something in me change. 
My heart froze over, all emotion dripped away 

So I drove home, 
at a hundred miles an hour, 
just to see what it feels like to fly. 
I crashed my car, 
into someone else's backyard, 
just to see what it feels like to die. 

When you told me that you missed me, 
well i couldn't close my eyes, 
because I realized what it felt like to die. 
'cause all you'll ever be 
is a nightmare and a wet dream, 
a reason to smile from six feet under ground. 

So I drove home, 
at a hundred miles an hour, 
just to see what it feels like to fly. 
I crashed my car, 
into someone else's backyard, 
just to see what it feels like to die. 

So bathe me in pale flesh, 
promise that I'll never be good again. 

I hope you miss me when I'm gone, 
because I can't hold on for too long. 
and I'm so scared of dying alone, 
that I'll kill myself right here, right now. 

and i'll die.

Blonde Hair, Black Lungs - Sorority Noise (cover)

staring at this picture on the wall
wondering if i have lost it all
thinking about what you and me were
thinking about how much this hurts
and why does it have to be so damn hard
you've already got a hold on my heart
so i'm just staring at this picture on the wall
i lost it all

and i don't have to try and explain myself to you
but i don't have to try and defend myself to you anymore
because now all we are is a were
when you were her
but not anymore

because now i'm
doing pretty great on my own
thinking about how much i've grown
from the person that i used to be
when you fell in love with me
we felt perfect for far too long
and i'm now just finding
what i did wrong
but i'm not staring at that picture on the wall
cuz i've got it all

and i don't have to try and explain myself to you
but i don't have to try and defend myself to you anymore
because now all we are is a were
when you were her
but not anymore

sadboysongs.jpg

picture (boolin watts)

download!

picture (🅱️oolin Watts)

video: https://youtu.be/c4ZoFq79ZxI

this isn't a part of "school spirit", just relevant to today lol.

you've got a shitty ex boyfriend
he doesn't like me that much
you've gotta deal with your petty friends
cuz they don't like me that much

but don't feel bad for me
cuz they don't get to see
this side of me

funny cause i don't have a problem
with any of them
wanna beat me up at the football game
don't understand them

but don't feel bad for me
cuz in the ending
it's still you next to me

and they're probably gonna think that this is gay
but that's just fine yeah that's okay
because at the end of the night they're lonely but i have you
i still have you

stay classy (4am petty demo)

this was a song i wrote and recorded in one take (i had no lyrics planned before this). i originally uploaded the full writing process, and this is the edited version from that. sad times lol. 

sorry for the shit quality.

waking up next to you
probably won't happen
i know that i want it
but i also know what's real
sometimes i forget myself
and i think "what's the point of living?'
the point of it i that there's none

and i'm sick
of being sick of it all
and i miss
not being afraid to fall and fail
i know it's not too late
but in my head it is
and that's all that really matters

it' not like i've got much to complain about
but the second i can i find a way
i don't like things about myself
but i probably won't change them
because i'm lazy and kind of a dick

and i'm sick
of being sick of everything
and i'm so done
with myself
you're the only thing i have to escape from
but even now
you're not always there
and i don't need
to worry about that right now
maybe i don't need you right now
and it hurts to say that out loud
i usually don't really think out loud

venting (edited demo, jan 2017)

away

Hot Mulligan - How Do You Know It’s Not Armadillo Shells-

the first demos that i recorded of Disco Inc.'s "The Boredom Keeps Me Up At Night". they're shitty but plz enjoy.

canker sore (demo)

full band versions!

life (but not the same song as "life!" this was just the original name for this song)

FBR DEMOS

Greens [Demo]

Let's Go to Pluto

Camp Adventure

you can find the video for this here: https://youtu.be/NNfYD5Qg2y4
-
i have a habit of loving people a lot, and it’s probably one of my tragic flaws. but if you’ve ever had a moment, where you’re like, in a car at night with the windows open, while frank ocean is blasting, and you look at a person and realize oh shit, i think i really really like you, you know what i’m talking about. 

c’mon, it’s frank fucking ocean. here’s to the feeling of falling for someone.

you have my heart

you can find the video for this here: https://youtu.be/GTSXvaBARxQ
-
icarus is about those times when you have a crush on someone that you know you won’t actually pursue. it’s nice to have a person to preoccupy your thoughts, or think about when you fall asleep at night, but the energy put into it can be a bit unhealthy. this song has been in the making for a while, but i finished it to get over a guy i’d been stuck on for a few months. i think it worked pretty well.

icarus

i write singer-songwriter, indie rock, and bedroom pop songs

Let's Go to Pluto

Cade Eliason

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