pick up my bones
beyond the pines
scrub the flesh off
bleach all my bones
i’ll roam your house
before dawn
while the sun sleeps
hear me weep
i’ll shake the walls til your picture frames drop
i will leave stains that you’ll never get out
maybe then you will give me attention
i want to feel loved you didn’t mention
never bring in the bones
you find beyond the pines
you aren’t saving me
from the winter wind
i crave a warmth you cannot give
i’ll leave you cold instead
frozen in a time where i thought maybe i was alive.

i. beyond the pines

i know you tried
or do i
i know you tried
or do i
i feel so disconnected from you
that i don’t know how i feel about you
should i have stayed
should i have stayed close to you
but there’s no right
there’s no right way to be near you
should i have stayed
should i have stayed close to you
but there’s no right
there’s no right way to be near you
i know you tried
i know you tried
but so did i
but so did i
should i have stayed
should i have stayed close to you
but there’s no right
there’s no right way to be near you
i know you tried
i know you tried
but there’s no right
there’s no right way to be near you
(i know you tried
i know you tried)

ii. grey milieu

the sun begins to fade
while the moon keeps tides at bay
i feel that things were meant to be
fucked up this way
i sit upon my desk
but i cannot catch my breath
my chest is rising and it’s falling
i swear i’m trying my best
i miss being a child
when everything was worth the while
it’s like no matter what i do
the gods can’t seem to smile
on me
the moon begins to fade
sky shifts to a murky grey
and i hope that things have changed
it’s gonna be a brand new day
am i reading into this?
i find myself making a wish
on random stars and bones and chips
and all of it’s amiss
if today was my last day
all the warmth gone from the sun’s rays
i’d wind up at the beach
and reminisce beside the bay

iii. muddy tides

where do we go when we die
i’d like to think there’s something more
maybe a god up there that will take me home
or i’ll become fragments of stars
or even beautiful flowers springing from the depths
but i know when it comes
i’ll be pumped with chemicals to seem more alive than i am
leaving not even a chance to become coal
dark and choking the atmosphere
i’ll be stuck
but i want to believe in something to take me home
if you could see the end
what would it be
a burst of color?
a burst of pain?
then silence?

iv. a murky interlude

it’s not done yet
it’s not done yet
it’s not done yet
leave it in the ground
let it fester
let it rot
limbs bloat
limbs creak
the mold it grows and it grows and it grows and it grows

v. everything dying will be dead soon enough

my life flashed before my eyes [demo]

you wrote don’t forget on your arm [wip] • flatsound cover

bunny boy • shitty nicole dollanganer cover

i want to be the moss that grows on your bedroom floor

a messed up like,, twice but i love this song,  magetears unintentionally introduced me to sandy alex g, check out their cover

mis • sandy alex g cover

swan • nicole dollanganger cover

lyrics—;;
climb over me
pull me under
ingest what’s left
no choice
no choice 
no choice 
no choice

drowning
drowning

suffocating me
weighed down
nothing escapes
can’t help but feel lost again again again again again again

drowning (prod. caeneus)

i hate that i hate you
yet i love you and care for you
like i did when i first met you
but you’re bad for my soul 
and i feel it wilt when i’m near you
you can’t fix this if you wanted to
i’ve cried too much for you

you say loving you is a privilege 
i feel it’s a curse

i’m trying to get to the point where
it doesn’t hurt as much and
i can see your face and not breakdown
i can see you smile and not freak out

privilege (prod. caeneus)

[he/him]
currently wondering what to do with myself

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