Question:

I have a student who asked, “When did you know when to say I love you, and how do you know you’ve developed feelings?”

Answer:

In answering this question, we have a student asking a spiritual leader some deep questions about a relationship. 

Maybe you’re in a dating relationship that you feel is getting more serious, and you’re considering how to express your love for this person verbally. I would start with the challenge of having the right definition and knowing that we use the word love interchangeably in our English language. 

For example, from the food I like to things I enjoy doing to a person I want to spend my life with, we just have one word for love.

However, knowing that the Bible, especially in the New Testament, is written in Koine Greek, or the common Greek language of the day it was written, there are four keywords that were used to describe love in that timeframe.

So, our one English word has four separate words with separate definitions.

One is Eros. Eros is speaking of romantic love, as the word projects that erotic, more lustful idea and thought. It speaks towards passion, and many times in a relationship, when we say the words “I love you,” unfortunately, we’re merely expressing that passionate, romantic, erotic type of love than we are the true love of God, which will be the final word I explore. 

Another word we have for love that we see in the Greek language is the word storge, which speaks to an affection type love, which, again, you could see in relationships. One of the things we desire is that affection, that attention. And so there’s this affectionate love, which isn’t a wrong or bad type of love, but when you think of when it’s right to say “I love you,” you must have the right understanding of God’s love, which we’re going to answer from a biblical perspective below.

Another word for love is phileo. Phileo speaks of a friendly or brotherly love. Think of Philadelphia and why it’s known as the city of brotherly love. Well, they get their root word from the word phileo, which speaks to a deep friendship or a brotherhood.

And finally, there’s the word agape. The key thing to consider, to truly say I love you to someone, is to have the heart and mind of Christ. The type of love that God would express to us. 

And so my challenge in a dating relationship is to have the right definition of love before I truly can express, as a follower of Jesus, what that love really is.

And so I’ll give you this Bible verse from Romans 5:8 – NLT. 

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

And this agape love is a selfless love. It is a sacrificial love. And to really know when we’re ready to say I love you is when you can truly put that person and their needs and desires above your own. So you know there’s a challenge in the seriousness of the relationship, that we would be patient and loving.

The Song of Solomon 8:4 NIV speaks towards romantic love and uses the phrase:

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.“

It speaks towards that romantic love, so just be cautious in that area of your life to really develop that supernatural-agape love of God.

When did you know when to say I love you, and how do you know you’ve developed feelings?

Dating Non-Believers: A Wise Choice for Christians?

Question:

Can I date a non-Christian or non-believer? 

Answer: 

It seems like this question is coming from a believer, a disciple of Jesus, who wants to follow Him. The question is, "Can I date someone who is not a believer, who is not a Christian?" My answer would be no, as it's not a wise decision and goes against what God's Word teaches us.

There are a couple of things I want you guys to look at. 

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NLT says: 

"Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil, and how can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?" 

It's evident here, as Paul writes this inspired by the Holy Spirit, that he's emphasizing the challenge of being in a partnership or relationship with a non-believer. Considering this in your own life, why would you want to date someone who is not a believer?

You might have feelings and attraction towards that person, and there may be great qualities about them. However, if Jesus is truly the Lord of your life and the center of your life, and if you desire to follow Him and center your life around Him, why would you want to enter into a close and intimate relationship with someone who doesn't share those same values or prioritize the things of the Lord?

And so, as Paul would say, he just asks these questions. "What harmony can there be between a Christ and the devil, and how can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?" 

Even in a dating relationship, the principle of being unequally yoked applies. Just as it's unwise to enter into a marriage with a non-believer, the same applies to dating. A dating relationship is special and involves a closer connection than other types of relationships. You want to be heading in the same direction as your partner. If they are headed toward worldly pursuits rather than toward Christ, their life will likely follow that direction, too. It's not wise, doesn't honor the Lord, and sets you up for potential failure, heartache, and pain.

Another verse I'd like to share is from Amos 3 NLT in the Old Testament. Amos, a prophet, poses a simple yet profound question that's worth pondering as you consider who you want to date and the relationships you want to pursue.

 "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" 

So, think about the direction of your life. Is your life headed in the direction of growing in the Lord, serving the Lord, living for the Lord, laying your life down for the Lord? If your life is directed towards Christ, the person you're dating or pursuing a relationship with must also be headed in the same direction. Otherwise, how can you really walk together? How can you really have a relationship? 

I hope that answers your question. How can you walk together without agreeing on a direction? And if you don't agree on who Jesus Christ is in your life, how can there be a relationship?

To Listen to more or ask your own questions, click here: https://youtu.be/CFwnzM-AEvw

When did you know when to say I love you, and how do you know you’ve developed feelings?

Calvary Youth

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