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Depa(Типограффия) – 08. Искали (Попаяный)

Катастрофа  - Zarasklad(Хапка Кома)

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Нефтеград – Таксофон

I had an emotional week to say the least..
Confused with my purpose in life and questioning whether or not I am on the right path. Questioning if this is what God truly wants of me.
Heartbroken from realizing my own cycles of sin breaks the heart of my creator over and over again.
Tears flooded my face;
I sat alone in darkness.
Reflecting on my life and its failures.
I’ve failed more times than I’ve ever succeeded.
Especially when it comes to love.
Yet with that realization, I learned that I’ve also tried more times than others and will continue to do so.
Eyes welled with tears, I cried out silently, “God, you are calling me to lead, I’m here, what must I do?”
“Grab a pen and your great grandfathers old art book.”
Silently but sternly providing instructions.
I listened.
Yet more questions rose, “what song must I make? What beat is good enough? How can I find the right beat?”
Just as many more came to mind, Gods voice calmed me and suggested that I look instead of sitting paralyzed with my questions.
Deciding that I must really be crazy, and going for it anyways, I found the beat I used for this song.
The beat was titled “This beat has chosen you.”
In prior context my nan and I that same day were talking about the importance of the numbers 12, 22, and 7 in relation to our family and the bible.
When I had found said beat, it had 12k views, and was released 7 days prior.
Seeing it as a sign I downloaded it immediately.
I heard the beautiful sample and how it blended smoothly with the drums, then I started to cry once again briefly…
I had thought to myself, “why am I, a sinner enslaved to his own sin, like the fool in the bible, worthy of this much guidance and love?”
Emotions started to overwhelm me yet no more tears had come..
I took a deep breath;
“Forgive me father for I have sinned, I have let the devil in…”
It was on beat, I immediately understood what had to be done.
I used my pain as a vessel to carry a message that was true to me..
I realized that I’ve been feeling a lot of survivors guilt over the last couple months and had questioned why must I be brought back from death, while my loved ones stay?
I paused, stuck with not knowing what to write, I once again heard the soft yet stern voice of God;
“You must continue forward, they wouldn’t have wanted you to stay stuck mourning their loss, and neither do I, trust that I will take care of you and the rest.”
Overcoming the overwhelming emotions of grief and guilt, this song was made by the strength God has given me..
I do not claim to be perfect, I will most likely sin again either willingly or unwillingly;
Yet I am trying my best to be better everyday, even if it’s 1% at a time.

Sometimes in order to dance we must take two steps backwards..
I pray that this song can help those that need it to help the same way creating it has helped me..
I’d like to thank God, and whoever is listening and whoever has read all the way through to here, and thank God for connecting us together no matter how briefly you stick around.
May God shine light on all of us during our dark times and protect us from evil.
I just wanna go home..
Yet I’m still learning where that is..

I hope this song can help you relate and feel less alone in your struggles.
The least I can be is a voice of my own heart and struggles.
All I ask is for people to listen, relate, and feel.
If God wills it, I will be around for each and everyone of you.

Thank you kindly and God bless 💜🙏💜

Нефте

Cannabinolis.

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