Beat by: Peter, Bjorn & John + Frank Ocean

In which our antagonist tries to conclude his drama and get in some final passes at this girl, ends up saying some frankly pretty weird shit. Carries forward unresolved confusions between rap and sex and love. Is left pretty clearly in the dark about how intimacy works.


(kick that yo) I can't tell the difference between failing and healing
I tried to wrangle with logic but I just strangled the feeling
now I just nocturnal blossom and girl let me do the leaf-ving
 I dismantled your bodice now I keep it in my dreams 
 honest you could be my goddess I'll keep you like a promise
as long as you give me somethin to worship beside my conscious
and I am sick of the caution tape
Take my gin with no tonic
cause I dont wanna uncause this

fuck the autonomy, just wanna get my heart to beat 
just sayin what you are to me is a artery so pump that world into me girl
don't call me Zack call me that wide-eyed receiver
yo I never miss a pass how'm I still so incomplete?
I could be the leaves girl, you could be the seasons,
I could be the trees and you could be my team of lemurs

Probly sex better, def read a text better
write a better text message only wanna shed letters
only need 12 letters: acting softer
acting softer never felt better, never wear fetters
shit don't watch match with any of my sweaters
shit go fast like I kissed her when I met her
and I meant it when I said it if you want it you could get it your kiss is so soft like heaven
and it's cloudin my chest so
i'ma wear my heart up on my sleeve so it don't bother my brain like the weather
 if it stay in my chest it only get heavy and wetter
I guess it's better than a desert, so i'm just grinnin like Cheshire
with just fangs no face no pressure, i'ma just change my form like Escher
fish to a bird no effort, and a man to a leopard
think I met her three times but metaphors are better
I think i'd like some cheap wine 
and some time to digest it
fuck that if you get some free time you know where to re-direct it
like i'm just writing these lines
like, I think I felt it, like LSD on my heart beat
now it's  sweatin these pellets

pressin to presence, my impressions stick like they're adhesive sedatives
just wonderin if my dreams have measurements, like in em your hair is endless 
and your eyes just go forever
and your lips are made of sentences, eyelashes predicates
your fingertips so reticent, wanna make em wet again
I'm just a mess of sentiments
your form is the medicine
wishin it was at my door like pleasure is, cloaked but I still let it in
 I want it's brothers dagger in my chest again

how I love reflections on the surface, if love is a lemur
then poetry is a demon i'm serving
 
look im sorry for all these call me's
and armies of feeling, it's just you made you feel charming 
and god your arm was disarming
and call me soft but my heart was dissolving
it's always darkening at the same time as its lightening
where my fucking cardigan?
looking at the stars again, hoping for a brightening
hoping that the sky'll come apart and i'll see God inscribing it
like it's Artemis scribbling in my diary
instead of Artifice how do these lionesses even breathe?

10 Thinking About Young

Beat by: Elliott Smith

In which our antagonist tries to consider more generally the nature of his desire.


Ok I already miss it, long hair long kisses
can't resist it, got that strong stare, girl i'm all finished
sayin that I don't care, shit is just wishin, I'm amped and I can't sleep
and ah I'm all afflicted, yo i'd take it all in if I could, but I can't
i'm just one man, with two hands, and this shitty ass lamp
and no mic and no amp, just some lungs to expand
and they probably all shredded from the blunts in my hand 
and these words are fuckin worthless can't squeeze blood from the sand
yo i'm walkin touchin your hand, high like a skyscraper
I reach the top and then I try to climb vapor, the peak's not enough
it's like i'm tryna get to the forest moon of Endor in my pod racer, gonna be a green winter
and if you're Leia, I guess that i'm Vader, if you'd stay i'd cut my hand off with my lightsaber
we could just lay here, the pain makes it greater
nighttime always gives the air a better flavor
it's clear now, clear now, dark but i'm here now
used to be i'd see a broken heart and have to clear out
used to be i'd be a broken heart and have to lie down
smoke in my eye the only thing that make me cry now

06 EMNTM

Beat by: Moderat

In which our antagonist continues to moan about this girl, this time contrasting her with a new character.


I don' wanna die before I fall in love again.

(is this kid serious?)

all I wanna drop is this lucy and 
this bass I made
well I didn't make it but I made it base,
for the bit of truth I drop on
 top of it like the atmosphere
meet the mantle's plate,
and then your panties babe,
but it's so lo-fi  you can sit on top of it like the back of a manta ray

wanna be a sharpie to your heart, that you can't erase
wanna just hang like orangutans
wanna pray to god like a mantis pray, , 
cause it feelin so dark but my brain illuminate 
like a lantern make light from
burnin all the stuff that it cannot break 

I want to reanimate all the dead love
stuck up in my soul like a phantom
wanna make em stand up put their hands up
sing a anthem for all the women that I can't love
but I can canna- 
bis til I bliss and I get another kiss and restore all of my mana
man i'm all drained from this girl claire um
she would tug my hair
and never wear mascara
made me hang out with my parents
I havent cried for real in a long time
but I tear up when I wonder if that was my life's golden era
so how can you blame me for going for the silver?
Cause I feel like a g when you talk to me like a pharaoh
and your pheromones got my seratonin moaning like werewolf
and your eye kinda like the moon to a panther
I'm sayin this is in my nature;  no therapy for my bonemarrow

wanna shoot myself full of life but i'm looking at my gun and it's no ammo
and all up in my lungs, it's no air so
maybe if everything was really vanity
then I could be your fucking role model
act deep but i'm so shallow

 as it is don't bother
looking for a father on the earth
everybody wanna tell you it's a dollar
but girl, if thinking and feeling finally got together had a child
fuck you it would probably be your smile
if I had a model it would be the way the shadows
pass through the pollen, fallin in the pasture
while the moon just watches
signal its approval with a blue polish
and the way my weight just disintegrate and I move beyond my bodice
it was just a second but I swear I felt the power

I gotta be honest
im thinking I never really rethought shit
how can I be agnostic when I seen god in your back's posture and your fast talking and the sudden lack of caution
love is on my mind all the time  and you crucify my thoughts when you cross it.
and it's fucked but I never wanna wash it off  
wanna I see it from every side like a polygon
 I know i'm playin with a charizard
but at least it isn't always dark

05 Book Of Love, Pt. 2

Beat by: Magnetic Fields

In which new characters are introduced and our antagonist contemplates the relations among various parts of his life; lies about rethinking his conception of love.


She would come into my room without a text, 
hug me round the neck while i'm working at my desk
yeah I know she fittin to have sex but damn I gotta finish up this physics set yo
wonder if I met you in a freakin dream cause you could be my echo
I could be your whole team, yeah I kinda like the sound of that
kinda like the sound of your mouth when i'm poundin that
fuck an ounce man I would take a pound of that
oh gotta shower that off cause i'm filthy, sticky, really
feelin like a sourpatch, feelin kinda empty but fucking like a power pack
then we'd lay calm
she'd lay in my blankets, watch me play LoL
we'd smoke in my bed she's do some work i'd write a song
and when I'd get too drunk she would take my shoes off
when I'd trip too hard she would help me cool off 
when I fell for girls she would help me move on
when I'd go rap she would always ooh ah
and when I felt too sad she would loose that noose off
yeah let her touch my wounds even if they too soft
she take me when I'm blue cold and take me when i'm blue hot, ha ha ha
she get me so excited that i'm skippin all the commas even though i'd write them 
skippin all the artifice, like I didn't write this, skippin on the water like i'm made of brightness
like, fuck a likeness why am I still writing?
like i'm still faking but it's not a lie, I
mean it's not perfect yeah i'm still waiting
might not be my girlfriend but she is my baby

Guess i'm rethinkin this love shit: maybe don't gotta be in it, just like of it
just like from it, just like with it, just tryna get it more is less isn't

I miss the homies, all the all the homies, peeps that when i'm with them 
really feel less lonely, sit back kick it sip liquid grab unattended liquor
twist up get lifted, in the pine trees talk about all our addictions 
and all the pretty women who we can't convince to kiss us,
lots of mental mix ups and the puzzles that we dig up and 
the struggles that we livin and the fucks of which we give none
I remember wilson, leaping cause of kathleen, think he scraped his knee on the jump from the feeling
I remember lumps in my throat on some evenings
I remember fucking, remember repeating to these G's my fleeting brain peelings
the strange things you just have to say to reveal them 
All these artificial conversations in the hallways, 'dude I fucked a girl at this party'
Nah thanks, think i'm gonna go hang like a carrot is 'fore these dude's fangs
think i'm gonna parlay this arrogance into new plays
new stays imperative, look at you stay, look at me move, look a new day
Look at me, truth, my eros can't wait

but nothing that I love like raps!
Chance-on-acid in my headphones notepads in my backpack
yeah: 2pac biggie smalls and nas
hip hop the only thing make me think i've seen god
drop to the earth in song, feel it in the beats
I think i'm growin claws
just nod but shit i'm so appalled 
no collars popped, way too busy poppin bottles
and these oxycots, always callin shots 
acting soft a lot hoppin on these beats like a freakin ocelot
while you're fallin off Ha raw power in my jaws
ah cotton in my heart to ease the breakin
cause these waves keep breakin on my skin not waitin
so dont give me a second gimme thirds girl 
you know i'm tryna wreck it
tryna hurt and you know i'm tryna hurtle
until i'm breathless 
feel the burble
all that depression in my chest
aint tryna resurrect it but it burn holes in my essence
guess it's kinda like love too:
sex is like rap with a measure and less undos
but a lot more undone bras and more costumes
don't gotta suck me off but I could use someone to talk to
I can blah blah too but I don't want to
I want you to look at me like these songs are looking at me
like i'm on top yeah we can act soft even when we got the hard truth
girl you help me carve through
i'm tryna get to dark tombs
want those dark roots and the white moon
 sick of all these fucking cartoons

04 Book Of Love

Beat by: Elliott Smith + Nick Zhu

In which our story advances a few days.


I said I liked you and I meant it, cut out all the irrelevant shit
let's get drunk as fuck and bump elliott smith
I don't wanna make sense, I wanna make sentiments
wanna touch your wrists and confess all of my sins, go to bed without a spliff
I ain't been drunk as this since like 7 or 6, wake up fucked up at 11 am
wakin up to sex even though I slept alone again
dorm swag, feelin like a solar wind
shiver like the foliage, when the wind come through, make a bunch of holes in it
but I confess I cannot see the whole in it, what is the holiest, and can I hold it in
like a breath, can I roll it in a spliff get it in my chest can I ever intercept can I get a cigarette 
man, when I say I want some bass up in my veins
I ain't talkin bout cocaine: wanna vibrate like a flame
and dilate like a plane from that one single point that you planted in my brain
no more joints, take some more no pains cause i'm bout to grow fangs
can't remember why I came can't remember why I thought I changed
the tide'll change the same, there's never a reason, complete in itself
how could I forget I change just like the seasons
figured i'd need your signature for my dream plan, but i'm over the co-sign
call me the secant, nah call me this weekend i'm needin your breathin
Oh soft, this dark, so soft, these thoughts, so soft, just talk, so soft

we just had sex but i'm restless again because your
absence is just present as shit, and the past tense is just pressin its lips
or lack thereof up in my elegant blankets
so I pour absinthe in my glass and bask in the passion that I know won't last
but it's goin so fast now, faster than it used to, faster than I black out, blacker than a used doob
laugh and then your mask down, laugh a little more and then you're blue too
my first heart got worn out cause I got too used to this shit but I just grew two new ones
no truth lost I just don these tube socks and spit shit unglue gods
from lipstick from blue thoughts from licked dicks from boomboxes
hope i'm not forgotten, hope i'm not too gotten, hope i'm not no gotten
float in a gold coffin, yo fuck a locksmith I pick any lock with my thoughts
and my thoughts like a blossom, a faucet, exhausted:
so I rode home, opened up my notebook wrote this with a roach clip
no shit made it out of ashes but it's so clear, kind of like a phoenix, float up out the ocean
like to grow some wings and go up but i'm bloated
and damn you're dressin like a huntress, make me wanna have a blunt sesh
undressed in my bedroom til the sun come press all wet against my window

03 2:45 A.M.

Beat by: Architecture in Helsinki + Nick Zhu + Har Mar Superstar + Toro y Moi

In which our antagonist recounts the preceding days.


Man it's just appearances but go ahead and stare at em
I'm tryna see the gun that they are the barrel of
i'm tryna love like a band fulla panda cubs, throw my hands up
til my madness apparent as fuck, dismantle the ladder after it's carried me up enough
I'm just laughin dude, I don't need a therapist
nothin more therapeutic than a pair of lips, or these notepads, shatter the paralysis
yo I wanna shoot from the quiver like an arrow is
i'm aiming colder than a disc of lit snow
see the moon from a fifth floor window
I just want you kissin on my temples, swimmin through my lymph nodes, slippin through my pencils
You know I want your issues on my pillows, you know not the stencils but the real ones
you know not the shieldings but the feelings, I wanna take you in me like a missile
I keep slippin on these spilled gut sentiments cause ya'll ain't got no filters
but it's ok i'm chill with it cause in my heart it's winter
took a thousand words still could not make a picture
Got this girl in my innards like a splinter 
now the only way that I know how to have her is to miss her
Shit I grabbed her and I kissed her 
thesis parade, so hot, I knew I had to get a blister

Like remember how you met me? It was sexy.
My chest heaving thesis parade and i'm T-rexing, no texts
tryna kiss some girls on the neck please
and im tryna ask your name
 sat behind you in the same class for like a hundred days,
thanks brain, now I hear you pitter patter to the center of my soul
and I don't know how I don't even know the password
i'ma need your phone number faster
all I want is love but I only  get it backwards
like my hat is, Evolution
always come fast when the pain above average
and the rain way above average
this June in my room, night time swoop like a pterodactyl
I sip blue moons but I drink this blue june like it's not casual
been potent want it actual, been art want it natural
wanna root to the ground, that irrational?
this heart just kinda like a catapult
won't feel powerful til it drop spores past the moat
like it's jaguars down your throat, don't care how far past the moat
just pass the mic to the cat like a lateral
been slow been gradual, but this fragile so I run fast with it like i'm on an adderol
unpack sentences like I would unpack your soul if only we were less compact and more compatible

my feeling too fluid to mention
im used to the tension and the sensation of falling
and I'm thinkin, you're used to the attention,  so i'm not calling
for a couple hours, then i'm calling, i'm just turning all these origami flowers into powder
and my chest is pounding, feeling like jack bauer, jb
only way I end up with a bj if the world turn backwards
and lately, I just want it to matter like the dark side of the  moon, dude
I just wanna cauterize my wounds
with some lava and those autumn eyes to cool em down
optimize my fall girl, move through my soul like water
swim with my thoughts they are like otters, swim with my gods they're my fathers
hold me when I faulter, but slither quick like anacondas
I came ill-equipped with my spliff quiver like a cloaked archer
Girl you wear that halter top
got me at the altar
and it's probly not a problem my heart just became a talker
speeding in the suburbs
always this imperfectly circling like a buzzard
turnin back like Orpheus this summer, my horse'll run like its hooves are sunburned
and I want you under my covers, 
cause truth is what's uncovered
ah i'm swoopin like a lovebird, hopin you're swoonin like you aren't wanting no others
hope you think i'm cool and you want to spoon like rudders
cause lately my ship has been runnin without knowing the difference between backwards and frontwards
but it's a pretty mess of colors

02 Heart Erases (reduxx)

Beat by: weezy

In which the scene is set and our antagonist introduces himself, posing as a hero and making the first of many remarks about the moon, apparently taking it to be a sophisticated image. There will be no protagonist. He sincerely hopes you do not mind clingy shit.


Yo what the fuck this girl suck on my fingertips,
and for a couple hours I do not feel like a sinking ship
and biking home at 10 a.m. the intimacy seep a bit
but this girl like to read a bit, I hope she don't mind clingy shit
because she put me in the mood to bring a bitch back to my room
to show my friends who I've been sleeping with even if it's meaningless
don't care I gotta bleed a bit, try and grow some wings and shit
I wrote her like seven text messages and then deleted them 
but i'm paying attention because this is when it's scenicest
yo I wanna bloom like the flowers on the surface of a tomb
surfin through yup flirtin with my doom cause
life is such a bitch she never hurtin when I do
she only like me for my dick and I feel thirsty when we're through
I felt thirty when I was two and like a thousand now i'm twenty-one
i've been on this earth for so long and I've seen the sun come up
a couple hundred times I know beauty in the struggle but
every second last so long and I keep on fucking up
I don't know what this is, but it ain't love
it's fate giving me another prank call 
it's fake, fake up at the focus
but I move around it in parabolas like i'm a cannonball
all I want you to know is: god your hand is soft
soft and hard like a paradox
and I stand in awe paralyzed paranoid
usually know what their hand is Isee every card
but you girl could be using me for all I know don't care no more 
god damn got me fucking changing like an animorph 
put me in my panther form, I be soft and warm
give smoother answers more
look how the moon be dancing more
it's light be getting trapped in a thousand portuguese man of wars
moving like the blue is cross the surface of the moon
I feel fluid fuck this human I would rather be a conduit
useless all this movement want to intuit what you're doin
wanna just move with all these movements coming through me like a sluice
i'm glowing like the moon is, I don't need a battery
get illuminated dude emotions are my calories
really like the moon too you only see the half of me
and this interplay of darkening and lightness gonna shatter me 
so I lose illumination and I SOS
feeling deeper than a grave is and i'm dressed so fresh
that i'm flyer than a spaceship, head so blessed
yeah eyes dilated and I step correct
man i'm so faded, sayin 'Bitches ain't shit'
sayin all these bitches so basic, really
sayin i'm as high as their pH is, clearly
sayin why am I so anxious, feel me?
Why am I so empty, fill me?
Why it feel so makeshift, artificial banquets, need someone to lay with
need some hair to play with, need your fucking blankets
all this shit so aimless so i'm King Learing
leering in my mind at your ears and your earrings 
wish I could grow three more ears, so that I could hear things more clearly
like really fuck healing I just want to feel things
and maybe control your breathing while you're staring at my ceiling
that's appealing listen to your heart beating
your kiss is paint thinner girl, all my skin is peeling
I don't want a thinner world I want it all more really

01 REALLY LIKE THE MOON TOO YOU ONLY SEE THE HALF OF ME (reduxx)

whoops!!!

In which our antagonist indulges in reminiscence and tries to sing a couple hooks.


Man, I can't get no satisfaction
cause every time I go to add the fractions
the scraps in the wind already carried to the past tense, i'm ready though
let the absence begin, so I can learn to love the lacking again
lets the passion emerge so i'm basking but lacking a grin
wisps in my hand like i'm grasping the wind, yeah it's mystic and grand but a passing of trends
and i'll miss you my man but I have to begin again
this word's used up, find a new synonym
last one got lost, find a new innocence
I don't know what to do man I want to remember this

they all say lose yourself like a mask but I can't lose what I never had
they all say find yourself like a god but I can't find what I never lost 

open up my chest it looks random
man take a step back though observe how I planted
desires like trees get expanded grow leaves and then catch breeze
show me what your plan is, yes please 
cut through space like a planet
and cut my face like it's made of granite 
man chip away the sand with your hand then brush me off all brand new from the damage
what happened to the day fives, the day sixes
high fives and great mixes?
I like making a great distance eight inches
I like to take bends to my mind will make fictions
like it or not then my mind will take victims
high rises bass systems fly bys as the sun comes up
why's it always actin all uncut?
everybody scarred up, everyone was young once
and everybody hard up for shit that only come once
love it when it's undone love it when the beats work
love it when I bleed words, love it when you wear that t-shirt
love it when the reverb covers me like a flock of seabirds
love it when you're perfect, love you when you're blundering

I just can't get beyond it, I just can't grip that logic
no harmonics but i'ma still ossify it all melodic
Guess i'm melancholic got bile blacker than the nile
maybe than the lethe
maybe my spinal's made of lethe
like forget it but I still miss it after 28 days
and that's a february babe, no valentine's day
but we had a adderol and grababong and valium day
and a couple saddle up days but mostly sat and got blazed 
got me no shadin outrunnin impalas in my pumas all day,
 made this mixtape I hope you like it ok
I hope it's not a mistake, I hope you like getting, played
I hope your smile in my mind don't fade

I mean a dub in a day of that portland haze?
fuck me, it's like im tryna suntan in the shade
so come on, kiss me on the face
you don't gotta miss me like I miss you but it'd be ok

Captain Cat yes

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