words & sounds: 

in a week i'll be over
i'm a pad of butter and a toaster
i'm white bread boldness
crusty edges and a porous core

in summer trains were moving at the speed of clouds
this winter i sit still bathed in golden light
cold on the continent has nothing on
frozen stockholm lakes

i am from the north and i went south

been reading people
but i sometimes miss their point completely
and i tie my shoes wrong
laces keep coming undone

i light this stick to feel better
bless this stick and a broken tree
i won't spend money on therapy
might go for a walk and buy five grams of weed

i am from the north and i went south 
i came from the north and everything went south 
what are these words in my mouth?
come in from the coast, bitter as burnt toast

.,,...,,,..,,,,,...,.,.,..,...,,,.

vocals, acoustic guitar, piano 1 & percussion by alma

some mixing, more guitars, bass, melodica, organ & piano 2 by clemens (thank you <3)

palo santo

i am not the first
i've seen it all before 
i've seen it all like a thousand times 
and i'll see it thousands more 
and i am not the worst 
i am not the worst 
i'm a fucking bore deep down to my core but i'm
alright, i guess

the garden is full of flowers 
that bloom even in the snow 
i can still go out and look at them 
maybe i'll feel some kind of joy from that 
and i still have a bunch of oranges to eat 
i still have a lot of other snacks to eat 
and there's still tv and novels too
i got stuff to do even if i don't see you

wake up to a brand new day 
that slaps me repeatedly in the face 
sun says, "get up, get up, put your slippers on
i've been waiting for you since the break of dawn and 
maybe we could go to the park together? 
you and i we can smile at each other
i'll show you a squirrel
look at it, look at it 
fucker looks like a dork but it's cute, it's so cute"

and it's hard not to smile when there's just 
so much to smile about like 
this coin i found on the street 
i found a coin on the street! 
and not just any coin, it's from the year i was born, too 
what a coincidence! 
who would have thought 

give it to me and i'll bury it 
give it to me and i'll choke on it 
maybe there's something to learn from it 
fuck if i know 
and there's just so many things on my mind right now, you have 
no idea honey, no no
there's no damn 
space in this head for you no more 
hang on, let me just 
finish this song about how fucked up i feel now that you're gone–


wait, did you say something? 
no, i didn't say anything 

stuff to do (demo)

nothing is the way i want it to be bigger brighter more careless more happy 
i'm not the way i wanted to be bigger brighter more carefree and happy 

bypassed me in a crowded room 
biked passed me outside my house 
saw me sitting on nieuwegracht
throwing sticks to the waterbirds 
came upon me in my empty room
folding sheets of paper into maths 
if i write down all the thoughts that i have 
one day i'm bound to explain myself 

nothing is the way i want it to be bigger brighter more careless more happy 
i'm not the way i wanted to be bigger brighter and carefree and happy 

nothing's the way to an empty mind 
i'm not the way to my healing heart 
if i speak out all the thoughts that i have 
one day i'm doomed to annoy myself 
nothing's in the way it's only me 
in my own way, careless sappy
hold all my horses so tight they choke
pull the rope tighter, careful with happy 
with happy
with happy 

nothing is the way i want it to be bigger brighter more careless more happy 
i'm not the way i wanted to be bigger brighter more carefree and happy 
nothing is the way i want it to be bigger brighter more careless more happy 
i'm not the way i think i could be be bigger brighter and carefree and happy 
and happy 
and happy 
and happy

and happy

i would say something but i'm impaired
i would pretend but i'm afraid i can't
this wound in my mouth and i hurt my tooth
no words today i swear it it's the truth 
oh i would look but i'm indisposed 
i'd love to stare but cannot impose 
been poked in the eye it was really deep 
walk with an eye patch looking like a creep

and i wonder to myself who built these walls around me

born on a tuesday too long ago 
crept up on the world and began to grow 
by wednesday i bit off my own damn tongue
grew back come thursday, grew back far too long
tore out the words with my serpent tongue 
much too much talking for one so young 
i poisoned the well with my grammar spit
could take it back but i just ain't up to it 

still i wonder to myself who built these walls around me 
yeah i wonder to myself who built these walls around me

say that you want me, i'll fuck it up 
like an oyster i'll close up
but i won't turn these pebbles into no pearls 
keep 'em all inside, i like how it chafes and hurts 
and when i leave i'll screech like a bird 
claw out your eyeball, won't say a word 
if you think that i'll miss you then fuck yourself
seagulls eat oysters, i'll just go eat myself

still i wonder to myself who built these walls around me 
yeah i wonder to myself who let these walls surround me 
ask it to myself how fuck these walls confined me 
how i wonder to myself who built these walls around me 

tuesday

thank you

the evening plans blew their brains out 'cross our shoulder
now they're dripping gunk into this scotch and soder
this bar, a revolving door, a dim-lit corner
we're not here to get drunk, we' re here to get older

what do you say to a piano 
that won't talk back to you
no matter how much you insist?
should've cut these hands off 
long time ago

went for a walk with all these feet
each crossing a brand-new defeat
this body made of rotting meat
this mind a cesspool of deceit

how can you talk to
anyone who can't say
anything that
hasn't been said before?
should've ripped these ears out 
long time ago

been catching all these colds in the eye
the chest has a bellyache so bad it might die 
this duckless town, near-pond-soaked guy
won't you be the body meet our body in the rye? 

what do you say to
and old kid who 
hears the wrong word 
come out of 
another kid's mouth? 
you say, why sure! 
let a body CATCH a body in the rye 
oh go be a body 
catch a body in the rye 
catch our body in the rye 
  



caulfields - live in acu

i’ve been pulling up strands of hairs from my kitchen sink
not sure how they got there 'cause i’m not that blond
and i’ve been noticing birds staring at my window 
i pull the blinds but i swear i can feel them still 

sometimes i wake up at night to feel a sigh against my cheek
but when i turn on the lights i’m always completely alone 
i sleep with rocks in between my sheets
one from each beach by the baltic sea 
granite pebbles in charcoal hues
i miss the sound of salt spray and clouds

i started painting of a dead man’s eye 
and i got the iris right but then ran out of time
and i will disappear and it’ll all be fine 
because i’m nothing nothing nothing 
i was on the lookout for a missing piece
but peace of mind is not even that cool it seems 
i guess i could’ve made it work but by all means
i want nothing nothing nothing nothing 

small mysteries - live in acu

there's one more thing i'd like to say to you before i'm gone
i've a secret body part i never show to anyone
sits like a tumor on my back, some kind of fucked fin
a lump of cartiallge and teeth i cannot keep in

i was a child once, now i've grown i've decomposed
and nothing bothers me, i'm all in i suppose
i am the window, i'm the sky that you see through
keep writing songs only to prove i still know how to

but grass still grows in the garden
though you're on the pavement
still with your shoes on
don't take them off
there's tiny glitters of glass here
from the wine bottle
that you choked on
when all came rushing out from in you

tomorrow i'll stop by the sea just for a minute
all my amulets and me, we're swimming in it
and all the abandon i have left, i'll let it dissolve
swallow salt and seweed sand kelp starfish
sea just give to me your all give me your all

while there's still fish in these waters
though you've turned plastic
with silly shoes on
just take them off
and go and cut your soles up
i got your back, kid
just like that time
when if all came rushing out from in you

amuletos - live in acu

been busy tryna figure out how to finally assume my true form
something i've been failing at since the day that i was born
i seem peaceful all the same
but the depths in my eyes
hide crocodiles
tried to push them far away
but they're bound to come back
a second attack

i am like a swamp the way i shun what's right inside of me
a sickly smell of rot and tadpoles multiply quite constantly
maybe i ought to be preserved
biological diversity
turned into a nature reserve
where the frogs shall croak
i gag and i choke

i am just a body and i've come to grow so cold 
can't remember when i started feeling this goddamn old 
wished i could be this brontërian moore
somewhere sound to sleep
but my mud's too deep
there's something rotten at my core
it's a growing thing 
festering

wanna say that i will not regret this
i used to be mountains now i'm foothills
oh i better not regret this
i used to be mountains now i'm foothills 

now i'm foothills - live in acu

dear froggy
sorry about the mess
sorry about all our noise 
sorry that it all looks different now 
sorry that you no longer hear your friends' songs 
and that you no longer smell your loved ones 

dear little froggy
what is even the word 'sorry'? 
how do i apologise for killing all your friends and family? 

dear froggy 
do you realise
that you are the last one? 
how does it feel to go on
singing your song 
swimming between rocks 
jumping on
hopping on your own 
eating on your own 
calling on your own 
breathing on your own
looking around entirely eternally alone? 

dear froggy 
sorry about the mess 
sorry for the emptiness
sorry that there is no longer any noise 
swim gracefully 
jump blissfully
you and them
you and your species
extinct.

dear froggy - live in acu

on the first day of the second year 
i'd seen enough, it was all a damn bore
on the back porch i am out of here
stood up after breakfast and walked out the door
i could've done this before
can't believe no one ever did this before

on the first dawn of my new life
didn't care much for where, only knew somewhere else
come midday i was a blue knife
cut through grass, forged a new path 'cause time only 
tells what i've been through, not what i'm looking for
and maybe that's the reason nobody ever did this before 

hitched a hike with an ambulance driver
who'd quit her job last night, left no notice in sight
she'd broken free from the hours that tied her
a job in this economy is suicide spiritually

so kill the economy
kill the economy
kill the economy
kill the economy
i know they're onto me 
they'll never get to me 
i don't want your money
keep your damn money
and kill the economy
kill

come sundown i slept on a leaf
i was the blackbird and i was the tree
i was seashells and coral reef
the worms in the soil they were all me
it's hard to know what to look for
i'll look some more 

quitting all the things you've ever hated - live in acu

got nothing but time on my hands, my dear
and nothing but crackers in the cupboards
at the back of the fridge sits a pot of jam
but can't remember how the fuck it ended up there
help yourself

got dropped on the head when i was a baby boy
and punched in the feelings when i was a grandma
got left behind and slipped their minds when I was a dog
help me

went for a walk and drank a river
took three whole days to piss back out
climbed a hill, became the sunset's lover
but i cheat on her all the time with dawn
caught in my hand mid-flight a stupid butterfly
threw it into my jaws and chewed
ate my mind, got slipped behind, just help me

help me
help, help, help me
what are you doing? you should be helping me
help
help
help
help
help
help
me

help me - live in acu

thought i would be able to both have and to hold 
when i met you on the window sill beside my front door 
that only couple days before had gotten stuck in a locked position 
had to wait five hours in the cold

wanted to take you to the sea to let you see where i was from
you wanted to but had to leave for your continent of pondering
i'll go for walks or sit; i've a pretty sweet composition
i know how to tuck away and fold

the hills come rolling in
wash over as i sit still
the lights, the rains, the wind
they all smell of chamomile
the caves all tumble in
i guess the rock was too old
or just too damn sad to see me unhave what i want to hold

camille camille camille
come heal me make me ill
the hills come rolling in
the caves are crumbling
a smell of chamomile
wash over as i sit still
come back my window sill
come back to me camille

/the hills come crashing in
/camille camille camille 

camille - live in acu

from what i heard no one was hurt and it all went down smoothly
but you can't trust a thing that you hear these days, can you?
i know bill's got a guitar but i don't know if he plays it
is jenny left-handed or is she just pretending?

from what they told me everything went just as we planned it to
but since i wasn't there, how can i ever be certain?
jonni's got a set of drums in the back garden
i heard a spider made a nest in the floor tom

if you don't come back to me, honey then you're in a pickle
if you can't look me in the eye and say you will not go to her
aaaaaaa

jenny knocks on my door and says please come to dinner
i tell her to go and turn back to my novel
she comes back with bill and he looks at me sternly
but i'm older now and those tricks sure won't work anymore

i know what i want and i'm gonna get it
i'll eat you, i'll bruise you, i'll love you forever
stop trying to fight it, you know you belong to me
your girlfriend's a dick and she got what was coming for her
aaaaaaa
aaaaaaa
aaaaaaa

a blunt object to the back of the head - live in acu

stuff to do - live in acu

over the garden wall the easter egg is still laying hidden in the candelabra the dog is yelling shitting on the grass please keep the cat inside the blackbird has kids in the garden
over the garden wall there's a dead girl laying with her face in the sun her cats are inside waiting to be found by the next one to take care of them now all round her body lay so many flowers the pile is too high spills from her coffin and onto the floor the priest picks them up and says ella was bursting with care
oh she is blurry as she lays in the garden she is my easter egg but i can't even find the fucking candelabra and the grass in the garden is teeming with ants some of them hug me and some of them eat me and all of them make little tunnels underground putting pockets of air in the topsoil for ella's flowers to grow
we grew a vine of ivy in me it wraps round the folds of my brain and it's her voice but mostly her silence and all of the times that i didn't feel her enough 
som hon skavt i mitt huvud nu skaver det mer nu när hon bara finns i mitt huvud som en suddig ella 

en suddig ella - live in acu

i spent so much time trying to know myself that i got bored of what i found
so when you try to know my self i'll get just as bored of what you find
and then i get bored of you too 'cause you're into all these boring things
and then i'm thinking how the hell could that be true 'cause who the fuck would be into such boring things
so in the end what it must be all about is that you see me for something which i'm not
and if you only looked a little closer you'd see all the things you maybe even purposely forgot to look a little closer at 
or subconsciously even, how about that
but honestly in subconscisity we show ourselves who we really truly are
and if you're subconsciously avoiding my subconscious that's all the proof i need to say with relative confidence that the real me, the me you're forgetting to see, must be even worse than how i imagined it to be

and somehow you must've gotten a whiff of that moldy smell
coming from deep within a scent from some chamber of secrets overflowing with moldy rat bones that's me
that's my boring-ass house from where my mind lives
and the spot from which i look out through these window eyes
the eyes you sometimes call pretty 
although if you knew how he sees the world, this little mind guy behind my eyes
the little guy that's the flavour of how it feels to be me
if you saw that i bet you'd never again say that my eyes are pretty
how does it feel to be me when there's no-one else around?
that's a question you'll never ask me because your subconscious steers you away, makes sure you don't deviate too far from the 
safe distance from which my eyes look pretty

and all the other things you like about me ultimately are just gadgets that adorn the little mind guy or the guy who is the real me
fuck subconscisity it's only this guy that matters and she can be such an empty guy to be sometimes
fuck she's empty she's blank and sometimes judgemental always judgemental
she will sit on her bed as the hours go by and by and paralyse her body
and she goes outside and she throws out the trash and she's empty she's empty she's empty she's empty 
and nothing has a point nothing has a meaning and she just has to 
surround herself with things that make noise things that make light things that provide distraction 'cause otherwise there's nothing 
there's nothing there's nothing and her bed is so cold and her room is so cold and there's mold on the wall there's mold on the wall
there's so much fucking mold on the wall

i am not that old
and still i reek of mold
fraying at the edges dead leaves rotting in the corner maggots crawling in my bones

moldy

the one they warned you about 


lyrics:

i've always pictured myself
driving through some desert or other
the windows are all rolled down low
or maybe the roof of the car is no more
but the wind has got hold of my hair
that much's sure

and it's not long now until i forget
'til it all recedes down somewhere i can't reach
but i won't dabble in all that shit now
'cause i know it won't matter and i'll come around
i've heard it's alright to be lost and not found

-
and breathing comes easy when nothing is stuck
at the base of your throat too far down to throw up
and it might be
i'm the one they warned you about

and the ghosts in the basement they leave me alone
although some nights i wish we could talk just once more 
and it may be
i'm the one they warned you about
-

never thought that i'd fear the dark
it's nice to see that i can still surprise myself
makes you wonder what else lies ahead
that's something to ponder when i go to bed
if ever i would keep a thought in my head

and someone once said i look cold
i guess i can see why they'd think so
i won't bend or break but i'll fold
and the skin on my body seems thinner than before
but it's not like i was asking for more

-
and the stars in the ceiling in my room of old
oh i bet they'd still shine if i ever came home
and i know
it's me they warned you about

but our future's awry it's become hard to find
so i'll hide all my sorrows in honey and wine
and if it ain't me
then i ought to be warned about
-

and someday i want to grow old
i'll put down my book and retire somewhere
i'll sit down and hope for the best
with a body so heavy it's too late for rest 
and who knows if i'll ever get up again

i'll have had fifty years but wish i'd stopped at ten
but i know it'll all be alright
let's just wait 'til it ends

free?

we’re at the bottom of a lake
and i can touch your face again and it feels warm
it’s like a dream i can’t think straight
and you’re appalled but i keep coming back for more
then i wake up            at last
you’re free to go wherever you may want
i’ll just pretend i’m in the past
a memory-ghost i walk around and haunt

remember that time 
when i had three tiny cuts on my right hand
no wait, of course you don’t
cause we were broken up by then
i only told you in my head, wait
let me tell you for real just this once

it was the winter after us
my skin was acting up
it doesn’t do very well in this weather
it chafes cracks and crumbles like mistreated leather
and my middle finger was dry as death
that piece of my skin drew its final breath
then it CRACKED! CRACKED! 

it got pretty bad, looked gruesome and raw
as if done by a knife, pink flesh and all
so i couldn’t use my hand very well
and when i opened my beer i was clumsy as hell
and the bottle cap cut me quite deep in my thumb
next beer took my index and i felt kinda dumb
but also sorta cool cause the cuts looked alarming
i fantasised about you getting worried ’bout them, darling

and sometimes i close my eyes, imagine the path i used to bike
the one that would take me all the way to your house
down the hill, turn left, then right, head straight
across the bridge, past the trucks, beneath the railway station 
then through the forest, the best part, then right along the train tracks
until, turn right, to the lake, and your house 
where you still live although i moved away
but now no one bikes that path anymore

in february the canals 
were frozen over but the ice was pretty thin
my thoughts were somewhere else
and now winter’s gone before i could let it in 
i look down and i see
my heart is laying in the melting snow
i cry over what could be
but is no more and i guess it’s time for me to go

tiny cuts (demo)

i’ve been pulling up strands of hairs from my kitchen sink
not sure how they got there 'cause i’m not that blond
and i’ve been noticing birds staring at my window 
i pull the blinds but i swear i can feel them still 

sometimes i wake up at night to feel a sigh against my cheek
but when i turn on the lights i’m always completely alone 
i sleep with rocks in between my sheets
one from each beach by the baltic sea 
granite pebbles in charcoal hues
i miss the sound of salt spray and clouds

i started painting of a dead man’s eye 
and i got the iris right but then ran out of time
and i will disappear and it’ll all be fine 
because i’m nothing nothing nothing 
i was on the lookout for a missing piece
but peace of mind is not even that cool it seems 
i guess i could’ve made it work but by all means
i want nothing nothing nothing nothing

catsnout

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