𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕨𝕖'𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣,
𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕜𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕞𝕖 𝕤𝕖𝕕𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕.
| prod. pekarot |
non-profit
(lyrics)
its so complicated
and im so sedated
with the thoughts that i have here of you
and im so frustated
im stuck here just waiting
for love thatll never come around
you see that im changing
i fall on the pavement
and i cut myself here for you

for you x2
but you dont want me now
im falling, and i just stumble round
cant clear my thoughts when it is only fogging out
i just wanna rot here in my own hell
ive been waiting here for so damn long 
its kinda scary cause i know youd never love me
i fear the future as im writing all this music
theres no one here that will ever fucking listen
staring at her eyes cause i love the way they glisten
you have me here trapped in this trance
melting at the way you give me that glance
so sedated when youre sitting here next to me
i just wanna give you everything left of me

theres nothing here thats left of me,
can u give me everything that i want to see
your eyes "pretty"
i cant define
the things i see
your way of life
stay here with me
im getting by
with you here with me

made 1/1/2023

sedated (pekarot)

prod. maybe @illsee
mix and lyrics by me and @ghoulshorizon
master by me
(lyrics)
flatline
im in too deep here
i said dont leave me
youre all that i need
i fucking flatline
thats when ill love life
ill be around still
just waiting for you
i hate this life of mine
it hurts me so bad
you fucking knew that
thats why you left me
im in too deep

(ghoulshorizon)
my heart flatlined
when i wrote a song about you
your on my mind 24/7
its always about you
when i hear your voice im in heaven
i love when we stay up all night texting
i know its hard right now
i know i betrayed your trust
but let me in please baby
i cant apologize enough
i spend each day waiting for u
maybe one day youll come around

until youll be the one i dream about
sparking my spliff
ill b high up in the clouds
let me be myself
please leave me alone
im wasting away
it was never the same
you fill a void
that i cant replace
until than youll be the one i dream about
oh no

7/23/2023

flatline w/ ghoulshorizon (maybe)

prod. idly blare x michael harrison
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
reason with my own senses
where are you?
forever gone it feels like
im alone, thats why i make this music
u are all, that i truly needed
where are you?
im gone and alone
i hate the road
of where im heading
im so alone
that i resort to people
who dont care
they dont care
they hurt me more
as they say they love me
it doesnt make sense
they control me like a puppet
im hurting inside
and these screams come out while muffled
the place i reside
it doesnt even want me here

where are you now?

where are you (idly blare x michael harrison)

prod. michael harrison x flawed mangoes
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
i know that i been falling for you lately
i know that i been crying till i can sleep
i know that i been showing how strong ive been
i know that i been taking more than i should be
i know that i been falling for you lately
i know that i been crying till i can sleep
i know that i been dying here slowly
i know that i been taking more than i should be

so whats a life lived when spent alone
and whats a knife give when trapped in my heart
the fucking night time is where ull find me
another car ride flying at these high speeds

another night spent, can you hold me
another fight yet its not about me
another guy, why do u do this
youve always lied
baby whyd you do this

drink from the potion
these words from a poet
they must have been stoic
cause how could it be them?
drunk without reason
advice filled with treason
they always had meaning
but not to you
ive always been feenin
am i really breathin
your love was just schemin
but im alright
in this world with you by my side
ive bled out, ive almost died
i guess that ill be fine for the last time

what should i have been (prod. michael harrison x flawed mangoes)

prod. caves
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
i just wanna make you proud
theres not enough of me
to give you so its a let down
sharp fangs in my neck
you can have it till im not around 
and im so sorry that ur fuckin with some other guy
that i am not
and i guess that i will just never be
and so ill bleed here
with the pain that you have left for me
im so displeased with the results
of what were meant to be
and when i fall
it sounds like nothings even happening
just take it all from me

can we just turn around
this road is ending sooner now
im dragging on the ground
the brakes are fucking failing now
my body wont be found
my concious slowly falling out
but what you talkin bout?

displeased (caves)

prod. moneo
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
tried to dial your phone
but you wont ever come home
come home..
tried to give you a call
but you wont answer at all
are you really mine
when im stuck asking you why
how could you do this to me
memories cause me to bleed
fucking with my own head
the brakes wont catch
my body from screaming
agony im feeling

when the lights go out
will u hear me now
as the walls cave in
im giving it
everything i had left
its a shame to know it
when youre feeling alone
feel the pain in your throat
now theyre taking your throne
shit
the way that it goes
im holding you close
but yet im dying alone
theres a hole in my heart
are we drifting apart
a misunderstanding
ur starting to break me

when all is done
you can start breathing
stop breathing
she took you home
and held u close
and told you words
that you wish would come true

result of a broken mind (moneo)

prod. koilake
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
wont she leave
but not for long
on the road where i will go
i been lost inside my head
how come she wish that i was dead

save my soul
and let it roll
i fucked it up
she let me go
all the time
im out of mind
the rights i wrong
for now its gone

i been lost inside this head
how come she wish that i was dead
and now im gone
for now, for once
you said to me dont break apart

and im just waiting to come back to you babe
these fucking nightmares are tearing at my veins

save my soul
and let it roll
i fucked it up
she let me go
all the time
im out of mind
the rights i wrong
for now its gone

i been lost inside this head
how come she wish that i was dead
and now im gone
for now, for once
you said to me dont break apart

never felt anything (koilake)

prod. michael harrison
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
how could i lose you
how could we be through
i thought youd be here
without me love
now you left me
and its just so clear
you didnt care babe
so now im done

your love's decieving and i believed it
when you had told me that im the one
this day before me
oh how id lose you
this gun will kill me if i dont run

and i waited
and i waited for you
for you love

it will kill me (michael harrison)

prod. moneo
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
she'd leave my arms tonight
she'd leave my arms tonight
take my soul for whats it worth babe
save me from all i have

now she got me feeling like im nothing
now she wonder where im heading
now i wanted to forget her
and now i wanted you just to let me
taking all my soul i wont get it
everyone is saying im pathetic
wont they ever understand why im like this
why im like this

she'd leave my arms tonight
she'd leave my arms tonight
take my soul for whats it worth babe
save me from all i have

now that you're saying that you get it
its the pain that you gave me you're regretting
i never thought i could forgive you

she'd leave my arms tonight
she'd leave my arms tonight

somehow (moneo)

prod. mackk
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
save my soul for another day
know she would stay if it would take away the pain
and maybe once i cried
and everyone will die
and everyone i knew would leave again

with every moment lost
for another,
for another night
with everyone i cant let u go

and she'd stay for another night
when she'd leave, it isn't right
how id be here left alone
can i clear my head
can i clear my head

another (mackk)

prod. idly blare
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
take it all this time
make me work for what is mine

i felt lost here in the night
i dont want this one more time
i been crying all this night
oh take it all away
she cant seem to hate me again
oh again
feel the blade beneath my skin
there goes my head
my head

whats the point in love when it just goes away
and away
what am i to feel when nothing ever stays
oh please stay

take what you want from me
and tell me you want me please
what did i do wrong this time
you hate me
and you hate me
and i have felt the way you want me
oh dont please
this vacancy inside my head wont stay
now its done

take it all away (idly blare)

prod. king theta
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
and she cared
what did i mean then
until you came back
i knew it wouldnt last
and i felt
that i had nothing
i didnt mean that
why am i sad?

and shes mad
for what i did with a friend that night
i didnt mean it that way that time
i fucked the way that i said it
i fucked up
i thought it all in my head this time
thats what you had shown me
oh its killing me now

and i said
what'd it mean to this?
what'd i do for this?
how'd i lose?
tonight id fall
i lost my all
i gave my life
to you
to you.

and shes mad
for what i did with a friend that night
i didnt mean it that way that time
i fucked the way that i said it
i fucked up
i thought it all in my head this time
thats what you had shown me
oh its killing me now

regret

prod. michael harrison x ayoley
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
time she told me
that i had nothing
i felt this way here again
and you never thought i would be so used
with the way you did it that night
you had told me to block them
you told me to leave then
or i would lose you in the moment
but i did anyway
it didn't even matter
oh i lost 2 friends that night
whats the point when im hurt
with every movement
that you had left me with

tell me one thing
how could you leave me
how could i be free this night
with the way youd control me
i thought id be so free
at last
so please
forgive the way i talk
mistakes were made just once
the life u live is lost
and u never gave it to me

nothing

michael harrison x ayoley
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
weeks passed
i never felt the way you did
as i begged
that you had to let me go
i know it shows
for once i did that in my life
and oh no
can i have you here this night

i just want you here this night
and i been losing all this time
and i been feeling words spun then
a little burden on my bed
taking all the world from me
taking all my life it seems
i just want you here with me
but ur so far away
take it in the night
where'd u get the knife babe?
telling me again
take all what you want then
i just felt the worse
i just felt it hurt
i just heard her words again

and she never hit my line
she never said goodbye
and so my heart bleeds
ill never once confide again
and i just wanted you.

and i cared
but u didnt that time love
and i know
that i wasnt ever enough
as i begged
for what you once gave me
now my heart will bleed
now i wont see you here

weeks passed

(prod. mackk)
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
take me from this place
i dont wanna be there anyway
you said you hated all he is
then u were with him for that night
i just wanna hold you close and tight
hope u dont leave me all alone
i just wanna hug u one time
maybe ill make u my life
and lets just know u did
and its been like this
i been all inside
i felt more than fine
hes been holding u
oh the timing fuck
more i do
has got me more in love with you

i thought i found a reason i could hide
who was right?
she took it all from me
and now i will lose my mind

now hes taking off your clothes
in his room, ur all alone
oh he used you?
who would have thought
when he bruised you in the heart
howd u forget, i warned you
lies sent, i trust you
welp right, i shoulda known better
without you,
ill drown in this weather
n i been feeling like you wouldnt care
she took it all from me n
she knew that i would be here
n i been hurting inside for the last time
cause i dont wanna be here oh no

Should Have Known (mackk)

neverforever
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
i could lay on top ur chest
n i would be right here to rest
n u would leave a thought on top of my head
whats it take to rid of doubt
i been gone for long, it dont count
what you did for me, how i couldnt leave
n it just wont be forever
if you dont let me be there
i could give u all i had
if you didnt leave oh
i just wish you were the one for me
but as this time moves on its looking bleak
n i just didnt know how long i had in this life
oh

10/21/2024

A Future With You (neverforever)

idly blare
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
no no no no
she finally bring me down

i been looking for a way out
but it didnt mean anything last time
you gave me everything i own n
i been there i dont wanna show it
it brings me down when u left me there
oh i go around
take me there, i dont make a sound
no more when ur holding my head down
holding my head down

didnt really mean that much to you
n u had shown me all i gave you
i had mend your world this time
n it didnt really mean that much no i
would die
met someone then
but it didnt even work out
i been writing all these songs about you
since that night
returning to this place
oh fuck

dont really mean much to you baby
i felt love and now im safely
drifting in the ocean
n i know theres strong waves
i felt out of place n
i had known ur name
but no one could have saved me
i had nothing lately
n it dont mean that much
oh i returning to this place
the ruins what have made me
i been so alone

ruined

nevrfall
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
take me before
the grave claims my soul
i gave to you
my heart

and u wanted me
until the hype dies
until the day's night
thats how its been right
i been all alone here
i dont want to be alone

oh no whats wrong
been here before

everyone wanted me
but then the hype dies
taking all my life
so i dont have mine
i gave u my all
while i was in the rut alone
u just want me in night time
never let u heal right
still i answer your calls
i just wanna be there
hearing u until we're done

here before (nevrfall)

neverforever
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
been 2 months since we have talked
how are you doing babe?
take me for what i have lost
im getting through it love
all i can see is my dreams
where you were there with me
i wake up and all i hear is screams
from when you would cry

our texts got more dry as we're caught in the moment
i see guilt in ur eyes as i look who ur phoning
you dont want me to see through disguise
oh why

oh why
seeing the pain in ur eyes
seeing u rolling ur eyes then
seeing it all in ur eyes then
you dont want me
and its alright damn
just dont waste my time

i still have these dreams that haunt me

prod. jacob vallen
mix, master by me
(lyrics) 
i was wronged
way more than twice
by the same person
who i gave my life
and now she's gone
and im alone
i felt it all
while in her home

a day in my life
wont go that way
and now she's gone
and i will say
i might die
as i still bleed
n now i fiend
for your love

december wasnt so cold
when you were here
and now im growing old
with no one near
forever in past tense
as im thinking what we meant
theres a flame to my hand
as im holding to last hope

a day in my life
wont go that way
and now she's gone
and i will say
i might die
as i still bleed
n now i fiend
for your love

all of what we did
im holding it still close
cause my time is running out
and ur moving to new things
a long old memory
is what im seeing now
ur making my heart bleed
oh darling
december is so cold

December

prod. jacob vallen
mix, master by me
(lyrics) 
No
They find me here, no hope
I been alone so long
You can't be here oh no
And I said hello
What should I do this night
I wished you were all mine
I knew we'd be alone
I know
Wait
When did you get here
Last time I checked
I had you in all of my thoughts

Don't break the door I'll be outside
When you're with me I feel alright
I feel your touch, it's got me light
Hope id fit in, right in your arms

I just want to hold you close
Take you out while on the road
Baby you'd be there for me
As I know you wouldn't do me like that
Thought all of this
Of what we couldn't be
There's blood all in the water
From when you'd finally leave

Wait don't go just stay
I been okay
Love how you lay with me
Wait
You saw on the tv that night
As long as you been here, I'm fine
As I just wanted you to be my love
It wasn't enough for you
That's why I was left here all alone

Don't break the door I'll be outside
When you're with me I feel alright
I feel your touch, it's got me light
Hope id fit in, right in your arms
Don't break the door I'll be outside
When you're with me I feel alright
I feel your touch, it's got me light
Hope id fit in, right in your arms

Wait Dont Go

prodvelvet
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
I really miss your touch
Why did I let this go
Save me, don't let me go
Gone crazy for what i know
Why I didn't hold you tight
Like when you'll be mine

What if you're really gone for good
In another state
I'm missing all your touch
I really miss that
I really thought we'd be a thing
Like gods plan really what has changed
What do I do

Why have you heard me now
Like what do I have around
I know what you're like
Nights I spent alone
Why did you leave me now
Nights oh what have we done
Fight, to where you'd be here
Right I knew it was clear

Distance

prod velvet
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
I felt I knew you too well
Well,
I wish that I could have moved on from the past
Could you be mine
My only friend
Regret,
And I care a lot for you in life
In life,

Don't really mean much
When you are now gone
I had felt nothing but time that's not spent
when i'm with you I been feeling okay
I just wanted in

It just don't mean that much
Now that you're gone
I felt that I really wanted your heart
I know that you wouldn't give me more
At all
At all

I felt I knew you too well
Well,
I wish that I could have moved on from the past
Could you be mine
My only friend
Regret,
and I care a lot for you in life
In life

Knew You Too Well

prod. jacob vallen
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
Taking me now
I held my hand out
Waiting for you to grab on
You didn't want to so then you would leave
Giving a smile, when you're looking
Giving me warmth, I felt then
Being the person that you would call your home

Why wont you turn around

Look in the mirror, I see your face
All that I do is for a chance
Pulling what I thought I lost
For you, for you

Where are we now
I held my hand out
Waiting for college
Would you want that now
Is there another around?
Aside from the frown
Gently let me down
I've wondered for miles
Attached for a while
Its been your smile
The way that you treat me
When my eyes glow in solace
Now through all this
I couldn't have you
No I couldn't have you but could you
Turn around

Look in the mirror, I see your face
All that I do is for a chance
Pulling what I thought I lost
For you, for you

Now my mindset is turning
Searching for reason
Looking at moons
I can feel it, I'm bleeding
How it was for you
Out of my body
Clouded by thoughts of us now
Turn around

Look in the mirror, I see your face
All that I do is for a chance
Pulling what I thought I lost
For you, for you
Look in the mirror, I see your face
All that I do is for a chance
Pulling what I thought I lost
For you, for you

Turn Around

guitar by Michael Harrison
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
i dont recognise you anymore
not cause you're different to me
its just been a while since ive seen you
and its killing me
my memory is starting to fail now
i look at these photos we once had
and now its like that was so long ago
but it wasnt then

so where do we go now
how can i do this to myself
when can i be there 
if im not there for me

im looking for a bright day
im hoping that you'd stay
i maybe wanna run
away
away from all of life
afraid ill lose it all

whats the purpose in this life
when im never good
i know i cant let go
so dont you go away (away)
i lost it all that day (that day)
i wished that you had stayed (stay a while)
i wish you'd hold me now
i been looking for the right one all my life
i been tryna come back to what i like
write another sad song
of you
and you is what i look for
thats why i cant move on
i hope we get along

I Dont Recognise You Anymore

prod. michael harrison
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
i just wanna know
what'll make this right
i just wish you're here
hold your hand in mine
i just couldnt be
in line with what i know
what you took from me
on top of this rope
i just wanna know
if i made you smile
if you're looking at the way
that i been turning wild
everyone that comes back
already know whats up
everyone to hear my songs knew it all along
and you never wanted me more than a night
and you never want to do this till i try and fight
i dont wanna give you away
i just wanna hear your take
i just wanna hold you closer than before
i been torn
n i been trying everything i could to protect you
only rejecting all this lust as i know its untrue
u been acting like we're fine
but its so dishonest
more than i could stomach
saying i should stomach it
i suffer in it

I Just Want To Know

prod. scottysplash
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
i could not lie here baby
i could not wait for you to feel me
losing my mind
what to believe
how would i have known what youre feeling
i could love you for eternity
signing my rounds 6 shots deep
i could not feel my heart beat
backing down your driveway
last time

when im on the road all i think about
is when you're with me here in your house
that id be with you for a lifetime
now we are bound
can we rewind

baby dont go im still here
waiting on the road
how id lose you
lost in those eyes
heart is beating
regardless for you
im stuck here
its so true
i wait for you
i wait for you
i wait for you

Still Here

prod. all we left unsaid
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
im losing my mind (oh no)
this doesnt feel right (dont let go)
im wasting your time (told you so)
she wanted me too late (whats the point in that)
and now im alone
wishing somewhere to go
its clouded above (the rain is falling)
im losing my home (it was what i wanted)
its down to the bone (fear the grave is calling)
you're rotting my corpse (how u didnt use that)
until i feel right
right
ill die
she ripped me apart
what i would have seen
if i just opened my eyes

Losing My Mind

prod. Jacob Vallen
wish u were here longer
(lyrics)
I
I been running away
I been hiding the day
I been choosing who i want to be

Oh no I felt you had left me
Now i am standing all alone
I wish you were here
Now you're so far and I can't
Stand this summer it harvest my inner being
Oh no I gave you one more chance

And now you're not with me
I been holding on for something
I couldn't once bleed
As you're the bandage to keep me going
Now I see that i'm not better off alone
As I can't breathe at the thought of you being gone
Now it seems that this viscious cycle
of all these things that i say in these songs

Summer Is Lonely Without You

prod. mackk
mix, master by me
(lyrics)
Giving in
I know you're giving in
I know that when I'm in defeat
I take a sedative
And that's just how I live
Yeah, that's just how I live
Cause I been in this rut too long
And I don't question it

Are you giving in?
Cause I been giving in
And I spend everything I wanted
I don't want to live
And I just bought a crib
And I sit all alone
And I just wanted you right back
Someone to call a home

Cause I been waiting so long
And I been holding my own
And I been looking for something that I never could find
I just wanted you back
And now it's all in your head
As I been falling for time

As I been giving in
To everything I am
To letting down everybody that I would want to know
And I just want to know
I'll make it on my own
And I just couldn't go back to the way before

Giving In

(prod. mackk)
mix, master, lyrics by me
(lyrics)
and i know where we're going
yet feeling so lost
until i open my eyes

and so i'll open my eyes
sat on the road all alone
but i would never go back to what i had in the past
cause now im mourning so bad
i only self sabotage
its only killing me further
and pulling me down

and its just pulling me down
and howd this word go around
when you were last in my head
for how im feeling so dead
i been going through songs
like no one else would have known
and now im hoping theres something
that you had to give me

and so id open my eyes
knowing that we wouldnt last
and how i feel here so down
when u were here in the past
i been looking for something to get me through this
but all the pills and the liquor would never have fixed

and you had opened my eyes
you had to show me the worse
you think im doing the best
i think ill be in a hearse
before the year here would end
guess im now out of luck
what was the luck
as i was doomed in this world

and so i'll open my eyes
sat on the road all alone
but i would never go back to what i had in the past
cause now im mourning so bad
i only self sabotage
its only killing me further
and pulling me down

chasecomeback

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