Rap written and performed by Cheminem
https://soundcloud.com/cheminem

Produced by DJ Schu
https://soundcloud.com/djschu-1

Post-Production and Sound Clean-Up by Danny Venin
https://soundcloud.com/dannyvenin

A parody/tribute to Jay-Z and Kanye West's "N***s in Paris"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e9uNn2yDhQ

Dedicated to the Chemist in Sweden himself, Svante August Arrhenius.  A man with an impressive and wide-ranging career:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svante_August_Arrhenius

Electrolytes and bizarre lyrical references furnished by Brawndo, The Thirst Mutilator:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbxq0IDqD04

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxieMOdo6IU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru6p5NLXxvY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Vw2CrY9Igs


Chemist in Sweden Lyrix:

Svante August Acid-Base Arrhenius
12 Molar citric acid cuz ya know we got crazy juice...uhh
...like a brainy Zeus, drop lightning in Eighteen Eighty Deuce
got mo' ions, conduct mo' charge, conduct mo' charge, current gets mo' large
Brawndo- got electrolytes, 16 cougar elevator fights
lawnmower chest shave, it's got what plants crave
...let da bear out da cage, can filled with concentrated rage
ice cream truck fulla angry bees, 85 million tons of TNTs
...but don't nod off, you know this ain't all about van't Hoff
listen up and don't get it wrong, acids and bases are weak or strong
strong get it finalized, ain't no molecules totally ionized
weak ain't that spectacular, few ions, mostly molecular

...Arrhenius, in solution, acids produce H plus
...Imma get specific, low pH makes it acidic
...Arrhenius, bases make OH minus
...Imma make it quick, high pH solution's basic

knew how to read at 3 without his pawwwwwwwww
mathematic prodigy with algebrawwwwww
reppin' university of Uppsalawwwwwwwwwwwww
he was the first to find the greenhouse lawwwwww.....

chug it down, mutilate my thirst
(Arrhenius)
so many ions, all in one burst
(Arrhenius)
my life's so dull!
(Arrhenius)
now I've tasted what it feels like to crush a human skull

...talkin' 'bout pH....deez, bachelor degrees can't step to these
lower degrees can make things freeze...aw geez
it's like a breeze when you do it with such ease
cuz you know it's all about learnin' chemistries

yo, what's the dilly? you think this is silly?
H plus changes a milli, 3 pH units really?
the Nobels say's he's a genius
cause his brain is the keenest
got my chemist in Sweden
his equation's the meanest...ha!

...Arrhenius, in solution, acids produce H plus
...Imma get specific, low pH makes it acidic
...Arrhenius, bases make OH minus
...Imma make it quick, high pH solution's basic




Cheminem- Chemist In Sweden

It was the nearing the end of winter in 2002 and I was over halfway through my first year of teaching Regents Chemistry. The year wasn't without its challenges, but I had a good rapport with my students and kept my sense of humor throughout. I remember in the Phases Unit having this rhyme stuck in my head: "Intermolecular attractions/are electrostatic interactions." Although this line wasn't totally chemically accurate, it had a nice flow to it and kept popping back in my head. At one point I thought, "I should write a rap about this," but quickly wrote the idea off as silly. As fate would have it, more science couplets kept coming to me and I knew that a chemistry rap was in order for my students. I remember thinking that even if it came out kind of cheesy, my students would still love it, or at the least, never forget that I did it...
Although I'll have you know that I got my own apartment that spring, I still lived at home at the time (what a loser!). Imagine me on the floor of my bedroom, writing rhymes on a clipboard and trying out different beats on my Sony Discman (even that was a little dated for 2002). Hey, every rapper needs an origin story. I guess mine was a nerdy 8 Mile. Probably within a day or two, I had written and practiced the rap and selected Thievery Corporation's "It Takes a Thief" as the beat. The track was a little too on the chill side to make the bombastic impact I wanted it to have, but I either didn't have the time or the know how to find rap instrumentals online (remember, Discman!).  
If you know me now, it may sound crazy that I was extremely nervous to perform the rap in front of my students.  But consider the context: I was 22, barely older than my seniors, it was my first year teaching, and, seriously, had I ever rapped PUBLICLY before? I wasn't known as "the teacher who raps," yet. Half shaking through each performance, I made it through each class with the comfort of the lyric sheet in front of me. The rap itself was solid, the performance was decent, and the beat was a little weak (and perhaps, more importantly, unknown to my students). But novelty goes a long way in the teaching world, so just being the teacher who decided to rap in class left me peerless. The response from the students was overwhelmingly positive, from the volume of their applause to their appreciative comments. I think I needed that positive feedback to help convince me that what I had decided to do wasn't completely ridiculous and that I should continue doing it. That's not to say that the performance was humorless. After all, this was a rap about CHEMISTRY, so most students had huge smile plastered across their faces the entire time.
One of the things I always enjoyed about the rap was its simple, sing-song flow. Although less sophisticated than the chem raps I would write in the future, its couplets were really easy to remember. Maybe they even lodged in student's brains without them even realizing it. Many students over the years have commented on how they got quiz and test questions correct due to specific lines they remembered from the rap! Although the lyrics haven't undergone any revisions in their 13 year history, the accompanying beat has. When I finally learned how to find and download songs off of Kazaa, I remember looking for new instrumentals for my raps. I found a lot of stuff produced by the Neptunes. The Neptunes were absolutely huge producers in the early 2000s, with hits by Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg, Nelly, Ludacris, and Clipse. It was one of their lesser known beats, Philly's Most Wanted's "Suckas" that made the cut. Its dramatic intro sounds epic and it builds up until the rolling snares and distorted synth line are unleashed during the verses. Even better, it works perfectly with the length of the rap, with the different musical passages in all of the right places. Once I started using this beat, I haven't looked back...it was MADE for this rap (the real rap used for this beat is awful)!

Cheminem- Intermolecular Attractions

Cheminem Continues...

My memory of how the "P to tha T" rap came together is pretty foggy.  I know it came after the "Intermolecular Attractions" rap and I swear it's from my first year of teaching, but the Periodic Table unit comes earlier in the curriculum sequence.  I must've felt inspired by that first rap, so maybe I kept going with this one and used it as a review.  Or maybe I divined it from the chem gods upon opening up my Reference Tables one day.  Either way, "P to tha T" was a new level of sophistication for chem rap, as the rhymes and flow were less linear than that first rap.  Although harder for my students to memorize, each of the periodic trends is found somewhere within the lyrics.  Students typically find understanding these trends difficult, so having a rap to look back at is a plus for them.  Integrated with graphic organizers and a human periodic table the class makes, this rap still serves as an excellent culmination of the lesson.

It may not bear the distinction of being my first rap, but "P to tha T" is still my most "popular" rap...the one that even students who aren't in my class have heard about.  Because it's about something that everyone has heard of, even non-chemnerds, an easy association is made. This is the rap that new students ask about, even at the beginning of the year: "Are you gonna do your periodic table rap for us?"  This is also the rap that I performed at a pep assembly one year.  It's a real crowd-pleaser and was the first to make its way to YouTube from a student video taken long before students were "allowed" to have cell phones in school.  I followed suit and made my own semi-pro video with the help of Mr. Fu (shoutout to Another SchFu Production(s)!), but never did a "studio" version of the track, until now.

More so than "Intermolecular Attractions," "P to tha T" has gone through a number of different backing tracks.  I would try to use a current hip hop instrumental each year, to make the rap more relevant to the kids.   The version using Outkast's "Rosa Parks" was a fun, spunky version and Kanye's "Stronger" was maybe a little too fast and crazy.  I've always leaned back (ha!) on the Fat Joe/Terror Squad classic "Lean Back" which seemed to be the natural home of this song.   It didn't take too many more years before I stopped trying to find fresh instrumentals and used this as my default setting.

At the senior breakfast of my first year of teaching, the Student Union presented me with a sort-of student's choice award for favorite teacher.  I was quite flattered, especially when the principal told me how impressed he was that I had received the award my first year of teaching.  But even more ingratiating than that was the gifts that were given to me by the students: a rhyming dictionary and a bandana emblazoned with the handwritten slogan "THUG FO LIFE."  My fate as the "teacher who raps" was solidified.  And, of course, you already know that I've worn the bandana for every in-class rap performance since then.

Cheminem- P To Tha T (Unstable Alkali Metal Version)

Cheminem- P To Tha T (Stable Noble Gas Version)

My long-time class mascot, Gatah Grillz, makes his rap debut!

A tribute/parody to Drake, Kanye West,  Lil Wayne, & Eminem's "Forever"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOEvBlNI-wc

Shout out to @Steve-Poland for suggesting this track! 

Cheminem- Chemistry Forever

Written and Executive Produced by Dr. Fu
Co-written and Co-produced by Schup Doggy Dogg
Performed by Dr. Fu featuring Schup Doggy Dogg
Cover Design by Joel and Ted

Dr. Fu feat. Schup Doggy Dogg- Nuthin' But a Chem Thang

1	There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
2	And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,
3	And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
4	And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
5	Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,
6	And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,
7	And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium,
8	And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.
9	There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,
10	And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium,
11	There's strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
12	And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium.
13	There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium,
14	And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium,
15	And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,
16	Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium.

1	Representin’ the table of elements
2	Make up everything, u know they ain't irrelevant
3	Pull up a chair, shout out to Tom Lehrer 
4	Count 'em- one eighteen- it's more than you can bear
5	Is it complete? then enjoy your tranquility
6	Or are there more, on the island of stability
7	Saying crazy words, IUPAC nerd
8	Rap Mendeleev, I know it sounds absurd!

17	And lead, praseodymium and platinum, plutonium,
18	Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,
19	And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium,
20	And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.
21	There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium,
22	And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,
23	And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,
24	And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium.
25	These aren't  the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard,
26	And there ARE many others and they’ve SINCE been discovered.
27	There's Dubnium, Lawrencium, Meitnerium, Moscovium,
28	And Hassium, and Bohrium, Darmstandtium, Flerovium
29	Roentgenium, Ogenesson, Rutherfordium, Seaborgium
30	Tennessine, Copernicium, Nihonium,  Livermorium
31	(Breath in) Spit so many times I can barely even breathe
32	Hope you got 'em all cuz it's time for me to leave...

1	Representin’ the table of elements
2	Make up everything, u know they ain't irrelevant
3	Pull up a chair, shout out to Tom Lehrer 
4	Count 'em- one eighteen- it's more than you can bear
5	Is it complete? then enjoy your tranquility
6	Or are there more, on the island of stability
7	Saying crazy words, IUPAC nerd
8	Rap Mendeleev, I know it sounds absurd!

The Cheminem Show

Cheminem- Da Elementz (Tom Lehrer Rewrite)

Chemical kinetics, all about reaction rate
Speed at which molecules participate
Slow or quick, quick or slow
Wonderin’...where did all the time go?
Take a ride, species must collide
The only way to get reactants to the other side
Directive, collisions have to be effective
2 ways to make that hit connective
First things first, please collide at the proper angle
Don’t wanna fly off the handle
Proper orientation
Kinda like playing billiards with determination 
Sink that ball up in the corner pocket
Want a direction at which you should knock it
Next, collide with the right speed
Proper energy is definitely what we need!

Chorus:
Do you think that you can get it?
This topic called kinetics
Molecules be frenetic
Move around energetic
Do you think that you can get it?
This topic called kinetics
Give me some credit
Don’t be so pathetic

Now increasing the temp, surface area, concentration, and pressure of reactants
increases the number of effective collisions, which, in turn, increases the reaction rate!

Chemical kinetics involve mechanisms
Like a beam of light passing through a prism
Different...pathways that they could take 
Same...products they have to make
Steps between before and after 
Fewer steps make reactions go faster
Temporary products, intermediate
Disappear quick but not immediate
A mechanism’s like an obstacle course
Get over to the end from the source, of course 
Too many steps, you’re like what comes next?
Slow reaction, route’s complex
Slowest step gonna mess up all the rest
And as you probably guessed
The rate-determining step creates the rate 
Like a bottleneck in traffic’s gonna make you late

Chorus:
Do you think that you can get it?
This topic called kinetics
Molecules be frenetic
Move around energetic
Do you think that you can get it?
This topic called kinetics
Give me some credit
Don’t be so pathetic

Now if I add a catalyst, I create an alternate pathway, that is, I change my mechanism so that effective collisions require less energy and the reaction rate increases!

Cheminem- Kinetic

Chloe G: Ay yo Schu, we’re having some trouble over here.  
Evanem: Yeah, whaddup with equilibrium, bro?”
Schu: U know you ain’t the first schudents to ask me about equilibrium, but I got a rap for that!
Chloe G: Oh word?
Evanem: You got a rap for that, dawg? Seriously??
Schu: C’mon, y’all.  This is Cheminem you’re talkin’ to...SCHU KNOW IT!
Let’s kick it off with a little bit of trivia
Single’s equilibrium plural’s equilibria
Ain’t no editorial imma stick to the facts
And by the name’s implication it’s a balancing act
You got the right idea but it ain’t all equal
Forces in physics, save it for the chem sequel
Constant motion, the type that’s dynamic
Forward and reverse reaction action, nothing static
But you won’t even notice cuz there’s no net change
Molecular level back and forth kinda outta your range
So listen closely cuz this the content
Reactant/product concentrations must remain constant
Rates of forward and reverse reactions must be equal
Rates sound familiar? Kinetic rap prequel
What’s equal? Please don’t tell me “ibrium”
I done told y’all what’s up with equilibrium
Chloe G: Aight, I think I’m pickin’ up what you layin’ down.  
Evanem: Ahhh ha!
Schu: So...what’s equal at equilibrium?
Chloe G: The amounts of reactants and products?
Evanem: Nah, dude, the rates of the forward and reverse reactions!
Schu: Whew, that was a really good save there!
Keep it going, I got mad chem abilities
Solution equilbrium...solubilities
Dissolved in water, gettin’ solvated
Add more till ya hit the max, make it saturated
Constant amounts of dissolved and precipitate
Dissolving/precipitating going at an equal rate
Another type all about the phase of matter
Talkin’ liquid close together, gases spread out and scatter
Cover the container with some water so the system’s closed
Liquid to gas, gas to liquid, processes opposed
Equal rates of condensation and vaporization
Water level’s constant...phase equilibration
Last type so we can keep it academical
That type of equilibrium we call chemical
You may recall in that first dope verse
I’m the rap game Beatle, all across the Schuniverse
Chloe G: Yo, so that’s like 3 different types, right?  
Evanem: Yee, solubility, phase, and chemical.
Schu: So...what’s constant at equilibrium?
Chloe G: The rates of the reaction?
Evanem: C’mon, man!  The amounts of the stuff!
Schu: True story, bro!
Ahhh....I just want to kick back and enjoy this equilibrium
Back and forth, forth and back
It’s like everything is in a perfect state of balance right now
I could just stay like this this forever and ever
And we’re back, please pardon the interruption
Messing up equilibrium’s a disruption
Break the state of balance also known as a stress
Could be a change in deficiency or maybe excess
Now I’m not saying equilibrium is invincible
Just get it back with LeChatelier’s Principle
Stress making the whole system a mess
You might undergo a shift to the right or the left
Adding extra species, the stress is having too much
Get rid of the extra, shift away, remove it and such
Removing species and the stress is there isn’t enough
Shift towards the species, gotta make more of that good stuff
Decrease temp, stress too cold, shiftin’ exo
Increase temp, more heat, shift endo cuz I said so
Increase the pressure shift to fewer moles of gas
Lower pressure, need to shift to greater moles in the flask
Chloe G: All this talk about stress is stressin’ me out, yo.  
Evanem: What she said.
Schu: Well, kids with LeChatelier’s Principle, shift happens.
Chloe G:So like too much move away from it?
Evanem: And too little moves towards it!
Schu: Schureka, I think you’ve got it!
Well, kids, I hoped you learned everything you needed to know.  Rates are equal at equilibrium and concentrations remain constant.  LeChatelier’s Principle helps undo stresses to equilibria.  Oh, and there is one more thing...it’s been EMOTIONAL!
All: BYE!!!

Cheminem

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