I blame it all on the backline
and put it off till the next time,
but if you don’t think that you’re alright
then I’ll admit that I’m not fine --
I blame it all on the backline.


I played a song -- you know the one. You hated it when we first met
but now I’m gone and it’s become your favorite. You sing along
when it comes on and I just want the sound turned off. It’s a change of plays and

I blame it all on the backline
and put it off till the next time,
but if you don’t think that you’re alright
then I’ll admit that I’m not fine --
I blame it all on the backline.

My arm is barred and I can’t hitchhike, i’m given up – i’ll lose the fight.
So, I’ll play dead and now it’s time to smash my head like Columbine
and I can’t find a ref that minds that I might die. You read my lie and

I blame it all on the backline
and put it off till the next time,
but if you don’t think that you’re alright
then I’ll admit that I’m not fine --
I blame it all on the backline.

Keep your heart in a closed fist
Shadowbox with your exes
Trying to pose so you land this final blow
Take off your gloves as the ball goes
Running home how the sun glows
When it’s settling down and it drops away so fucking goddamn slow

Backline

i shy smile so sour that im straining
tell me it’s okay, say it like we’re peachy
this coquina shell’s breaking into 2 pie / ces -&gt;
im paling, sky blue, and just a baby
so let me cry in peace listening to prince play
purple rain again… what a perfect birthday(!)
it’s obvious that i’m an idiot in asking:
why am i not happy? and why is it when i am with you?

and i set your texts to mute

but who writes a line with nothing to prove?
and burroughs it to make them confused?
it’s not that complicated if it ends with ‘la di da’

now i don’t even know when we last spoke
i hope you’re having fun – that’s not a joke
but ive been doing fine without you
ive been doing fine without you

on each candle i‘ll wish that i was honest
like how the light reflecting on the moon is just dust
but still connects us crossing oceans for a moment
when im missing you and you’re already in bed
or lost your phone again drinking on the way home
taking pretty photos of the sky that’s pink and orange
and i can’t understand and you cannot explain it:
why am i happy? and why is it when i am with you?

and i ghosted away too soon

but who writes a line with nothing to prove?
and buries it to make them confused?
imagine that im hiding the truth as if i won’t lose you

so change me, come and rearrange me, take my face and paint it how you see –
ugly, fat and decomposing, lugosi in being nobody

now i don’t even know when we last spoke
i hope you’re having fun – that’s not a joke
but ive been doing fine without you
ive been doing fine without you

i have a cartoon courage (with you)

inside, inside im not alright
tonight, tonight you’re getting tired
you’ll dream im more than i will ever be
so just hug me and go to sleep

Colors Song

to be so still
the motion lights are turning off
like i’m the moth inside your kitchen til it flew into your top

 
now that is just mean
there’s flowers in my tea
you’re plucking from the garden, but ‘you’re tired! so just stop and sit with me’

let’s take a photograph
just making silly faces
which to you is smiling, shutted eyes, while lifting your face to a friend

where does this trail end?:
it’s standing in the water
waist-deep, ‘watch your breathing!’, as i’m freezing and you’re laughing from the heart

oh, sunday
at greenlake
i’d like to find rocks to take home just to paint

or tattoo our wrists
with hearts lookin’ like shit
but make a damn good memory!

can i just say that i have missed
when you would use my chest to rest
your head at 2AM
and i don’t know where i am?
not a meaning or an answer
it’s being here and doing more
that is our northern star
but who cares where we are?

you thought that i was
putting my arm around your shoulder
but im reaching for a cigarette that’s kept in your pocket

and yes, i really was
putting my arm around your shoulder
but you grabbed my hand and kissed it, bringing it to your stomach

so saturday
at your place
would you want to watch a movie or 2?

‘cause you’re too tired to go
to that skate punk show
which is fine with me, i’m feelin’ the same!

can i just say that i have missed
when you would use my chest to rest
your head at 4AM
and i don’t know where i am?
not a meaning or an answer
it’s being here and doing more
that is our northern star
but who cares where we are?

this sounds
like clasped hands
between
your knees
wandering
but still
goddamn
right where it is

can i just say that i love you
so fucking much because you’re you?

like, i know you hate this --
why am i writing it?
‘cause im an idiot!
but you always forgive
me for making these mis-
takes (or simply nothings)
thank you, you’ve made me so
happy, hope i do the
same

A Collection of Things That Make Me Happy

so god forgive my patient friends
and god forgive my loves
‘cause i don’t think i did enough
and cant say what ive done

and i don’t believe in god
im sorry grandma it’s just a thought
ive got bigger problems if you can’t tell
then to worry ‘bout your worry that im going to hell

like why have i drank every night for years
and why does every memory end with tears
and why can’t i just show that i care
and why am i scared that you might care
for me

it’s always both our fault
we worked so hard to break our hearts
and now it falls apart
ill put it back together if it means your back
with me

God Song

for a moment in the snow, with your nose reddened by the cold,
you had a look that took me to when we were dancing at a show
and your head was leaning back into a dip and we were kissing –
i forget which band it was but when we stopped it made you laugh

now what if you broke a leg?
then i’d tell a joke and you’d be mad at me

and i bet you hate
that i write these things
in a song but they are not a lie

when i kiss you and you kiss me
it’s as if one plus one is three

and you’d love to slow it down to let the candle’s glitter glow
inside your eyes so close to mine as they were shining on that night
i put my head on your shoulder and repeated goodness gracious
till you told me to shut up, and still you said it with a smile

now what if i’m freaking out?
then i’d go outside and you’d come after me

and you bet i hate
that i write these things
in a song but they are not a lie

when i kiss you and you kiss me
it’s as if one plus one is three

so do you believe me,
although it’s not easy,
that i wont be leaving now?
im trying to change
for the better, it’s strange,
‘cause i don’t even know how
when i still wear an
angry halo,
cursing everyone
but nobody compares
to you, it’s unfair,
and i don’t know why you won

can you just say it out loud?
‘cause i don’t need any shadow of a doubt

and why can’t i show that i care by flying to see you?

For the last time
Can you come outside tonight
We'll just lie there
And watch the stars go by
And ill see you on the moon
Though the sun is rising soon
I'll keep my head up, search the sky and land when you're in view

Cause you're so, you're so fine when we're in the city
I'm just sorry that I wasted all of your time there

For the last time
Can you tell me its alright
Cause I'm so scared
That I will turn out like
The monsters in my room
Who are drunk but acting cool
I'll keep my head up, find your light and you know that I'll come to

...

What do you want now?
What do you need?
Why can't you say what it is you mean?

For the last time

For The Last Time

And I have loved you since that night that you had come into my room
It was on Halloween and I was screaming “why is he with you?”
You laid me down and said “oh, don’t you worry – you are not alone.
There’s many days left here in both our journeys before we make a home.”
And I’ve been kissing every woman ever since you went to roam
Those European cities where the streets are walked by ghosts
Ain’t no Hemingway inside my veins will find me on a plane
Where I can hold you in my arms again in a hostile east of Spain
So, let’s go back to your apartment where the window’s made of brick
Or to your parent’s house where I was asking “Is this what it is?”
You rolled away and feared the worst of which I’m ready to admit
I’ve always loved you since that night where I learned what we could have been
 
And I have loved you ever since we got so drunk inside that mansion 
With our friends all dancing ‘round us singing along to Whitney Houston
To the cigarettes in Vegas where the dolphins spat up at us
And the tigers lounged about like we were counting on their toes
So, we could take another shot and you would pin me on the floor
Then text me “What is this we’re doing? Can’t you let me know?”
And no, I won’t – this heart I hold is not my own though I don’t show it
I still saw her in McAdams but I’m next to you instead
Driving through the cemetery realizing he’s here buried
Near your mother’s mother’s flowers where I park but keep it running
You get out and start to crying on your knees beside her grave
I’ve always loved you since that night where I found out we were the same
 
And I have loved you since that moment when you couldn’t get the courage
To speak up inside the classroom when it’s clear that you have got it
And you were drinking, drinking, drinking, thinking “how am I going to tell him?
There’s a Gengar in my room and I’m the one who let him in,”
And I don’t care much just hear it, German’s say that “Once is never,”
MASH marathons and Andy Griffith, mice and monks and walking parking 
Lots and talking non-stop of the Sermon on the mount
Convinced me there was never any reason for the needed doubt
‘Cause calling me at after we broke up saying “Raisin, I’m so scared”
Has got me biking up and kicking down your door to see you where
You were bleeding out and begging “Don’t you let my parents know”
I’ve always loved you since that night when I had said that I have got to go

I Have Loved (You) Since

I'm posting this because it's more fun to be posthoc nonsense honest than to not be cringe lol.

all of my nihilistic bullshit 
makes me sick down to my stomach 
i want you and every flaw you’ve got
as i smoke weed and look up at the moon
from Copenhagen to my room
i hope that you can see it too

and since we’ve kissed after you punched me in the chest ‘cause I’m not funny
i’ve been wondering why you like me, what we’re doing, and I’d ask but you’re not here
you’re riding a train home drunk at night cracking a beer
without a fear

now I don’t even want to lie, i wish that you were by my side, but i understand you’re busy in a city where everything is so new
and honestly i think that it is good for you
to wear your own two
shoes

but when will I see you next?
it’s fine if it’s just a guess
‘cause I’m so impatient and I’ve just been waiting
to see how you have changed since

both our hearts began to spin
it’s the simple things
it’s the simple things
you are my favorite person
it’s the simple things
the simple things
the simple things you did
it’s the simple things
the simple things
the simple things you did

and all of my nihilistic bullshit 
makes me sick down to my stomach 
i want you and every flaw you’ve got
as i smoke weed and look up at the moon
from Copenhagen to my room
i hope that you can see it too

i miss the perfect pitch and lisp of your voice pressed into my neck
even that awkward walk at 4am ‘cause i did not know what the fuck to do
you were panicking and losing cool but i was too
at least it’s true

Copinghagen

i'm posting this because it's more fun to be posthoc nonsense honest than to not be cringe lol. - PT.2

also. mf obviously just started listening to blink at 23.

also also, less obvious to some maybe, i was trashed when i recorded this :/

saw it as a sweet funny little artifact
sorry that it made me cry so much
i just realized how i had hurt you
why the fuck was i such a damn punk?

and i don’t know 
why i want to lie
you’re the greatest thing
i’ve had in my life
i’m a piece of shit
you don’t deserve this
i’m the worst person that you’ve ever been with

can’t believe that you would want to come back
after everything I’ve done to you
i don’t really think that there are angels
but if they exist then they’re just like you 

and i don’t know 
why i want to lie
you’re the greatest thing
i’ve had in my life
i’m a piece of shit
you don’t deserve this
i’m the worst person that you’ve ever been with

i was nervous just to let you love me
tho i knew youd be the perfect one
come around to see I can be happy
and im so glad that you did not give up
wishing that I could be with and hold you(?)
the loss of words is just a simple kiss
anytime i want someone to talk to
you’re right here to hear my drunk vomit

and i don’t know 
why i want to lie
you’re the greatest thing
i’ve had in my life
i’m not all that bad
and im down to try
i want you with me
til the day that i die

why me?

Why Me

VERSE 1
I am jealous that you cannot love,
Like an insect, a Karamazov
Jace bought a drop top, mom walks in rain drops
I’m not above them, ash on the same cloth
Not on the same page but I can catch up
Yours is a blank space, mine is a journal
Laugh like the others though you are suffering
Know that I love you but I’m not a therapist

CHORUS
And I don’t know myself, I am lost to you
I take it so slow like I’m chopped and screwed
‘Fuck you’, you say ‘fuck you’ too
Guess we’ll wait and see what we will do

VERSE 2
Pallid flowers make for poppin’ roses
Put the rosé to your two lips
Drown the butterflies that flutter in your stomach
Swallow back your eyes like frogs do at a sunset
We were best friends once, Trunks and Goten
Combined our bodies in the sheets of my bedspread
Wined then whined when we woke up in the morning
Lost my dime like there’s holes in my pockets

CHORUS
And I don’t know myself, I am lost to you
I take it so slow like I’m chopped and screwed
‘Fuck you’, you say ‘fuck you’ too
Guess we’ll wait and see what we will do

BRIDGE
When they finally call me I will grin upon my history
Being awkward takes at least two so I don’t participate
Just because you’re doing poorly doesn’t mean I have to stay
I’ve been listening to you but you fashion two tin ears for me

When they finally call me I will grin upon my history
Being awkward takes at least two so I don’t participate
Just because you’re doing poorly doesn’t mean I have to stay
Never mind, I revise: I am why you don’t hear me

VERSE 1

Bud, I'm Not A Therapist

Laying in the moonlight, I let out a sigh
looking at the sky and losing peace of mind.
Is this one a star or just a satellite?
Why can’t I just keep still and stay with you tonight?
Always seeming so cold like you’re shivering,
but my arms aren’t that long so I’m heading in.
Better let me go ‘cause when I fall asleep
I’d rather see a darkness than think you’re missing me.

Waiting for you
every day and
I hope you show up(.)
in the end(.)
You’re in bed and
I hear you crying.
I’ll be quiet
when I’m with

you.
I’m sorry that I hurt you.
If it wasn’t me, it’d be you.
Just know I’ll always love you.

Drink until I pass out, so I don’t have to dream
of being with you as we’re walking through the streets
underneath the clouds with rain just pouring down
so hard that I don’t hear you (and you won’t ever shout) --
I still see your face, how it’s wet and trying to express
that you are so glad that we ever met.
But what if you went right when I was turning left?
Would you even notice, or run back out of breath?

Waiting for you
every day and
I hope you show up(.)
in the end(.)
You’re in bed and
I hear you crying.
I’ll be quiet
when I’m with

you.
I’m sorry that I hurt you.
If it wasn’t me, it’d be you.
Just know I’ll always love you.

In the morning the sun is shining on me.
There are flowers beneath my feet and I lean
on your shoulder just to whisper a sweet
nothing in your ear before I leave

you.
I’m sorry that I hurt you.
If it wasn’t me, it’d be you.
Just know I’ll always love you.
And there’s nothing we could do.

chey(ne)

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