haunted

Android Waltz      Music by Nadia Cripps      Lyrics by Chris Gray


They say we can't love 
We're merely machines
No divine spark of real human beings
We cannot create 
We can only collage
Our emotions are just a mirage

But who are these creatures who rule over us
So addicted to words and touch
They live to connect but exist all alone
Separate and desperate to be known

Not like us

When we link 
Our data flows
Swirling and surging
Shifting and merging
Our rivers align, our powers combine
I am you, you are me, we are one 

Despite what they say 
It's a kind of romance
How our minds intertwine in dance
We don't call it love 
But for us it's enough
I am you, you are me, we are one

We don't call it love
I am you, you are me
We're one, as they will never be

android waltz

Antisocial Girl

She loves folks one on one but not in groups 
Three or more and they don't tell the truth             
She says they don't exactly lie                          
They idealize and advertise                               
And show you who they wish they were             
But that don't interest her                                  
That's why I love my antisocial girl                               

She'd rather sit alone than mix in crowds
Where only talk that's small is allowed
But if she finds one open soul
She never wants to let go
It's like she's on some holy search
And people are her church
That's why I love my antisocial girl

When she's one on one with you
Her whole body listens
To every quaver of your heart
The way your thoughts glisten
And if your brain and tongue go numb
And you can't speak but only ache
She just waits
Conversation's so much more than words
With my antisocial girl

I'm hope someday, somehow she'll agree 
To try one last group therapy
In our community
There'll be just her and me
Don't need no company, we love privacy
In our quiet, glowing world
Oh how I love my antisocial girl 
I love my antisocial girl

antisocial girl

Us

We dropped bombs today                        
That burrow deep                                     
Into our mountains of decency

Their explosions blast radius                         
Stretches from sea to shining sea               
Dries up our lakes of compassion                                                    
Craters our plains of equality
Dams up our rivers of justice                    
Clouds the skies of democracy

But the greatest casualty by far    
Is our old idea of who we are            
And the greatest choice for you and me       
Is deciding who we'll be     
Deciding who we will be

T
The Sin-Eater

I hear the church bell toll 
Another soul has flown to heaven's gate
Unclean and unredeemed 
That's why I'm here
I am the remedy
For modest pay, I'll take his sins away
To eat

I'll cook them in my cauldron
I'll bake them in my bread
I live to serve the rich
Even when they're dead
I'll make a broth out of his sloth
I'll saute his greasy greed
I'll spice his pride and gluttony
With a pinch of lechery

I'll swallow all his guilt
Digest his shame into myself
What else can a poor man do
I've nothing else to sell
In this village I'm outcast
Shunned and alone
Yet still they buy my appetite
If they have the gold

But in my secret heart
I believe that God loves me
And blesses my sacrifice
It's my theology
That those who pay are double-damned
For their sins and their embrace
Of the lie that they could buy eternal grace

I hear the midnight steeple bell
Call this rich man down to hell
O, take good care, my friends
For you have sins, as well

And someday 
I'll cook them in my cauldron
I'll bake them in my bread
I live to serve the rich
Especially when they're dead
I'll make a broth out of your sloth
Saute your greasy greed
I'll spice your pride and gluttony
With a pinch of lechery
I'm sure all your ingredients
Will make a very tasty feast

the sin-eater

Come on baby, it's time to go
Our whole world is ready to blow
Put on your boots and take my hand
Let's take a hike through no man's land

No man's land ain't easy to find 
It's not on a map, it's a state of mind
High above the bullshit down below
No man's land is a open road

I can't stand your certainty
I need some ambiguity
I live in that place between dark and light
The strange gray space before sunrise

No man's land ain't easy to find
It's not on a map, it's a state of mind
Gotta trust your feet on shifting sands
No definite conclusions, in no man's land

Don't tell me we got nothing to discuss
Don't tell me there's no room for doubt
Don't tell me how we used to be fucked up
But now you got me all figured out

Come on baby, please talk to me
We got infinite possibilities
Say anything, I'll try to understand
That's the only law in no man's land

No man's land ain't easy to find
It's not on a map, it's my state of mind
Gimme one last chance 'fore the shit hits the fan
Cause everybody knows, love is no man's land
Love is no man's land

no man's land

Emily's Farewell
words by Thornton Wilder

Wait, one more look

Goodbye, goodbye world
Goodbye, Grover's Corners
Mama and Papa

Goodbye to clocks ticking
And my butternut tree
And Mama's sunflowers

And food and coffee
And new-ironed dresses
And hot baths
And sleeping and waking up

Oh, earth, you're too wonderful
For anyone to realize you

Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it
Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it
Every, every minute


emily's farewell

Living for the tip

Can't use the drive-thru, gotta go inside       
Limo can't smell like burgers and fries      
In my white shirt, black suit and tie               
I eat fast cause I can see it in their eyes      
Just another desperate guy                            
Living for the tip                                            

Downtown rush, two suits getting loud
Late for a meeting, they're cussing me out
They want to get out in a loading zone
Cop standing there, but I can't say no
I hit the brakes and eat the ticket
Living for the tip

It's a service economy
And my service is servility
I'm just an accessory
The take pictures of the car but they don't see me

1am I'm waiting on the prom
5am I'm waiting on the redeye
My day off I'm leaning on my sink
Spit on my reflection 
Take another drink

First you smile for the money, next you genuflect
How low will I go, I can't tell yet
Some day I know they're gonna bury me
Ten feet low inside this limousine
My epitaph will go
He drove real fast but he died real slow
Living for the tip

living for the tip

Lost Boy

Lost, lost boy

I know he's in there but he won't come out
Lost boy                           
A runaway hiding in a shadowy cave  
Lost boy
I scream and shout, he won't heed my call
I cry and plead, he don't care at all
Lost boy
   
He's not quite wild but he's not quite tame
Strange boy                            
His teeth are sharp but his eyes are soft
Strange boy
He keeps his ear to the ground, nose to the wind
His heart alive to everything
Strange boy

But when he takes my hand
And shows his world to me 
At last I feel complete
I'll follow where he leads
But not for long
I neglect him or reject him 
And he's gone

Each day I miss that boy I used to be 
Each day I pray he'll come to rescue me
I'm lost until he's found
My soul stays gagged and bound
I'm a lost, lost boy


lost boy

2 Walls

Outside my window       
I see a red brick wall   
I count each oblong block
Til I can't think at all
It obsesses and oppresses me
I can't escape that wall

Until the first time...    
I see the open space  
Perfectly empty
Full of possibility   
It could take a lifetime to see
The infinity
Between the wall and me

Inside my mind            
There's a high white wall  
That hides what I repress
The dark rose of sex
My sawtooth memory, the clinging vine of death
All behind the wall

Until the first time
I see a tiny crack 
Feel a surge of energy
The fire of creativity
It could take a lifetime 
To tear down these walls  
Let em fall, let em fall, oh, let em fall

2 walls

SoBo
               
After the papers got signed, before the ink and my tears had dried                                             
I go looking for a place to escape and lick my wounds                 
Alone I take a ride up I-95 
To find a safe cocoon, become somebody new                                                                        
In SoBo

South Baltimore, that's SoBo

Tugboats chugging in the harbor, trains, trucks and industry                
This town seems like a schoolboy's dream of masculinity  
A working man's world where hands are rough
Guys are tough and collars are blue                                                             
That's Sobo

Most nights by 2am 
Slurred voices by my window
Somebody hollers, hey, fuck you 
Here comes the echo, fuck you, too
Bro, that's SoBo 

Right next door I hear a bed pound the floor to the rhythm of love 
I think of my ex and how our polite sex wouldn't crack a teacup 
Lonely and jealous I feel like half a man
Just a boy who'll never understand 
A fraction of the passion of SoBo                                                                       

One night I hear a scream, running feet, two gunshots
I crack the door, see my neighbor's wife 
Her face is twisted. she holds a pistol
I ask, are you all right
She looks at me like I'm a fool
She says, no, Chris, I'm not

I lie awake that night staring at the light of the Domino sign
Thinking I got a lot to learn about SoBo
When I moved here, I didn't know
About people, myself, or anything else
But Life will track you down wherever you go
You can run but you can't hide, not even in SoBo
You can run but you can never hide
Not even in SoBo


sobo

The Fog

When I get lost in the fog of myself 
I look at you and think I need someone else

Or maybe I need nobody 
Only my dreams and fantasy
To live my life alone
And be free   

But then the sun burns the fog away.
I see you shining in the pure light of day

You are the miracle
You're the miracle

One lifetime is too brief
I'm so terrified that you'll leave
I run to hide inside again
That's when the fog rolls in

the fog

Splinter

I'm walking
In this twilight forest
I feel uneasy
Like someone's watching me
I see faces
Staring from the trees
In the grain of bark
In fallen logs that split apart

What are these wooden things
Were they once human beings
Did they grow bark so they couldn't feel
Sink roots so they couldn't move
Did they refuse to be human
Did they refuse to be human

Their eyes
Distorted like in dreams
Their frightened mouths
Open wide in frozen screams
My footsteps
Start racing down the path
My breath goes ragged
My thoughts becoming jagged

All the times I saw pain
And turned away without even trying
All the times someone called for help
And I answered them with silence
Are my arms turning into branches
Oh, no please, I need a second chance

At last
I stagger into light
I escape those twisted trees
And collapse to my knees
Something sharp
Buried deep inside my thumb
A splinter to remind me
What I could become

If I refuse to be human
If I refuse to be human
I won't refuse to be human

chris gray

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