I need toilet paper, or I'm gonna shit my pants
Rolling doobies, doing the poo-poo dance
Too much Whataburger, no paper towels in sight
Gotta call my lady, for an afternoon blumpkin delight

Leonidas, you excite us, but not as much as your Pa
Leonidas, if you'd invite us, we'd gladly join your menage a trois

Feed my need for sugar, cocaine, and Maiden jams
But I can't get my cigs from CVS, that's really fucked up, man
Sleeping with the lights on, each day until you depart
Leonidas when you leave us, you'll surely break our chicken hearts

Leonidas, you excite us, but not as much as your Pa
Leonidas, if you'd invite us, we'd gladly join your menage a trois

#2 Leo

Cigarettes and alcohol
Population control
The rumors are true, they say
Aliens will have their way

Watch out
They're near
Smoke Cigs
Drink beer

They are here to herd the sheep
Abducting us in our sleep
Taking us to outer space
Feeding us to their own race

Look out
They're here
Smoke cigs
Drink beer

Run away from certain death
Before you breathe your last breath
Aliens are here to stay
They will get you, there's no other way

Alien Death Sentence

We were two-stepping at the Devil's Backbone
Come and take it, you said to me
Your husband fights for freedom but you feel so allow
He shot his penis off overseas
We kept it strictly Christian and we fucked in the mish
I came, you faked it, we both had fun
I looked down at my lambskin it was wet as a fish
My dick leaked inside your sticky bun

Abort, Abort, Abort, Abort
Abort, Plan B, Abort, Plan B
Abort that zygote immediately

I saw you at the gun show you were filling your rack
Come and take it, I said to you
You pistol-whipped my boner and depleted my sack
I think your name was Bobby Lee Sue
We kept it real conservative and fingered our butts
I came, you came too, we did the deed
But now all of my semen is all up in your gut
And fertilizing your seed, smoke weed

Abort, Abort, Abort, Abort
Abort, Plan B, Abort, Plan B
Coat hang that fetus immediately

Abort, Abort, Abort, Abort
Abort, Plan B, Abort, Plan B
Abort, Abort, Abort, Abort
Abort, Plan B, Abort, Plan B
My mother should have aborted me

Cum And Take It

People like you who are mean to people like me are fucking assholes.
People like me who are nice are only nice because we hate assholes.
So if you think that it’s okay to go around being an asshole,
Then go ahead and do what you do.

But I’m not defenseless.
There are consequences.
I said I’m not defenseless.
There are consequences.

I got violence in my blood.  I got violence in my bones,
And I’ll fucking beat you down til you’re lying in the stones.
I’ll crack your fucking skull and I’ll rip open your chest.
I’ll fuck you in the heart and I’ll shit on the rest.


Even Keel

Where the hell is my,
Disability check?
How the fuck am I,
Supposed to buy cigarettes?
Oh well, I guess I’ll eat more pills,
Shits getting real,
Down here in Frumpsville!!

CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
PILLS!,
PILLS!,
PILLS!,
PILLS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
YOUR TAX DOLLARS,
PAY MY BILLS!!!!

I buy my DVDs,
 from the HEB bargain bin,
Then bring my prescription,
Over to the pharmacist,
They lowered my dosage?
WHAT FRESH HELL! (group vocals)
Shits gettin real down here in Frumpsville!!

CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
PILLS!,
PILLS!,
PILLS!,
PILLS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
CATS!,
YOUR TAX DOLLARS,
PAY MY BILLS!!!!


SWEATPANTS!
MORPHINE!
TV!
PHONE CALLS!
WIND CHIMES!
COEDINE!
NETFLIX!

Frumpsville

Milk! Not Bees!
Hooves! Not Wings!
Spots! Not Stripes!
CHOOSE YOUR SIDE!!!

Cause I don’t want some insect!
Buzzing round my head!
I just want some milk and,
a cup to put it in,
Because milk is delicious!
While bees tend to swarm,
Milk has calcium,
GO ASK YOUR FUCKING MOM!

Milk! Not Bees!
Hooves! Not Wings!
Spots! Not Stripes!
CHOOSE YOUR (FUCKING) SIDE!!!

Scientist will tell you,
Bees pollinate our crops!
Well, I’m Here to tell you!
That Scientists are jerks!
I’m sick and tired of my allergies,
and I”ve grown weary of humanity,

And I Just Want To!
I just want to! (group vocals)
Breathe through my nose!
Breathe through my nose! (group vocals)
And I just need to!
I just need to! (group vocals)
Eradicate my foes!
ERADICATE MY FOES!!!

Milk! Not Bees!
Hooves! Not Wings!
Spots! Not Stripes!
CHOOSE YOUR SIDE!!!

People are like bovines,
They graze away their days,
So i have no choice but,
to turn you into paste!
People are like bovines,
They graze away their days,
So i have no choice but,
to turn you into PASTE!!!


Milk Not Bees

Oi! Oi! Oi!
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Oi! Oi! Oi!

My name is KFC. I got HIV and it burns every time when I take a pee.
You wanna step to me? Bitch get ready for the STD of the Century.
The syphilis gives this dick no rest. Please work these herpes infested testes.
Lemme give you a beef injection. Nevermind the bleeding infection.
It's just a pus-filled scabie. If I say please will you just chill, baby?
It's okay. Lay down. Let a player play. Maybe you won't hate pissin straight razor blades.
The AIDS ain't as bad as the gonorrhea. Give up the ass while I got you here.
You got your beer. Drink it and drop your fears. Besides, I got my disease from a lot of your peers.

STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!

It was easy for them. They ain't as sleazy as you. Don't get a sudden case of heebie jeebies, boo.
You wanna do me. That was spoken truly. Who be the man who can expand your booty?
I'm fixin to stick a dick in you. The rash don't last but a minute or two.
Forget the bumps on my bum cause I still function. When I have an orgasm, chunks of cum
Lubricated by pus run through your guts. Baby, won't you grab these crabby nuts?
See, the lice don't bite. No need to fight. I can give you white mites all through the night
Crawlin all in your wrinkles. If the pussy was ice cream, the crabs are the sprinkles.
If I make it bleed when you tinkle, think of this as a gift from Kris Kringle.

STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!

The walls are smaller when the muff is puffy. It's better than wet when the pussy is pus-y.
So don't get all pissy and fussy, bitchy and huffy, hussy, just fuck me.
Trust me. No emcee's nuts be as crusty as my nuts be so just be relaxed, ho.
We don't need no condom. You got tumors on your titties and I want to cum on them.
So come on then and paw them crusty nuts that just be ready to erupt.
An explosion of pus, blood, and cum might be the right stuff to scrub the scum
Out from in between your labia that be feelin like the sands of Arabia,
You fuckin slut. We may as well go to bed. You got yeast like a motherfuckin loaf of bread.

STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!
STD of the Century
Oi! Oi! Oi!

No head could ever be as good as yours, the way you suck my dick with open sores.
It makes my pores open up and I start to sweat down my back. It gets my asscrack wet.
You could slide your tongue in between my bumcheeks bitch, and it would make my knees weak
If you would lick my anal warts. So long as ain't no hemorrhoidal pain of course. I got
All sorts of venereal shit that you can't even get cause it's not even out yet.
It's a disease from the year 2073. They're gonna have to name the shit after me,
Naturally. But don't laugh at me. If you think it's nasty, that's how it has to be.
So all the stank bitches in the house just stick this dick in your mouth plus
bend over. I'll stick it into ya as long as your ass don't got chlamydia.
And any dudes who be like me, you ain't gotta get checked for an STD. Naw.
Don't bother goin’ to the doctor. Just rape a passed out bitch. She won't stop ya.

STD of the Century
Oi!

STD Of The Century

Whats with the crown?
Who anointed my feet?
Why are you worshipping?
Why are you worshipping me?
What fate have you lead me to?
Were nails really necessary?
I’m a little unsettled,
WHERE IS MY DAD?!!


Transient Global Amnesia

Every time they come up to the window:
“It’s just one type of bread”
Not that you’re supposed to know,
But it’s just one type of bread.
It may sound a bit absurd,
But I wish I was dead.
How many times have I heard,
“It’s just one type of bread”?

But that’s not all, there’s so much more
About these fucks that I abhor
Bustin’ ass, but not makin’ tips
“Excuse me, sir, those are just display chips”
Downright dicks and stuck-up bitches,
Deal with them before you do Dane’s dishes
Then close his bus, ‘cause he’s “gotta run”
I hear time flies when you’re having fun
But not for me, I’ll stay here all night
No one ever comes, but, who knows, right?
They might come at five ‘til close
When everything’s wrapped and you’re ready to go
And then it’s a Field Trip that they want,
“No, those are ones, it’s just the font.
Excuse me sir, this card’s not valid.
What’s that? Change it to a Sunrise salad?”

“Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:
‘I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!’ It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose!”

And it could be worse, I know, it’s true
And it wouldn’t be so bad if there were something to do
But I can’t slice tomatoes, ‘cause the blades’re too dull
I can’t do the dishes, ‘cause the gray water’s full
Can’t makes change, ‘cause we’re out of fives
Can’t unwrap beef, ‘cause it’s been wrapped eight times.
You swear some day you’ll kick these Short Bus shoes,
But until that day, I’m afraid, you lose.

Chuck Bucket

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