I'm only young and I'm restless
I sat in the park and gazed and the reddest lights
Tower before me
Red as the pain that settles in my heart

I'm only young and I'm restless
I sat in your arms and gazed at the reddest lights
Dwindle before me
Red as the charms that were hanging from your neck

I don't wanna die just yet
Not with everything that I need to see
I'll always love you
But there's more to life than me

I don't wanna go just yet
Not with everything that I'll leave behind
I'll always love you
But If I stay, surely I'll go blind

I'm only young and I'm restless
I sat in the park and gazed at the reddest lights
Settle before me
Red as the thoughts that crossed my mind

I don't wanna die just yet
Not with everything that I need to see
I'll always love you
But there's more to life than me

I don't wanna go just yet
Not with everything that I'll leave behind
I'll always love you
But If I stay, surely I'll go blind

Bandcamp

The Reddest Lights

Sprawling like ivy to reach for your arms
Unhindered words in the fog of the giants feet
Float me like corpses
Out past the waters edge
And into the woods
Where I'll last be seen

Rocks that I take roots to humble this home
I like the rain but it's raining too much
Why ain't I perfect
Will this feeling end
Or is sadness
A life long belief

I've wasted good lies of lately
No more excuses to recuse myself
I'm growing taller but my hearts getting smaller
And the pain of a long life degrades
The beauty I once found
In this valley of youth



Northern Moss (Draft)

I'm only young and I'm restless
I sat in the park and gazed and the reddest lights
Tower before me
Red as the pain that settles in my heart

I'm only young and I'm restless
I sat in your arms and gazed at the reddest lights
Dwindle before me
Red as the charms that were hanging from your neck

I don't wanna die just yet
Not with everything that I need to see
I'll always love you
But there's more to life than me

I don't wanna go just yet
Not with everything that I'll leave behind
I'll always love you
But If I stay, surely I'll go blind

I'm only young and I'm restless
I sat in the park and gazed at the reddest lights
Settle before me
Red as the thoughts that crossed my mind

I don't wanna die just yet
Not with everything that I need to see
I'll always love you
But there's more to life than me

I don't wanna go just yet
Not with everything that I'll leave behind
I'll always love you
But If I stay, surely I'll go blind

Borderline on the highway drive thru sign
Somewhere out in the woods you gaze as the car goes by
Driftwood in a rip current moves toward tidal lines
Vultures in a death roll as the dry rot multiplies

But take me out to the painted hills
White snow where the crocuses bloom and die, bloom and die, bloom and die
Couldn't loan my heart for long enough this life
I tried so hard to tell you all the things I like

Borderline of the leaves in remaining light
Broken like ashen logs in a grave of wildfire
Split cork and drought on the lips from my inner child
Death has come for me outside the killing hour

The dandelions in the hills
Reminiscent of the crocuses but
Don't think too much, don't think too long, please don't think at all
Couldn't loan my heart for long enough this life
I tried so hard to tell you all the things I like.

Borderline of your ghost in the headlight eyes
Sacrifice my blood and bone to the lord of damselflies

Borderline

I want this one in books
Before the seasons change and I lose
I kissed your lips and parts
That make you, heaven thank you

I just got back from flying 12,000 miles
I think I was drunk the entire time

I've seen the desert rain
And the ocean dry
I taste the wind
And hear the stories they left behind

They left behind

She wants this boy in chains
And by boy, strictly speaking me
I fought facades untorn
Now ripped and left wide open

I just got back from another woman
I think I was drunk every moment

I've seen the desert rain
And the ocean dry
I taste the wind
And hear the stories they left behind

They left behind, for you

Vagabond

The deer stare through my window screen
As the woods behind evade me and the shadows complete

The call of pigeons bleed
Like a festering wound
The hogs move in to feed
Before the heart begins to bloom
It's warm
As it was in my mother's womb
But it hurts
No one can love me like you do

Through the lens of life
All I perceive is peace
The arms I used to hold
Withdraw their embrace from me

And it's pointless
When the words have no meaning
All you didn't say
Are the thoughts I keep repeating
It's old
Something is always amiss
I know I'm broken
But I wanted so much more than this

And I
Ripped out my spine over you
The petals of incomplete roses
Acted as love me nots in these terrible moments





Sciography (Draft)

Please Don't Forget Me (2025)

Paper Man of the Moon

Oh heaven help me, where is the woe
Why are they leaving, where will they go
All my friends are losing to suicide and drugs
Oh and they're sleeping so comatose in blood
Committing treason to God
And death is walking with me

My angels praying "please save his soul"
"Oh let him know what it's like to grow old"
Oh and mother don't shed a tear
A different coast yeah but I'm always right here
The winter season is cold
And death is walking with me

Oh and the heaving of a tortured boat
So misleading as the quickest way home
Promised fortune but the earliest grave
Their bleeding hearts hanging like drapes
The curtains closing the stage
And death is walking with me
And death is walking with me
And death is walking with me
Death is walking with me

Death is Walking With Me

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Born of secrets and floorboard creaks
Under ash that formed to expire
Twisted kneecaps a running relapse 
At swamps where a frog croaks of liars
Gnarled limbs of dead trees
Longing to embrace me
And comfort swims in stagnance of sin
As he pulls my shirt up higher

No trespassing signs line the forest side
Of rock walls built to procure
My wet shoes fill the ceramic grooves
As his aggression I must endure
The promise of some trading cards
The buds of his repugnant tongue
The craving of some attention
But it's not what I want

Oh I miss my home
Cut my wrists over every poem
Waiting to hear I'm sorry
The kingdom implored my departing

Returning faces and flakes of silent snow
Replaced speeches in passing
Hydrangeas blue from sulfur
A photo to remember for masses
Their souls inside wooden tombs
Necessity and lethargic
If I'd witnessed this iconoclastic image before
Well maybe I'd forgotten

Oh I miss my home
Cut my wrists over every poem
Waiting to hear I'm sorry
The kingdom implored my departing

My Departing

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Muddy coals and it's just turned July
The air smells of firebombs and whiskey lullabies and I've been
Driving f'n miles just to get here
So I wouldn't feel alone, but I'd rather be alone

No one will miss me
No one will notice
No one will say anything I haven't learned
Well screw the car, screw the money, screw the job
For what it's worth
I'm never coming back

Twenty five shots and seven pills popped
My lips keep twitching and I feel as if they're numb
Oh well I'm trying to find my lady
Somewhere in Nevada
So I wouldn't feel alone but I'd rather be alone

She tried to kiss me yeah
She tried to go there
She tried to do things I said I'd never done
I let her in, I let her out, I wanted love
And for what it's worth
I think I'm coming back

My lungs feel as if they're filled with cement
Shadowbox cinder blocks and break my hands
Well I don't have the faintest clue
But I need to be alone with someone I never knew

The stench of wet leaves and August rolling in
Well I need to find a place I can settle down

July

I always, sat by your grave as you slept
The streetlight in the snowy dark embrace I wept
When you died, I longed to hold you again
But I'm, no I'm not scared anymore

When I cried, I should have known in the end
This is the only place we'll ever see together again

Your crooked lungs they don't breathe anymore
Peonies were you favorite flower
When you died I longed to hold you
But I'm, no I'm not scared anymore

When I cried, I should have known in the end
This is the only place we'll ever see again
This is the only place we'll ever see together again

But I always, sat by your grave as you slept
The streetlight in the snowy dark embrace I wept
I wept...

Crooked Lungs

Is there no one around who can see that I miss her
The fire brushes the dark with a dance and this girl is looking to kiss
They all push me to do it, I can't fathom where to start
Always wondered if my mother foresaw that I'd break my little heart

I won't know when to escape the emotions that pull me through
Not easy trying to forget when everyone is in love
I seem to be the only soul who lingers desperately
Father I need your approval, was I really the only black sheep

I moved in all alone
But I could escape my ghost
Her lips taste so stale
I know she'll never repair me

Black Sheep

The wind is cold and it's raining outside 
I'm feeling lonely but yet I'm alive it's old 
Stagnant and stale it's old

The mawkish man is selling frozen berries 
A tombly stand where hundreds buried their love 
Frore to the touch like iron and ire and bullet and blood

I blow up inside of you like a bubblegum hotel 
The legacy of Socrates taught me all to well 
Too never hold better to whether or not I'm out in the goons 
Sold like the rain seeping out from your shoes

Porous holes whistle out from hell 
A bigot of God called it over and down down drowned 
In chorus with violence and glue stuck to your noose

Quick writing with a feather and ink 
Life is better when it's fake and oh so frail 
A potpourri of whether buffet'd to the gluttons who read all these lies

I blow up inside of you like a bubblegum hotel 
The legacy of Socrates taught me all to well 
Too never hold better to whether or not I'm out in the goons 
Sold like the rain seeping out from your shoes

You wanted me nothing, you wanted me dead 
You'd stolen the pages I'd written and wrote in your lies instead 
You wanted to give it but giving ain't giving when it comes to you

Took in the moment to seize it but really what good did it do 
I broke down in rage misbehaved as I felt compelled to sell you out 
The wind spoke in broken haiku's as I felt my word bringing me down

I blow up inside of you like a bubblegum hotel 
The legacy of Socrates taught me all to well 
Too never hold better to whether or not I'm out in the goons 
Sold like the rain seeping out from your shoes

Bubblegum Hotel

I'm empty, it's heavy, it's shorter, I'm colder
You hold him, you kiss him, you know that I want this
And I don't get when you say, that we were meant to be
Or when you leaned against me, and held my, my hand

I have this way of feeling down when you're gone
The sheets remind me of where we belong
My fingers tremble when the thought starts creeping in
My whispers reach your ear with hope that we could sin
One day...

I'm bloated, it's diseased, I'm sane when, you're with me
I stop by, and say grace, I smile, in his place
And I don't like when he comes and tries to take me
Cause you were leaned against me, and held my, my hand.

I have this way of feeling down when you're gone
The sheets remind me of where we belong
My fingers tremble when the thought starts creeping in
My whispers reach your ear with hope that we could sin
One day...

One Day

I witnessed the sun fall apart for the moon
And I cried, the fireflies lit the night, and the fairies had moved
I don't think I've ever felt remotely as close to this
And I don't think I'll ever be missed

I sat in a hospital bed as my heart had begun to fail
Although it was only my anxiety calling, I prayed that I would live
Then again, sometimes I hate everyone and also myself
I've accomplished nothing, not proud of becoming, a slave to the feeling of death

And why, why the hell am I afraid, my thoughts are my fears
Sometimes being out with my friends doesn't matter cause nothing is clear
My lungs feel like they don't even work and I can't tell if I have a pulse
I want to say goodbye, but I don't want to say it as a ghost

I witnessed those in love like a movie scene in slow motion
All the happiest parts strung together like a scrapbook, as if nothing bad had happened
And it makes me wonder if I've been alive, or capable enough to survive
I'm trying so hard just to smile, but I what I really need is someone to know that I'm lying

Why, why the hell am I afraid, my thoughts are my fears
Sometimes being out with my friends doesn't matter cause nothing is clear
My lungs feel like they don't even work and I can't tell if I have a pulse
I want to say goodbye, but I don't want to say it as a ghost

I witnessed the sun fall apart for the moon
And I cried, the fireflies lit the night, and the fairies had moved

Ghost

Sail off, through the Antarctic Sea
The clouds break apart like ice sheets
Well no one needs to know what we're here for
Took a walk past the midnight to see if you were

Awake, girl let me in
I'm tired of the secrecy where it never began
Let the city roll out, christen my soul
The winds have drowned in whispers that you ignore

Take me if you should
But I know that you never will
And take that shit you ruined
I'll never need this again

Steady goes, just as steady comes
Let her take the steer and course her own
Sorrow never smelled so right
And it tastes even better now that I'm alive

She won't let this go
Carry on if you don't know what I'm good for
Tonight is beautiful now that you gone
Yet something seems so off

Take me if you should
But I know that you never will
And take that shit you ruined
I'll never need this again

Yeah...

I found that true love tore my heart
Like paper out on the floor I bleed
Her skin is soft like coconut milk
Touched the walls with bloodstains I'd never clean

I yell at nothing through the window and the people walking by
Think I'm going nuts, but I'm really fucking not
This is a moment I'll never forget
But I can't remember what it's even about

Look at me I'm fucked

Antarctic Sea

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Blood n' money oh he's using again
Trainspotting on the rails in a tin can
Doesn't matter at the end of the day
As long as he run away numb and empty

Hit the bottle like he hit in the ring
Hoping either woulda knocked him dead
But he's alive and well and trying again
With a sugar spoon and new syringe

Fuck if I know what he's thinking
Fuck if I know who's to blame
Fuck if I even have an opinion
It's not my battle to judge him at all

Cause that Cool Hand Luke
Gonna gamble, like a losing man

Straight out of the gutters of Orleans
Half witted and close to death
He spent the last bit of money on Cigarettes

Rundown and puckered up with both fists
Aimed at a street sign he mistook for a man
Who caught his shoulder as he pay

Fuck if I know what he's thinking
Fuck if I know who's to blame
Fuck if I even have an opinion
It's not my battle to judge him at all

Cause that Cool Hand Luke
Gonna gamble, like a losing man

Cool Hand Luke

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I'm caught in a storm yeah
It's been cloudy for days
The ruggedness of living
Has shadowed my hatred

This house that I home
Could come down anytime
I'm breathing for the opera
Playing for my life

My friends and I do
The same shit everyday
Get drunk on the porch bench
And talk about pain

We're all in a standby
Scrounging up change
For noodles and salt
Another bottle to drink oh

I'm scared that I'll get stuck
Doing nothing more
Working shit retail
'Til I'm eighty four

I just wanna play the stage
And pluck my guitar
Get paid to be happy
And drive my own car

But the bed that I sleep in
Encumbers my soul
Stained with blood n' drugs n' cum
N' cigarettes I smoke yeah

This world gets so hard
Harder than steel
But stealing's what I'm good at
When it comes to beer yeah

Another spacebag
Another jar of gin
Two bottles of fucking mad dog
N' I'm still fuckin' breathin'

The frat fuckin' fucks
Piss on my house, belittle me
I'm just trying to pour my art out
From the vortex I'm trapped in

I know that I'm charming
Attractive and sweet
But my ego comes from somewhere
That I know that I ain't

So lend me your ear
And waste all your time
Enjoying my songs
So I don't waste mine

Is it better than nothing
Better than death
One sounds less enticing
Another sweeter than red wine

And most of my partners
Cheated on me
Fucked in my bathroom
And fucked where I dream

I'm sick of the road
And putting up tents
And giving all my change
When I need it myself

So I settled here quick
To chase piece of mind
I lost it instead and made a
Porch drunk lullaby

Where the walls tell of whispers
The stories of sin
The darkest parts the most
Depressing of kids

So pull out a lighter
And pop another beer
Hope it hits you in the eye
And you perceive only half what is unclear

Porch Drunk Lullaby

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Found my father with the roaches
Found my mother in her bed
Shotgun shells along the floor
N' holes inside their heads
Wept the corner til it molded
Left the blood until it stained
Drank reckless on the porch step
As I watched their souls escape

Please don't forget me
When the pearly gates budge to let you in
Please don't let me
Find myself lost again

Found the darkness in the parking lot
Where penumbras reigned as lords
And the whores I had mistaken
As the angels of intercourse
Left the wicked to destruction
Let it sit inside my mind
Thought I could recover
Well hell I must be blind

Please don't forget me
I've nothing greater still
Please don't let me
Use my heart to kill

Let the rats run through the garbage
Saw the mother feed her face
This engine key won't ever turn
I'm better off as dead

Please Don't Forget Me

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Overcast skies along the way
The people running down the street
Some stacks grow like tigerlilly plumes
You could hear them scream from miles away

The jackhammers had stirred the crows
The bodies are rolling in their graves
And the priest is crying, for his love is dying
Surely he thought he'd known his faith

Maybe it's nobodies fault
It's I who looked back, and turned, to salt
I never cared, no I never even dared
But it's too hard this time
When it's right before your eyes

The torn laments had brought me close to them
The drugs eased my soul and pushed it all back
The carnival sparks in the sky triggered scars in my mind
The carousel swung circles like your neck and your tie

N' I ran and I ran through aesthetic streetlights with cigarette holes in my shoes
N' I tripped as I moved on the cracks in the sidewalk filled with the reflection of you
Well I climbed the flèche of the church you so admired
N' I burned down, oh in fire

Maybe it's nobodies fault
It's I who looked back, and turned, to salt
I never cared, no I never even dared
But it's too hard this time
When it's right before your eyes

Salt

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I fell in love at the market
I put her number in my pocket
I called her up but the number wasn't even real

Well that's just how it goes
Ya gotta learn not to follow your nose
I know I shouldn't but sometimes I really think that I can

But I'm too broke to get a job
N' I'm too broke to have it all
N' I'm too broke to get my way
N' I'm too broke for you
Yeah and I'm too broke for you

I came back with an empty hand
An empty hand without a home
But still I go to the bar yeah just to make it through

Each night they wanna know
Do I wanna spend it all alone
Of course not I say but without a car yeah that won't change

But I'm too broke to get a job
N' I'm too broke to have it all
N' I'm too broke to get my way
N' I'm too broke for you
Yeah and I'm too broke for you

But if I start shrugging shoulders
And finally get much older
Yeah the older I get
The more I'm in debt
Yeah the more I earn
The more I'm cursed instead

But I'm too broke to get a job
N' I'm too broke to have it all
N' I'm too broke to get my way
N' I'm too broke for you
Yeah and I'm too broke for you

Too Broke

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I've got a fear of choking and always being wrong
All kinds of mystery for no reason at all
And I'll never look back on the nightmares I've performed
Cause they're all to sensitive assuming I'm demented yeah

Well follow my way
Through the darker days
They've not a god damn thing to lose
Except the one I love

I'm sorry dear
I've got to go
Before I can't take this, anymore

I've had a hangover for the last six months
Don't have the knack to speak unless the fear has drowned
N' I've always had an alibi for why I walk away
The same old story to explain why I didn't stay

Maybe sometime
Beyond the darker days
They'll have a god damn thing to lose
Unlike the one I love

I'm sorry dear
I've got to go
Before I can't take this, anymore

Darker Days

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Hey kid lemme teach you right
Don't touch my bottle at night
Don't touch it at the dawn of the day
It's reserved for me n'gonna stay that way

Yeah sinking like a porous stone
Drinking like the leaves falling out from my home
Oh the bottle is empty
Behind on rent but the taste is tempting

Oh and my sweater
Got stuck in the car door
Left my keys inside
At the table in the bar

Oh will I ever
Pay the bills on time
Well if I keep drinking
It'll be just fine

Yeah splittin' like a useless log
My head felt heavy and I'm all in a fog
Went down to the liquor store
Need a 750 but I bought two more

Oh and my sweater
Got stuck in the car door
Left my keys inside
At the table in the bar

Oh will I ever
Pay the bills on time
Well if I keep drinking
It'll be just fine

Well I can't help but get shitfaced when I toe the line
Maybe if I rob that bank everything will be alright

Oh and my sweater
Got stuck in the car door
Left my keys inside
At the table in the bar

Oh will I ever
Pay the bills on time
Well if I keep drinking
It'll be just fine

Sweater

Walked out from my room to see you love
Anxiety is something that I've become
Shirt pressed criminals and the smell of aftershave, lying through their teeth
All I wanna do is say goodbye

Why's that so hard to achieve
I hope that heaven is a better place
It's a hard thought knowing, that every moment
Is one I'll be living without you

Is it worth it

None of my kisses could save you love
Loss is something I've come to understand
Friendly advice from dot com psychology
Always saying how much you don't want to die

Why's that so hard to achieve
I hope that heaven is a better place
It's a hard thought knowing, that every moment
Is one I'll be living without you

Is it worth it

Flowers always listen when I'm speaking love
Depression is something I've come to let in
Stone carved choir and pigeon entourage, trying to compete
All I wanna hear is your reply

Why's that so hard to achieve
I hope that heaven is a better place
It's a hard thought knowing, that every moment
Is one I'll be living without you

Is it worth it

Rich Kids Can't Hobo Jump

Worth

Street kids whipping back glasses on the cornerstone
Yeah they'll be fine, yeah they'll be fine
Coming home to a lady after working over time
Oh it shoulda been fine, yeah it shoulda been fine
But she was hanging from the ceiling fan crying

There is no home left for the lost boy
Curious redundancies for the travelers in town
Mannequins strike poses holding wilted roses
Oh the colors of life lives feeble for the sound

The exhaust fan is kicking and killing him
With ashtrays oh out of place
And the crust punks spread disease poisoned love in posthumous defeat
Stable words for stable home I built a heart from dust and bones
Fixing faux of the pseudo-intellectuals
Misinformed knowledge of those
Eating him, degrading him, dropping bombs and parading him
Calling out now father save me
He's left him now yeah, since just a baby
Hell with this oh pills and pigs
Bloody knives and flashing lights
Now he's dead and slinging shots at
Heavens door, knock, knock, knock
This suit and tie, and shaven face I
Tried to live but it's a waste

it's dark in here, and I've lost my way
It shoulda been fine oh, yeah it shoulda been fine

Shoulda Been Fine

Fuck my job but mostly my boss
Tell him to meet me out in the parking lot
Beat his ass leave him pleading no more
I'm sick of your shit and all your sexual advances

Bloody body lying in the street
Grab a beer and finish it in one schwill
Crush the can against his fucking skull
Leave it like litter on his corpse

Someone called the pigs I smell bacon tonight
Yeah and if they find me there'll be two less blue lights
This never would have happened but it's capitalism yeah
I can't fucking take it I'm losing my mind

Well there isn't a thing a molotov can't solve
When you're this deep in two liters of gin
Burn the banks and all the town halls
My foots in the door no turning back now

Fuck My Job

Softest light and old tonight
Nobody ever set things right
Park the car in still frame photos
Left for your lover
Open the door hope he's asleep
Fantasize a life in a deep
Uncomplicated love with anyone
But your husband
Close your eyes and count the dead
Neural network art in poses
Drafting scenes not of existence
On a careless whim

Oh and shivers creep in your skin

You said it baby said it best
Love with you is not regret
But regrettable aforementioned times
Could never be returned
Moments like when we would kiss
Moments when you lied with him
Morning when you knew I cried
When I pondered where you'd been
Concocted farces over truths
Left me speechless tongue tied in two
Incompatible parts hosting the voice
Of two different thoughts

Oh and shivers creep in our hearts

Shivers

My love likes to pick out daffodils from the yard
Misses me most definitely even when it's sour
Wears cute clothes and hates her nose but dances in the shower
Kisses me most definitely on the dot of every hour

What's that ya said?
What's going through your head?
Tell me love the feelings that bother ya to no end

Ya said it's a burden just to live
A struggle just to die
Life is a purgatory lacking compromise

Wake up late and make pancakes, pretend like it's the morning
New job starts on Monday so I'll drink another forty
Never really had much hope so darling here's a flower
Kisses me most definitely on the dot of every hour

What's that ya said?
What's going through your head?
Tell me love the feelings that bother ya to no end

Ya said it's a burden just to live
A struggle just to die
Life is a purgatory lacking compromise

Dot Of Every Hour

It was warm in the middle of December
The wind blew dust across my car
Well we stayed up and drank in the parking lot
I never said it but I loved you long before

Whistling eyes had pierced through the darkness
Loud and unforgiving was her tune
Carolina moonshine from dusty roads
It wasn't til then that I said I'm leaving soon

Gonna leave the ides of the month
Gonna meet somebody who's as anxious as me
Someone who understands how sad I can be
Haven't ever truly felt at home

Walls that would crumble in a moment
Passerby's throwing paper planes
Always knew there was a better place
Never thought It'd be in your hands

Christmas lights laid boundaries in the twilight
Purple skies that kissed the purest snow
We sat by the fire and sang sad songs
Cause in the morning you knew I had to go

Gonna leave the ides of the month
Gonna meet somebody who's as anxious as me
Someone who understands how sad I can be
Haven't ever truly felt at home

Gonna leave the ides of the month
Gonna meet somebody who's as anxious as me
Someone who understands how sad I can be
Haven't ever truly felt at home

Ides of the Month

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I am just a fella who will never understand themselves and try to pretend I will.
Life is difficult, but so beautiful as well.
It's the most useless blessing I never asked for.

Cigarettes and Milk

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