From my mind

hush little baby- Ashley Ryan

Devils & Angels

Lightning Speed

She loves me, so at least in This dimension, she is mine!  Lyrics written by CJ, instruments and vocals by AI.

In This Dimension, She’s Mine

She may look generic to others, but I see the beautiful sexy woman inside.  Lyrics written by CJ, instruments and vocals created by AI.

Only a Smile and Black Lingerie

She puts on a persona, of Blue Velvet. But I know and love the real girl, my baby.  Lyrics written by CJ,  instruments and vocals created by AI. 

BLUE VELVET

https://buymeacoffee.com/rayzorbach

August 31, 2025

Surrounded by those thinking the worst of me,
Outnumbered by the ones who loved cursing me,
Satisfied when they start blaming me,
Revel in every time to start shaming me,

I don't want to open doors I can't close again,  
If I start now, I don't know where it will end,
I'm scared of the tide, where it might lead,  
But these words keep tugging at me.  

I'm not perfect but I'm proud just to get by,
I'm still holding onto the guilt that it took to survive,
And It isn't your fault for all these grudges I bare,
Under all the scar tissue this person still cares,

Can't say that I'm sorry
(When I've had to pay double for every mistake)
Can't say that I'm sorry 
(I can feel the dam I'm holding back starting to break)  
Can't say that I'm sorry
(I'm afraid that I can't say it until it's too late)
Can't say that I'm sorry
(I'm not ready for the things that might escape)

I've just been punished before,
Failure held over me, By those who like to keep score,
There's a storm cloud building inside
And I can't take any more!

I don't want to open doors I can't close again,  
If I start now, I don't know where it will end,
I'm scared of the tide, where it might lead,  
But these words keep tugging at me.  

Can't say that I'm sorry
(When I've had to pay double for every mistake)
Can't say that I'm sorry 
(I can feel the dam I'm holding back starting to break)  
Can't say that I'm sorry
(I'm afraid that I can't say it until it's too late)
Can't say that I'm sorry
(I'm not ready for the things that might escape)

I still see them out there waiting for me,
Lurking for an ambush behind every tree,
Just know through all the show I'm still trying my best,
And I exist in between tolerance and forgiveness,

I don't want to open doors I can't close again,  
If I start now, I don't know where it will end,
I'm scared of the tide, where it might lead,  
But these words keep tugging at me.  

Can't say that I'm sorry
(When I've had to pay double for every mistake)
Can't say that I'm sorry 
(I can feel the dam I'm holding back starting to break)  
Can't say that I'm sorry
(I'm afraid that I can't say it until it's too late)
Can't say that I'm sorry
(I'm not ready for the things that might escape)



Buy me a coffee

Can't Say That I'm Sorry

After a loss or heard break, we tell others we are "fine" when it's just a mask we put on... a plastic smile.  Lyrics written by CJ, instruments and vocals created by AI. 

Plastic Smiles

OUT ALIVE

Throttle Therapy - Ruby Darkrose

B.A.G.B.A.L.T.P.U.I.C.O.Y.F.

Does He?

LYRICS
**[Verse 1]**
I wake up, put on my shoes, start another day,
Coffee in hand, I push the hurt away.
In meetings, I joke and keep the mood light,
But inside, my heart's still shattered from the fight.

**[Chorus 1]**
On the outside, I'm a clown, full of jokes and smiles,
But behind this mask, I've been hurting for miles.
Laughing loud, but inside it’s not what it seems,
A broken heart, lost in silent screams.
There's a waterfall of tears behind these eyes...
A waterfall of tears behind these eyes.

**[Verse 2]**
Out with friends, I crack a joke to fit in,
Hiding the sadness, but I’m wearing thin.
They never ask, they just think I’m fine,
But they don’t know the storm that’s in my mind.

**[Chorus 2]**
On the outside, I'm a clown, full of jokes and smiles,
But behind this mask, I've been hurting for miles.
Laughing loud, but inside it’s not what it seems,
A broken heart, lost in silent screams.
There's a waterfall of tears behind these eyes...
A waterfall of tears behind these eyes.

**[Verse 3]**
When I’m alone, the mask starts to fall,
I let the tears spill, but I don’t call.
No one’s around, no one can hear my cry,
A lonely heart, with nowhere to hide.

**[Chorus 3]**
On the outside, I'm a clown, full of jokes and smiles,
But behind this mask, I've been hurting for miles.
Laughing loud, but inside it’s not what it seems,
A broken heart, lost in silent screams.
There's a waterfall of tears behind these eyes...
A waterfall of tears behind these eyes.

**[Outro]**
I keep on pretending, I keep holding tight,
But inside, I’m breaking in the dead of night.
The world sees the clown, they don’t see the pain,
There's a waterfall of tears falling like rain.
No one knows the pain I feel inside,
There's a waterfall of tears behind these eyes... 
A waterfall of tears behind these eyes.

Waterfall of Tears

Lyrics

Verse 1
I thought we were something rare
Maybe I just saw what I wanted there
You’d say my name, I’d come undone
Thought maybe I could be the one
But I fell too fast, I fell too hard
Now I’m left holding what’s been scarred
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope —
...love has weight

Pre-Chorus 1
It’s hard to fight when your heart won’t bend,
And all your reason says this pain won’t end

Chorus 1
’Cause love is a BIG word,... love has weight
When it’s not returned, it suffocates
You give it all, you lose your way
When their heart don’t beat the same
Love is a BIG word — love has weight
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope
Love is a BIG word —...
...love has weight

Verse 2
You said you cared, I know that’s true
But not the way I feel for you
It’s strange how hope can twist your mind
Keep rewinding, pressing “find”
And every night I talk to walls
Just to feel like I still have it all
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope —...
...love has weight

Pre-Chorus 2
And I keep learning the hardest way
That loving you won’t change a day

Chorus 2
’Cause love is a BIG word,... love has weight
When it’s not returned, it suffocates
You give it all, you lose your way
When their heart don’t beat the same
Love is a BIG word — love has weight
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope
Love is a BIG word —...
...love has weight

Bridge
It’s hard to breathe when dreams won’t fade
Every thought just calls your name
You move on light, I walk in chains
That’s what unreturned love became
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope — love has weight

Final Chorus / Outro
’Cause love is a BIG word,... love has weight
When it’s not returned, it suffocates
You give it all, you lose your way
When their heart don’t beat the same
Love is a BIG word — love has weight
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope.
Love is a BIG word —...
love... love... has... weight.

Lyrics by CJ, instruments and vocals created by AI.

Love Has Weight

a song about anxiety and feeling worthy and confident

Spotify

Tofu Heart

Blown Away - Carrie Underwood -  Madilyn Bailey cover

hello everyone - I really appreciate you tuning in and listening to my new song "Can't Sleep". this is by far one of my favorite songs I've ever written and I hope you all enjoy it and can relate to it as much as I do. 
much love, more coming soon :)

follow me :)
Contact: NateVickersMusic@gmail.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/NateVickers
Instagram: https://instagram.com/NateVickers
Facebook: https://facebook.com/NateVickersMusic

Can't Sleep

Nate Vickers - Can't Sleep (Official Audio)

CJ is an amateur lyricist and works with different AI's to create self reflective music and concept exploration.  Exploring loss and love.  Some songs are available to other artists, contact for more details.

Waterfall of Tears

CJ n AI

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