Dear customer,

Thanks again for your order of "Picking up girls in bars, revised edition", we hope it will improve your life as much as it has improved the lives of our thousands of customers worldwide!

I am now in the position of offering you a new and exciting product by our partners at Responsiple Pharmaceuticals; Goodnight Pils+ (c). Please let me explain how this amazing product works and what it can do for you. Research has shown that a lot of women (over 60%) fear that when they go home with a man from a nightlife location they appear "easy". Of these more than half sometimes drinks alcohol in excess in order to make it look like they did it "by accident". While such women may seem like a good thing for women-loving men like yourself, the truth is that intercourse in such a state is often less than satisfactory and the hangover the next morning prevents a more permanent bonding in many cases (73% according to respondents).

Because of this subtle interplay, romance enhancing medication (or "date-rape pills" as the media sometimes calls them) have long been popular, but sadly they have several serious problems that bother many people. First of all; with women they are only popular on a theoretical level; their existence means women can claim that "somebody put something in my drink" to mask the choices they made and relieve feelings of embarrassment. Another issue is that a woman has little control over which man "spikes" their drink. Men on the other hand report that there is no guarantee that the woman they medicated with these (often expensive) pills will go home with them, and not some other man, and complain about a lack of responsiveness amongst medicated sexual partners.

Our product has none of these downsides and because there is no active ingredient has no side effects. You simply add one of our pills to the drink of your chosen woman in a way that she (and her friends, if those are around) notices. After this it will be clear to all present that no concious choice will be possible any more, removing the feelings of guilt and social stigma that disturb so many of our social interaction. Without going into the technical details that I am sure would be of less interest to you than the results; these work based on the "placebo effect", a famous principle in medicine that has lately been on the rise in effectiveness. With no active chemical ingredients, no drowsiness and no diminished responsiveness you are in for the night of your life!

Whether you order a small "sample package" or a larger order with a steep quantum discount, we are sure you'll find GoodNight Pils+ (c) a bargain!

Trusting I'll hear from you soon, Johan Stonebench.

CluB-ReS:  Our contribution to Research

Being woken up by a hysterical computer and realizing half the ship is already blown to bits is not every spacetruckers idea of a jolly-ride. Especially not when waking up from a decade of ultra-sleep.

Ultra sleep is the new variation on the hyper-sleep concept, but without braindamaging side-effects.
unfortunatly normal ultra-sleep side-effects do include:
-Vomiting
-Nausea
-Excessive urination
-Anxiety
-Depression
-Tremors

Anyhow...as most of the terminals on the bridge now constantly print out the text of the code black, 
in bold red letters: 'everything is going to shit', the whole crew of the starship Arcade is getting a bit nervous.

"Listen Up People", shouts the captain, while everybody is trying to figure out which arm goes where in the
new emergency space-para-suit. "I know most of you are just part of this crew because...
well whatever..We are under attack by a squadron of giant bloodsucking hornworms!

So for all of you who haven't shot some fucking aliens using the BGF2200 portable Laser-module before, according to the manual it would be a bit like using Ableton; 'press firmly on the clip'. But that didn't work either."


CluB-ReS:  Press firmly on the Clip

"Less taste more flavour" - FluteGirls Monthly

"The best stuff I've tasted this year" - Wubbo Ockels

"Everything the body needs" - Shaquile O'Neal

"Better than my grandmother's!" - Charles Darwin

"heavenly" - Richard Dawkins

"I was going to ban it, but then I tried it myself" - Vladimir Putin

"a Lifesaver" - Rebecca de Mornay

"I don't really like it, but I just pretend I do" - Michael Moore

"It ain't no sunshine, but it's close" - Beyoncé Knowles

"Base Aroma is not a thing, it is a way" - Kevin Spacey

"My main source of inspiration" - J.K. Rowling

"Club-Res fills the vacuum left by ignorance" - Neil Degrasse Tyson

CluB-ReS:  Base Aroma - Sample 44

Club-RES :: But..Where is Dominique ?

These giant cuddly creatures are sure to inspire fear to anyone, but how exactly do these colossal beast of the field move below ground at supersonic speeds ? As stated in Henry Stephens's Book of the Farm: concise and revised edition, the thin layer of microscopic radioactive resistance particles in their skin allows the Cow to eliminate underground drag and move at ridiculous speed beneath the surface. But to activate those microscopic radioactive resistance particles the Cow needs to maintain a very specific type of brainwave frequency, known as the 'mammery frequency' at exactly 6.76 Hz. The mammery frequency can only be maintained by describing the gravitational interactions of every star in the galaxy in clockwise order using the 'left hoof rule'.

Following the left hoof rule you would number the stars: star 1, star 2, …, star n, determine the position and mass of each, vec{x}_i and m_i, and then find the force on each star produced by all the others. This is just Newton’s law of gravitation, F=-\frac{Gm_1m_2}{r^2}, repeated for every possible pair of stars and added up.

So while the situation itself is complicated, the equation describing it isn’t and that is why Cows like results.

Why cows like result

CluB-ReS: Why cows like results

Dearest Son,

I was very sorry to hear about your hospitalization. It's a shame that in our modern society there is no room for people with differing perspectives. I'd like to remind you of one of the things I taught you back when you were even younger than your sister is; Nobody has any power over you that you don't give to them. Least of all doctors.

They didn't tell me whether you are enjoying your stay at the institute. Those places aren't that bad, but at some point, I found, there is just nothing new you can learn there, and it is time to leave.

When I felt that I had been there long enough I secretly took a strip of
anti-psychotics from the cabinet. Even a small dosage of those will make the guards and doctors disappear. If you are going to take that route; remember to take enough to get a good head-start; once the medicine stops working the doctors and guards will reappear and by then you want to be far outside of of their reach.

With all my love,
your,
Mother.

CluB-ReS: PILL.TXT

for the experienced sofa king...

Nurse! three miligrams of endomorphine testosstyrene mixed with an olive and a dice of Rum, do it now! Once all eight legs are out it is only a matter of seconds before the child will start to hyperventilate.

and we all cheered!

CluB-ReS: Not enough body twist

Peacefully drifting along the heliopolis asteroid field, Captain Bob was enjoying the comfort of his hypersleep cabin with sunroof-top.

Through this gorillaglass roof, bright colored lights are slowly appearing in the distance. This phenomena is not going to be unusual, once we will have shifted to an astonaut's diet, based on algae and raw minerals.

Now that Bob is a General, commanding an entire fleet, he doesn't need to be bothered by the spheres any more.

You would have been done with making those sphere too, if you had paid more attention to this. It is not only that Bob dislikes the spheres, the spheres were fine and Bob will be so happy once you give them to him.

A small sphere is in the corner of the hypersleep cabin, but this sphere is not asleep. The sphere can't sleep, a dezacore is on its mind.

Dezacores were more or less like the algea-converters, but this one is going to be way better. This dezacore, will save us all!  

Once it wakes up.

You could have known that, had you not added that much traction-sugar to the mix.

---

performed live on Radio Tonka (aug 9 2012)

CluB-ReS: Critical moment in History

When our mother died we were burdened by the sum of money that she left us.

My brother and me already had everything we could possibly need in our camper. What would she have wanted? Mother always talked about how being happy was the most important thing so we thought we'd use the money to make as many people as possible happy. People like ponies, at least that was what the girl in pink said, and she looked like the happiest person we had ever seen. She was bound to know. To make people as happy as possible we had to get as many ponies as possible, so we took the camper South, where ponies are cheaper. It turned out that we could get 5 expensive ponies, or 8 cheap ones. We took the cheap ones.

With 8 ponies in the camper it got slower and slower, then stopped. My brother wanted to use two of the ponies to pull it, but I disagreed. The ponies are for making people happy, not for pulling, I told him. That is why I have to pull now, while he steers. That is fair, he explained.

 
---
from the 'sane' archives: club responsiple @ Radio Tonka - july 14 2012

CluB-rEs: The carnaval is back in town

freestyle techno duo Kassen & Robber

Yes..We make radio just for you, 
our number 
one listener.

every other friday broadcasting live on 
Radio Tonka (92.0 FM)  01:00 - 03:00 CET

tune in live (on these responsiple hours)
http://www.radiotonka.org

all tracks performed and 
recorded live on radio tonka

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