this was something i made back in 2021. this is something that represents what i was escaping from during my old house, which i am now unfortunately yearning for. living independently freakin sucks and i would do anything to have a house full of misfits that love to hate on each other.

full house

the feeling of experiencing love in the middle of the chaotic world.

  have you ever been in ferociously infatuated in someone? i think this is how i would turn it into if i could ever translate it. i also think this was the baseline for all of the tracks here in this album. synth, techno, with a side of rock. i am a sucker for cyperpunk/ grind fiction aesthetics but can never really replicate it in real life but somehow, my best friend could. she doesn't know it but i based two of the tracks here from her 

  also there's something that plays in the background around 2:10 of the track. i like to think its someone warning the guy to not fall in love with the girl, but he shrugs lol, moving over to our next track.

cigarette kiss

i have no valentines date. i never do! but somehow this year (2025) i had two lol. me and my buddy, went to a club but only for a few hours. afterwards i spent the rest of it in a hotel getting drunk with my bestfriend. we drank a lot of soju that night and even chugging a 1.5 litter coke. we were coked up indeed. the beat is how i would blue marlboro into a track. a chill, bubblegum-ish menthol. this was a very special night. and i think its one of the moments i will cherish forever

blue colored mentol marlboro

november 10 was his birthday. and i specifically chose not to show up to work because of this. i wanted to make his day special because he is special to me. he's one of the few men i am literally trusting with my on life. i like to think that this track plays while we're in his room, talking about the girl he likes, and how he shines. he doesnt know it, but he glows whenever he talks about his girl. god, she's so lucky. i wish someone could love me the way he does her. 

  the track is gloomy but chill. i think thats what i felt during that day as well. because i had planned on taking my life the day after.

happy birthday, renz

midway of the album, of course im gonna fuckimg breakdown. i hate life i hate living i hate being alone i hate it i hate it i hate IT SO FUCKING MUCH 

synthwave can make you feel multiple things and i think thats the fun with it. it can be translated into thousands of emotions but it still depends on the listener. i guess this track is every frustration comimg to life as i inevitably take my life.

safety warning: ayokong magpakamatay pero gusto ko sa nararamdaman ko meron

this is just an imagination, but the amount of times ive been on a hangout session and we always end up smoking in arroceros is really funny. i think one of these days im gonna breakdance there and i would like this to be the track. sana may lights din and audience kasi sayang namann kung wala. hahahahahahah tngina nagtagalog nako dito.

techno sa arroceros park

my favorite band is The 1975 and i made this track as a homage to them. 
 

 i hate listenng to this because it makes me so vulnerable.

adolescence

the night i tried it, this was playing on and on in my head. i hated it. i should have died.

despair

libertad is a place where my two best friends work. i always visit them. its always that place. there's something bittersweeet about riding a train on the way home. especially if its the last train home. 
 well, yea, last train home was supposed to be the title of this track but i think including the name of the place really makes it all the more nostalgic dont you think? 



  - the film is haunted by a force known as despair (kawalan ng pag-asa.)

colexists

Popular tracks