I can bring it back to us

Well, I lied.

Anything At All

In the cellar with a candlestick

Show me what it's like  piano mixed

Variable 256kbs

I ain't afraid I ain't worried 

I'm loose in the night
And I show you things

It's crystal clear and uglier
The song, the dance
I should have gone with it

I'm standing in the way again
I can't see the road ahead
I have taken too much
Once a ladder now a crutch

Uppers lower me into the hive
Lights are low, I come alive
Downers place me into a ditch
I scratch at your door 
Won’t you let me in

I used to go easy

once a ladder, now a crutch

Mood Swings

Despite what you think 
I can offer you nothing 
I'm not dope sick or strung out 
I'm just tired of adjusting (trust me)
I'm with you somewhere it just ain't here 
I'm bound to feel guilty, now is not the time 
I'll get what I'm due 
And everything will be fine

Don't make me laugh, cut me in half
Don't make a sound, I need to lay down 
If you leave me,
I'm coming with you 
I promise you that

Jesus Christ, I am forever 
making the same mistakes

Phantom Power Limb (final)

prowler in the yard

I've been scalped
Left inside an ocean of sound 
I've been knocked conscious 
and I haven't come around
There was so much trouble on my mind 

Noone finds me spellbinding. 
No ones buying me a drink.

Widowed and empty, our marital beds
Wild and silent, I gnaw at your breast
A graveyard shift, 
for the parts of me that died
A lookout turned into a fucking left behind. 

Noone finds me spellbinding. 
No ones buying me a drink.

Advanced Spellbinding For Dummies

Where have you gone 
It seems like yesterday but time has passed and you and I we can't relate 
But you know nothings changed 
But is it now time 
that Ill never have again
Looking back endless time 
is what I need with no regrets
I just lost today 
worrying about all the things that I had with you 
What I had with you 
Where have you gone 
With all those things 
Where have you gone 

I have no time 
thinking about yesterday  
I need to breath
Never wanted to believe it 
Now I can never forget I had you 
Now to believe I've lost you

our June for keeps

Bitter

9 times out of 10 
I do the same damn thing again
Well tonight I stop the cycle 
Say goodbye to chains that 
we’ve been swimming in

Are you feeling happy
I’m not doing alright
You’ve got boundaries
I’ve no damn pride 
Please take my fucking head and flush it 
Push that big red fucking button
Turn me into rain 
Something that doesn’t have a face  
Something that doesn’t have any eyes
No matter how hard that I try 

There's a big fat hole and it’s always leaking
My fucking heart just won’t stop beating 
There's no trust
But trust this statement
I want to be someone that you put faith in 

Things like people, I refuse to like 
Big birthday party, but no invites 
Anger manifests in the shape of a knife
I’m in the kitchen, looking for the light

big red button

You got sick on the drive home
You needed help up the stairs 
The Christmas tree was an obstacle  
The lights get caught in your hair 

I get high off the moment 
I come alive in that frame  
It’s just so rare to be needed 
To see light on your face 
 
Head through the drywall 
Fist through the side door 
You put your family through bullshit
I hide your drugs in the floorboards

You leave without telling 
I’ll find you late at the bar 
I take your clothes from a stranger 
And pull you out of their car 

I justify it
This Christmas will be different
I’ll be the reason
I’m just glad 
That you’re here to join us

are you my mother

closer to god

Don’t be confused I sit right through 
As I elude and erase the plot
Using hopes in hopes to achieve that
Hope is all I’ve got 
or not 

Chasing my tail around the sun, 
in hopes that I can eat soon 
Forget this pain in my head 
oh, can we please leave soon? ￼

Stale hope, shit, job, big grudge, 
and a real sad, sad heart
little reminders of you fill the dead space 
All over my house

Simple Math

too soon for who

Living life like an axe in a dartboard
Living life like a b rated actress
Yeah I’ve been a bitch and I been a bastard

Blossoming

No more silent treatment
You are just screaming in my ears 
What the fuck am I doing here? 
I am just dancing at the edge of the world 
My father was a freight train, derailed
Hard not to see the appeal 

Remembering then , before he was dead
Everything was too loud 
Just say the word, and I’ll burn it all to the ground 

I have eyes of every color now 
I’m a child, with an old tired heart
I am a beam of old light from a depleted star 
And I will only find you in the dark 

Fear is a fetish I can’t hang up the tether 
Been in the future where it’s hard to remember 
I awoke alone and I said out loud
What is one more worm in the hole
When I am put in the ground 

I am not ashamed of my shame 
Now that I gave it a name 
I sink and I cannot choose 
Brain cut my body looks 
I let it all pass through 
Because I need to 
But my heart don’t want 
My heart don’t want the truth

Resting Dead Face

has beens

Reigns

Reach out to me when your whole life dissolves
Reach out to me when your best friend stall
Reach out to me for anything at all 

I’ll be reaching right back 
Like a fucking drunk in the dark 
Somethings, you can’t plan 
Now attached to your head

Full-on Ugly Feelings

All the people I love are dead
You have to scare what you want to protect 
Reject reject 
Take my hand, let me teach you about regret
All of this pain inside 
But all this pain ain’t mine
I will live this life forever 
Until I dream of something better 

When we go, we go together x2

Dismiss and deny 

I’m a stray dog running wild 
Further down the dark is absolute
But further down you go 
It’s only me and you 
What can I know

The passion that makes me feel alive again
It’s going to be the death of me 

Done evolving 
And we feel no shame 
Spare only the ones I love 
And make me pay

I wake up in an empty house 
again and again and again


I am a ghost 
And I weigh down everything  
Pushed all the ones I love 
right through the pavement

How many times do I have to say I’m sorry

this life forever

A sense you're called
Healthy thoughts sputter and stall
Day out and out again
It tears the skin

so full of that hate you earned
I live in the shadow of the whip
and await what I deserve
I deserve this

everything wrong and rotten survives
everything we think we know is a lie
 
Fell, tripped up the stairs to this place
Primal winds come and blow me away  

I’m swimming in chains, now 
I won’t reach out 

Something’s been fucking holding me down 
It’s made it’s way through my arms 
Im asleep, I’ve lost all control 
Wake up. I watch it live out my life
I dont deserve it anymore
I don’t deserve it


Your eyes like old plates
Dull and wide and webbed with veins
You lose your thought 
Tongue exposed when you're turned on

I see you thrilled 
And that swell of joy, it lasts until 
We catch a glance
Of this sad fucked world

I’m asleep, I’ve lost control
I watch it live my life
I dont deserve it anymore

A plume of smoke around us now
Hands locked on our long walk home  

Im asleep, I’ve lost control

healthy body sick mind

Nothing nice in there 
I talk fast and you just stare
Nothing kind inside 
I spit and snarl and writhe 

The bomb explodes 
Pieces of you 
Pieces of me
High pressure crowd control
There is a reason 
that it hurts like this 

Lunch in the park 
Ruined for us by nagging thoughts 
That bug crawled in deep 
It chirps and clicks 
And limits sleep 

A sense you’re called 
Healthy thoughts 
Sputter and stall
Out, in, and out again until
It pricks the skin
I bleed it out, let it go 

You were tongue exposed
When you’re turned on 
I won’t see you that thrilled
You catch a glimpse of my head 
Of this sad fucked worked that it’s missed 
A plume of smoke 
Surrounds us both again 

I watched you fall 
Into the crowd 
It limits me from everything 
That I want to know 

And when you’re gone
I won’t feel the same again
High pressure time bomb 
Going off in my head

True Derelict

Tactile sensation
Carpet kiss my cheek
Drool moistening my face
My stiff legs are asleep
I don’t want to move 
I give in 

I’m a ghost 
And I weigh down everything 
I’m a ghost
And I weigh down everyone 

Tactile sensation 
Carpet kiss my cheek
Drool moistening my cheek
My stiff legs are asleep
I don’t want to move 
I give in 

I give in
I give in…

they arent heavy, theyre my best friend

All the people I love are dead 
You have to scare what you want to protect
Reject reject reject take my hand 
Let me teach you all I know about regret 

All this pain inside 
But I know all this pain can’t be mine 
A sense you’re calling 
My healthy thoughts sputter and stall and
I tear the skin back
And let you in 

Some things been holding me down again 
It makes its way through my arms and I’m asleep 
I give control.
I watch it live out my whole life 
I don’t deserve anymore 

“ cut it out with the introspection. The mind is a den of scorpions better left running from, not towards.”

I’m swimming in chains now 
I won’t reach out 


Some things been holding me down again 
It makes its way through my arms and I’m asleep 
I give control. 
I watch it live out my whole life 
I don’t even want anymore

Hey new kid, get these salamis off my back. They are starting to hurt.

what a loss

But who wants you to win?
Who puts the pillow to your head?
And who buries you next to the sink 
underneath your toilet again?

Someone talked through the best part
You'll have to start again
Someone talked through the best part
Rewind the tape back to its head

I miss it but I'm glad it's over
Got one less mess I'm forced to shoulder
Got one less stress that’s hanging over me

It was there in that place, alone in my box 
I learned there's a reason 
that things are better left untaught

Closure is not my concern
Burned out. It leaked out. I learned
When I think of what most fucking people like
I take the journey right to hell 
I eat the food right off the shelves  
As my intestines beg and plead
 "please, God, forgive me!"

And it’s all the same, 
Another way to spend my days
Another way to forestall all these fucking
Creeping thoughts of rotting in the grave 

When I think of what most people like, 
I leave the material realm behind
And float past the garden of delights 

I want me all to yourself
Fists swing wild out to everyone else
I want you to never yell
Tithe

Please stay here and keep watch with me
Cashed out all of the spirit in me 
An unoriginal story
Full of tropes, near-parody
Full-on ugly feelings
I understand the pull of it all 
When a loss won't stop itching
It tears you down
Brings you right to the floor 

Peer review
Peer review
I handled that poorly
Please look the other way 
While the hook guides me offstage

Peer Review

I got caught up in my own web again
Had to chew off my own leg 
No desperate thoughts,  just a calm head 
Whole redefined, down one piece
Sad definition of heaven:
Distance from pain

I’m mean 
I’ll never understand

You beat yourself right out of your skin
I’m miles away
hammering nails into both my hands 
Just take my fucking head and flush it
For all the good it does me
put it on a pike 
For all the shit it causes  

How best to give good rest 
to persistent thoughts 
that won't relent:
To possess and exist
You put your fucking hands on my face 
Tell me I can’t do this I swear I can 
just please don’t Let go of me

I’m mean 
I’ll never understand

colin verdon

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