HUNSON ABADEER FREESTYLE

lyrics:
got a borderline brain   just a chronic concussion!
so whats your problem dear?  my problem? pfft nothing!
how bout with life in itself can ya fix that? hey listen
dya have something along the lines of personality fixing?
hows your head ? well I’ve only had complaints!
i went home from the doctor with a note on my brain
saying: here lies the problem you were trying to find
should’ve known the source was in me when my mouth always tastes like bile
got shitfuck immune system  sick as a dog
im bored outta my mind coughing yellow snot up
the psychiatrist talked to me like i was dumb
it was hard not to get up and scream  from the top of my lungs

yeah my brains not the best  it has several pests
sewer rats scour thru it tryna find trash to ingest
yet im doing what i can with it    I’ve always done that
i dont need pity  i am fine i am

ok with everything being fucked up  with me having shit luck
already knew that much but hey why not just pile it on
im like hardwood im infested  with my childhood home
im like broken bottles bestest when thrown out of control
im like home before the sundown   but sundown never stops
especially when you’re abused at home while growing up
im like just sneak out in the morning and hope they dont wake up
im like why are you so thirsty? why are you so rough?

even in the nights where i was sure i would die i never prayed 
instead i clasped my fingers tight and told god if he ever showed his face       i would show him
the true meaning behind the sin of wrath  i got borderline anger i am barely holding back
and god its been festering for years and i am still pissed at you
i already got a shitty dad i dont need two

i got a borderline brain with some extra spicy spices
with depression and avoidant sprinkled over it like lice 
i have ocd that follows me around at every turn
i got a list that is too long for them to print it on my urn

like here lies blood girl: cause of death unknown
but even when im dead someone will try to have my cover blown
and share my lifestory that was never meant for them
share my saddest secrets with their friends colleagues friend

cause im just a wet specimen  sitting on the shelf
gods favourite part time play is making people mentally ill
thats why i just dance around the saddest clown he got
he snaps his fingers    suddenly ill cry and wanna cut
borderline is scary i got mood swings for days
anger that i hate  feelings that feel fake
i am worried im lying to myself  even when
i am clearly so sick that i couldn’t even tell

and even in the nights where i was sure id commit suicide i never prayed
instead i clasped my fingers tight and told myself to never go that way   and to show them
the true meaning behind changing ways   i got years of being my own therapist i should get payed
and i will keep bettering myself until im better than the rest!
and i can do that even with my brain full of pests!

Borderline Brain

mona rah. - Untitled Feeling

hello shawty

first song on the cloud in a minute, i've dropped an album since my last track for ppl who only know me on here so be sure to peep!

https://pr6ston.bandcamp.com/album/the-foreverending-tales

https://open.spotify.com/album/5xZkVEwfQFweeXCYrqgTcI?si=kOU91pI2RMeZtXfWe-Srzw

tarnished art, the interlude (prod.pythonbile)

happy birthday to me!

new track with monarra, hope y'all enjoy.

IT'S ALL OVER coming soon <3

OUTLAW (Feat.MONARRÁ)

lyrics: 
i have mood swings so bad i am scared of going out
go from happy to depressed in twenty minutes and i doubt that i can
focus even function if i try to go to school
when half my day is crying laying in a pool of my own drool
i hate these days where im frustrated and upset and overwhelmed
where i am happy then i hate myself and wish that i was dead
then im excited go out thrifting and then as im walking home
i feel so bad i feel like shit and i just wanna be alone
tired of trying  and slowly detaching
then randomly smiling and feeling fantastic
then laying in bed for an hour just staring
then reading and cleaning and laughing and caring

i have mood swings so bad  that i cant fathom i am real
i have one too many feelings for just one person to feel
im so tired i can barely keep my eyes open at best
yet for 4 hours i lay awake not sleeping in my bed
i spend my money oh so recklessly i dont have self control
and then i feel so bad about it i just wanna stay at home
my one big problem is that i have shit to do i cant just sleep
the other is i am so energetic i cannot sit still
frantically browsing the apps on my iphone
lights my face up like an sos signal. “come home”
i feel so alone but i just wanna fake it  we’ll
pretend i am happy till another moodswing  makes it real

and i eat until i almost puke, i smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, i pet my cat and i do laundry then my body is in pain, i wake up from my nap, another nightmare creeping to my brain, i get my stories straight, im ok if they ask, forget my meds and eating then i shower 3 times in a row cus its nice to feel the fake warmth to pretend im not alone. laying on my body like a caring sillhoute, instead of a chalked up silver showerhead
i am so lonely and so happy im alone
i am so tired of my phone
i am so worried bout my friends
but are they worried bout me too?
i am so scared that this is it
then i feel patient as can be
then i feel reckless and confused
then i dont know what to do
and the man strongly implied
that i was faking being sick
to somehow make music about something
where i dont know shit
and i was angry as i sat
in my pjs  on the counter
in the late afternoon
having skipped school  and a coward
told me to get therapy and get medicated well
both are things i eat for breakfast
both are things i need and hell
i am doing what i can and surviving so you know
i am singing bout my struggles
cus theyre mine to sing about

Moodswings To Do About Nothing

lyrics:

trying is just a slippery slope to sadness
which is a slippery slope to madness
which is a hollywood word for how i exist and work i guess

and love is  just another word for obnoxious
which is  to say i am loveless
maybe thats why i am scared of you and what you do

when you like me enough to make me feel like im good
when you love me i think maybe i could love too
i always thought i might be bad now i know that its true
cus i think you’re so good and im nothing like you

and you took me apart like a ball jointed doll
put a heart where i used to be just ribs with a skull
now i hurt when you leave is that better than before
now i just want you to love me more and more and more


kill me  use me for what is my purpose
choke me until i turn purple
instead of your mild and self sacrificing humanising

my love is  closer to something thats toxic
than love that is just something lovely
which is why i dont kiss cus i can taste myself on them

can you love me again if im a horrible friend?
if i push you away to make more room for myself?
if im broken and hurting and stuck in a loop?
always saying the same things embarrassing you?

can you break me until i am broken enough
to pathetically think that i understand love
its all a mental decoy    im a broken toy
mistaking attention for joy

bleeding is maybe something to do with competing
just a proof that our bodies are fleeting
living life to the fullest has always been the weirdest thing

and love has always caused nothing but problems
if u see my exes please tell them
that pain is a virtue  yet still nothing really quite compares  to how you sometimes dye my hair and love me even when im   sick     i know i dont deserve it

trying is just a slippery slope to surviving
and thats why im writing and writing
never quite finishing any songs so i write more and more and more and more and more

Trying

lyrics:
obsessive compulsions until my body aches
i got compulsive obsessions thats rotting at my brain
and my whole body convulses in overwhelming pain
its like demonic posession  that never goes away

brain is a nightmare im tryna listen in
there is a tv on somewhere but i cant find the switch
i know the works in my hands but i cant feel them anymore
they are like phantom pain limbs that are numbly hanging on

its such a pest to be sick but i know it doesnt change
and i can pull at my brainworm but things will stay the same
and all the voices and questions are quickly catching up
and i can count steps on staircases but thats all ive got

obsessive compulsions until my fingers cramp
i got compulsive obsessions thats weighing on my back 
and now im waiting for something
cus endings mane me cry
so this song will never end
i will play till it feels right
yes i will play till it feels right

Obsession/Compulsion

lyrics:

what is a body
should it be a safehouse
all i feel inside me is stuff thats tryna get out
just a bit too big here
just a tad to tight there
i fit way too wrong
like my voice , like this song

playing my guitar
for people who are grateful
some are calling me a girl
i have a soft shell like a grapefruit
easy to be beaten
drop me on the floor
i dont like to look down 
so i bind until im sore

i have bodyparts
i dont recognise
easier to deal with when im ugly on the outside
pretty is too cis for me , a dyke with no foundation
body too messed up to be a place i feel ok in

ugly like a duckling
but ill never be swan
i just put on a new face
so i dont feel fucking confined
boxes i can pick and choose from
weren’t made for me
they have labels in block letters
but i dont know how to read

what is a body
should it be a teapot
stirring at the water that is 
flowing from my tear ducts
drink this to get bigger
eat this to get small
cannot fit into the hole
i punched into my wall

what is a body ? broken can be fixed
so whats a proper word for i was forced into this skin
i didn’t want it  but i got it  , still i hate this situation
body too messed up to be a place i feel ok in

What Is A Body

all i do is sing songs
that nobody can hear
all i do is sing songs
that you dont wanna hear
so why are you here?
holding onto something
with both my arms tied down
im a girl with only bad things
on her mind
so why are you here?
why are you still here?

All I Do

Many names & friends.

confirmed not schizophrenia:
mona rah./MONARRÁ (@collarid)
Izzie Drizzle (@i-6-6-i-e)

mona rah. - Untitled Feeling

COLLAR ID RECORDS

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