Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of failed video game experiments: Kinect for Xbox 360 vs Nintendo's Virtual Boy. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Kinect
Commander Jacob as Virtual Boy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Voodoo

-LYRICS-

Kinect (0:15)
Yo, is this my competition? Cuz if I were to predict it more
You’ll drop a couple lines, then they’ll bring in the 64
Clear the tables! Oh wait, you need one to be stable
You can't hang with this player; you never made the damn cable
You should read your own warnings and just give it a rest, mate
It’s like the Oculus Quest came with ocular headaches
Two D-pads, but no direction. Boy, Nintendo didn't miss you
I can't let one diss continue before you were discontinued
Strap in for this: don’t make your players tape you down
The only way you’d be portable is now; I’m boutta take you out
This chunky View Master with sticks for a stand had a Wario game and that shit didn’t Land
VR32 with 22 games; your whole library can fit in one hand
Slaying your nerd shit, making you nervous, Boy you're Virtually unplayable, worthless
There’s one difference amid you and me: I'm getting gamers shaking on purpose

Virtual Boy (0:51)
I got your head spinning 360, cuz when I flow
My comeback game is so unbelievable; call me Milo
You’ll be flying Solo in this dance for the best score
14 bars? You're so primitive, you can hardly Connect Four
Without a Wiimote, you're what's tossed to the wall
Man, you should've been aborted when you were Project Natal
Don't talk libraries, your was just a disaster
Tech demos and bland kiddie shit: Kinectimal Crackers
Your rapping and camera tracking ain’t matching with VB
Cuz I’m always in the zone, and you still can’t freaking see me
Sound the Red Alarm. I'm too fly, boy
Punchlines like Teleroboxer; smack a hack back to a black Eye Toy
Can't help seeing red when facing you, so hold it down
Wanna try to keep pushing buttons? Look who needs a controller now

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

it is halloween time!

M!CAH as One Million Viewer
Trakked as Username 666
Beat produced by ENNWAY
Written by Trakked, Cole, Jailyn and Dani Frias
Chiseled by Psytube
Mixed by Light
Thumbnail by Trakked

Battle:
One Million Viewer:
.icu Username, welcome to a newer hell
This ain’t a pleasure; your fate was sealed when you clicked the URL
Hard to pinpoint any details when your story’s so generic
Hyper-realistic gore won’t put your viewers in hysterics
Soon the eyes will descend, choking in your lines and dreams
To get your shit story clicks you must’ve got help from me
Been around since ‘06? Satan must be old news,
Cuz your channel’s one oddity that I’d never give a million views

Username:
Here’s a refresher OMV, Creepiest Pasta on the Tube
When people hear your name they say ‘Hello, Who are you?’
I got kids fearing my name, you've got a grammar fault in yours
Reload your site, leave you hacked, call it another 404
Don't need an email to see fails in this poorly run site
You’re getting derailed to the Spam file; where I rip out your one eye
Every trace of you will get X’d out when I spit six-six-sick
Nothing can shut my servers down! You get weak from a single click

One Million Viewer:
Win’ll be Private when I’m demonetizing your verse
So run back to Nana and hope your browser’s file isn't cursed
Gives you more time thinking, since your reign of terror has ended,
With one million reports ;account’s forever suspended

Username:
The Illuminati rip-off wants to go and trash my name?
I’ve been explained on many channels, a wiki’s your claim to fame! (yeah)
I leave Soundcloud bots to rot, left in hellfire,
Mad cause the only cat-eye used in battles is Bill Cipher

One Million Viewer:
My victory’s gleaming and glaring like a cat’s eye!
Learning your defeat second hand, but I guess that’s no surprise
The one mill’ will be here soon; I’ll leave this devil here to burn (uh)
Calling me a rip-off? Then Glesgorv would like a word (yuh)

Username:
You’re not 1 of a million, you suck at being unique
With just a hand, I crash computers, your connection looks too weak
Your wifi's gone down, no potential, this kid should see
Can shut down your computer, but you'll NEVER get rid of me.

One Million Viewer vs Username 666 - Rap Cypher #16.66

Chao as Red Bull
ENNWAY as Monster Energy
Dilly as G-Fuel
Zagranis as Bang Energy (cameo)

Beat, mix, thumbnail by ENNWAY
Written by ENNWAY and Dilly

Red Bull:
Red Bull gives you wiiiiings

Monster Energy:
SHUT THE FUCK UP WHO CARES
FUCK OFF GOD I AM TIRED OF YOU TOUCH GRASS

Red Bull:
That's it! This drink's about to fire shots off
12 ounces and I still blow you out the water!
When I rock the mic, I'm liked by every damn critic
You're enjoyed by any boomer with a penny to split with
So fuck wings! How 'bout you get some bitches? (HUH)
Every flavor that you have is always mid shit (HUH)
Yeah, I don't need any fancy artists or design
To put the picture in your head I'm winning every single time

Monster Energy:
Bout to drop a mad verse on this lame ass
(AY AY) WHEN IT COMES TO BEATS I'M THE APEX
AND I'M PRACTICALLY A FUCKIN’ MONOPOLY, COULDN'T YOU SEE?
LOVIN' THESE BEATS, MY BRAND IS A MONEY MACHINE (AYYY)
TALKING BOOMERS WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY THE BOOMER OF OUR BRANDS
SO GO CATCH SOME BETTER ADS OR YOU'RE CATCHIN' UP THESE HANDS
YOU GOT ZERO FUCKING CASH, 'CAUSE THIS CAN IS MADDER
YOU SHOULD LEAVE THIS BATTLE 'CAUSE I'M CRANKING OUT THAT BANGER AFTER BANGER

Bang Energy:
Did somebody say bang?

Monster Energy:
I BANGED YOUR MOM *SHOOTS BANG ENERGY*

Red Bull:
That verse was a good tip on how your offbrands left the market
Saturated with zero spots left to get some thought in so stop it
You claim a monopoly but you're not bitch, I see through ya
Left our market overblown like COCA COLA ESPUMA
You missed the mark like your Ultra Gold and Java
You've had no legs to stand on since you sold juice products!
This brand bully's bout to land fully in a ditch
I'm soaring high above you... Red Bull gives you wiiiii-

Monster Energy:
BITCH SHUT THE HELL UP, GOD, I'M TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT SO
I'LL KICK YOUR ASS FASTER THAN I BOOTED BANG OUT OF BRITAIN
YOU SAY YOU GOT PEOPLE HOOKED ON THAT FUCKING GASOLINE BRO?
I'LL LEAVE YOUR STYLE AND BRAND CRUSHED LIKE A CAN ON THE ROAD
I GOT THE STAMINA, (YUH) LYRIC SLAMMIN' YA (YUH)
YOU'VE BEEN BELOW ME SINCE THE DAYS OF HANSEN NATURAL!
I'M DONE WITH THIS VERSE AND THIS ASS IS DEFEATED
HERE'S MY NEW FLAVOR: YOU CAN SUCK MY ULTRA PENIS

G-Fuel:
G-Fuel is entering the party now to shake it up
Against the two blandest of flavors, I just cannot make it up
So I suggest you brace yourselves, I'm going for the throat
And droppin a variety pack of bars cause I'm the goat
I went from online to making the stores mine
How you offer sweepstakes but not fire in your lines?
You prove it with every rhyme, you can't mix it up like I do
… That also goes for your buddy on the side too
When I start a partnership I crank it to 11
You start up a partnership to shill in Ninja Tyler Blevins
Now I'm sending y'all to heaven, you weak drinks can eat my dust
Turned you both to powder, I guess that makes three of us

Monster Energy vs Red Bull. R∆P BATTLE!

Light as Geno
Spidey Fam as Black Mage
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell
Art by JesseBox
Special Thanks to SPM1000
New cover art by M!CAH

Geno:
Descending from the heavens, taking possession of dolls that I’m using as weapons
Aggressive; the guns that I’m packing’s effective when put up against the weak spells you’re projecting
I’m representing a higher authority, you’re ‘Black’ Mage but you’re morally gray
To say you saved the world is a ludicrous claim ‘cause wherever you go, you cause Death and dismay
You’re going down like a barrel on Booster Hill
Better switch to a Thief because you’re losing gil
Smoking you harder than the Crystals you’re on
So reliant on MP, man, you'd flee when it's gone
The father of the plumber’s RPGs, I made the Paper
You're only seeing green when you're lost in the Forest Maze
That job’s shit, there’s no market for your labor
Looks like your Sleep spell actually worked with all your boring games

Black Mage:
Star Road, I wish for a foe that can have a decent chance of getting into Smash (Uh)
You may be possessing wood but I'm the one who's got the bigger staff!
Repairing the track that Exor had shattered, yet there is one thing you can't forget though
Even with the Stars that you collect, you still can't mend your broken ties with Nintendo
Been dishing out hits since the NES console
Your biggest hit was slamming into a hard wall
Check out the drip with the blue cloak that I'm wielding
I'm killing it in sport, you can't score an appearance 
You only had a minor cameo and then dipped
Now I'm shutting you down worse than Alphadream did
With nothing but a cape to cover up that mug
You bring a whole new meaning to ‘Geno Flash’, bud (Ohh!)

Geno:
Enough of your magic tricks, I've had it with this talentless wizard who's casting shit
Better make like a Cactuar and sprint from this battle when I fire from my Cannon, bitch
Now factor this: your franchise degrades with more passionless installments 
You're lacking in gravity cause it took nine games before this hack had any story involvement 
I'm stealing the hearts of the Smash fans, you should take notes being in Smash Flash
It's no exclamation, I'm making my mark while your only mark’s scorching the grasslands
That defense stat is so fragile, you couldn't last a single battle on your own (Uh)
I may be Pinocchio, but your Fantasy theme’s pretty on the nose!

Black Mage:
Like your name, man, it's difficult to say that
Your lame fans can stay passive when your sequel stays canned
They’ll rage at your makers, begging for your next game; sad
they’ll always keep them waiting, there’s no hope to be saved, damn
Your nimbus friend couldn’t ever hope to fight Cloud 
You time hits but I’ll put you in a timeout
And I doubt your game could even resurface
If you're being left to rot with a dead eShop service! (Ayy!)
Like the Meteors I summon, I'm rocking the mic
Drop out of this fight, or I’m unleashing Thundaga more shocking to you than when your music’s getting a copyright strike
You’d fail your job without your allies, I see through Pinocchio’s pack of lies
Not even the Smash Ballot could bring this lost Spirit back to life!

Geno Vs Black Mage (ft. Light & Spidey Fam). SIR Rap Battles Sidequests

Happy 420 everyone! Light up a joint and have a listen to two of the funniest and deepest musicians to ever hit big time rap it out. This battle might be one others have done, but no one can do it like Jenni does~

Weird Al Voiced By Zawesome
Bo Voiced By WoodenHornets
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Thumbnail By Creeper Pasta

BEAT: Accordion Freestyle Reggae - Hip Hop Instrumental - 2019


Bo:

Welcome to the internet, Weird Al
So place your bets, Weird Al. You’ll get wrecked, Weird Al
It’s the best of the next gen humor and mood
Against the dude who got big writing songs about food
Got the hottest shit, Netflix profiting
The only time your topping it, is with that sloppy wig
And let’s talk about your choice of attire
Prints so bright, I wish my Eyes were on Fire!
I’m a master with my Words, Words, Words
When I split an old turd into thirds, thirds, thirds!
And I’m predicting that you’ll slam me with your Grammys
But it couldn’t save you from the fact your fans are Boomer Grannies!
I may be younger but maybe take some advice
Rappers aren’t the guys to try when you’re looking for paradise!
People treat you like a genius but it’s all in your head
When we can use UHF to prove that Art is Dead!

Weird Al:

Put down that microphone and listen to me, Bo!
Cause guess What? It’s time for Al to put up a fight
You won’t have a easy time when you’re dissing me, Bo
Should make your special and just stay Inside
Since Demento, I’ve been rocking the squeeze box
You were falling down the Vine, with your whiny little tween talk
And sure you got tears flowing back in Eighth Grade
You only stir up emotions when we can’t see your face!
So stop the Word Crimes, you really need to man up
With those raps it’s the first time I’ve laughed at your stand up
You acting like these fake deep songs give you clout
With the listeners asking “What is this song all about?”!
Running With Scissors, of course I can cut a track
I rocked it as Wreck-Gar, but you’re the one talking trash
Your talent’s one act. I’m a master of variety
Probably stutter out your next verse: performance anxiety

Bo:

I thought I was hypocrite but you’re full of crap
This has been panders harder than Chipp McCapp
You’d need to parody my rap for you to have a chance to do this
I’m provoking real thoughts, you just Dare to be Stupid!
And with a bach in architects, I was expecting
You to build a better verse and flow for me to come and wreck it
Al’s Polka Face will crack when this master starts to hurt ‘em
Of course you were gonna lose. ‘Cause foes? Bo burns ‘em!

Weird Al:

More frantic banter with those ansty songs
Think you’ll win this but Everything You Know is Wrong!
So stay where you belong! You’re better behind the scenes, dude
Al’s got more talent than a jam packed Green Room!
But don’t panic! You’ll get beat by a classic
You’re so White and Nerdy, you’re my perfect demographic!
Battling Bo? I’ve had it! You couldn’t spit fire, kid.
So do us both a favor, and get back to retirement!

Weird Al Yankovich Vs. Bo Burnham - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of mysterious entities that just stare at you: Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Mereana

Rabi as purple Tree
GamingPlush64 as green Tree
Fightmarker as blue Tree

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Dumbchild

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Hi there!
So, today is my birthday and I decided to upload a match up that only I would want. I love schlock horror movies. I love Twisted Metal. So here's a schlock horror and Twisted Metal match up! A wish come true for me~

The Djinn Voiced By Freshy Kanal
Calypso Voiced By KingMewtwo
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Serena
Thumbnail By Matt Raichous


BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=horNWCxKcYg



The Djinn:

In a time before time, I tortured souls for fun
So take notes from Needles Kane, and Run, insect. Run
Forget Barbara Eden and Will Smith. I’m not some genie to easily diss
So don't make a sound, don't make a move, and most of all...don't make me pissed!
A master of chaos, I’m pulling the world into darkness and slaughter
Despite what your causing, your most evil sin was the death of your daughter
While you turning whole cities to fodder, I command the powers that you borrowed
If your rotten comic was any to follow, the only thing William’s mastered is sorrow!
Your colorful car game crashed, smashed, your character turned into trash, fast
So despite Singletrak being past fads, they tried painting your series Black! (hack)
So before you try spitting back, maybe react to the fact you’re a bitch
Who lives in the Shadow of knowing his death was his daddy’s only wish


Calypso:

My Twisted Metal contest turned the City of Angel’s to rubble
All the city awashed with flames. So burning you is no trouble
I’m doubling up on the carnage with the High Octane I’m rocking on
I’m popping off, don’t need the nuke mobile for me to drop bombs!
You claim to be supreme, but still trapped in your jeweled prison
Think you’re a step ahead, but only free thanks to alcoholism!
While trying to rap is a given, facing me still seems quite obscene
Since I was twisting words years before you hit the big screen!
Tried getting appraisal from Alex, what a fallacy, she left you sobbing
The last time I saw a genie this blue balled, he was voiced by Robin!
Your quartet of films forgotten, tomatoes Rotten, out of luck
You’re so much of a clown, you should be driving the ice cream truck!

The Djinn:

Come now, you worm, you can think better things to diss
Or would you prefer I drag your soul to Hell to meet your sis!
Leave you dismissed like Sony, you’re just phony faux Loki
Oh if only, you’d have been lucky and they didn’t blow your chance at the movies



Calypso:

You demons are all the same, never realizing the cunning of man
I’ll have you under my control, just ask Black and Minion!
The battle draws to the close, This Djinn was burned by the devil
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

Calypso Vs Wishmaster - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Vinny as Leafy
Quizz as Jimmy
Written by Pixel Chris
Mixed by Rayyan
Beat by InsaneBeatz

LEAFYISHERE:
What’s up guys, today I’m battling this guy, JimmyHere
But I’m not playing your games of laugh and lose, so lemme make it clear
You bursting into laughter shouldn’t be how this bout ends
But with the way you hold it back, you’re practically Jimmy Fallon
You got a pedo stache and a beanie hat
And a couch for the cast for repeating laughs
Think you’ll beat me? Cap. You just repeat gags
Such a bitch in fact, you’re a Doogal looking ass

JIMMY HERE:
MODS! Who let this guy get submitted to the stream?
I’m here for good content, not Mr No Chin McGee
If you wanna clap back Jimmy, that acting’s psychopathic
You target children, but that’s your main demographic 
You cyber bully, you think you break new grounds?
Your “roasts” boils down to “You should Kill Yourself… NOW”
I’m just built different, this fight’s just not fair
Because I making you quiver like: JIMMY HERE JUMPSCARE 

LEAFYISHERE:
Damn, I knew those lines were gonna be shitty
But holy shit, I can’t tell what the fuck you were thinking
Like your photos in the mirror, this’ll be a piece of cake
Mentioning jumpscares but I literally make you “quake”
The only W you ever got was in the second grade
While for commentary YouTubers, I literally set the stage
You’ll take a nosedive when I smoke you like a cigarette 
Just letting videos play and they call me Daily Dose of Internet?
You’re falling harder than 5’7 dudes getting out of bed
Motherfuckers IQ tells me he was dropped on his head
You wanna not laugh, I too want you to say less
Because your lines are more forced than the gag about the maid dress
I can destroy cringe channels and end careers in seconds
You watch unfunny videos, and oh, I ought to mention
He’s gotta bait with money for the submissions channels being used
So hurry your bars up, bitch, I wanna bleach my eyes from seeing you

JIMMY HERE:
While you put people down, I keep YouTube splendid
Call me the Filmora logo, cause I’m about to end this
Going through your videos, what I can finally conclude
Is that you’re just mid like It’s Wednesday My Dudes! (AAAAAA)
Your channel was taken down but now I’m leaving you retired 
Cause you have no game and Leaf a lot to be desired 
My lines are fresh like a mint: Ayo, What the dog doin?
Cause I keep the audience excited: Ayo, What the pog doin?
In this face off between Here to Here
I’m simply just not here to hear
You make fun of kids from peer to peer
But when I roast you, you appear to fear
Doesn’t take much for me to leave leafy as a corpse
Thinking you’re winning? You must be trippin like Gorp
Time to coom to your senses, I put on the better show
It’s hard not to laugh at such a laughable foe (Hahahahahahaha)

JimmyHere vs LeafyIsHere Early Audio

Oi loves welcome to a new FRB vs Anything innit, which pits rap battle community members against well...anything. Today we have the left brain of former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Margaret Thatcher go against the right brain of Jack Manifold-endorsed streamer and writing genius, littleflecks. (Insert Bri'ish joke for SC release)

Written by Littleflecks and JustGamer
Littleflecks: Psytube
Margaret Thatcher: Littleflecks 
Beat by BeatG33ks
Mixed by LittleFlecks
Cover art by Zagranis

Margaret Thatcher:
I’m the voice of a nation I brought forward, prevailing in all fronts
Even if my voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard 
More driven than even president ford was 
And I’m about to win the most pointless war since the Falklands 
I’m Maggie Thatcher, the milk snatcher 
Don’t fuck with me ‘cuz I will smack ya’ 
I Went so hard that they built statues
I’ll make you pay like I poll tax ya’ 
Mate, you did top 10, they were mid flops then
You had pissed off went to do tiktok trends but that shits gone dead 
So this kid recessed to rap battles. Call that winter of diss content 
My hearts wired with no soul 
I’m part iron, I’m so cold 
You can march, riot I won’t go 
I’ll start fires with no coal 
Tubby tubbo will finally die 
In the public eye but I privatize 
You see copyright and die inside 
I don’t give a shit ‘bout a minor strike 

Littleflecks:
Oh fuck I thought the wicked witch had already died  
Ding dong, ring any bells? Cause that’s how you’re identified 
Also I’d like to give congratulations on surviving your assassination 
I’d say that’s a stroke of luck, but holy fuck, that’s all it’s taken
When I call you Ronald, I mean McDonald and Reagan 
With the skin so pale, you’re the Iron-deficient lady 
I put the fresh in Freshy Kanal with my crazy rappin’ (YEAH!!)
Those rhymes were so poor that you’d want to fucking tax ‘em 
Yo I’m the Rhyme Minister when I’m on beat 
You broke the glass ceiling and then filled it with concrete 
I’m gonna leave before you cast a witch hex 
Off to have so much sex. Now, that’s a lil flex

littleflecks vs Margaret Thatcher - FRB vs Anything

The re-remaster almost no one asked for has arrived!
JenniNoMRC as Cuphead
Shimario as Megaman
Beat produced by Audio Network
Written by Trakked
Additional help by Jason Carreon
Mixed by Serena, Trakked (beat mix)
Thumbnail by Trakked
Art by Trakked

Battle:

Cuphead:
Well, golly! I didn’t expect this,
The devil added another metalhead to the checklist?
Then I guess I’ll wreck this, deflecting shots 
With a direct hit, send it in and “X” the box off
Think you’re on top? This snobby fellow’s not,
I’m beating demons, you’re over there stopping yellow blobs
Collecting contracts, and you look like a bonus
Though with your bombed franchise, you’re probably soulless


Megaman:
Better watch what you say, I’m defending humanity,
While you’re only saving souls because of your vanity
And your family isn’t happy ‘bout your gambling streak
Stop playing craps and see you’re causing actual calamities
It’s sad to see; (Yeah) and I know you’re tryna get rich,
But you didn’t need to sell your soul again to Netflix
Reckless, and you’re never getting on my level
Just a greedy delinquent that dealt with the Devil

Cuphead:
Created to achieve peace and preached it around,
Yet you’re still beating bots and sending them in the ground
And stealing their parts just to gain more abilities?
May have more powers, but no creativity


Megaman:
Ripped off my gameplay, bit off the same plate,
Tip off to save face, tipped off to break, hey!
Fad since the start, so I’ll take down your cards
And then I’ll show Chalice a real Super Art


Cuphead:
Well chum, I suggest you digress and then some
I’ve many awards, you can’t get one 
I bet guns won’t save you from losing a stock, and
You and your fans are living under a Rockman


Megaman:
Surprised you didn’t get your younger brother as a stand-in
My bosses are balanced, while all of yours are crammed in
Not one to meddle with, made of pure metal
And sent you back crying to Old Elder Kettle (AYY)



Cuphead vs Megaman - Rap Cypher #26

void (prod. tenshi & tec9beat)

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Commander Jacob

Recent comments

Timi the Ice Flower

Related tracks