GoodEveningSoldier

Tour Song Too (ft Sadat X & William Elliott Whitmore)

Little By Little

I've been getting a lot of requests for the Pound House Rap instrumental. Here it is. Live from the MPC 1000. I just flipped the Pound House intro theme around with some chopped drum sounds. All sounds sampled from vinyl besides the PH Theme. Enjoy!

Watch on buh

Pound House Rap Beet

I perform this song a lot in Coolzey sets. It's from the upcoming debut album by the band BITCH LITTLE starring myself, Kate Feldmann and Zamzow. I am for some reason endlessly amused at the idea of trying to cheer Eminem up against all odds. That's what this song is about. 

The Ballad of Marshall Mathers

Stalactites

Terrorist Nation

Just staying limber, recorded this on a junk Tascam tape 4-track with a mic in my bedroom.  Sounded nice so I took it in to Eugene and he mixed it and laid some cuts on it.  Premier beat, obviously. My records, though.

B.Y.S. (Gangstarr Instrumental)

Coolzey with Schaffer the Darklord and The Rhombus

The Honey (ft Schaffer the Darklord & Rhombus)

CRAFT BEER
(Parody of God's Plan by Drake)

I’ve been wishin' and wishin' and wishin' and wishin'
I’m wishin' to drink, yuh
Tender pour it slow, don't want no gusher for me
Tryna drink a Busch Light is a struggle for me
Don’t pull out a Mich Ultra in front of me
You know how I like it when you pour it for me
I just wanna pint of Founders All Day
Yes I wanna drink the beers you brewin' for me
Hope I got some brewers that will give me
They gon' tell a story, I like listening
Got cans, Got cans
I drink stout, sometimes I won't, yuh
I spit it out, sometimes I don't, ay, don't
I drink amber red or gold, ay, gold
Might throw down a IPA yeah, wait
I go hard on that Yuengling, yuh, Way
I make sure I stop and eat
And still
Craft beer
It's a lot of craft beer
That I’m wishin' and wishin' and wishin' and wishin'
Im wishin' to drink
Craft beer
There’s a lot of craft beer
I’ve been wishin' and wishin' and wishin' and wishin'
I’m wishin' to drink
Yuh, ay, ay
She say, "Do you love me?" I tell her, "Only partly"
I only love my beard and my growler, I'm sorry
Hops nug, I even got it tatted on me
When you done best bring the ponies to the party
And you know me
Boil the Mashed grain and then I add yeast, dog
Without Carbonation there'd be no drink
Imagine if I never met the broskies
Got cans, got cans
I can't brew this on my own, ay, no, ay
Someone watchin' this shit close, yep, close
I've been drinkin in the garage, ay, rarage, ay
Wash it down with Lagunitas yeah, wait
I go hard on Bully Wheat ay, Ay
I make sure sometimes I eat, yuh
And still
Craft beer
It's a lot of craft beer
I’ve been wishin' and wishin' and wishin' and wishin'
They wishin' to drink
Yeah, yeah
Craft beer
It's a lot of craft beer
That I’m wishin' and wishin' and wishin' and wishin'
I’m wishin' to drink
Yeah

Craft Beer (Drake parody)

One take rough draft after I just got home from writing this at the bar it's not mixed or anything so shut up thanks to ksetdex for the raw
See the video doing it live at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul1n59QsDMA

ksetdex murder session 1

From the upcoming Coolzey instrumental album
DARK MANTRAS II
Grimy hip hop instrumentals crafted by MPC

Dark Mantras II

Grape Blunts (Instrumental)

Lyrics wherein I tell Justin he is Soft and he denies it and tells me he is hard and conversely he tells me I am Cool and I deny it and tell him I am hot (also justin likes to not make sense it's his style so lay off):
COOLZEY
Yo you Soft Spokane
You so plush
I like to comb your hair with a horse hair brush
Hush little puppy
Your purple-pink fur
Is soft like a cat
Nuzzlin' up and purrin'
Cuddle up don't stir
Like a vision with the sugar plums
Climbing up marshmallow mountains
Smoking kush blunts
Push Soft once and he buckles
Push Soft twice and he chuckles
Strapping pillows to his knuckles
Huckleberry Finn with the sensitive grin
Every time you walk in I see the little kids grin
Suckling piglets and chickadees
Eating mochi and making bubblegum fricassee
Too much angle food cake you got me floating
Like a butterfly over the Wimbledon open
You feel like a cloud when I hug you
I love you
Soft Spokane you such a sensitive thug you
CHORUS
Yo you soft Spokane
No I'm not
I'm harder than the Thing's bowel movement
Don't stop
Yo you cool Coolzey
Huh-uh I'm hot
Like habanero peppers on a freshly cooked brat
Yo you Soft Spokane
No I'm not
I'm harder than a bottle of the freshest Scotch
Yo you cool Coolzey
Nuh-uh I'm hot
Like the summertime or a gun that just shot
SOFT SPOKANE
Yeah I'm softer than a lima bean that I oversteamed
Softer than the softest soft serve ice cream
But yo Coolzey you got a adjective too
You're cooler than a penguin in the penguin part of the zoo
Cooler than my pool in the arctic summer
So underground I wonder
Was you born in a bunker?
An igloo on the mic
Like when Lemmon shaved ice
Cool like 'I can smoke weed inside?'
Cool like a bobsled
Cool like the sleet and snow
Here's something important you should know
A vest won't help
A wool cap nor sweater
Throw you in a pitcher of iced tea mixture
Cooler than Law and Order SUV
Don't mess with Z unless you got mittens
You took my kittens
And turned her into cool cats
And when you're in my crib I must adjust the thermostat
Attitude is freezer
You blue ball receiver
If you had a beeper
You gotta earn that!
Believe her
You witch titty
You a super cold day
A super cold bidet that make me say HEY!
Like Axel Foley or Axel Rose 
Or Bill Paxton or Glenn Close
Or George Clooney's mom
Or George of the Jungle
Or March of the Penguins
Or Richard Dreyfus
CHORUS
Yo you soft Spokane
No I'm not
I'm harder than the Thing's bowel movement
Don't stop
Yo you cool Coolzey
Huh-uh I'm hot
Like habanero peppers on a freshly cooked brat
Yo you Soft Spokane
No I'm not
I'm harder than a bottle of the freshest Scotch
Yo you cool Coolzey
Nuh-uh I'm hot
Like the summertime or a gun that just shot

You Soft - Coolzey and the Warden

Wherein Zach and Justin imagine they are an awesome rap group called Storm Dogs doing a dramatic anthem about themselves:
It was a dark dark night
The moon it shine bright
Bark bark bite
My teeth is pearly white
I treat my girly right
That's tight
Like pooping out a human finger bone
Into a waffle cone on speakerphone
Storm Dogs come home
Let's heed the call
Storming through the fog
Rip the muzzle off my jaw
Storm into a club
There's a puzzle to be solved
I do a cat call
Where my dogs at y'all?
Rah Rah! Storm dogs go!
From the dog show
To the rap show
My homie Black Snow got iced with a heater
When we find the bitch who did it
We're going to eat her
A million millimeter
Yo that make one meter
Teeter to the totter
Totter to the teeter
Faster than a cheetah
Innagottadavita
The new leader of rap
All my dogs clap like thunder
Storm dogs lapping up the butter
That fell off the table
Like bread I make you wonder
If the Storm Dogs is gonna come out
With our tongues out
Rip your lungs out
And then go to a bar
Rah rah! Storm Dogs go!
From the dog show
To the rap show
I make you clap slow then gradually speed up
Like Dustin Hoffman I smoke all the weed up
Hustling and coughing
Boogying and banging
I'm so popular because my phone keep ringing
My machine answer sounds like a panther
Because it's a jungle in here
Don't even dare
I eat a deer to the bare bones
Wear a bear skin rug, Doug
So I can look like Jenny Jones
I've written many poems on parchment
That you can read in the darkness 
On top of your apartment
Yo let's start this right here in the middle
I make you solve a riddle
Where your tit at?
Where'd you get that?
Oh now you in a pickle
Cause Storm Dogs want that
Rah Rah! Storm Dogs go!
From the dog show
To the rap show
I'm taking Fat Joe to overeater anonymous
To get a colonic
Because he look like hippopotamus
Rip apart the track
Like the bacon off a pig's back
And eat a baby bunny
Don't share like Sunny
Oh no!
The Storm Dogs glow!
Turn off the lights at a Storm Dogs show
There be a lot of fights at a Storm Dogs show
We real rough and tumbly
Sometimes cuddly
Sometimes hungry
Why you on a diet?
Why you crying Thunder Lion?
Yo keep quiet
I stay biased against violence
And keep the storm silenced
That is until you hear the violins
That's when we come in
Storm Dogs running
Storm Dogs chewing on something
Rah rah! Storm Dogs go!
From the dog show
To the rap show
Oh god no!
And then you die
When it rains you never see a Storm Dog cry
Rah rah! Storm Dogs go!
From the dog show
To the rap show
We made a dope song
Now we're at the end
We thought that we could
Now we know we can
Storm Dogs run into the night
Storm Dogs bark and Storm Dogs bite
Storm Dogs
Storm Dogs

The Dong and I

Storm Dogs by Coolzey and the Warden

Life Without You

A demo from 20 years ago when I was in college

My Friends vs My Head

Ima Idiot (beat)

Golden era hip-hop roots planted in black Iowa dirt are the foundation for singer and songwriter Coolzey. Growth was tempered by alternative era rock influence and eventual embracement of all popular genres of music. This along with a love for the juxtaposition of the dark, horrific nature of life paired with a slapstick and comedic view of the world allow for a wide, unpredictable arsenal of material ranging from soul-spilling indie bedroom rock to wise-cracking battle rap and on to radio pop.

Popular tracks by Coolzey