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Blood

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Soul Brotha

Melo Slap

Bunch of Vans

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Harbor Breeze

I grew up in a traveling circus where I befriended a woman named Ursula Clementine. Between performances, Ursula would eat bangers and mash whilst playing her aquamarine hurdy-gurdy. Inspired by her virtuosic renditions of Perry Como classics such as “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo,” I quickly sought out my own musical outlet. I went to a pawnshop in Butts County, Georgia eagerly foraging for my very own instrument. The selection was tremendous. They had everything from a theremin to a steel drum. Utterly overwhelmed, I approached the front desk in need of assistance. As the girl behind the counter turned around, I fell in love instantly with the most beautiful woman I had seen. Two days later I left the circus life behind me and we were married and had two children: Squabbles and Doris. 

Yet, I still hadn’t found an instrument. 

It was a cool Autumn morning on Doris’s third birthday and I decided to find her the best gift in the world. I went to Circuit City and immediately stubbed my pinky toe on a display of computers. These weren’t just any computer, though. They had the most complex and up to date software imaginable: Windows 95. Thinking to myself that three year olds don’t really need presents anyway, I bought myself a computer. 

It was on this computer that I produced my first song. I had fallen in love with the production process. I just knew that I had to record Ursula playing her hurdy-gurdy. Turns out she had died. Ursula, god rest her soul, had been the inspiration for my musical endeavors. I hereby dedicate every song I have written to Ursula Anthony Clementine.

Coop Van Zandt

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