right now i'm sad
alone and apathetic
my eyes won't stay focused
all welled up and drifting
it's all so strange
and i can't explain it
i don't feel creative
eraser shaving abstract painting

i hate my handwriting
my lowercase "k"
with a loop on the arm
that i can never change
for more than a day
a metaphor for self-efficacy
oscillating constantly
isolated constantly

is my writing full of cliches?
is my art just mediocre?
drive home after midnight
fall asleep in the car

Eraser Shavings RoUUuUUuUuGh rough demo

I know what it takes 
to feel alone,
abandoned at the core.
I feel the void.
I'm sure you're not there,
I know you're not here.

Everyone is gone, 
and everything is happening at once.
I'm all alone.
With blurry eyes and bummed out sighs,
I guess this isn't, "see ya later,"
it's goodbye.

(with friends like ghosts
living in the far back of my head)

With friends like ghostly apparitions
showing up in old photographs
that I took to remind myself
that the laughter echoing up from the basement
is so much more than my imagination.

I still see them in the halls.
I hear whispers in the walls.
There's still some life here after all.


sunday

Grim Reaper (Teen Suicide Cover)

Blonde Hair, Black Lungs (Sorority Noise Acoustic Cover)

 	
i get so sad, alone, and apathetic
my eyes won't stay focused
all welled up and drifting
it's all so strange, yeah i can't explain it
i don't feel creative

eraser shaving abstract painting

i hate my handwriting
my lowercase "k" with a loop on the arm
that i can never change for more than a day
a metaphor for self-efficacy
oscillating constantly
isolated constantly

i hate feeling empty
i want to feel free and write honestly
and maybe i can change for more than a day
never thought i'd ever be this way
vacillating constantly
isolated, unhappy

is my writing full of clichés?
is my art subpar and blasé?
drive home after midnight
fall asleep in the car

eraser shavings

my first album from when i was 19 or so, used to be embarrassed about it but you know what? who cares

Small Talk

Friday Night

Noncommittal

September

did i forget to call you back?
if i blink will i snap out of this?
im out of my mind again
drifting off into a reality i can't make
cause im me
don't remind me who i am
please
everything's spinning
i'm empty in a void
hiding from the people i love
hiding from time

weightless
floating above the clouds
through the ozone
over the moon
to another galaxy
i don't need oxygen
i will be fine

did i forget to call?
has it been hours or years?
i don't know anymore
i don't know anything
i will soar through a nebula
i'll miss you all, but nevertheless 
i am nebulous mixed with hopelessness
and i don't care what's for the best
so i will be fine
i will be fine
i will be fine

nebulous (acoustic)

gray is in my mind
with a calming shade of blue
when it's cold and damp
i think of you

gray is in my eyes
i see fire burning bright
red, orange embers flickering lights
keeping warm through frozen nights

gray is in my heart
when i love i fall apart

gray ( d e m o )

every crack in the road 
rattles my small bones
happens all the time
with a smile on my face
inhale time, exhale space
what a beautiful day

i am happy on my own
at my best when i'm alone
i can't change for you but,
i'll build a place for you
i'll learn to write, write you poems
in my heart, you'll find a home
if that's okay with you

we don't have to sing in tune
not sure i could, even if i wanted to
i can never find the key
but a couple errors adds some character
brings our story to life
so let's sing

i'm not one for getting close
in fact, that scares me the most
but for you i'll try
i am happy on my own
at my best when i'm alone
i can't change for you
but i'll build a place for you
i'll learn to write, write you songs
practice all night long
if it's okay with you
i'll spend my days with you

with you

did i forget to call you back?
if i blink will i snap out of this?
i'm out of my mind again
drifting off into a reality i can't make 
cause i'm me

don't remind me who i am
please
everything's spinning
i'm empty, in a void
hiding from the people i love
hiding from time

weightless, floating above the clouds
through the ozone, over the moon
to another galaxy
i don't need oxygen, i will be fine

did i forget to call?
has it been hours or years?
i don't know anymore
i don't know anything
i will soar through a nebula
i'll miss you all, but, nevertheless
i am nebulous mixed with hopelessness
and i don't care what's for the best
so i will be fine
i will be fine
i will be fine

nebulous

just take my hand now friend
you won't believe the things i've seen
i'll show you what i dream
so come and follow me
i know you long to leave
i know you want to feel free
alone's no way to be
alone's no way for me

i swear we won't feel empty when it starts
we'll walk around for hours at the park
maybe we'll see some stars after dark
so tell me how you feel
while we're walking through the fields
we'll travel on for miles, and i'll still smile
if you feel the same way
i'll steal you away
if only for one more day

yeah take my hand now girl
you won't believe the things we'll see
i'll take you where you dream
or we'll just watch some movies
i know you long to leave
i know you want to feel free
alone's no way to be
alone's no way for me

Take My Hand (Revisited)

spiraling inside starry night eyes
brighter than the moon glowing in the sky
sitting by your bed, 
i stutter while i think of what it'd be like
to touch your soft, warm hands
under shade, backs to grass
oh i think we could last
everything that i do with you is new
when you laugh, it's like spring
and im an old oak tree with my leaves slowly blooming
once more i will let my heart beat too fast
to let my head decide what's best for me
or believe anything else
you're a ghost, im a haunted house
i hope you never leave
oh my god, am i asleep?
this has got to be a dream

blooming demo

anyone know if this dude still makes music

girl (salvia palth cover)

sugarhouse ((sandy) alex g cover)

ten thousand tired tombstones
crooked branches in the space between
one stone cross tall in the center
staring down at me
i saw it in a dream
my body buried underneath
with only silver scattered tombstones
to keep it company
no one will visit me there
and i'm no longer scared

the end

i've been walking around the block
every single sunny day
with a breeze so easy all around
got my eyes fixed on the ground
if you're quiet you can hear the clouds
i have nothing to give to anyone anymore
and if i did i'd give it to myself
when i am alone i am free
oh i don't wait for no one
and no one waits for me
i got nowhere else to be
hey!

free

pale white page
beneath a purple sky
pitch black ink
never pours out right
so i spiral down a mountain
and scrape against the trees
i dance like a marionette
with sticks for strings
every word's so ugly
like everything i see
but the lightening in the distance
setting fires burning free
only endings
ever bring me peace
la la la la la
i'm leaving tomorrow
maybe tonight
at least the thought is nice
leave me be
i'm leaving tomorrow
or if i'm bored tonight
i would leave it all behind
for a quiet night

leave me be

tonight i want to hear you speak
tonight i want to feel you breathe
onto a cool kiss on my cheek
it's getting late
what do you think about
as you leave your home?
do you think you'll always be alone?
is it so hard to be on your own?
i wouldn't trade it for a thing
until i'm counting all black sheep
and i try to sleep
you were never gonna stay too long
it's time for you to go
yeah we had some fun
i'd rather be alone
than wait around with you
as new light fills the room
it's always just one time
i could do this all my life
numbing every night
wouldn't that be nice?
if this is how it has to be
well that's fine by me

all my life

it's alright
you can stay until the morning
it doesn't have to mean a thing
i don't want it to
but it's so nice
to sleep next to you
until i shift too much
until you inch away
when the warmth is just
uncomfortable
i'm starting to see
that the people who have hurt me
and the person i'm becoming
aren't all that different
buried underneath
each heavy minute
why do you smile so much
when you talk about your day?
i want to smile too
but i'm nothing like you

burning

it's nothing to me
a kiss on the cheek
i lie through my teeth
you're nothing to me
in too deep i fear
i whisper sincere
dreams in your ear
it's gone too far i fear
now it's clear
i'm weak when you're near
warm and full of fear
it's never been so clear
you are a thief
you only steal from me
but you lie so sweet
so i let it be
there's nothing else for me
never had a chance you see
to be young and free
always shimmering
i'm no good i'm cheap
yet you steal from me
you are a thief

thief

i didn't do much all last year no
didn't do too much at all
so many days passed
it happened too fast
i lost touch with all my friends
on the ground i lie
i don't know why
what i've been up to
i couldn't tell you
couldn't tell you why
don't know where i went
you know how i get
how i can be sometimes
im thinking maybe i won't make another noise
maybe i won't wake up before 9
maybe ill quit for real this time
ill do something i enjoy
like hiding in my room with all the lights off
next to the curtain
watch the sunlight paint the walls
pale yellows, cool blues
in my quiet room
ill stay in quiet rooms every day forever
quiet rooms every day forever

copper cloud

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