you hard fam, i swear your'e blowing up this summer

[Intro – The Roast Begins]  
Yo—  
They saw a rock with a glow on the nose,  
And said, “It’s alien tech, I suppose!”  
Bridge lights on like a cosmic car,  
Cruisin’ the void from a cave on Mars?

Military minds see tic-tacs fly,  
No splash in the sea, no blink of an eye.  
Right-angle turns, shape-shiftin’ fast,  
Then vanish in trees like a ghost from the past.

Zero to light speed, blink and it’s gone,  
South African forests, now you see none.  
But ATLAS? A mothership? Please behave—  
Unless aliens cruise in a stone-age cave.

[Verse 1 – The Monkey Mirror]  
Yo—  
If they came to Earth, they’d laugh and cry,  
Watchin’ monkeys build bombs and askin’ why.  
Discoverin’ genius while chokin’ the sky,  
Still flingin’ bananas as satellites fly.

We got telescopes, we got big brains,  
But still think a rock is a ship with reins.  
C’mon now, let’s break the trance,  
It’s physics, not a pleasure dance.

[Verse 2 – The Physics Flip]  
Yo—  
That forward glow? Ain’t alien flex,  
It’s friction, bro, not cosmic tech.  
ATLAS movin’ against the tide,  
Through a riptide stream where particles hide.

Solar wind, plasma, dust in flow,  
Heating the nose with a subtle glow.  
Fluid dynamics in space, not air,  
Waves and pressure, density rare.

Galaxies spin like cyclones wide,  
And riptides ripple where gravities collide.  
It’s motion, mass, and cosmic math,  
Not aliens takin’ a scenic path.

[Bridge – The Bee in the Bonnet]  
So next time you see a glow in the sky,  
Don’t jump to aliens wavin’ hi.  
Think of the medium, the cosmic stream,  
Where motion and matter dance unseen.

[Outro – The Enlightened Laugh]  
We dropped the science with a grin so sly,  
Roasted the myth, let the truth fly high.  
ATLAS ain’t tech from a distant race—  
It’s a stone in motion through textured space.

So salute the monkeys with telescopes bright,  
But teach ’em to see with post-Stone Age sight.  
The riptide’s real, the glow’s explained—  
And the archive’s laughin’ in fluid refrain.


3I/ATLAS Alien Tech? Yeah Sure!

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