(Creds to childish gambino and trndytrndy)

Bonfire x silly ending remix

saw the meme and heh.....I had to make this dark and twisted remix a reality.... guess im just that far gone......

let yo bih go through yo phone

imagine stressing about the artistic meaning behind the description of a Soundcloud post because defining this worthless tantrum of mis- see there im doing it again and now im wondering if my choice to include this 4th wall break is another attempt at somehow making this "art" because im 22 and ive never made a song before despite wanting to for over a decade now. YOU fucking tell me whats worth it. tell me what the fuck I should care about because I cant fucking bear the weight of choosing to step in the direction of individualism because its not just the first step that weighs so much, its every single one. I didnt ask for my brain to make it feel so awful to try and love myself. In fact, if it's true that we have control over our minds via the power of belief, then im just awful at following any doctrine because I cant put my faith in anything, especially myself. I love run on sentences btw. fuck you. you know what? you think whatever you want about this abnormally long and edgy Soundcloud description. fuck you. fuck you, fuck you. theres no right answer here, theres no possible way that I can do something right now in this moment and it feels like the right thing to do. I could stop typing, I could hit finish and publish this post, I could cry, I could go for a fucking walk or something but I can promise you it wont help. "ohhhhhh hes sad and hes convinced theres nothing he can do but hes in the wrong mindset" fuck you, how the hell do you expect me to do anything else but collapse with how my brain works. if I had gotten therapy years ago then I probably would have no idea what this feels like but I ignored it and now my brain breaks down in ways I dont hear about, and I try to do the things people suggest and it doesnt change the frequency or strength of these spirals. you know what? you know what would fucking fix me, if someone just held me. yeah, its pretty simple, and probably a bit pathetic, but Its literally all I fucking want right now in a way that feels ground level with my soul. fuck you. fuck you, let me ask for it, please just shut me up. I swear to god shut the fuck up. I dont need you to look at this and wonder if im in my right mind. shut the fuck up, there is literally no way to explain how im feeling, not in a video, not in text, not in some weird mashup of sounds produced by someone who has no idea how to produce music. I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO DO THAT. it feels like every fucking YouTube video I watch makes my heart ache worse. I am so fucking lonely, and saying it doesnt help, all it is me admitting to something pathetic, in a pathetic way. and what if theres a character count here? who knows, imagine I get to the end of this and I cant upload. shut the fuck up, I just need to be held dude. I am SO FUCKING CURIOUS WHY I DONT HAVE SOMEONE IN MY LIFE MY AGE WHO LOVES ME AND WOULD HOLD ME like where are all the people my age, everyone I know and might be acquainted with are like fucking 30. this is embarrassing, its literally just be caving to a stereotype of some edgy teen spewing dramatic self-deprecating shit on the internet. If thats really what this is, then im fucked because im operating with a tender heart and im close to ground 0 of my ego. fuck you. I literally got on my hands and knees and worshipped the universe on a back road in the orange groves begging it for some kind of relief, and that night didnt end with the comfort that I need. fuck you you dramatic lazy fuck. you know whats fucking insane? theres a list of people who might try to give me the care I need and I feel like if I took it from certain people I would shift into a different version of me and then THAT version of my ego would get care that it maybe didnt need and I wouldnt benefit from it. fuck you.

Do You Think I Was Meant To Do This On My Own

Nice to know you

gotta upload something

do yall fw a girl who will throw a kick and clap on some sped up shit and call it a night?

Ambrosia

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