A little distance. Feels like rejection 
And rejection feels like a song 
I can’t stop replaying 

And my apathy. It feels like acceptance.
Some resignation, that I had it all wrong. 

Then he comes back so gently 
But I’m already down the street
I didn’t even bother to say I left

Don’t leave me
I’ll leave you first
Don’t see me 
I see you more 
Don’t look at me that way
I’ll always look away

Your love for me. 
It felt like a time bomb. 
Like I was on night watch
for it to blow up 

Now I run away. 
Before love betrays me
Now I look for a villain inside
Of everyone I’ve ever loved

Affection and apologies
That essence feels so menacing
A fucked up way to look at things 
I guess

Don’t leave me
I’ll leave you first
Don’t see me 
I see you more 
Don’t look at me that way
I’ll always look away

Relieve me
I’m tired of keeping watch
Go ahead now
And prove me wrong
Don’t look at me that way
I’ll only look away

Chain me to the floor
I’m keeping score on all the walls
And every door
I try to leave through 
Only leads me right back to you

Don’t leave me
I love you so
You didn’t see me 
So I saw you more 
Don’t look at me that way
I’m scared you’ll run away

Relief is
Not keeping score
So I’ll let him 
Go and prove me wrong
When he looks at me that way
I’m scared to death to stay

Fearful Avoidance.m4a

Little Voice (Cover)

Cover of In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel, 
a song you have heard in a Walgreens

In Your Eyes (Cover)

The result of reading A Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes

Painted Gray.wav

Nothing Left to Say [rough mix]

Never Let Go [rough mix]

Love Me Right [rough mix]

Alone With You [rough mix]

There are no words to say here
There isn’t any clever phrase 
To cover up the pain
This isn’t okay 
This isn’t fair 
But You are good

I could recite the Lord’s Prayer
I could recount the words 
Of David in the Psalms
I could believe them…
I know they’re true
And You are good.

But all I can do is say
To the one to the only one
To the one who makes us whole again
To the one whose healing never fails
Halle’ halle’ He gives and takes away

There’s a hole in my chest
And the grief I thought I’d know
Feels like a shockwave through my head
I can’t make sense of it
This quiet pain
But You are good

I try to focus my mind
I try listing all the ways 
I’ve seen you moving all this time
I feel them waiting
Patient and still for me to be ready to see
That You are good

So
To the one to the only one
To the one who makes us whole again
To the one whose healing never fails
Halle’ halle’ He gives and takes away

courtneyconerly