this was recorded over a year ago im not exactly sure when but i've been wanting to upload it. i've been making new music and i thought i should appreciate sum of the old stuff before i blow my account up with new shit

lyrics:
will you disrespect my mom?
will you break my strings?
we'll both drop out of school
thats fine we'll be friends forever

i give up
and i lost my state mandated toothbrush
they didnt give me another one
cuz im a patient i lie
so its obvious im lying about this too

and my mouth will fill up wth blood
because you kicked me in the face
you all know the familiar beat
you've heard it all before
mama wanted you to leave me
in the apartment parking lot
i gave up on myself
 cuz you gave up on me
will you touch me when i ask you to
will you touch me when i ask you too

and im drifting out
sorry i let it get this bad
dont call me anymore
you dont call me anymore
and my old songs are dead
because i killed them
and my eyesight is shot
i got blinded by seeing god
blinded by seeing god
i cant see anymore
my lungs are torn
nicotine 
and morphine 

a dream team we are
and you take off my clothes
a dream team we are
my strings are dead
my shit is in the trash
cuz i started getting rid of everything
my bank account is empty
dont know why my job wont call me back
do you love me like this?
im on my hands and knees for you

a nosebleed~

Sorry I Let It Get This Bad

i wish i was in love with a boy
who thinks that im a toy
i wish you would think about me in the shower
i wish i was on your mind every hour
i thought this was going great
i feel like ive made a big mistake
its 11 oclock and you dont want me
i know that i am ugly
i think that you dont love me
you hate me more everyday
i annoy you in every way
theres a choir in my brain (saying)
"you dont wanna walk me home"
"you dont look at me like i am special"
i think you need me
but im not sure what for

shower song

mother nature is mad at me
thats why its cold on my birthday 
thats fine i'll sleep in anyways

i like the part where you liked me
i bite my fingernails
i am wearing your underwear

you're like my bestfriend
thats why i like you
i floated out of my body

i was stuck in your ceiling
you're washing the dishes
you're never there when i need you

i'll take my shirt off
it might make you like me
it just made me ugly

i smoke in the morning
it makes the day less boring
independent variable

you are unbearable 
leaning out your window
i am an experiment
when will this all be over with?

2 B Forgiving

just realized ive never seen my parents kiss
cant remember if i ever did
i try to leave my body
and then you stop me
why do you care about it?
its not your business 
i'll steal from the mall
something i forget
it doesn't make me feel better
since when did i
become so unkind
i'll sneak away
hate myself all day
i'll lay in your bed
pretend that we're dead
feels like im in a dream
then i say something obscene
u dont like me anymore
i wanna write to make you proud 
i want you to stay around
i'll cut myself
you'll lick the wound
yes i know i am a good dog
thats why i wrote a folk song for you
im asleep 24/7
with both my eyes open
every night i dream the most unpleasant things
little kids with guns
want me to make a living
on self loathing on paper

Not Yr Business

Xanax M1lk

Lyrics & meaning/backstory behind song:

in her head, shes killing cats, 
in the alley,
bashing their tiny skulls in with bricks

i feel nothing 
i feel nothing 
i feel nothing 
oh nothing oh and

maybe i can bury them and
dig up their bones all clean

maybe i can bury them and
dig up their bones all clean

Meaning:
okay, yes im aware this sounds violent. i dont actually condone killing cats, nor do i kill cats. This song is actually about ending a relationship (romantic or platonic or whatever) that meant a lot to me in like a sort of messy violent way? wrongs on both sides, discomfort and misdemeanor that leave both sides with a bad taste in their mouthes. More specifically the killing the cats aspect is sort of like, me killing the relationship in an unsavory or like mean way, when it shouldnt have ended like that.

And of course the "dig up their bones all clean" is referencing to the thought of maybe in the future, the relationship can start up again like brand new. after time, it'll be like old bones of a long forgotten rotten corpse of a cat being dug up.

and the most important part, the first line "in her head" 
meaning that these actions of ending a close relationship in a bad way are being thought about. 

:3

on a whim

a bath of freezing cold water-
you don't deserve anything else
wake up on the couch
face downnn

did anyone ever tell you its the middle of the afternoon?
and its unacceptable to wake up like this

did anyone ever tell you its the middle of the afternoon!?
and its unacceptable to wake up like th i s

Facedowndowndowndown

Lyrics:

an album i found through you
a poster in your room

i swear i'll be in here
till i die

dont feel bad

it doesn't do anything
i wont get out

i cant 

I'll never be
what i want to

let me be
happy

things that are tangible

lyrics:
no one will tell you this
no one will tell you the things
no one will tell you the things that you cant remember-

youre such a damaged person
but you didnt seem it
no one will tell you the things that you cant remember-
do you seem like the type
if they told you would you even believe them?
ashamed of yourself and the things that you said
the things that you do
how do you live like this?
rock back and forth on the floor
youre knees wont stop shaking
are you scared that youre guilty?
will you park your car in the city?
get out and walk to some nearby bridge
stare over the edge

will you jump-? 
over the edge

patience

you get used to the pain
you get used to feelin this way

right now its coming back again
its unbearable to live like this

burn my self

burn-

i burn myself

revisiting

lyrics:

i had a dream the other day
i took mushrooms and prayed to some false god
and my brother believes in him
and my neighbors put in a noise complaint
and the officer didn't like that i couldn't stand up straight
and in my head im at a party in 2018
and the words hurt but i didn't register that you said them to me
and im getting back into my art
so i can stop taking chunks out of my arms and
im thinking about leaving you another voicemail
i dont know if you listen to them
im doing what i was afraid to do
in hopes that i can finally feel like you do
and its summer in october 
i don't feel like  did months ago
i know myself better than i did last october
but i still dont know who i am
and ive got some friends now and i think that they feel
closer than last october 
i'd do it all again if i just got one more summer
but all i got is my summer in october

Summer in october

found a part of me~
that i'd rather you not see

im on the phone with you

everything is delicately interconnected

everything—empathy, and the world just running, and how you can exist in that

I bought a mattress for a dollar 78 on the side of the interstate. Inside was a birthday cake

brain stem soggy from perfume

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