Of the sinner and his sins. Or when you wish you were a different person with different problems. 

******

Forgiven

I looked for love
in places where I could get hurt
I am not ashamed

I lost my faith
in trying to make sense of it
who can now take my complains?

if I quit before the end
will I still be forgiven?

would it somehow make a difference?
would the sun shine if I were him?
would I feel that I can win at last?
would I still be mine if I were him?

I begged for love
and it never took me anywhere
roads of solitude

I was wrong
and I didn’t care enough
please wait in line to complain

if I quit before the end
will I still be forgiven?

would it somehow make a difference?
would the sun shine if I were him?
would I feel that I can win at last?
would I still be mine if I were him?

Song a week 2017

Forgiven

Cover Art by Natalie Webb
Beat and drums by Manuel Valencia

Some songs linger, they're fellow passengers for a few years in life. They take time and space and a nourishing womb. They want to be left alone only for so long. Then the water breaks and you can't help it but let them out. Some songs cry and look swollen, some others just fly away from the moment they breathe. They'll come back later. This is a song like the ones that refuse to be born quick, but instead they feed slowly and parasitically into an agonizing multiple year pregnancy. But it's also one of those that learned how to walk instantaneously and it's so undeniably a reflection of its father that it's frightening how the process resembles more of cloning an adult being than giving birth. This song is a bittersweet chant of a voice that questions when it will be time to start believing again.

*****

Recuperar la fe

no sonríe
no tiene alma
la ha perdido 
en batalla
la soledad 
se le escapa
entre tanto que ocultar

tiene frío
el sol no alcanza
se ha perdido
y no avanza
se detiene justo antes de intentarlo
tiene miedo de poder arruinarlo

¿qué tan cobarde puede ser?
¿y cuánto tiempo va a perder
para recuperar la fe?

Recuperar la fe

Of frail aching souls.
Some songs deserve better. This song is an old friend. One I was in debt with. This is me paying the respect I didn't do back in the day. 

*****

explicaciones

eres un Platón moderno, 
un Picasso indescifrable
eres teoría de relatividad

eres los diez mandamientos
Alva Edison sin rendirse
sigues caminos de acuerdo 
a lo que la vida te pide
te abandonas, te dejas atrás

lloras con una razón
bien fija siempre en la mente
te afliges porque a veces 
el dolor no tiene precedentes
y te encanta sentirte mal

te ahogas en explicaciones
entre los nudos de los cabos
se te acaban las razones
olvidas lo que estás buscando
te hundes lentamente 
en la tortura habitual

tú que sufres porque precisamente 
Dios no tiene lógica aparente
muy al final logras darte cuenta que 
tiene sentido que no lo tenga

te llenas de indignación
porque las cosas no hacen sentido
se te acumula la frustración
pero nunca pierdes el estilo
de sentirte la víctima

devoras con tino
cualquier idea, cualquier pensamiento
no te explicas cómo puedes herirte 
tanto al menor intento
dejas de respirar
quieres ya terminar

Explicaciones

Of conflicted hearts.

*****

Love Always

she refused to talk
didn't she just say she couldn't take it anymore?
now he's listening
but the words won’t come out

she called the police
after many bruises, many black eyes and several years
wasn’t he the one?
but the price was too high

doesn’t love always hurt?

she’s his one true love
wasn’t this the same he saw dad did to his mom?
she would beg sometimes
dad, is there a way out?

doesn’t love always hurt?

tears flow down his face
as his hands get cuffed and he finally understands
it came down to this
then he kisses her goodbye

doesn’t love always hurt?

Love Always

Of them (we) poor unfortunate souls

***** 

Lol, I can't even

you got the finance job
and finally had the money to move to new york
you learned to swipe right
to meet for drinks and the often one night stands

summer in amsterdam
how is it possible that post just got one like?
headstands and night workouts 
why would you want to get married at 31?

you ran out of audiobooks
does listening at 3x pay off for the higher price?
subscriptions to renew
and the new gluten free iphone coming soon

Lol, I can't even

Of self inflicted schizophrenic guilt

*****

Innocent

If you pulled no trigger, you innocent
If no crime was committed, why are you afraid?

Innocent, innocent, ain't you innocent?
Run away, run away, why you trying to
run away? Run away, run away now!
If you innocent, innocent, innocent, are you innocent?

If you meant no harm, why lying?
She caught you off guard, again the guilt,
how can she tell the things i hate about myself?

Innocent, innocent, ain't you innocent?
Run away, run away, why you trying to
run away? Run away, run away now!
If you innocent, innocent, innocent, are you innocent?

If you pulled no trigger

Innocent, innocent, ain't you innocent?
Run away, run away, why you trying to
run away? Run away, run away now!
If you innocent, innocent, innocent, are you innocent?

Innocent

In which he finally says goodbye.

Credits: 
Drums by Tyler Wang

*****

San Francisco Summer Rain

never did we say goodbye
your love got me wondering why 
summers are cold in San Francisco

I fell for you when I was new to the city
between burritos and graffiti
that fall sunny day

a winter stroll, head over hills in potrero
one last kiss at the embarcadero
still don't know why

I should have gone that last sunny day
long long before that I had to learn
your love's like San Francisco summer rain

and all my blues trace back to you 
but tomorrow they won't cause anymore sorrow
so long, goodbye

I should have gone that last sunny day
long long before that I had to learn
your love's like San Francisco, 
it's very expensive, 
full of men that work in tech,
it's overrated

and all my blues trace back to you 
but tomorrow you'll be someone else's trouble
good luck with that, arrivederci
adieu, so long, good bye

Cityscapes

San Francisco Summer Rain

In which he is back at being ten, snow is falling and he can't go outside. All he can do is imagine what it feels and sounds like through a window. He sees other kids making snowmen and having epic snow fights. It's a vicarious experience. It's intuitive, empathetic but ultimately not the real thing.

A Snow Waltz

In which he is visited in dreams by the angry spirit of Music Past. Awaken and afraid of hereafter punishment, he writes the words he can remember, the rest we will never know. 

(I wrote this song when I was around 15. 17 years later, I can finally pay the due homage)

Credits: 
Drums by Tyler Wang

*****

Incoherencia

Que me pase yo la vida
únicamente pensando en tu amor
que me gaste el universo,
los planetas, las estrellas y el sol

Que me parta en mil pedazos
se me nublen las ideas por un rato
me traicionen los amigos
por corruptos y quien sabe que tanto

Es una incoherencia, signos de demencia,
es falta de paciencia o mera coincidencia,
mi poca inteligencia, mi falta de congruencia
dime lo que piensas, es una incoherencia?

Y aunque pase todo esto
no podrán sacarme ni un sólo gesto
y aunque llore por instantes
no saldrán ilesos ni adelante

Que me parta en mil pedazos
se me nublen las ideas por un rato
me traicionen los amigos
por corruptos y quien sabe que tanto

Y es que puedo despertarme así...

Es una incoherencia, signos de demencia,
es falta de paciencia o mera coincidencia,
mi poca inteligencia, mi falta de congruencia
dime lo que piensas, es una incoherencia?

Incoherencia

The first ancient spirit "of light and darkness" has been summoned and tells a story of people whose laments can be heard in the hereafter and beyond. I offer this chant to those in pain, physical and emotional. You're not alone tonight.

*****

Happy People

she didn't get the offer
and things are starting to get tougher
but Anna still needs a place to sleep tonight

finally came the labwork
but Frank won't read it, "not tonight though"
he says he knows already what they found

is there anything we care to live by?

one night at his father's
and the next one at his mother's
little Tom wants to only have one house 

and Jane won't talk about it
but every night she feels like crying
and there's no one at home to listen up

is there anything we care to live by?
why is it we find so hard to empathize?

here's to the people hurting
somebody is thinking about you right now
you're not alone tonight

here's to the people fading
thinking their lives are ended
how can I better show you love right now?

here's to the people crying
those who feel tired of fighting
how can I better show you love right now?
you're not alone tonight

Tales of Light and Darkness

Happy People

Antonio met Karen on the L train on his way home. After an awkward first encounter, these two walk home reminding themselves how people don't fall in love on trains. Reality couldn't be more different from stories in movies, could it? Especially in NYC. Nobody falls in love in NYC anymore. Voted the worst place to find love, in the Big Apple, it is all transactional. Once home, he can't stop thinking about the stranger on the train. She's been here long enough, she doesn't remember when she started feeling so apathetic. What is it about him? - Karen can't place her finger on. She was beautiful, wasn't she? Maybe I should have spoken to her. Did she notice me? - Antonio ponders.

Credits:
Vocals by Joseph Peterson & Heather Curran
Words by James Tristan Redding & Cristhopper Armenta
Drums by Tyler Wang
Art by Mariana Guzmán

*****

A Pair of Strangers

And there she was 
Could she see me?
Did I smile too much?
Would she ever let a stranger hold her hand?

What's wrong with me?
Is it normal
to live half asleep?
And I wonder if I’ll ever smile again

Just a pair of strangers
on a crowded train
Unexpected glances
not enough to stay

As the day is dying
when I'm all alone
Every night I ask myself
will I find love?

Maybe this time
could be different
I have heard before
If you love it then you have to let it go

These walls I built
to protect me
haven't served me, no
when did I become this lonely wounded soul?

Just a pair of strangers
on a crowded train
Unexpected glances
not enough to stay

As the day is dying
when I'm all alone
Every night I ask myself
will I find love?

Let my heart be weightless
open up my eyes
isn’t always easy
but I have to try

As the day is dying
when I'm all alone
Every night I ask myself 
will I find love? (beneath the stars above)
doesn't everyone deserve
a chance at love?

xtho

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