Episode 1: An Introduction or Something

In this episode, Q invited me to a work event at the Renaissance Hotel in Dallas.  Since this was his first time going, neither of us knew what to expect.  What I did know was: 1) we would be provided with a room for the night in the fancy 4-star hotel, and 2) there was going to be an open bar - so I was totally down for a weekend adventure and Q was looking forward to having his credit score go up at least 20 points by just being around so many rich people!

Q and I go back almost 5 years I think... (he’s willing to accept that number since both of us prefer not to do the math or reveal our age!) We’ve worked together in the past at two different companies and now have jobs at different businesses, but enjoy sharing the benefits of both with each other.  Whenever I win tickets, he is the super fun “date” I bring for a guaranteed memorable time. The best way I can think to describe our friendship is that he is the Jack to my Karen(Will and Grace) or the Sophia to my Blanche (Golden Girls). When we are together, those around us are gifted with our commentary and are usually caught laughing while eavesdropping on our conversations.  We are not the people that get told to shhh, and are more often the ones doing it!

So while the initial plan was to make an appearance at the event and then record our episode, later into the night (when everyone was nice and toasty due to the open bar) plans began to develop for some sort of after party in one of the hotel rooms which ultimately led to us going out to the clubs near Oaklawn and Cedar Springs, more commonly known as “The Gayborhood.”  Did we mention the open bar connection there too?!

So sit back, grab a drink (or other vice of your choice), and enjoy an evening with Q & XTNA.

Episode 2: You Had Me At "Open Bar"

In this episode, my mom shares her world-famous chili beans recipe with me, so I can make it for Halloween. I have lived in Kansas, Texas, California, and Monterrey, Mexico and we have share this chili with EVERYONE. Not one person has ever said they didn't LOVE it. So, I thought it would be a good idea to share it with everyone here, while also keeping a record of it somewhere where the future generations of our family can share it and keep the tradition and the deliciousness going.

Now, I have no evidence of the chili that I made, and its all gone now, but I can assure you it was SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. So, so yummy!!!

So here you all go, make it at home and tell us what you think!!

Mama's Chili

Ingredients:
- Pinto Beans (1 pound)
- Ground Beef (1-2 pounds)
- 3 Large Onions (yellow or white)
- 1 Head of Garlic
- Diced Tomatoes (1 or 2 cans, or 4 whole tomatoes)
- Tomato Paste (1 or 2 cans)
- Tomato Sauce (1 or 2 cans)
- Jalapenos 
- Chili Seasoning 
- Salt
- Pepper
- Beer (1 or 2 cans)
- Shredded Cheese
- Fritos

1. Cook the pinto beans in a slow cooker with 1 head of garlic, one whole onion, and some salt. Fill with water and let it cook overnight on high (at least 8 hours).
2. Dice the tomatoes (if needed),chop 1 onion, and chop as many jalapenos as you would like (de-seed with a spoon and gloves!!).
3. In a large pan, cook the ground beef with some salt and pepper on low until brown, add the onions, jalapenos, diced tomatoes, sauce and paste along with the chili power. Let simmer for about 30 minutes while stirring occasionally. 
4. Taste and add any ingredients, as needed. 
5. Mix the beans with the meat, first remove the whole onion and head of garlic and throw them away, the beans soaked up the flavor and we don't need them anymore (you may need to transfer it all into a larger pot).
6. Once the beans and meat are mixed, you can pour in the beer (any beer of your choice, but I used 1 large can of Modelo). Stir gently and let it sit for at least 1 hour.

To serve, pour the chili into a bowl and sprinkle onions, shredded cheese, and fritos and BUEN PROVECHO!

Episode 3: Mama's Chili

WARNING: Friends and family (especially family) you probably don’t want to hear or read any of this, I don’t recommend it and I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or freak anyone out. If you do choose to read/listen, please don’t approach me with shame or sympathy – good vibes only! Much love <3 Proceed with caution.

I struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have been handling it pretty well for about 5 years now, but I go through times where I let it get the best of me. 

The last week of November and even the first few days of December have been especially difficult. With my upcoming birthday, I find myself struggling with a lot of anxiety, flashbacks, and panic attacks. I usually keep it to myself, but then people get mad at me or annoyed with me for acting weird because I don’t tell them what’s really going on… because how can I explain the vivid, disturbing images that are replaying in my mind? I can’t. There is no good time to bring that up, but there are a few very specific memories that have been replaying in my mind and I am hoping that if I say it out loud, then maybe it won’t recirculate in my mind anymore. 

I know I shouldn’t have to explain myself or defend myself, but I also don’t want to suffer in silence anymore. It takes a huge toll on me and the flashbacks have been resurfacing more in the last few months than they have in the last 2-3 years and I really want to get it under control. I want to move forward into this new year of my life without feeling the weight of it hanging over me all the time. I want to get this over with so that I can just forget it and enjoy the next 27 years of my life!!! I am ready for real healing and to receive the blessings life has in store for me. 

The crazy PTSD demon in my head does not get to win.