The Lost Tapes

exuvium [OBLIVIØN Pt. II]

ANTAGONÏZER - OMNIVIOLENCE

Buy/stream 'widow [OBLIVIØN Pt. I]': https://ffm.to/widow

This album is my dive into my unconscious self. A narrow-beamed flashlight illuminating creatures on the sea floor... a strange mixture of dread and familiarity. 

I shed a fair share of blood, sweat, and tears over the two years it took to make this thing... and I also shed parts of myself. To be honest, I barely recognize the fragmented figure that widow represents. The first half of the OBLIVIØN series is the only relic I have to remember him by. Mangled, but poignant. A sort of exuvium; left behind to remind me where I came from, and provide a blueprint for what lays ahead. 

I sincerely believe it is my most honest work yet. 

I’m not trying to be pretty. 
I want you to see me. 
I want you to understand. 

-j
➰

widow [OBLIVIØN Pt. I]

Canopy Ft. Lexi Norton [Lost Demo]

Spiros [Lost Demo]

Effervescent [Lost Demo]

Cathedral [Lost Demo]

Fervor [Lost Demo]

This song is my invocation of the muse. My tribute to the terrible, bloody, beautiful experience of being an artist, of dissecting yourself, screaming and suffering, for the enjoyment of others. Of showing the masses your darkest pain and hoping it somehow makes the whole fucking mess inside of you finally mean something.

This is controlled psychosis. 
You’re seeing my viscera. 
Does it give you a thrill? 
Does it make you uncomfortable? 
Do you still love me, filthy and bleeding?

Watch the official lyric video: https://crywolf.komi.io

OBLIVIØN Pt. II :: THIS FALL

➰

LYRICS:

I wanna show you something
Rainfall in my head
I’m lost again 
I’m lost again
I’m lost again

Thunder and souls and sobbing 
She’s getting in my DNA
I swear you lost me
I swear you lost me 
I swear you’ve lost it

ø
ø

Under my skin you’re unwrapping all that I am, I swear
I wanted to keep
I wanted to stay
Deep in your head forever 

I wanna show you something
Melting through my brain
Every time you’re around you’re assaulting me
I swear you lost
I swear you lost me
Floating away forever oh

I wanna show you something
Rainfall in my brain
I’m lost again
I’m lost again
I’m lost again
Again

Thunder and souls and sobbing
She’s getting faster
DNA

I swear you lost me
I swear you lost me
I swear you lost me

ø
ø

I wanna show you something
Rainfall in my brain
I’m lost again 
I’m lost again
I’m lost again

Thunder and souls and sobbing 
She’s getting in my DNA 
I swear you lost me
I swear you lost me
I swear you’ve lost it

ø
ø

Ego nihilitas non quaesivit 
Scinditur mihi apertis 
Ardebatur omnia
Apocalypsis animae 
(x4)

(To touch her is to become a child, to love her is to be buried)

Ab meum oris effund, O Anime Apocalypsis!
Ab meum oris effund, O Deluvium Ruina! 
(X8)

I wanna show you something 
(Floating away forever, oh)
Thunder and souls and sobbing
(I’m lost again, I’m lost again, I’m lost again)

D D D N N N A A A [the most fun a boy can have without ripping his skin off]

https://stem.ffm.to/smokeandwaterthechthonicmother

OBLIVION II exuvium

SMOKE AND WATER [the chthonic mother]

DATURA [paroxysm]

AMARANTHINE [better an apocalypse]

ABBADON

ABBADON [love lets you know you are safe, but violence lets you know you are pure]

[skototropism]

[i see the birth and death of the universe swimming around in your eyes]

EXUVIUM [beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, that we are still able to bear]

FAR LIGHT

New single from Angels EP, out everywhere April 29th on Always Never Records!

Like the track? Click the [↻ Repost] button!
 

Buy Angels EP here: http://bit.ly/1jIenCw


~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~

You were the answer to my dreams
Your scent in me so deep
I wanna tell you something
Dressed in a stunning red
Your head upon my chest
The pain inside means nothing

Take off your shirt and lay down
Right next to the pile of things we loved when we were younger
Eyes half closed
You were the answer that I had 
But you weren't all I wanted 
You weren't all I needed

So 
Take a spot in front of me and 
Listen now I'm coming clean
There're so many things I think you should know
Take apart all the melodies and 
Deconstruct what's inside of me
You're all I want to see before I go

You were the answer to my dreams
Your scent in me so deep
I wanna tell you something
Betrayed by the words I said 
My head upon your chest
The pain inside meant nothing

Let's get the fuck out of this town
And pass around a bottle in remembrance of our hearts, dear
Eyes half closed
I am the one you're searching for 
But I'm not all you wanted
I'm not all you needed, oh

Angels EP

Eyes Half Closed

Buy On iTunes

Buy the full EP here: http://bit.ly/1jIenCw

Crywolf:
Facebook: www.facebook.com/RunCrywolf
Twitter: www.twitter.com/RunCrywolf

emalyn:
http://www.facebook.com/emalynmusic
http://www.emalynmusic.com

Like the track? Click the [↻ Repost] button!

~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~


I won't forget you my love
You're trapped in my mind and I hold you from time to time
You are a whisper my love
I feel you inside of the shivers that run through my blood
Oh

It's a quiet voice that no one hears
It's a silent wish to have no fear
It's a quiet voice that no one hears
[I never knew that you could sing so softly]
It's a silent wish to have no fear
[I hear you tremble as we're lying down]
It's a quiet voice that no one hears
[It's a slow dance, it's a romance]
It's a silent wish to have no fear
[It may be the last thing on my mind]
It's a quiet voice that no one hears
[It's grieving, it's leaving]
It's a silent wish to have no fear
Have no fear

Whisper (feat. emalyn)

STATIC is the first ANTAGONĪZER single, the collaborative project of AWAY & Crywolf.

@obeyantagonizer

STATIC

LISTEN / BUY

BOW DOWN

Song 1 of 6 from OMNIVIOLENCE. 
ANTAGONÏZER is AWAY + Crywolf.
Released on HypnoVizion.

Lyrics:
Bless the blood, O my soul.
Let it runneth from my hands.
O fury, fill my cup.
O wrath, I am thee. 

EXURO OMNIA
EXURO OMNIA

OMNIVIOLENCE

WRATH, I AM THEE

Song 4 of 6 from OMNIVIOLENCE. 
ANTAGONÏZER is AWAY + Crywolf.
Released on HypnoVizion.

Lyrics:

Climb the cross
Steal the eyes of God
My saliva’s dripping
Let me hunt
Give me discord
F**k your love
Give me bloodsport

Hear you bark
Like a drooling mutt
My saliva drips
Open your mouth
Taste the discord
Take off your leash
Give me bloodsport 

And as you bare your fangs
You save me
Save me
All the primal gods inside your savage body
Save me 
Save me

I am the knife in the dark
The fear that grips your supple heart 
The sun that ravages the earth
The storm that tears your world apart 

I am the knife in the dark
The fear that grips your supple heart 

I am the knife
I am the knife
I am the knife

BLOODSPORT

Song 5 of 6 from OMNIVIOLENCE. 
ANTAGONÏZER is AWAY + Crywolf.
Released on HypnoVizion.

Lyrics:
You were born in terror,
Like an angel exorcising itself from the clay.
And like every angel, in the end, you fall,
Screaming like a wounded animal, vicious in its grief. 

As you land, your nameless fingers root into the earth and become gods,
Erupting like the most beautiful flower I’ve ever seen. 

You used to long for death
My love,
My devourer,
My ashen one,
Can’t you see?

Death was always here.
Death is you.

TERMINUS EST

tenebrescence

WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

DYSPHORIA

Neverland [feat. Charity Lane]

WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS 
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

Lyrics:

Your bones
Lie sleeping here
Alone 
Sweet poison

And with your name on the tip of my tongue,
Your arms around me
Don't let them tell you that I never cared
You're all that I see

I believe in this love 
You race in my heart
In your infinite eyes
That familiar spark
In a world full of light
We can live in the dark
Don't you forget, my love,
I've been yours from the start 

Your bones
Lie sleeping here
My own 
Sweet poison

And with your venom inside of my lungs,
You suffocate me
Fuck everyone that says I never cared
You’re all that I need

I believe in this love 
You race in my heart
In your infinite eyes
That familiar spark
If our sin's in the light
We can live in the dark
With your demons and mine 
I've been yours from the start

Halloween, 1987

Buy on iTunes

https://soundcloud.com/eden-mcmxcv

WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS 
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

Stomach It [feat. EDEN]

WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS 
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS
WE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

Shrike

Anachronism [hushed]

DRIP [hushed]

Acoustic EP, Vol. 2

DRIP [hushed] (stripped version)

Anachronism [hushed] (stripped version)

Neverland [hushed] (stripped version)

Neverland [hushed]

Cat"a*clasm\ N. A breaking asunder; a violent disruption.

Buy on iTunes: bit.ly/CataclasmiTunes
Watch the mini documentary: bit.ly/MakingOfCataclasm
Photography by Dustin Hollywood

And I Can See Your Blood Flow.

I'm not sure when it started, but for a long time now I've had this reoccurring daydream where I walk outside my house, look upwards, and start to slowly float towards the sky. Suspended in the air, rising up, the people and buildings on the ground getting smaller and smaller... It has always given me this very unique feeling that I can't pin down; Almost like a nostalgia for something that hasn't happened yet. It's poetic. Profound. My pulse quickens, I get this invigorating feeling of moving on to another world. It's almost a sort of "L'appel Du Vide." Suddenly nothing else matters. I close my eyes and feel absolute peace.

Where am I going? What am I escaping? What awaits me?

I'm not sure where this single came from inside of me, but I know it has to do with that image. The entire time I was writing, recording and producing this, I felt it. It doesn't have specified verses and choruses, it floats from movement to movement, slowly evolving and growing. I wanted it to be a journey. Every time I listen to it, even now, I feel I'm getting a glimpse into that other world. The clouds are parting, I'm venturing into the void. I hope that, in some small way, it can make you feel the same way.

Cataclasm

Rising, Rising

Cat"a*clasm\ N. A breaking asunder; a violent disruption.

Buy on iTunes: bit.ly/CataclasmiTunes
Watch the mini documentary: bit.ly/MakingOfCataclasm
Photography by Dustin Hollywood

One Look And My Fingers Are Numb Now.

When I was 19 I had a sort of existential crisis; I dropped out of school, bought a motorcycle, and took off on a 3 month trip roaming the U.S., just couch surfing with strangers and meeting new people in each city. I was reckless; flying down highways and back roads all day long at obscene speeds. I think I was looking for something, but I didn’t really know what it was yet. 

I used to listen to this song, “Wrapped In Piano Strings” by Radical Face as I sped over mountains and through the desert on my bike. The wind biting at my face, this fluttering in my chest… it was like I was escaping everything I knew, everything that was familiar. When the climax of the song was approaching, I would put my head down and just completely open up the throttle. The feeling it gave me was one of the most beautiful I have ever felt. It was like a religious experience. It brought me close to tears a few times. For the first time, I saw the world as profoundly beautiful. This song is inspired by that feeling… Escaping the familiar, venturing into the unknown.

Wake (E-bow)

Wake [E-bow]

Cat"a*clasm\ N. A breaking asunder; a violent disruption.

Buy on iTunes: bit.ly/CataclasmiTunes
Watch the mini documentary: bit.ly/MakingOfCataclasm
Photography by Dustin Hollywood

Evaporating

In 2013 there was another reoccurring daydream I often had that will always really stick with me - I still think about it pretty often. In the dream, I would be standing in the middle of a vast expanse with my girlfriend at the time, while she stared into my eyes with this loving, peaceful gaze. The dream always started in such a nice way, but there would always be this heart-dropping moment where she would put her hand on my cheek and I would suddenly squint my eyes and realize that she was very slowly becoming transparent. As I watched in horror, little particles of her would start floating off into the wind, and her skin would seem to ripple. As she faded more and more, her eyes always grew wide and a bright white light would start to shine out of them. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end just thinking about it now. In the dream, I always started grasping at her, trying to hold her with me, but my hands would just phase right through her body. 

The thing is, all the while, there was always this look of transcendence and peace on her face. It gave me this very peculiar feeling - it wasn't just that she was being taken away from me, it was that she was... conceding to it. She was willingly going along with it; like she had caught a glimpse of something far beyond me and she was transcending - moving on to something much larger. 

Regardless of the horror of the situation, as the last parts of her faded, I always felt a calm start to wash over me... this interesting mix of both sad resignation and peaceful understanding. The tranquility that comes from finally accepting loss. I knew she was going on to something so much better, and I was happy for her. That was the strangest part about it - the juxtaposition of such disparate feelings. The day I wrote this song, I woke up with that feeling thick on my mind, and I knew I had to get it out.


Akureyri

Cat"a*clasm\ N. A breaking asunder; a violent disruption.

Buy on iTunes: bit.ly/CataclasmiTunes
Watch the mini documentary: bit.ly/MakingOfCataclasm
Photography by Dustin Hollywood

I Can Still Feel Your Claws In Me Twisting 'Round

100 billion humans have lived and died over the course of history. If ghosts are real, there are 14 of them for every living person. Sometimes I’m convinced that they are real; I feel like I sense them daily -- Permeating my skin as I spill my coffee. Exploring the crevices of my lungs as I breathe in and out.

Sillage (n) - the scent that lingers in the air, the trail left in the water, the impression made in space after something or someone has been and gone; the trace of someone's perfume.

Slow Burn is about the imprint a person leaves on you after they are gone... The particular shape of their absence. The realization that they are now just as defined by that absence as they once were by their presence. They are gone, but they won't leave. Burrowed deep in your head, swimming around through your synapses... A nostalgia so strong that it's painful.

Slow Burn

**Watch the official music video here: bit.ly/AnachronismYT **

Additional vocals by emalyn: https://www.facebook.com/emalynmusic/

Cat"a*clasm\ N. A breaking asunder; a violent disruption.

Buy on iTunes: bit.ly/CataclasmiTunes
Watch the mini documentary: bit.ly/MakingOfCataclasm

Photography by Dustin Hollywood

Anachronism

It’s a slow sort of death, I think.
I’m trying to hold your particles, but my clumsy hands are too big.
Watching you erode, but not in peace. 

A slow burn, a steady breath, escaping your parted lips. You look into my eyes longingly. Frantically. Panicked. 
In a moment, I realize you never learned how to let the air back in.

It’s a slow sort of death, I think… but we are all dying, aren’t we? Couldn't we just figure out a way to do it together?

Maybe someday, in the far future, they’ll dig us up and find our bones intertwined.

~~~~~~~~~

Art by Dustin Hollywood

Skeletons

Quantum Immortality

All alone // I feel your breath // I hear your whispers // dark like storms // telling me "dear, I'll never leave your mind."

~~~~~~~~~

Art by Dustin Hollywood
Guitars by @Deathandrebirth
Additional production and guitars by Andrew Heringer

~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics:

On that night under the staircase
Our arms drifting down
Your kiss made me a believer
Cleansed my sins somehow

I'll be what you need
I'll keep you inside my fortress
Hand you the keys, leave you to roam these halls

But you tore down the keep
I returned to find ruins
You left all my love in the rubble with these walls

-

But in my head
I am still there
I can still feel you
Breathing slow
I've known this dream for a long time 

In the air
Suspended here
With thousands of words we've spoken
Can I soar
Up through the clouds?
Leave all of this behind

-

But in my head
I am still there
I can still feel you
Breathing slow
I've known this dream for a long time 

All alone
I feel your breath
I hear your whispers
Dark like storms 
Telling me "dear, I'll never leave your mind"

-

And you've been there all along
Tugging me, pulling me down
Touching him, holding him close
You've made your home

And I see your face through his eyes
With every move of your hips
You're breaking my bones
While holding me hostage

-

Could I still love you
Though my arms are breaking?
Could we still be alone?

Do I still know you?
Are you still my answer
To the question I've asked since I was born?

Skelitons

Windswept

"Weight"

When I truly fall for someone, I can't get them out of my heart for a decade. Sometimes I can almost physically feel the weight of every love I've known, pressing down on my shoulders. I wake up with them, I go to sleep with them. A few extra minutes to get out of bed, a bit more drag on my shoes as I walk. Sometimes I feel they are too much to bear.

I love you. I am terrified of you. 

x,
J

~~~~~

Lyrics:

Life somewhere far away, no mistaking,
it could be you
I think it every day, if we were the same
if that could be true...

We could be on the floor
On our backs, screaming "more!"

I know you want me
But I've come close enough for now
Oh god, you haunt me
I'm scared you'll leave me in the ground

Bless me with just one kiss 
before you leave me here with my heart
Tell me you want me home on the phone
Tear me apart

Could we be something more? 
All that I'm hoping for?

I know you want me
But I've come close enough for now
Oh god, you haunt me
I'm scared you'll leave me in the ground
I'm scared you'll leave me in the ground
I'm scared you'll leave me in the ground
I'm scared you'll leave me in the ground
I'm scared you'll leave me in the ground
I'm scared you'll leave me in the ground

~~~~~

Art by Dustin Hollywood
Tracking and additional production by Andrew Heringer

Weight

The first time I saw a real human skeleton I felt a very peculiar sadness and shock inside of myself. It wasn't a reaction to the bones themselves, but to what had once covered them; the strength, beauty, and complexity they had once supported. An entire world had once rested in that skull. How much love, pain, happiness and grief had that frame supported?

As an artist sometimes you write about presence, and other times, absence. You use lyrics and music to run your finger around the shape left by something lost. This EP is negative space. It's the frame supporting something that should be there, but simply isn't. A harsh reminder of what once was; of an unchangeable breach in the order of things. Biting, but necessary. 

This is my sackcloth and ashes. This is my 7 stages all wrapped up into one. I didn't want to put most of these songs out. They all feel excruciatingly vulnerable. However, I decided I'd rather end my life pinned down, splayed out on a dissecting table than be stored away in formaldehyde, buried with my secrets.

So here I am. Here's the knife. Be gentle with me, please.

Follow with the artwork: http://bit.ly/SkeletonsDigi

~~~~~~~~~
Additional vocals by Emalyn

Additional writing by Alex Phillips

Guitars by Death & Rebirth 

Flute by Josh True

Mastering by Matt Simmers

Photography by Dustin Hollywood

Lemniscate (The Place Between Sleeping and Awake)

Lemniscate [The Place Between Sleeping And Awake]

The first time I saw a real human skeleton I felt a very peculiar sadness and shock inside of myself. It wasn't a reaction to the bones themselves, but to what had once covered them; the strength, beauty, and complexity they had once supported. An entire world had once rested in that skull. How much love, pain, happiness and grief had that frame supported?

As an artist sometimes you write about presence, and other times, absence. You use lyrics and music to run your finger around the shape left by something lost. This EP is negative space. It's the frame supporting something that should be there, but simply isn't. A harsh reminder of what once was; of an unchangeable breach in the order of things. Biting, but necessary. 

This is my sackcloth and ashes. This is my 7 stages all wrapped up into one. I didn't want to put most of these songs out. They all feel excruciatingly vulnerable. However, I decided I'd rather end my life pinned down, splayed out on a dissecting table than be stored away in formaldehyde, buried with my secrets.

So here I am. Here's the knife. Be gentle with me, please.

Follow with the artwork: http://bit.ly/SkeletonsDigi

~~~~~~~~~

Additional vocals by Emalyn

Additional guitars by Adam Kuatt 

Additional vocal tracking by Evan Blair 

Mastering by Matt Simmers

Photography by Dustin Hollywood

Fuse (Liminal)

Fuse [Liminal]

The first time I saw a real human skeleton I felt a very peculiar sadness and shock inside of myself. It wasn't a reaction to the bones themselves, but to what had once covered them; the strength, beauty, and complexity they had once supported. An entire world had once rested in that skull. How much love, pain, happiness and grief had that frame supported?

As an artist sometimes you write about presence, and other times, absence. You use lyrics and music to run your finger around the shape left by something lost. This EP is negative space. It's the frame supporting something that should be there, but simply isn't. A harsh reminder of what once was; of an unchangeable breach in the order of things. Biting, but necessary. 

This is my sackcloth and ashes. This is my 7 stages all wrapped up into one. I didn't want to put most of these songs out. They all feel excruciatingly vulnerable. However, I decided I'd rather end my life pinned down, splayed out on a dissecting table than be stored away in formaldehyde, buried with my secrets.

So here I am. Here's the knife. Be gentle with me, please.

Follow with the artwork: http://bit.ly/SkeletonsDigi

~~~~~~~~~

Additional vocals by Mothica

Guitars by Adam Kuatt 

Additional vocal tracking by Evan Blair 

Additional production by Zachary Nikita 

Photography by Dustin Hollywood

Silk

Silk [W/ Mothica]

Last year, while shacked up in the Patagonian Rainforest working on my new album, I was robbed by a chilean street gang. They stole my computer, my recording equipment, my backup hard drives. Everything. All the music and writing from the last 3 years of my life was gone. To say I was devastated would be a tragic understatement... I felt like a hollow shell of a person.

Back in the rainforest, in my wooden cabin, on a Windows XP desktop computer borrowed from a local chilean musician, with a trial copy of Ableton and $100 bluetooth speakers, I created this piece. It was the first thing I made upon returning, late at night in the height of my feverish state. I don't know where it came from. I didn't recognize it. It was all blurs and sparks and chaos and strange teeth. 

I look at it as a monument to one of my most important principals: the idea of embracing a sort of unwavering recklessness when it comes to art. A crazed tenacity. Wildly pursuing ideals in the face of seemingly contrary logic. 

Q  U  I  X  Ø  T  E

http://smarturl.it/quixote

-

Artwork by Dustin Alexander Thornton
Mixed by Crywolf, James Ruehlmann, and Evan Blair
Additional guitars by Adam Kuatt

Q U I X Ø T E [i am alone, and they are everyone]

d o n t  l e t  m e  c a t c h  y o u  s l e e p i n g . . .

Buy/listen now: smarturl.it/FALLOUTantagonizer

➰


Monotone me nicely
It’s a case of the revenant
I’ll be going towards the light, don’t wake me

Paramore, I’m frightening
All my love is feral, and 
I’ll be roaming through your house 
Don’t let me catch you sleeping 

I’m living on the sea floor
I’m living in your pollen 
Emerging from the ether 
I’m laying in the barren lands

I love it when you’re tongue tied
Spilling through your secrets
A love that could caress my demon

Fallout
Darling in my heart I’m
Tearing you apart
I’ll stand corrected

High and
On the edge I’m violent
Staining my hands red
The lion and the lamb

Don’t let me catch you sleeping 
Don’t let me catch you sleeping 
Don’t let me catch you sleeping 
Don’t let me catch you sleeping

➰

For more Crywolf go to:

http://runcrywolf.com
https://www.facebook.com/RunCryWolf
https://twitter.com/RunCryWolf
https://www.instagram.com/runcrywolf/

FALLOUT [antagonïzer]

F A L L Ø U T [antagonïzer]

ATHETOSIS [here's the lullaby you made me promise never to write]

MEPHISTOPHELES

[it was broken before i got here]

You, you're falling all around me.

Download full  "Ghosts EP" on iTunes: http://bit.ly/ZAhDSU


Ghosts EP

The Moon Is Falling Down (ft. Charity Lane)

And I thought maybe we could save ourselves...

Download full album on iTunes: http://bit.ly/ZAhDSU

The Home We Made Pt. II (ft. Maigan Kennedy)

Crywolf - Ghosts EP

Download full album on iTunes: bit.ly/ZAhDSU


Crywolf

Pinned to spotlight

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