i always crave for your gaze on me
sittin pretty for your eyes to see
it's killin us, insecurity
recklessness gave me bleeding knees
~~~
i waited for your reply
but all i got was your tired sigh
its ok to say goodbye
just please dont ever lie

comfort in my own bed
discomfort within my own head
its the weekdays i really dread
i never ever cry you said

you thought i was really cool
awkward smiles during school
i never knew i was so cruel
i never knew i was a fool
~~~
i couldn't ever leave my room
ten times a day i'd feel my doom
can't you heart my heart go boom
as i lay within my tomb

comfort in my own bed
discomfort within my own head
its the weekdays i really dread
i never ever cry you said

(free download https://girldivision.bandcamp.com/track/i-never-cry)

never   cry

another old track where i experimented with audacity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
submerged semiconscious
buried alive buried alive
disappeared without a trace
decomposed decomposed
haunting oblivion 
haunting oblivion
haunting oblivion 

haunted

before i met u
i spent every night
looking at art
looking at claude 


nuns with guns
who own five knives
you're my lord 
my sword, my mental ward

i choke on your smoke
i crave for your gaze
you haunt my wants


s m o k e

last night i had an OBE
ft. sylvia plath reading excerpts from her poem 'lady lazarus', one of my favourite poems eva :~))

lost

i wrote this in kyoto :+)
~~~~~~~~~~~

i smell kyoto in my veins
as i watch japan spill over my skin
nostalgia kicks in

my cheek pressed on the floor
my ribs grind the ground
i hear my valves shut
i sleep with my eyes open

help me god
my pupils scream
but the orchestra just won't
shut the fuck up

so i sat and watched unsure
unknowing
unidentified
unidentified


kyoto

i feel like this is unfinished or could be like an interlude thing i dunno
but enjoy !!!! :^]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
touch my tongue feel the red
hear the words from what she said
cold raw hearts torn from my limbs
the night in your voice has never been so dim
grab my arm you softly grip
unsalted tears from your fake trip
crack my knuckles which i bite
you threw your body at a winter kite


cold

a song about my best friend in the whole universe, my older sibling (yuki)

youre so far away
ur where i wanna stay
everything’s gonna be okay
even when u think the night is day

and ur always dressed in black
always in attack
chewing rolled darts
philosopher at heart

remember when u called
the snow to come home
i loved the killing cold
nippon streets we roamed

darts

found this on my old garageband files-----i wrote/made this when i was bein emo and listening to a lot of julia brown lol

tired thoughts dragged thru the mud
and concrete slathered above
postcode hatred on my mind
i walked into the ocean to hear the ground cry
silver jungles in my throat
i wear this frustration as a coat
fear of a suburban life
tired gazes that could blunt a knife
julia julia julia brown, eyes

(image art thing is by kuroda seiki)

brown eyes

i dont know why i don't have this on soundcloud but i made this yonks ago.

i wrote this when i was 14 & i literally have no idea wtf it's about. anyway this song is basically me going haywire on garageband lol

lyrics:

murder mystery my eyes have seen 
no one said they were keen 
hiding behind the camera lens 
and not bothering to make amends 

head banging after 3 
and hearts pumped and bleeding knees 
lips that lick, lips that tear 
oh screw this cause you dont care 

im so tired so bored 
the highlight of my life is reading nineteen eighty-four 
straight teeth and pretty eyes that tell lies 
theyre making all their friends cry 

head banging after 3 
and hearts pumped and bleeding knees 
lips that lick, lips that tear 
oh screw this cause you dont care


bleeding knees

falling asleep 
in the backseat 
of your car

honey coloured sun 
on my eyelashes

soft skin
red mouths

quiet cream walls
warm arms engulfing
hazy afternoon

1997

ft the grinch & oscar the grouch. thnx to mitch for adding the festive chimes + letting me use his gear
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 its hot outside
december summertime
i cant lie
never liked xmas night

and i dont know why
i never even liked
the festive cheer
its that time of year

i believed in Him
as a kid i’d sing
all the church hymns
and never ever sinned

i used to be catholic and yet ive never celebrated xmas

i wrote/recorded this on a come down lol

drink tuesday water everyday
call me @ 3 and go away
ill kill myself after lunch 
and bury my stones just for fun
the street lights wont let me sleep
i can see my face on the patterns on train seats

heart beats feel so bland
bits of glass in my hands
dont look at me right now
the clouds feel too loud
yr teeth glow in the dark
as we're speeding in your car

tuesday [demo]

a lil emo ditty for all you emo bittys

========================================
((don't be nothing; i won't//tell me something; i won't))

i got drugs, beer, empathy
i don't know who i'm supposed to be
cos everytime i look in my eyes
it's impossible to even try

you'll never talk about it
i'll never talk about it

tell me something; i won't
i got something you don't

i have smokes and a lack of will
i forgot how i used to feel
cos everytime i can't get out of bed
it's because i'm paralysed with dread

you'll never talk about it
i'll never talk about it

don't be nothing; i won't
tell me something; i won't
i got something you don't
don't be nothing; i won't

don't

fade

i dont want to answer my phone
i dont want to leave my room
i dont know what to do

i lost my head at your party
i lost my friends there too
i dont know what to do

i want to know something you don't

i don't know what to do (demo)

hot night 
shiny skin 
no time 
call me again 

i fell i fell 
in my sleep 
tell me tell me 
what to think 

warm mouth 
look at me 
small crowds 
anxiety

shiny

i dance in the dark
drunk and tired
walked thru the park
sunk in deep mire

gone 4ever

im stuck in my head
every day
oh, my old pest
please let me stay

culte

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