Welcome one and all to Meals-Off-A-Dinghy, the only Dinghy dining experience this side of the Mississippi Delta. Enjoy deliciousness like you never have before as your are entertained by our beloved mascot Big Floppy Dinghy!

137 - Meals Off A Dinghy

Welcome to Dead Jokes! This week we crack the box again with Napoleon's Wood. May your pillows stay fluffed!

Intro Music: 18 - theremin.wav by rap2h at Freesound.org

Dead Jokes 2 - Napoleon's Wood

We crack the box this week with Beethoven's Puppen.

Dead Jokes 3 - Beethoven's Puppen

On this episode we discuss the oh so tantalizing 3 executive orders drafted by the Biden administration on gun reform and all the interesting juicy bits that they entail. Not only this, but we break the most important rule on the internet, Godwin's Law.

138 - Ghost Guns Are Spoopy

this just in!  We need to take a moment to have a little chat about Amazon labor movements (at x1.2 speed! We care about your precious time). Tune in for more updates.

Cynic Empowerment Update - Amazon Labor

Meet Tipples! The long forgotten milk man of Johnny Appleseed and remember it's nut juice NOT nut milk...

Dead Jokes 4 - Johnny Appleseed's Tipples

Imagine a planet with a deadly communicable disease. Now imagine this same planet with a vaccine to prevent the spread of this disease. In this instance would it make sense to:

A) Share the vaccine patent with everyone 
or
B) Restrict the distribution of the patent, preventing poorer countries from having access to it

Unfortunately we live on planet B.

139 - Covid Rides Again

Martin's Big Hammer is here to give us the low down on his relationship with Martin Luther himself!

Intro Music:  18 - theremin.wav by rap2h at Freesound.org

music box by gumballworld:
https://freesound.org/people/gumballworld/sounds/386927/

horror ambience 53 sabt mat capella ducis.wav by klankbeeld
https://freesound.org/people/klankbeeld/sounds/193349/

Dead Jokes 6 - Martin Luther's Big Hammer

141 - Race Theory Critical Edition

Welcome back to the depths of despair folks, we'll be your guide on the river Styx today! On our tour we'll be discussing a variety of rant filled subjects carefully curated for your dismal listening pleasures.

Image
Creator: Lee 
Credit: MCT

142 - The Gates of Hell

weird shit happens when you sacrifice stuff to satan

Dead Jokes 15 - Orville Redenbacher's Soul Seed

Could it be?! In the very likeness of J.D. Rockefeller? He's here and he's spillin the bagels. Being wealthy ain't always what you would expect, especially when you have you're public images to consider.

Credited sound FX:
https://freesound.org/people/humanoide9000/sounds/569047/
https://freesound.org/people/Dneproman/sounds/377220/

Dead Jokes 16 - John "C." Rockefeller

The archivist leads the way to secrets of the Himalayan pink salts! Boy Un Dee can hide no longer.

Dead Jokes 17 - Chef Boy Un D

Darth Johan has soul and we need it. How much are we willing to sacrifice and at what cost? Spider Man undies...

This is a good halloween podcast, improv podcast and funny podcast. Listen to it mortals.

Dead Jokes 18 - Darth Johan

Get our own planets!? Sign me up! This time we get in touch with the largest personality yet. Meet us in the next realm bretheren.

Dead Jokes 19 - Astral Mormons

What lengths would you go to in order to extract 17 Mormon souls out of your body?

Dead Jokes 20 - Simone says "Chop off a Limb!"

What do you do when you have been possessed by an evil spirit broker and you would rather not throw up gross, fake looking pea soup to exorcise it? Call Clayborn, here for all your lucifarian litgurgical needs.

Dead Jokes 21 - Infernal Litigation

When you have a case that's needin solved. Who yah gonna call? Winnie Vinnie Always Wins the Case Demon Marzipan Guy

Dead Jokes 22  - Winnie Vinnie Always Wins the Case

Welcome to the cool side of the afterlife folks. We need help taking down the infernal litigator! This time we look to the heavens for holy council.

sound fx creds:
https://freesound.org/people/Cunningar0807/sounds/436128/
https://freesound.org/people/Teo4/sounds/159641/

Dead Jokes 23 - Tommy the Guardian Angel

We're in hell court and we might just get burned. These imps do not play nice with strangers. Sassy Pants the Incubus is a punk. If we're lucky we might just get out alive.

Dead Jokes 24 - We're in Hell... LITERALLY!

Email us: cynicempowerment@gmail.com

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#cynic #empowerment #podcast

Episode 66 - Are you a Pedophile, Yes or No?

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Sources:

Japanese TP Curse:

https://edition.cnn.com/world/live-news/coronavirus-outbreak-03-12-20-intl-hnk/h_6e696114109180842147ea8d6c547bcc

Geofence Warrant:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/google-tracked-his-bike-ride-past-burglarized-home-made-him-n1151761

Shocking Banned 2020:

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/06/us/electric-shock-fda-ban.html

Ice Cream Licker Served Justice:

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/06/us/blue-bell-ice-cream-licker-jail-trnd/index.html

Episode 90 - Synthol Arms & Slav Squats

Email us:
cynicempowerment@gmail.com

FaceBook:
www.facebook.com/cynicempowerment/

Twitter:
www.twitter.com/CynicEmpowerme1

Spotify:
open.spotify.com/show/0nceppuZVPdlrMAYo7RWnd

Apple Podcasts:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cyni…nt/id1411734131

Stitcher:
www.stitcher.com/podcast/cynic-empowerment

YouTube:
www.youtube.com/channel/UCZffEj1nRoh0dtZI6pnXbEA

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Chandelier Sex Slave:

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2020/apr/14/the-sun-woman-attraction-to-chandeliers-not-a-sexual-orientation-ipso-says

Delayed Stimulus Checks:

https://www.newsweek.com/stimulus-checks-may-delayed-trump-requires-us-treasury-print-his-name-them-1497916

No School Shootings March:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/coronavirus-first-march-without-school-shooting-since-2002-united-states/?fbclid=IwAR3ftJulsF37iTz0LnDjYOa57k7kxy42DfKvG_7B9duwRz1yzgSHIsd4mAs

Let's Blow Up Alice:

https://nypost.com/2020/04/14/man-arrested-for-plot-to-blow-up-alice-in-wonderland-statue-in-nyc/?utm_source=reddit.com

Chile Don't Count Too Good:

https://www.newsweek.com/chile-counts-those-who-died-coronavirus-recovered-because-theyre-no-longer-contagious-health-1497775

Episode 95 - Lumiere the Sex Slave Chandelier

Email us:
cynicempowerment@gmail.com

FaceBook:
www.facebook.com/cynicempowerment/

Twitter:
www.twitter.com/CynicEmpowerme1

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open.spotify.com/show/0nceppuZVPdlrMAYo7RWnd

Apple Podcasts:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cyni…nt/id1411734131

Stitcher:
www.stitcher.com/podcast/cynic-empowerment

YouTube:
www.youtube.com/channel/UCZffEj1nRoh0dtZI6pnXbEA

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That's Special Candy:

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/eight-year-old-wins-200-worth-of-cannabis-products-at-youth-hockey-tournament-1.4836083

Dumb Kids Being Dumb:

https://www.fox21news.com/top-stories/two-10-year-old-boys-handcuffed-and-booked-after-playing-with-toy-guns-outside/

Don't Lick Ice Cream:

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/06/us/blue-bell-ice-cream-licker-jail-trnd/index.html

Apple Being Apple:

https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/2/21161271/apple-settlement-500-million-throttling-batterygate-class-action-lawsuit

Episode 96 - That's Not a Nerf Hammer...

Welcome back fellow sad folk! Join your trashosts Timmy and Jimmy as we galavant through a wonderland of ecological issues. Bad fellas be trying to commoditize all the water and hire nasty bros to kick out fellow dirty dirty poors. On the bright side, new recycled condom campaigns on the rise!

Episode 115 - Uber, but for Thugs

Purdue Pharma went under, but don't you worry, the Sackler family safely sequestered their money by divesting it from Purdue Pharma and reinvesting it into other companies, so they won't lose much if any money at all. In other news pollution the world over is killing babies, which isn't new news, but we have the numbers now so that's fun. Oh, and colonialism never ended, the aesthetics just changed, if this episode doesn't make you ROFLMAO then you just might be a working lady and or man and or person?

Episode 119 - Colonialism Never Ended

The market will never save us from climate change, because the market as it currently operates only exists to generate profits, no more no less. Everything we as consumers buy exists solely to make profits. The destruction of the environment will only stop when it is no longer financially advantageous to destroy the environment.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sources:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/nov/19/climate-crisis-markets-economic-system

Episode 122 - The Market Won't Save Us

Who knew that in the year 2020 Amazon would be employing the Pinkerton's on warehouses workers in Europe. Furthermore, who knew the Pinkerton's would be incorporated in the country of Sweden, guess the Nordic Model isn't what its all cracked up to be after all. Needless to say these are bad things, and people usually say that it is better to not dwell on bad things, but we here from hilltop of Mount Cynicism think otherwise. Problems can only be solved if they can be identified so on this day we say like Maui from Moana "You're Welcome", you now know of some bad things, now go tell your friends and have them tell their friends and maybe eventually we'll have enough people to do something about it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sources:

Rebates for Overdoses:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/27/business/mckinsey-purdue-oxycontin-opioids.html

Pinkerton's Are Back Baby:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/5dp3yn/amazon-leaked-reports-expose-spying-warehouse-workers-labor-union-environmental-groups-social-movements?utm_source=pocket-newtab

LMPD Punches Man's Face:
https://spectrumnews1.com/ky/louisville/news/2020/11/26/man-hit-by-officer-while-filming

Episode 123 - Right Now Is Bad, Actually

India broke a record y'all! Celebrate with your favorite sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy as we slink through gay orgies looking for that anti-gay guy and witness overt corporate evil in the highest of court in the land. Keep your head up folks, we're almost there.

Episode 124 - 250 Million Strong

Remember the Hercules episode where an artisan was creating living clay statue women that would love you no matter what? Was this Disney predicting a future of lonely socially inept men finding love in inanimate objects? Probably not, but it is fascinating to see human beings finding new and inventive ways to complete their Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Episode 127 - Remember The Hercules Sex Doll Episode?

Elon Musk giving away 5 million dollars is equivalent to him giving away .000023% of his wealth of 209 billion dollars. He could give away 5 million dollars every day for the next 114 years and still have over 2 million dollars in the bank. It would cost approximately 20 billion to end homelessness in America, which Musk could end 10 times over and still be a multi-billionaire. Also, please DO NOT inject mushrooms into your blood stream. This has been a public service announcement.
-----------------------------------
Source:
https://www.latimes.com/world/middleeast/la-fg-cia-pentagon-isis-20160327-story.html

https://www.insider.com/london-zoo-refuses-ricky-gervais-dying-wish-eaten-by-lions-2021-1

https://www.insider.com/man-injected-with-mushrooms-grew-in-blood-caused-organ-failure-2021-1

https://science.howstuffworks.com/science-vs-myth/everyday-myths/redhead-anesthesia.htm

https://www.propublica.org/article/no-one-took-us-seriously-black-cops-warned-about-racist-capitol-police-officers-for-years

Episode 129 - You Say ISIS I Say ISIL

Happy black history month fellow sad sacks! Join your hosts Jimmy and Timmy as we stroll through government attacks on the black panthers and the incredible vagueness of thiamine deficiency!

132 - Water, Wind, and the FBI

Time to chill out with your favorite sad sacks Jimmy and Timmy as we waltz through the winter wonderland of frozen food insecurity. In this episode we check out these despicable defenders of dumpsters while their fellow humans go hungry. Stay safe on those frosty streets y'all!

134 - Frozen Pizza Fiesta!

Is your super syrupy snow cone melting over your sweat pants? Join your favorite sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy as cup our hands in futility to keep you unstickied. Super spensive spy planes, deadly bolo tie boys, and billionaire bumper crops in this one y'all.

135 - Snow Cone Spy Jet

Take a nice long sip of cynicism with your favorite podcast hosts Timmy and Jimmy. We will talk you through only the most dismal and depraved topics in our society. Come gather round as we give long rambling answers as to the reasons why we are sad sacks. Oh, and this is primarily a comedy podcast so laugh, haha hahaha *sobs*
#cynic #empowerment #podcast #podcasts #about #capitalism #socialism #sad #topics #funny #informative #cynical #deadjokes #dead #jokes

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