NOSTALGIA MACHINE

i’ll hit this bong like i’m
19 or 
listen to NUDE on
repeat like i’m 22 
or BABY BLUE SEDAN crying
&driving 
around san francisco
like i’m 21
or look at photos
of us before bed or wonder
if you look at photos of us
before bed 
or sleep in my old
sheets 
or kiss you before work like i did 
yesterday 
or  
i’ll listen to I’m still yr fag
I’ll listen to I’m still yr fag
I’ll listen to I’m still yr fag

nostalgia machine

i have to call my mom

25 & things 
are too sharp

i can cause
harm & harm

is caused to me
thru emails 

amazing how we 
dont speak

when scary things
are happening, like

when we’re dead will
our children know 

each other, call 
each other, maybe 

what was yr last
correspondence 

with her, how did 
i learn to write

like a well run
business

who made me this
operator, im tired

of answering &responding
&answering

who am i silently
washing my hands

or waiting for you
to get home 

from work or 
the grocery store

with breakfast in
yr bag or leftover

catering—
it’s a mess

i have to call my mom

what i learned from birds resisting air on seneca lake:

all i'm doing is resisting:

air, gravity, traffic, smoking, 
dying, living, work, walking,
loving, capitalism, patriarchy,
underwear

is it easier w/wings?
can i hold this silence in my jaw
a birdhouse

i've been prolonging
the car ride back to 
the city bc this body
is unlearning, pressing
a button to cross the street

so tired of faking &
rushing & dragging & resisting,
resisting, resisting

pajaro oscuro