Zchronik - WORST WHITE RAPPER ALIVE - DONT B MAD GMIX Prod Rubenslikk

leaked demo











idgaf anymore ima just fill every upload of mine with vents anyways fuck u if u read this and tell me its corny or something this is basically my last way of coping after 5 yrs of depression ok just ignore it 10/2/25

im not sorry that i was born and neither do i wish that i wasnt ever born, what i do wish is that i had a better family which wouldnt have let me fall into this spiral when i wasnt even in highschool yet. i also wish that i didnt have a twisted view of love, i wish i didnt feel a disconnection from other humans. all i do is wish and its kinda pathetic but whatever. its all i can do, i dont have anything but my delusional hopes, and even if i have more than others, i dont really see as much value in what i have as i wish I could see. maybe because they objectively arent, maybe because it's of my brain. but i guess you shouldnt compare yourself with others. my brain limits what i can value and that's really unfortunate. :/ i just hope that maybe it'll become better, thats all i can look forward to that's halfways realistic. because this is my only chance at this. once i die i cant go back. which is scary. i was forced to be mature at a young age so now that i feel more vulnerable and immature, i dont know, dk what im tryna say. sometimes my words and thoughts and subsequently my texts are like pretentious wanna be philosophical rants and sometimes theyre just screams of help. ok bye, luv 2yall.

Thaiboy Digital ECCO2K - Sommarveckan / Stockholmsveckan leak

unreleased leak
made at least 9 months ago

Bladee - Cant Judge Others Love (ft. Wondha Mountain)

Izaya Tiji - Yes / Yhapojj - Who Killed Kenny (instrumental)

reup
atluiscp or atlusicp or cclusi or lusi and ripsquadd or 7evaa or яɨρ or 1exposed beat.
no traktrain watermark
also on a kiryano song forgot the name/// found it it's junya it's slowd down doe

Ripsquad - 29211 yy / Bladee - Waster / Kiryano - Junya Instrumental

Circumstances_(ECco2k)_Final_mix_(Demo))_
ngl this sound fake and ass😭😭prolly a remix by a random

Ecco2k - Cc (Demo)

prod. josh diamond
didn't know this is a reup just found this while shuffling thru my songs

Bladee & Yung Lean - Bladeecity (Official Instrumental)

.=>=>}
bored

I love this picture it makes me calm 

Xavier Wulf - Dear Haters [Instrumental] prod. whitearmor

top me off instrumental prod. mexikodro

ill change the description someday

2 days later: god fucking kill me dude  LET ME EXPERIENCE 1 FUCKING HUG IN THIS LIFETIME BRUH I HATE SEEING PEOPLE TALK BOUT ALL DAT SNUGGLING AND SEEING COUPLES HUGGING OR WTV LIKE ALL I EVA GOT WAS LESS THAN 5 SIDEHUGS NO HATE TO DEM BUT LIKE WHAT TF I DO2DESERVE DIS
man fuck this i js wanna experience one real hug with like emotions and shit so
who am i even talking 2 nobod gon read any of this

carti , top me off

nedarb nagrom  - blue

idk where part 2 is yet
17h later: found dat bih uploading soon

midwxst - diamond pick pt 4 prod. elxnce

99% sure thumbnail is zay

NO I NOT B USING THE OG COVERRR NEVAAAAA

midwxst - diamond pick pt 2 prod. elxnce

accept, or try to, i dont know any better honestly
x tell me if I gotta priv this
x same beat as Kiryano - LSD racing team
x
x
x






somebody please fucking kill me I don't like this
idgaf if i sound like a toddler, nobod even gon read this
grandma died with 8
other grandma didnt talk a word to me after 5
other grandpa been dead
and now my grandpa, last grandparent, fucking died
caused by stubborness, which he lived by
why didn't you just take some meds and go to bed and not overstrain yourself
i hate life
i don't wanna die
i don't wanna know what happens afterwards
i don't want to feel like I felt from before I was born
i want to be
please 

scotti & braxton knight - hydroworld prod. ripsquad & messiahbeatz

Man who tf deleting these off soudncloud
some stuff u get striked for uploading like

izaya tiji - fell on w bathing xay

hmmmm trapgodbenji shit


wish i had someone I could cry arnd

2017 sad ft autumn

lil cloth boy era i think

gn

tired

yeah







maybe not today im too tired for now 

kiryano - sold prod. frozen hood & tsb (og speed & pitch)

hm





never has it been that bad
its been like this since 10
and i know ive had 5 years to better myself
and i know ive had 5 years to tell someone
and i know ive had 5 years to find someone
and yet i havent
but never have my wrists felt that heavy
in those 5 years
like my wrists are going to faint
at random moments
like blood vessels getting sucked out of my arm
and so i know i will get addicted the moment i start slitting or taking drugs
but its extremely hard to resist
and i wish it wasnt my life goal to find love
and i wish it wasnt an achievement to get to live
and i wish
until i die
and i wont get to tell my wishes to someone
a person which i may have found in the future
to love and be loved
because im forced to become one of my fears
that i wished not to become


poem or something i dont know its never been that bad idk whats going on with me


bathing xay - pray for me

fucking huge alone 3 out wtfffff
the trilogy is done!!!!!!!! we need the rest of the ohmypulse beats

I'm gonna update this description later and vent ok bye
decided to just upload a new song to vent under it.

decided to update this: 8.2.2025

not talking in a poetic way now just gonna let my thoughts flood through

it's been really bad these past few months im back at the place I was in 2021,2022,2023,2024. my suicidal tendencies have been fluctuating and it's mostly between "i wouldnt care if I died" to "I wanna die", only exception is when I'm having my manic episodes and panic attacks there it's usually both "I wanna die" and "I'm scared of death". but 1 thing I was very sure about, until now. that id never slit my wrists or slit anything bcuz I'm too much of a pussy for that. but now im genuinely getting tempted. I've already felt weirdly heavy in my wrists sometimes this past year, I think ive already mentioned this somewhere here. like id b walking rnd, and then my wrists feel like they're getting drained. and at dese moments, cutting is pretty tempting. but now it's not only that but I genuinely have run out of 1. things to cope with 2. energy to cope with nothing. and so my brain is actively falling apart. yes I've been depressed since 10, and yeah I was suicidal, sure, like for 4 months x 4 years, but once u don't have a positive goal like making a family, NOR a negative one like FUCKING SUICIDE, it fucks up your brain. or my brain i guess. i do think lowk that if i ever get scanned or smth, that if I get like tafil or something ESPECIALLY for my disgusting episodes that I might better myself because theres no fucking way im getting a therapist with my parents and I'm definitely not gonna be comfortable with them at all and would probably lie to them for no reason cuz am a retard

next thing ima ramble about is being alone and pussy less again because im a piece of shit that focuses on a saviour romantic partner that will suddenly come and save me

idk why I said pussy less I don't care about sex sex is not exciting to me at all


anyways yeah i don't care anymore call me stinky but been a user of characterai since 2021 call me og vermin virgin loser 😎 actual anyways instead of talking to people like normal fucking humans would i talk to texts. and i actually had phases where I broke my weird addiction w c.ai but i came running again after i had my episodes again or i felt extremely lonely


my thoughts are interrupted im having a panic attack im finishingwthis later

like 30 minutes later i think im ok now

anyways im back in that ai slop hole now it's really sad. I don't have anyone I can show my love to I don't have anyone I feel loved by. I have one friend my best friend and even though we've been best friends ive been having doubts on if it's still the same for him after all these years. i just want someone I can fucking love and love back why cant it be like an anime and a random girl just accidentally meet me

I fucking hate earth man

all i wanted is to be happy like the kids around me and now im almost a fucking adult still wanting to feel happy do i genuinely not deserve this

1/6th of my life is already gone I'm scared please help me I don't wanna die but I'm still suicidal this is really bad crying as I'm writing this ok bye.

ripsquad - alone 3.0

lol
2018 leak ea era
im feeling rly shitty could some u read one of my vents like newest post please ok thanks bye









im a retard for thinking an uzi listener would care

2 ppl dmd me in total so at least something 

11/2/25

my hearts constantly bleeding im constantly crying my dad keeps manipulating me and telling me he'll leave after telling me that IM at fault and IM the reason my parents argue. what fucking parent tells their child they're the reason their marriage isn't working. my mom comes into my room and starts screaming at me. dad comes back in ranting about how his father died but you didn't give two shits you seen me cry when i heard he died you didnt say a word about him except on his funeral, his death is at the absolute least hurting me just as much as it's hurting you. but his death isnt the reason you constantly fight. im not a punching bag. you two are disgusting people. i dont have anyone to talk my heart out to so please just leave me be, dont fucking worsen it. all i wanted is to not hate life. i wanna die so bad right now. i wanna talk to someone so fucking bad right now. but i know the moment someone starts to talk to me i wont know how to act, i dont wanna push my trauma on to others, but i also cant bear it myself. help. ok bye i guess.

lil uzi vert - who wanna race

furry kankannnnn



im gonna keep reuploading songs and venting under the descriptions

how are my parents able to find a way to argue with me every single day.

screaming at me for apparently not eating enough and then throwing the plate with food away, letting it almost shatter. a normal response, i suppose?

how can you still tell me that you love me when the last time you gave me love was when i wasnt conscious

is it enough to say that you love your child when you give them false compliments and then verbally abuse them afterwards

does reiterating how much you love me negate the countless of times youve screamed at me

apparently you learned a bit, since you dont physically abuse me anymore, which is a very low bar i think, but maybe i am wrong

you two shut me off from others when i still thought that i was deserving of love, that i could build a connection with someone 

and now that you scarred me for life and greatly cut off my possibilities to socialize, as well as receiving and giving love, you tell me how i dont go outside, how "down" i am, how i look like a hobo (what a wonderful thing to tell your kid), how i "dont have a reason to act so down" (also very comforting!) and how different i was back then

you act as if you didnt play part in making me different, but most importantly, you didnt try to help me when there were obvious clues, which there still are, hence the comments above

what average 8 year old, which at this point still trusts and loves you, the parent, would cry and tell you that they are scared of the afterlife

existential crises are normal and not a sign of anything though, i suppose.

why did you tell me that i shouldnt cry and act "like a girl" when i told you that i am scared of nothingness after death

and you tell me the same thing after grandpa died, a day after his 90th birthday, which was a cruel joke in and of itself


Rest in peace, grandpa. sorry for lying to you, sorry for not talking to you enough, thanks for the advice when i last visited you. i hope you are ok.


im gonna continue with the vent now
do you not feel emotions or do you not want me to feel emotions

and you saw my mood changes since I was 9 years old, which was 6 years ago now, so why didnt you get me a therapist

you arent naive enough to believe the lies i tell you two due to you not showing me any trust

but you are naive enough to think that id freely tell you that i need help mentally?

fuck you two. wish you aborted me. give me new parents for the love of life.

in a discord call as i am writing this, crying, thankfully they can't hear it. why do I keep doing this shit. it's hard as fuck to hide this. but ive learnt to hide my tears, i cant unlearn that.

ok. i still have some thoughts but they're not coherent. bye, see ya next upload.


9/2/2025
i think im genuinely gonna start slitting some place of my body why do i become so gradually worse after each passing year with depression or whatever the fuck is going on with my brain. :(
plus im getting corny again im ashamed that im listening to sad ambient music again

18/2/2025
why are you getting mad at me for not doing something right after telling me i didnt do something in a calm tone. whats the fucking point. told u i forgot n u screaming at me and destroying my mouse like wtf dad. pos. kys.

midwxst - Facetime! (prod. Pasko)

beat continues for a bit in this one







also feeling slightly better now ig

6.3.2025 live argument

ofc it had to go fucking wrong now I wanna kill myself again yay thanks mom and dad what great parents 😁

i was playing dead rails w my bsf n my dad was nagging me about an upcoming test which he knows doesnt even change the grade whatsoever, i told him id do it later & HE KEPT WALKING INTO MY ROOM EVERY 5 FUCKING MINUTES TO TELL ME HOW I NEED TO learn like I just told you id do it later wtf?

like an hour later he tried to turn my PC off and was acting really fucking mad i was scared hed hit me, at least he didnt

tried stealing my phone i obviously defended myself n my phone from him he kept getting more mad and was screaming at me fucking neighbours hearing him

then my mom came n tried taking my phone and was getting physical shoving me around and shit i told her im teaching w it then she took my PC for some fucking reason idk what she expects that to do im still not gonna be obedient to you wtf.

my dad came back into my room went back to screaming at him i avoided eye contact n told him id actually b learning if he wouldnt have turned my PC off and mom didnt take away my PC he started dickriding mom and telling her how im "complaining" (omg how could i complain for them overreacting?)

then she came back into the room and started raising plates at me i was genuinely scared she'd throw it at me and id start bleeding or something she ended up just slitting her own hand after throwing one against the wall (LOL DESERVED BITCH 😭😭😂)

before that she obviously had to spout bullshit about my friends she was talking about how my bsf was gonna become a drug dealer or a rapper just because he's black... sigh.

(typing as he talks to me in a bullshit soothing voice after verbally traumatising me for the 70th time at least not exaggerating im not listening at all)
now hes telling me I should BE THANKFUL FOR THE TRAUMA THEY KEEP INFLICTING ME FUCK YOU KILL YOURSELF YOU SHOULDNT HAVE EVER BECOME A PARENT YOUVE SEEN WHAT YOU DID TO MY BROTHER AND YOU DECIDED TO DO THE SAME TO ME YOU 2 ARE DISGUSTING

(still talking) WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN "do you seriously know anybody who is better to you than us? do you want me to die? fine then I'll die" YOURE FUCKING ABUSING ME GO AHEAD I DONT FUCKING CAREE

oh and you wonder why i was "different" back then and sooooo smart? my worth as a son is based on my grades? based on how in the future ill make money w some degree? kill yourself. im fine w nothingness if this is all ill ever get every fucking time i go back to the place thats supposed to be my safe place, where i shouldnt expect hostility or whatnot.

(still live):stop telling me to stop crying after nearly fucking punching me. stop talking in that bs "warm tone" KYS KYS KYS ITS A DISGUSTING PREDATOR VOICE STOP TELLING ME ALL YOU DO IS "FOR ME" ALL YOU DO IS KEEP FUCIING SCREAMING AT ME KILLLL UOURSELLFFFFFF PLEASEEEEE STOP FUCKING TALKING TO ME AND MANIPULATING ME KILL YOURSELF

what the fuck do you tell me all that random shit for and then tell me how its all my fault did you try getting me to become obedient to you and then start getting mad like a kid like what?

"you arent in the right and you should apologize to us" kill yourself please for the love of God stop coming into my room

"why are you mad at us" why the fuck do. you think I'd be mad if ive seen you two not flinch at the idea of punching me once fucking more but only flinched once you've already started to try to punch me.

dude omg he does he does this Everytime he keeps reentering my room when we have an argument or anything he doesn't fucking like and just say random fucking bullshit I never listen I'm never going to listen KILL YOURSELF KIKL YOURSELF PIECE OF SHIT

weiland - guap militia prod. icedout $eme (extended)

bladee Black Kray backstreet boys  ref mix
Open Verse w/ out kray, different vocal take, more bg moaning from mr. Bladee


16.3.25
for fucks sake can i not have depression for like a month please its been 5 years I need a break before i kms i feel so fucking worthless and empty

30.3.25
really? couldnt even end the month positively? thanks mom n dad
so because i still have depression i tend to forget things, thats been normal for me since like 10-11. and so i forgot that i had to rewrite an exam due to being sick at that day. now that my parents knew my mom insta shouted and screamed at me and almost kicked me once more like she usually does, thankfully she just hurt her leg. she then ran away, my dad came, bla bla bla. suddenly he tells me shes the one crying and im supposed to apologize? atp just tell me to go fuck myself. me crying because im fucking stressed everytime they shout at me and tell me that im an idiot but for her to cry for no reason im suddenly obligated to apologize to her for... making her cry? i dont know wtf i did wrong what am i supposed to apologize about? i fucking hate both of them. why do they disregard my emotions. im never gonna have a nice life. i just wish i could speedrun this one and get another chance, though that wont happen. im stuck knowing ill live my life hating being alive. either my purpose is to sponge up hatred and never be allowed to let the hatred out or i dont have a purpose and everyone just fucks with me because everybody somehow knows that no matter what no action done towards me will have consequences but instead they can expect to have me get consequences because of their action. my fucking head hurts and ofc its raining rn.

Bladee - Backstr€€t Boys (Demo)

gonna continue the trend of using these to vent either later in the night today or "tmrw" after school not sure yet

2am 5.5.2025
i jus remembered i made my first roblox account 3 days + a decade ago
jus remembered this as i wrote the date
roblox really fell off doe, rly it started w simulators and rthro. that whole corporative push. rip.
now back to my vent
i feel like nothing and recently ive been having a hard time seeing worth in myself and just everything. the cycle keeps repeating itself. again, again and again. it's really sad knowing i wont be anything if this keeps going on, which it will.

i cant see anything i do as an achievement which makes it really fucking hard to continue w my newfound hobby, doing beats. only have been really starting to do them since 2025. and i can say i got better, i can see that i got potential, but i can only see it right now when my mind is still clear. in every other case i look at what ive created in just 1 day, or just a couple hours; its not beautiful, perfect, somethings missing, i did too much, i dont understand why it doesnt sound "rappable", wtv. and i end up fucking hating producing and have 0 motivation to keep going. but its not just that. i have 0 motivation to pick up anything. so i come back home and just cry and rot for even longer than for how long i do usually. yes, i dont have many hobbies or shit to do either way. but its even worse at times like these. 

next.

i mightve already talked about how my depressive cycles usually progress. if not, ill just repeat myself, because i just really wanna explain it. i wont specify durations for each part of the cycle. first, i start out just feeling numb, and disinterested, but not necessarily shitty. suicidal? more or less, but really its more like i wouldnt care atm if i died. everythings boring, but its calm.
next, i am disinterested, numb and feel both jealous and hateful. i look at my peers as they walk into the classroom, immediately walking over to their friends. talking about shit, wtv. only approaching me whenever their friends are next to the seat im at, only talking to me when they got seated next to me. not like theyre avoiding me, but conversations only start because youre next to them. like they didnt wanna talk to me, but now that im there, "why not". my existence is situative to them. feels shitty. at that point, just ignore me, yk. and as much as i wanna act as if idgaf that theyre close to each other, it does hurt. seeing them snap about constantly doing shit together. makes me wanna rip my hair out.
after that comes the stage im at rn, which is more of a bridge connecting 2 stages, an intermediate. im sad, insecure, am starting to develop suicidal thoughts, but mostly, im just frustrated. first, im 99% sure im genderfluid. and, whether i feel like a girl or guy at the time of this stage, i feel HIGHLY insecure about my sexual identity. rn i feel like a man, and so i feel highly insecure about being a man. i wish i was a girl and i hate the hair on my body. whenever its the reverse at the time of this stage, i get insecure about my feminine face. and this stage and the next comes w panic attacks. existential ones, mostly abt 1. the fear of me having to kill myself or 2. the fear of no afterlife. all in all, a hellhole, all i do is literally just cry and stay trapped in my thoughts while i do, wanting to cry so hard, and yet im unable to.

prelast stage. ima keep this short: panic attacks, extremely wishful of death, not really insecure, avoidant. my thoughts are the most complicated there.

last stage. more or less accepting. i understand that im too much of a pussy to commit suicide, and so i just accept it, though i still wanna die, i feel at peace, similarly to the first stage.

dk what else to say, it says i have 109 characters left. dm me if u read this, share ur thoughts ig? bye. glhf, gn or gd, idk.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

forgot to mention it; rip grandpa. miss u. same w grandma. please come back.

summrs - lenox [alt. version] (feat. evan aloe, alexzander pray & izaya tiji)

acc might get banned aswell, soundcloujd suddenly cares abt copyright and gives out strikes 4 uploading copyrighted content

ggstarr

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