i wrote this about my gender dysphoria so enjoy coz this mad personal
shout out parisfall
shoutout toecar + benzosaint for listening to me mix in the discord 30 mins before i released this
lyrics: 

/verse/

I jus want be out this body, lately I been out my mind 
wish I noticed this shit sooner, but I was occupied 
I can’t look into the mirror coz I would rather die 
this isn’t who am or wanna be at this time 
but i jus keep on hiding I don’t wanna fight back 
cut my hair, change my name nah they wouldn’t like that 
don’t see me like that please, I jus gotta smile back  
I can’t be who I wanna coz they say I should dial back 

/chorus/

U THINK ITS HARD FOR U WHAT U THINK IM GOING THRU 
I WAKE UP EVERYDAY, WRONG BODY MIND YOU 
I JUS WANNA BE ME I DONT WANNA FIGHT YOU 
I JUS WANNA HAVE A DAY WHERE I DONT LIE TO MYSELF NAH

/break/ 

i jus wanna have a day where i dont gotta lie to myself nah x2

/verse/

why the fuck do I got go thru this 
clawing at my skin I don’t wanna do this 
talking to my brain like I wanna shoot this 
trapped inside this body I don’t wanna rly view this 
coz each day it’s getting worse 
nothing can ever help it so I write another verse 
people say it’s gift, nah it’s a curse 
I jus wanna have a day where I don’t wan be in a hearse 

/chorus/

IF ITS HARD FOR U WHAT THE U RECKON IM GOING THRU 
I WAKE UP IN THE WRONG BODY EVERYDAY MIND YOU 
I JUS WANNA BE ME I DONT WANNA FIGHT YOU 
I JUS WANNA HAVE A DAY WHERE I DONT LIE TO MYSELF NAH

*in the wrong body* <prod LaddrsTMBeats>

/verse/

i wake up, look in the mirror i kno its not me 
call me by that name, im not responding 
didnt think that i'd be here, i can barely c clear 
i can hide all i want but its not free 
theres a cost 2suppression, its depression and i kno 
it gets me stressin, i learn my lesson, ig thats jus how it goes 
i start 2question every sentence, my brains rdy 2explode 
this my last confession then wait for the smith n wesson 2*BANG* 

/hook 1/ 

thats jus how it goes, thats jus how it goes 
they tryna block me out but thats jus how it goes 
thats jus how it goes, that’s jus how it goes 
they tryna stop me now but thats jus how it goes 
thats jus how it goes, thats jus how it goes 
they tryna watch me bleed out, thats jus how it goes 
thats jus how it goes, they would neva kno 
they would neva c me now, thats jus how it goes 

/verse 2/ 

ill leave my shadow in the past, i dont wna hear u bring him up 
thats not who i am now, am i not being clear enough?
u dont wna accept me, i kno im not hearin stuff  
i know u tryna scare me, there not meant 2be no fear in love 

/lil bridge or break thing/ (idfk music terms cunt like wtf ,,, im not mozart)

theres not meant 2be no fear in love 
theres not meant 2be no fear in love

/hook 2/ (see this ones easy)

but thats jus how it goes, thats jus how it goes 
i swear im goin fkn ballistic, but thats jus how it goes 
thats jus how it goes, thats jus how it goes 
ill be another fkn statistic but thats jus how it goes 
thats jus how it goes, thats jus how it goes
n they tell me be realistic they could neva kno 
thats jus how it goes, thats jus how goes 
i swear they would neva kno but thats jus how it goes

but thats jus how it goes right? ill be a fkn... another statistic

/outro/

thats jus how it goes, thats jus how it goes 
ill be another fkn statistic but thats jus how it goes 
thats jus how it goes, thats jus how it goes
they tryna stop me now but thats jus how it goes

thanq for listening <3

OUT ON SPOTIFY

*thats just how it goes* <prod bxxnose>

a small glimpse into my mind
no one knows I’m releasing this
I don’t care about anything if you want to listen to this then please do
If you don’t want to listen to this then you probably should anyway 
I’m tired of waiting to show people how I feel when I think a lot of people have gone through the same feelings 

this song made was 5 min before my biggest song angels & demons
Keith Varon
McKay Stevens 

Thank you for allowing me to express my pain at such a young age in my career
this song was technically not finished but I don’t care
it’s about the ability to do something for yourself 
this song is for me
I don’t understand myself
but the people who understand my music makes me feel like I’m not mindless
please allow yourself to let go of the urge to understand
 and allow yourself feel something

put down the gun

produced by @malwarevi

lyrics:

/verse/ 
you were sposed to be by my side 
I find it fuckin hilarious that you lied 
u started acting weird after I told you 
you didn’t even have to say anything I could see it in ur eyes 

I could see it in ur eyes x2

/chorus/ 

don’t say nothings changed you know it has ,it’ll never be the same again 
Why do I keep coming back to this pain again 
hear my screams thru the walls while it’s rains again
how the fuck u expect me to act, we can never be the same again 
Why do I keep coming back to this pain again 
hear my screams thru the walls while it’s rains again
how the fuck u expect me to act, we can never be the same again 
we can never b the same again
 
/verse/

tell me, please tell me  that I’ll be okay 
help me, please help me, I don’t wanna see another day 
tell me, please tell me that I’ll be okay
tel me that I’ll be okay, tell me that I’ll - 

/chorus/ 


don’t say nothings changed you know it has ,it’ll never be the same again 
Why do I keep coming back to this pain again 
hear my screams thru the walls while it’s rains again
how the fuck u expect me to act, we can never be the same again 
Why do I keep coming back to this pain again 
hear my screams thru the walls while it’s rains again
how the fuck u expect me to act, we can never be the same again 
we can never b the same again

we can never be the same again

*same again* <prod malware>

19th bday track,, always gotta release sumn on my bday and this what i made ,, enjoy <33

/lyrics/
I’m not tryna lose you , this ain’t sum shi I’m used to 
in my own head, you don’t want these eyes to view thru 
shawty comin home w me tonight, we connect like Bluetooth 
I’m not tryna use you I swear x2

I’m not gonna hate you, I jus wanna thank you 
but one thing couldn’t never fuckin do is ever save you 
you’re too far gone, I dont wanna break
I know you wan get better but I could never make you 

I was waiting for the change but it never fkn does
nah it never fkn does 
When I was down bad nobody show me love
nobody show me love
patched up, racked up, i change my name and they act up
I know that I wanna get better but in my head I’m trapped up 
stacked up, got cash up, I could be an actor 
I was looking in the mirror I couldnt keep distract her 

it was getting too much for me, shawty showing love to me 
Calvin Klein belt but this shi ain’t enough for me
she asking me whats next, but what did u expect shawty this aint no love story

I’m not tryna lose you , this ain’t sum shi I’m used to 
in my own head, you don’t want these eyes to view thru 
shawty comin home w me tonight, we connect like Bluetooth 
I’m not tryna use you I swear x2

*19* <prod flowers>

party by my lonesome ft. stokahr

produced by flee <3

lyrics:

/prechorus/

u a fkn bitch jus like kenny is 
i gotta carry u around im like clem in this 
i been tellin u 4years get fkd but u didnt get tha  msgs 
so my question is 

/chorus/ 

y tha fk u talkin all that shi? huh... cunt get fkd 
i dnt need u, i’ll call ur bitch if i want my dick sucked 
if u thinkin that u kno me well then u dont kno enuf
i been burnin 4so long i aint tryna get snuffed 
get fkd get fkd get fkd
calvin klein round my waist, i’m a lil stuck up 
i got scars on my back i been gettin cut up 
n cunt if i were u id prolly stfu

/verse/

u dnt wna kno, u dnt wna fkn kno 
tha road that i been walkin u dnt wna kno tha road 
i been by my lone, i been by my fkn lone
n i dnt feel safe in my muthafkn home
i dnt feel safe i cant tell no1 a thing 
gettin flashbacks when i hear my phone ring
gimme sumn 2down i jus need another drink 
i jus wna fkn blackout i dnt wna think 
n this tha shi u dnt c that u done 2me
everyday im fine n then i wna kill myself suddenly
ur not even in my life but u still find ways 2fk w me
im so tired of fkn strugglin
yea im jus sick of sufferin
each day its jus 1after another after another thing
i got scars that needa heal but im betta at coverin
yeh im betta at coverin

/prechorus/

u a fkn bitch jus like kenny is 
i gotta carry u around im like clem in this 
i been tellin u 4years get fkd but u didnt get tha  msgs 
so my question is 

/chorus/ 

y tha fk u talkin all that shi? huh... cunt get fkd 
i dnt need u, i’ll call ur bitch if i want my dick sucked 
if u thinkin that u kno me well then u dont kno enuf
i been burnin 4so long i aint tryna get snuffed 
get fkd get fkd get fkd
calvin klein round my waist, i’m a lil stuck up 
i got scars on my back i been gettin cut up 
n cunt if i were u id prolly stfu

*you dont know enough* <prod flee>

our existence is not political. our existence is not up for debate. i am who i am. we are who we are. i deserve to be able to be who i am.
if u think otherwise u deserve 2b curb stomped <3 
#endtransgenocide #protecttranskids

lyrics:

we jus wanna fuckin live what the fuck is problem 
we lose our siblings everyday, way too often 
trading our lives for some profit in they pockets 
i swear killn politicians is the only way to stop it x2

Our bloods on your hands 
it’s genocide in ways u don’t understand 
are our lives really worth the bands?
It’s not a fuckin crime to be trans 
ur a bunch fuckin nazis hiding in plain sight 
ur getting fuckin curb stomped if I see you in the daylight 
i Cant go outside coz im so fuckin afraid, why? 
How tf are fascists the cunts ur getting swayed by?

Don’t say u want what’s best 
We know that you just want us dead 

u want... us dead
 
we jus wanna fuckin live what the fuck is problem 
we lose our siblings everyday, way too often 
trading our lives for some profit in they pockets 
i swear killn politicians is the only way to stop it x2

Don’t say u want what’s best 
We know that you just want us dead x2

party by my lonesome ft. stokahr

Darling JAY

Recent comments

Sari Gemma

Related tracks