My Girlfriend's Got a Chainsaw

Cesspool of Sin

Happy Songs

I Waited For Your Call

My KGB Girlfriend

There once was a fish swimming so free
Ate all the plankton in the sea
Then came the lizard squirming in the mud
It made its break eating the fish up 
Soon the lizard was food for the bird
But before too long it got its turn
That little fowl ended on my plate
And let me tell you she tasted great 

I'm top of the food chain, no one stronger
Top of the food chain, got a big hunger
Top of the food chain. I’m coming for you

They say animals think just two things 
Can I eat you or will you eat me
But this animal don't think that bunk
I'll take what I want and what I want is lunch
It's a big bad world unless you're me
Let nature take its course and you'll see
I won't stop ‘til I get my fill
Got all of Noah’s Ark sittin’ on my grill

I'm top of the food chain, no one stronger
Top of the food chain, won’t wait any longer…
Top of the food chain. I’m coming for you

I can eat what I want, so gimme some grub
Let's order Taco Bell and Pizza Hut
Pop Tarts, Twinkies, Doritos and beer
I'm the Number One predator with a bowl to clear
Big Macs, Ding Dongs, Cap'n Crunch
Sushi and steak, all-you-can-eat brunch 
I'm the creature that can't be beat
So jump in the pot baby, let’s turn up the heat

I'm top of the food chain, no one stronger
Top of the food chain, you know you’re a goner
Top of the food chain. I’m coming for you

I'm top of the food chain, No one stronger, 
Top of the food chain, got a big hunger, 
Top of the food chain, won’t wait any longer, 
Top of the food chain,  you know you’re a goner
Top of the food chain,  I’m coming for you

Top of the Foodchain

Let me tell you ‘bout a girl I know
She satisfied my soul and filled my bowl
She fed my heart, spooned love my way
‘Til the day she took her dish away and she put me on...

A heartbreak diet
Lunch is cheatin’ and dinner lyin’ 
I ain’t eatin’, been busy cryin’
Ohhhhhh yeah… on a heartbreak diet

She used to bring me breakfast in bed
She liked some sausage with her bread
Her dumplings and gravy they were the best 
Then she started feedin' all the rest,  and she put me on 

A heartbreak diet
Lunch is cheatin’ and dinner lyin’ 
I ain’t eatin’, been busy cryin’
Ohhhhhh
	
You know that I used to weigh	
A hundred and eighty eight
Then someone stole her lovin’ from my plate
Now I’m losin’ pounds ev’ryday
On the heartbreak diet

You know my clothes they don’t fit no more
Ain’t been down to the gen’ral store 
The cupboards been empty since the day 
She said I warn’t the only meal on her tray, and she put me on 

Said a heartbreak diet			
A kettle of cheatin’, a pot of lyin’ 
No time for food, too busy cryin’
Ten pounds of tears, but they're not dryin’
The girls they feed me, but I ain't buyin' 
Got nothin’ in my pan a fryin’
Said no-thin’ in my pan a fryin’
Ohhhhhh yeah… on a heartbreak diet
Heartbreak diet
Heartbreak diet
Heartbreak diet
Heartbreak diet

Heartbreak Diet

You're a roller coaster 
Running off the tracks
You're skating on thin ice 
Just before it cracks
You're a raging river 
Swollen by the flood 
You're a trailer park in its path
Swallowed by the mud

You're reckless
With your careless love
You're so reckless
Will you ever get enough?
How could you be, how could you be
So reckless

You're a scary situation
Goin' from bad to worse
An ambulance and fire truck 
About to hit a hearse
You're a houseboat full of grandmas 
Headed for the falls
A teen with a credit card 
Set loose at the mall

You're reckless
With your careless love
You're so reckless
Will you ever get enough?
How could you be, how could you be
So reckless

I offered you safe harbor
Shelter from your storm
A place to park your speedboat
Come and keep your comrade warm
You left me in your wasteland 
And you called it love 
You took me for a ride
You took me like a drug

You're a drunk on the street 
At the running of the bulls
You're a chicken sandwich left 
On a beach filled with gulls
You're playing with fire
Playing it loose
You're burning down the house
Blowing out the roof

You're reckless
With your careless love
So reckless
Will you ever get enough?
How could you be
How could you be
So reckless
So reckless
So reckless
So reckless
Oh so reckless
So reckless
So reckless
So reckless
So reckless

Reckless

Silver moon shining down on highway twenty-nine
Got twelve dollars in my pocket headed for the state line
The exits all look the same as they pass by
Like the one where she got off and left me there to cry

I got a half-pint of whiskey and a quarter-tank of gas
While lines in the mirror just can't hide the past
I ain't got no place to go, but I gotta get a start
Only so far you can travel on a full moon and an empty heart

No-Vacancy signs flash into the dark
No space on her pillow, no place for me to park
She took our forever, made it never overnight
Now I'm driving through the desert, looking for the morning light 

I got a half-pint of whiskey and a quarter-tank of gas
White lines in the mirror just can't hide the past
I ain't got no place to go, but I gotta get a start
Only so far you can travel on a full moon and an empty heart

Bourbon from the bottle, a dime bag of weed  
Three slices cold pizza, a coupla hits of speed
When you're on the road alone -- That's all you really need

Every roadhouse bar sings out her song
Every filling station leaves me empty and alone
Every caller on talk radio, I hear her voice 
Every crossroad I pass reminds me of her choice
I taste her in the coffee in the all-night cafe
See her eyes in the headlights comin' the other way
Feel her warmth on the seat snuggled up to me
Roll down the window, I can hear her breathe

I got a half-pint of whiskey and a quarter-tank of gas
White lines in the mirror they can’t hide the past
I ain't got no place to go, but I gotta get a start
Only so far you can travel on a full moon and an empty heart
Only so far you can travel on a full moon 
Only so far you can travel on a full moon and an empty heart

Full Moon/Empty Heart

I’ll be your beach house, your second car
I'll be your hobby horse, a free drink at the bar
I’m the new shirt tucked away in your drawer
An extra helping when you're lookin' for more
But I wanna be with you all through the night
How can it be wrong when it feels so right?   
 
I’m the spare key that fits in your lock
That midnight boat pulled up to your dock
I’m a pinch hitter, a player in reserve
A tennis ace with a wicked second serve
But I want to be with you all through the night
How can it be wrong when it feels so right?   
 
I know it’s wrong that it don’t feel wrong
Don’t know how I can wait so long
Don't know why I can’t be with you every night
I know it’s wrong ... but it feels so right
Feels so right
 
I know it’s wrong that it don’t feel wrong
Don’t know how I can wait so long
Don't know why I can’t be with you every night
I know it’s wrong ... but it feels so right
Feels so right

When you're tired of your pistol you can holster my Colt
Pull me out and fire when you're lookin’ for a jolt
I'm the other tractor you use to plow your field
We can spread the seed and give you better yield
But I wanna be with you every night
How can it be wrong when it feels so right?   

I know it’s wrong that it don’t feel wrong
Don’t know how I can wait so long
Don't know why I can’t be with you every night
I know it’s wrong ... but it feels so right.
Don't know why I can’t be with you every night
I know it’s wrong ... but it feels so right
Feels so right

Feels So Right

You say you love me, promise you'll be true
But I see the heartache all around you 
I know you’d soon kick me to the curb  
So count me out of your future ex-boyfriends' club

I know all about your fickle heart
I’ve seen the other hearts you've torn apart
I don't need no part-time love
So count me out of your future ex-boyfriends' club

You say all of your exes are still friends 
I don't wanna be just another one of them 
I won't join the crowd on that bus
So count me out of your future ex-boyfriends' club

I know all about your cheatin' heart
I’ve seen the other hearts you've torn apart
I don't need no part-time love
So count me out of your future ex-boyfriends' club

Won't wait for you to pull the plug 
Push me overboard, sweep me under the rug
I won’t let you suck my blood 
Shove me in the mud, drop me with a thud
Call me when you're ready for real love
But count me out of your future ex-boyfriends club

I know all about your crooked heart
I've seen the other hearts you've torn apart
I don't need your part-time love
So count me out of your future ex-boyfriends club
Call me when you're ready for real love
But count me out of your future ex-boyfriends' club
Yeah count me out of your future ex-boyfriends' club

The Gincident

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