feel free to follow me on my instagram xo:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

lyrics:
I can't stand all this pressure
Weighing on my shoulders
Staring at the ceiling all night
3 am
And I still can't sleep
Keep on fucking up
'Cause I still can't feel

Call me a fuck up
My whole life's been a suck-up
Can't do anything right
Laying here every night

Thinking about it
But don't wanna talk
And my thoughts keep on screaming
They never shut up

And I don't want the help
I will never know why
Something's blocking the feelings
'Cause I think that's right

Oh, you know it all
Tell me how I feel
Since you love judging me
Oh, you don't know
'Bout what I'm dealing with
You don't know at all

I can't stand all this pressure
Weighing on my shoulders
Staring at the ceiling all night
3 am,
And I still can't sleep
Keep on fucking up
'Cause I still can't feel

Walking out and
I feel like everybody is staring at me
Reminiscence bout the days
When I felt ok

Maybe I need meds
To numb me out
I don't wanna take them
But I'm already fucked up

Can't just feel all right
I just can't feel ok
That's why I can't sleep at night
I won't tell no one a thing

I don't know why
Voices tell me what do
Bottle up my pain, so you
Can look at me falling through

I can't stand all this pressure
Weighing on my shoulders
Staring at the ceiling all night
3 am
And I still can't sleep
Keep on fucking up
'Cause I still can't feel
x2

3 am

spotify/itunes

little song that I did so you guys can have something to listen to before I can release smth longer, I still hope that all of you will enjoy it ^^ (I also been inspired by https://soundcloud.com/heylog - give them a listen!!)

produced/mixed/mastered by me

insta:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

Truth hurts
don’t want to hear no more
and I know
that you just had enough
of me
to be honest, I understand
that’s on me
just pin the blame on me

we both know what’s better
for us and we can never
fix us cause we will never
come to get to know each other

and I’m completely honest
truth hurts but we’ve been trying
was it really all for nothing
was it really all for nothing

and I don’t wanna solve it
let’s leave it and forget it
I won’t be even trying
to reconnect as friends
 
Let’s seperate our paths
And heal these fucking cuts
We both had bunch of knives
stabbed in our backs

Truth hurts
don’t want to hear no more
and I know
that you just had enough
of me
to be honest, I understand
that’s on me
just pin the blame on

Truth hurts
don’t want to hear no more
and I know
that you just had enough
of me
to be honest, I understand
that’s on me
just pin the blame on me

truth hurts

prod deadfish <3

socials:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig

lyrics:

I need therapy
I am going numb
could you look at me
and maybe dm me from time to time

I don't think I'll be okay
I think it's needless to say
that I need someone to stay
is it bad that I'm afraid

I never wanted
to end up like that
alone and aching 
with no one to talk about stuff
that troubles me and I can't
deal it with on my own
I've been to therapy
didn't listen now I'm at the start

I never wanted to feel like a burden oh no
so sick of hearing that I'm better off dead
Don't need your pity, no
I Don't want any meds
I know I'm god damn numb
but pills just won't help

I need therapy
I am going numb
could you look at me
and maybe dm me from time to time

I don't think I'll be okay
I think it's needless to say
that I need someone to stay
is it bad that I'm afraid
x2

Afraid

prod deadfish 
love you all <3

featured artist: https://soundcloud.com/heylog
socials:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

lyrics:

(I've kept on fucking up
and that's why
I can't keep it up
But now
I'm left here with no one
I gotta manage here on my own)

it's been so cold now
that I've been on my own now
I never want to wake up
these thought in my mind forever

No, I don't wanna hang out now
cause, too busy hating on myself
Just digging my grave deeper
til I meet the reaper
death to me is peace

I hate myself, all my cuts to prove that
I need a break, isolate from all of that
damn, it causes my mind to break
can you say that you relate?

So I've been
tryna find
anything that could help me
and therapy
isn't really perfect
I'm so close to pull the plug
I'm on my own
I'm on the edge

I'm so scared
nowhere to run
But I'm still sitting on my own
well, that's how
my day goes

[heylog]
you don't know
how much u mean to me
i stumble up on my feet
text u and never sleep
i'm happy, this can't be me
cut
me
off
write a song about us
oh numb
i'm hoping ur gone
u caught me a break
recover from loss
but still feel the same

[deadfish]
So I've been
tryna find
anything that could help me
and therapy
isn't really perfect
I'm so close to pull the plug
I'm on my own
I'm on the edge

I'm so scared
nowhere to run
But I'm still sitting on my own
well, that's how
my day goes

on my own

on my own (feat. heylog)

prod deadfish <3
enjoy :3

featured artist: @xona
ig: https://www.instagram.com/urxona/

socials:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig

lyrics:



So many sleepless nights
Don't worry I'll be fine

Hi
Please Don't hang up
I've been tryna call you
For a while

And I ain't wasted
At least not yet
And I don't want to
Spend the night alone

I swear, this is for the last time
And I promise to never call your phone again
I'm struggling with just keeping it together
But I can't keep it up forever

I can't
Stop this
I'm a
Burden

Please just
Help me
I need
Saving

Cuz I've had too many sleepless nights
Cause I'm always on my own
Always say don't worry I'll be fine
Cause I can't show anyone I'm alone

[xona]
I can try again
I don’t want it to end
you bring me out of it
you’re mocking all my ex’s
we’re not alike
you and I
I stay out of sight
you watch my eyes
It’s a sign, I can’t make it right

yeah yeah
ima turn my back, don’t wait
I can’t breath with all this weight
you burn my body up, I just feel disgrace
I guess you wonder why I feel this way

I can try again
I don’t want it to end
you bring me out of it
you’re mocking all my ex’s
we’re not alike
you and I
I stay out of sight
you watch my eyes
It’s a sign, I can’t make it right

[deadfish]
Cuz I've had too many sleepless nights
Cause I'm always on my own
Always say don't worry I'll be fine
Cause I can't show anyone I'm alone

I can't
Stop this
I'm a
Burden

Please just
Help me
I need
Saving
x2

Cuz I've had too many sleepless nights
Don't worry I'll be fine

I cannot stop this
And I cannot see straight
Whole life been a fuck up
Whole life been bit different

And you're laughing at me
Ppl stare at me
My social anxiety
And I fucking hate it

that I've had too many sleepless nights
Cause I'm always on my own
Always say don't worry I'll be fine
Cause I can't show anyone I'm alone

rever

rever (feat. xona)

produced by me
hope you enjoy <3

lyrics:

Lay in my bed and the time
Is running away but thats fine
I feel like I dont try enough
To make anything out of my life

Tell me that I am not wasting my time
Tell me that I didnt fuck up my life
Feed me your lies and make me feel secure
I can’t tell the truth and dont want to anymore

Dont call on my phone
Leave me alone
You say you’re a bro
But I don’t think so, no

I don’t want to hide
But I dont have a choice
Bottle it up
I feel like a toy

Seems like every day’s just getting worse
And I’m taking all these pills but there’s no difference at all
Its gotten to the point where I’ve given up hope
But I keep on faking smiles cause they want me to

I can’t just sit n chill
By myself cause then I would
Find myself just breaking down
Thinking bout my life and how

Itd be easier to end it
Thinking bout it but then still
I got someone to live for
Dont know how much I need them

Lately its been way too much
Weight on both my arms
Been carrying way too much
Troubles, stress still not enough

Looking at the time and I’m wasted
FUCK
It’s another day, nothing changing
Still feel like shit and head’s aching
Take another pill and forget it
x2

change

produced by me :)

socials:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

https://discord.gg/hsUwdAJknJ

lyrics:

You said I was something
When I think I’m nothing
Always smiling at me
When I say something stupid

Always tryna call me
But my phone switched on focus
Always writing songs
And you know that it’s exhausting

Never think that anything
I write will ever make it
Always say I’m fine, 
Guess I’ll fake it til I’ll make it

Always regret anything I say
I can’t help it
Staring at the ceiling like
It’s gonna help me

I feel undone
It’s been a long run
Block out the sun
Try to have fun

Don’t look at me
I’ve changed in 3 weeks
Stuck under debris
Used to be so carefree

I stg someday you’ll try to call me
But it’ll always go to the voice mail
Lazy fat fuck, never achieved anything
I call me that, my self-esteem has always been
This low, can’t switch my life around
On God, that’s why I can’t stick around 
Prefer staying in my room and hate my life
When everybody around just feeds my lies

focus

produced by me and @heylog

socials:
www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

Join my server :))
discord.gg/hsUwdAJknJ

lyrics:

I’m broken, I know that
I’m trying to get up
I’m falling apart
That should be enough

showing my good side
Have to keep my composure
But always get angry
I’m tryna keep it closed

Tell me something
I’ll ignore it
Always angry
I’m just broken

Take it out
On people that I care about
Always sorry
For all the stuff that I have done

Someday I’ll fade
Away, regrets
Still there 
6 feet in the ground
With me

Don’t need you to
Pity me, I don’t
Deserve anything
Oh anything at all

on a borderline to kill all things i obtain
all i gave was kindness, u don't provide the same
i leave it all inside but man i'm bound to explode
i'm holding in my blood that just might come out my nose

i don't really see a point in this
ima cut you and your stupid friends
before i hang up get the bye bye
no voicemail i got the right mind

ima bleed out if i don't cover up
my wounds hurt, they're all deep cuts
so i stg u need to stay away
behind my back i could feel ur blade so

stab me good and cut my face and gouge out my eyes
staring at a wall i've stared at too many times
the way the shadow shapeshifted its way in the light
sinking to the floor cus it turns out i was right

broken

broken (feat. heylog)

stream

<3
released via: https://soundcloud.com/universalchill

featured artist: https://soundcloud.com/hiraethsry

socials:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

discord.gg/hsUwdAJknJ

lyrics:

There is something that’s inside of me
Screaming at me, tryna go to sleep
Dancing demons under eyelids
Can’t be rational when I’ve been

Awake for a couple of days
You don’t understand my struggles
Don’t pretend that you’re me
You’ve been buying a new necklace
When there’s a noose on my neck
Writing down all of my problems
Like they will go away

There is lots that I’m not proud of
I admit that I have messed up
Something’s causing all this pain
Must’ve slipped up in the past

Please don’t try to cheer me up
Don’t lie to me, I hate that
I’m aware of all my faults
And I’m trying to fix that

And I can’t stop it
Pills been pretty numbing
Been out of my mind
Excuse all my shortcomings

I swear to god it
Ruins all my friendships
I have tried everything now
Somehow I fuck it up, wow

They told me that I’ll end up insane
I think that
To say that it’s a little too late
And I just
Can’t bear the thought of not seeing the day
Where I will feel okay
Buried 6 feet with the pain

I don’t wanna lose you again
I been alone in my bed
Ive had a few dreams about you
But theyre all in my head

Scratching marks on my chest
Engrave ur name in my flesh 
So I can’t forget if I tried to
Ur gonna leave me for dead

I keep fucking up the timing 
U don’t wanna listen
U got feelings of denial
Another pot to piss in
feel like I should start to fight more
I don’t need to be religious baby
U know what I stand for
Ashes burn my eyes sore

anxious I can’t breathe
Im getting nauseous turn the lights out
Please don’t ever speak to me
Don’t act like got time now
Im fighting with myself
Im out of luck is this my karma
I can barely talk im scared of speaking when i call her

6 feet with the pain

6 feet with the pain (feat. hiraeth)

produced by me
hope you enjoy <3

socials:
www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

discord.gg/hsUwdAJknJ

lyrics:

And I’m so sick of always fucking up
Always apologize, it’s the last time
Blame it on me, i’m never good enough
Lost my peace, now I lash out

Cant get rid of the taste out my fuckin mouth
Carve out my tongue, said too much, bleeding out
Doesnt matter what I do, it’s way too late
Screaming out and procrastinate

I can’t
Stay here
Mental
Dread and
Pain gets
Stronger
Isolated

I can’t keep it up, nah
Throw me out, leave me to rot
I think it’s easier that way for me
You have no say in this, so just leave me

I dont care what they say
I ignore, most of dms
I don’t know why it’s so hard to
Keep a convo, maybe laugh

Caught myself staring at the ceiling
Everyone pretends they know the feeling
7 years has passed and I’m still healing
You will never know what I’m concealing

Caught myself staring at the ceiling
Everyone pretends they know the feeling
7 years has passed and I’m still healing
You will never know what I’m concealing

blame

produced by me
hope you enjoy <3

socials:
www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

discord.gg/hsUwdAJknJ

lyrics:

Crucified
Out of time
It’s a goodbye
I’ll show you a sign

Out of breath
Cut my wrist
Let it bleed
Til I can’t see

No one’s calling on my phone
So I’m sitting all alone
Contemplating suicide
Cause god it’s always on my mind
 
You can’t say I didn’t try
Living’s just a state of mind
So I’ll stop wasting my time
Get it off my chest

I’m never coming home
Don’t expect me back
I’m taking all my things
All of my burdens with that

No I don’t wanna talk
Cause you’d brush me off
Or I’d scare you off
Cause my mind is like a wasteland

Fighting for my life but I can’t take it back
If you get too close I’ll rip your head off clean
God it’s just obscene
Can’t lay in peace

Now you wanted to fight
But look, I don’t have the time
You lost control of my mind
So its a goodbye

We can’t meet at my place
So pls don’t show me ur face
Just leave me alone

Honestly, I don’t really know what to say
I’ve got everything but still don’t feel complete
Always said that trust is earned, none left in me
Lock my room cause that’s where I’m safe

Don’t waste my life
Talking to myself
don’t need no drugs
Better luck next time

please give me a sign x4

sign

produced by me

lyrics:
wanna be alone cause it's quiet
locked up in my room, no more fighting
plug both of my ears, hear no riot
put away my feelings, no more crying

no talk
thorns out
mask on
happy home

always feel ignored and nobody wanna take me
seriously for once, why you think I'm always faking
walk around my   room with no purpose, thoughts are pacing
wish I had the guts, cause the future fucking scares me

always feel ignored and nobody wanna take me
seriously for once, why you think I'm always faking
walk around my room with no purpose, thoughts are pacing
wish I had the guts, cause the future fucking scares me

don't go the way I went cause you'll end up with scars
I just want a piece of quiet, is it too much to ask?
rarely check up on my phone, cause it's filled with demands
I can't meet ur expectations, you been asking too much

please stop yelling, I've been trying
please stop pushing, please stop fighting
I dont wanna see you crying
I just wanna feel 
(at home)

home

a surprise song <3
written, produced, mixed and mastered by me

lyrics:

i ain't getting no chances
i am tired of running
I am tired of hiding
always felt like i fucked up
always felt like im dying
always felt youre the bad one
always felt like im crying
but we ain't getting back together I know
but we ain't getting back together I know

i know that i've fucked up
will I ever be forgiven
hitting up another pub
im really so emotion driven

said to me you don't want to see my face
you don't see me trying, i don't see you crying
didn't see you running, didn't see me fighting
i ain't even trying to get with you again

i could really mention, all the things you did in the past
but i don't see the point 
cause when i try to talk things out
they always end up on your side
and here's another fight
i'm the one to blame
all the time

i ain't getting no chances
i am tired of running
I am tired of hiding
always felt like i fucked up
always felt like im dying
always felt youre the bad one
always felt like im crying
but we ain't getting back together I know
but we ain't getting back together I know
x2

Always Thought It Was My Fault

One of my first songs that was really popular and I've decided to remix and remaster it. Hope you'll enjoy <3

Producer: https://soundcloud.com/buddhachieff

lyrics:



bottle is my only friend
couldn't remember
thought i was just defending myself

nobody tried to wake me up
i was sleepwalking
did trust them but it was all a trap

girl you left me hanging
my being is a trading
chip for you
so here i am drowning my pain in you

my momma said they were no friends
didn't believe her
and got caught up into this shit again

i have attracted you
you've sticked with me
so you could just make me look like a fool

did not sleep since this moment
because of you
you broke me down
and laughed at me with all of your friends

i have woken up again
after suicide attempt
please just leave me all alone
i won't be fine
With no friends

all i asked you was just go
pack your shit and find new home
point your fingers all you want
im already dead
with no friends

took me a moment to build myself
work up the courage
and i have fallen from this ruined stairs

i might have just hurt myself
my blood's escaping
making swirls, a landscape
in the bathroom sink

girl you've left me bleeding
my suffering is just a
game for you
so i hope that i was worth your time

my family was warning me
i blew them off
it seems that god has put a curse on me

i am lonely but this is my fate
there is just silence
don't wanna to see you in my current state

did not sleep since that moment
i have just stood
you've put me down
and then i finally have met the death

i have woken up again
after suicide attempt
please just leave me all alone
i won't be fine
With no friends

all i asked you was just go
pack your shit and find new home
point your fingers all you want
im already dead
with no friends

No Friends (prod. BuddhaChieff)

Producer: https://soundcloud.com/lilduckk

Lyrics:

I'd give everything to you, you always knew that
Cut my wrists, if you want me bleeding I would do that
I'm obsessed with it, I know - soon it's gonna kill me
But I always thought it's worth it, girl do you feel me
x2

For a couple of days, I did nothing
Just lay in my bed, like it's my coffin
Just wish I was dead, don't have no feelings
Girl I know you don't want me, hope I'm dreaming

Pop a bottle, drinking til I can't see nothing
Ask me if I'm fine, but know that I won't say nothing
Ask me if I'm free, but I'll say that I'm busy
Even tho I'm not, but I can't let you see me

I'd give everything to you, you always knew that
Cut my wrists, if you want me bleeding I would do that
I'm obsessed with it, I know - soon it's gonna kill me
But I always thought it's worth it, girl do you feel me
x4

I'd Give Everything To You

I'd Give Everything to You [prod. Wellfed]

producer: @deadfishpoland

featured artist: https://soundcloud.com/goodbyewilson

lyrics:

'another suicide attempt, why would you do that'
my family concerned, why they didn't knew that
all you have is talk with us, that's what we're here for
no one knows it isn't easy, when you're sucidal

feeling like a burden, do you know the feeling
Won't talk with nobody, rather stare at the ceiling
Don't want to be a problem, that's what I'm thinking
try to change my point of view with "just get a grip kid"

Depression, you're always sad?
Just don't think about that
You're seeing things and you're scared
You know there's nothing there
Panic attacks, you can't breath?
Just calm down and you'll see
You can't get out of your bed?
Just pull yourself together

"YOU'RE DEPRESSED? HOLY SHIT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT"
WHY DO EVERYBODY THINKS, IT'S EASY TO JUST SAY THAT
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND JUST TALK WITH US ABOUT IT
I FEEL LIKE I MUST PRETEND THAT I'M ALWAYS HAPPY
X2

Nothings ever easy when your suicidal
Catch me on the floor broken bottle poisoned vitals
Move on with the day because the pressure hasn’t killed me
End it with a bang because the pleasure what I’m feeling

You have no idea how bad that I wish that I could tell you
If only it would work and you could save me with your help soon
Cuz time is running out n I don’t think your gonna make it
But I’ll hold out my hand in hopes that you are gonna take it

Can’t you see that it’s tearing me up
While these thoughts keep on breaking me down
I just wish I could turn this around
But Not more than I wish I was underground

"YOU'RE DEPRESSED? HOLY SHIT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT"
WHY DO EVERYBODY THINKS, IT'S EASY TO JUST SAY THAT
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND JUST TALK WITH US ABOUT IT
I FEEL LIKE I MUST PRETEND THAT I'M ALWAYS HAPPY
X2

Mental Illness

spotify/iTunes etc

Mental Illness (feat. goodbyewilson)

producers: https://soundcloud.com/odece & https://soundcloud.com/northeastlights

VISUALS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlIb0WqfreI

lyrics:

Don't look in my eyes
I tell nothing but lies
You've been caught by surprise
I feel paralyzed

Vision's blurry, I don't care
(teared up eyes, are you sad)
keep on drinking 'til I'm dead
(slit my wrists and go to bed)

You say you're afraid
That I'm turning insane
You need someone to blame
I am so ashamed

So ashamed of myself
cause of what I did
I have nothing to say
My words bear no weight

How many times have you felt this way
Like you're nothing but dust but you say you're okay
I can see your scars, pretty sure it's my fault
Keep saying that you're fine, I will take your word

'Cause I believe that I can trust you
If you find yourself lost, I will guide you
What I'm saying is absurd, you don't need me
Cause too many times, I brought you tears

Don't look in my eyes
I tell nothing but lies
You've been caught by surprise
I feel paralyzed

Vision's blurry, I don't care
(teared up eyes, are you sad)
keep on drinking 'til I'm dead
(slit my wrists and go to bed)

You say you're afraid
That I'm turning insane
You need someone to blame
I am so ashamed
So ashamed of myself
cause of what I did
I have nothing to say
My words bear no weight

Spotify/iTunes etc.

My Words Bear No Weight [prod. Odece & Northeast Lights]

producer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf3y4VT_13VNvU1NAWnfn7w

original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdeMXjttA-c

lyrics:

you can see the dread in my eyes
cause I'm struggling to survive
and you think that I'm okay
cause I won't let you see my true face

and you feel like there is no help
feel like I'm trapped in my own head
I want to see my happy end
can you save me, from my own dread

i'm not okay x4

I am not heartless, I just can't feel nothing
I may seem bit cold, like inside of a coffin
you left me, no problem
I've never been flawless
And no, I'm not okay

hear the voices, see the demons
feel the coldness, seeking for treatment

and you feel like there is no help
feel like I'm trapped in my own head
I want to see my happy end
can you save me, from my own dread

i'm not okay
i'm not okay

I'm not Okay

i'm not okay [prod. raspo]

a reupload of the previous song

lyrics:

and if I would disappear
I don't want you to cry
Don't drop a single tear
you're gonna be just fine

and if you don't know where to go
just know, I'm watching over you
look up and go ahead
I'm always there for you
x2

I know it could be hard
and
I want another start yea

where I could redo it over 
You know me, I ain't ever getting sober
Don't get me wrong, I don't do it cause I like it
Imma down my bottle so I won't think about it all

leave me alone, I'm on my own
Can't do nothing bout it
I'm on my own, nowhere to go
always have lived like this
Always struggle, so grab a bottle
different day, but nothing seems to change

and if I would disappear
I don't want you to cry
Don't drop a single tear
you're gonna be just fine

and if I would disappear
I don't want you to cry
Don't drop a single tear
you're gonna be just fine

and if you don't know where to go
just know, I'm watching over you
look up and go ahead
I'm always there for you

don't cry [prod. raspo]

I want to thank you all for this wonderful year <3. I've decided to release this song for all of you. I hope all of you will enjoy <3. It's amazing how far I've come with all of you this year and I really can't express enough how grateful I am to all of you. I love every single one of you <3

featured artist: https://soundcloud.com/sinxi

lyrics:

sitting in your room all blacked out
losing sanity, it don't matter now
people from around told you to be cautious
'cause they don't want to see you heartbroken

shutters down, so can't see from my window
how everybody point at me their fingers
everybody wanna say that i shouldve listened
maybe shouldve
maybe not
don't remind me of that

I feel empty and I know that
Love is what I need
You feel broken, don't deny that
love is what you need

[Sinxi]
Do you feel it when you breathe 
Do you ever think of me 
When the echoes turn to screams 
And you’re crumbling falling at my feet

Love is what we need
x2

alone at nights
no one to help me
struggling to sleep
cause I'm feeling colder

but negative thoughts 
won't bring me closure
I'll pick myself up
and search for my own end

Won't deny it, I won't fight it
I just need someone close to me
I won't hide it, keep on trying
that's how I want to be

I feel empty and I know that
Love is what I need
You feel broken, don't deny that
love is what you need

[Sinxi]
Do you feel it when you breathe 
Do you ever think of me 
When the echoes turn to screams 
And you’re crumbling falling at my feet

Produced/Mixed/Matered by Deadfish and Sinxi

love is what we need (feat. Sinxi)

Featured artists: @gothurted & @sinxi
Produced by: @deadfishpoland
Mix: @sinxi & @deadfishpoland
Master: @deadfishpoland

lyrics:

do you feel me baby?
is this too crazy?
i don't wanna give it up
'cos your issues don't faze me
and sitting in your bed while you said what you hated
nothing's ever hurt like the words that you left me
everything's been left in a stasis
but i don't let it break me
oh god yeah i won't let it change me

and we're falling apart
we are drifting away
always had each other
now you're going away

and we've choosen this way
no message, cause hey
we agreed with each other
there's no need to be afraid cause

we tried to make it work and now
there's no need to be trying so hard
and we have not found a single way
to make it work like in the old days

so why would you text me now
that you miss me and how
I would hold you til you fell asleep
When I try to forget everything

do you feel me baby?
is this too crazy?
i don't wanna give it up
'cos your issues don't faze me
and sitting in your bed while you said what you hated
nothing's ever hurt like the words that you left me
everything's been left in a stasis
but i don't let it break me
oh god yeah i won't let it change me

Do you really miss me now?
Or it is one of your bullshit again?
Text me while I'm breaking down
Asking to myself who the fuck I am
Trying to find you inside her eyes
But you got stuck inside my mind
I think this is how I'll live my life
Without anybody by my side
I wish that you feel better now
I wish that you found someone better than me
Cause even if you left me down
I wish that you don't feel as empty as me
Notes in my phone that I'll never send
Holes in my heart I will never mend
I do really miss you baby
But seems like you don't give a fuck about me

do you feel me baby?
is this too crazy?
i don't wanna give it up
'cos your issues don't faze me
and sitting in your bed while you said what you hated
nothing's ever hurt like the words that you left me
everything's been left in a stasis
but i don't let it break me
oh god yeah i won't let it change me

spotify/itunes etc

do you really miss me? (feat. Sinxi & Gothurted)

If I died you wouldn't know
always see me smiling so
I don't blame you, it's my fault
my life is moving so slow

message me and I'll pretend that I am out of range
call me on my phone yea, nothing's gonna change
laying on my own is something I am getting used to
I would love to talk about it but don't want to bother you

On the inside I am falling apart
Ain't feeling no more, you can take away my heart
I am over the pain, I am fed up with lies
Imma take em again, maybe 3rd time's a charm
x2

I am not okay, I am not okay
yea
And I hate the way, I just hate the way
I am
I can't get it out, I can't get it out
of me
Imma hide my face, hide away the pain
til the end of me

my heart has stopped beating
because of the coldness
that I spread around me
and I haven't died yet

but my feelings did
time is frozen in place
everyday is the same
nothing has changed

and even tho i'm not okay
still you don't hear me cry every other day
maybe someday I'll open up
so at the moment i'm not givin up

On the inside I am falling apart
Ain't feeling no more, you can take away my heart
I am over the pain, I am fed up with lies
Imma take em again, maybe 3rd time's a charm
x2

I am not okay, I am not okay
yea
And I hate the way, I just hate the way
I am
I can't get it out, I can't get it out
of me
Imma hide my face, hide away the pain
til the end of me
x2

i'm not okay pt. 2

written/produced/mixed/mastered by me

lyrics:

misunderstood
never feels right
we're going down
this ain't so bright

we have each other
we are the youth
we never bother
with how are you

maybe I am insane
I can't even feel the pain
heart shut down, nothing strange
had enough of being drained

you know I'm not okay
and I know you feel the same
nobody understands
so we'll choose a different way

tell me babe, wanna leave this town
say it, all I need is you and we are out
we can aim for bigger things
this place is killing dreams

let's go love
I keep on getting tired
don't think love, let's hold hands
imma guide you through the dark
x2

I can't lie, I'm falling through
'cause i'm fed up and that is true
cuts, incisions on my wrist
don't want to die but don't want to live

I feel like I'm in a cage
all I ever knew is how to deal with pain
maybe you know how to cope
'cause I've had enough, I want to go

you know how demons work
grab me and hold me close
voices tell me to let go
slipping away so you can cut my throat

tell me babe, wanna leave this town
say it, all I need is you and we are out
we can aim for bigger things
this place is killing dreams

let's go love
I keep on getting tired
don't think love, let's hold hands
imma guide you through the dark
x2

if you want to leave

lyrics:

I shouldn't be crying
I knew it would go this way
You shouldnt be worried
I cant be saved all the time by you
Babe

Cause all I see is you be happy with another one
All I hear is your voice when I'm all alone
I need to get my shit together, I dont wanna be a burden any more
Picking pieces off the floor

And here I am again, reminiscing bout the days
You would pull me out of this fucking maze
I cant rely on you anymore
Cuz I dont wanna be a burden to everyone

I shouldn't be crying
I knew it would go this way
You shouldnt be worried
I cant be saved all the time by you
Babe
x2

i shouldn't be crying

a lot of you wanted it back so i'm uploading it again (the new version is still on my soundcloud)

Mental Illness (feat. Goodbyewilson) [prod. HXRXKILLER] (Original Version)

lyrics:

Feelin like im in a cage
Walls are closing in on me
I really think that theres no help
Been looking for the key to break free

For the longest time ive been numb
Feelin like im all alone

Might as well be in a movie
Cause my life is just an act
Put my mask on
smile all the time, oh

Show no sign of worry
Every day is just rinse n repeat
Down the bottle, vision's blurry
Dont need my heart if theres no beat

"u don't need no therapy
ur making this up
u don't need no help
but why you're so cold"

Nobody can hear me
Nobody can hear me

"Youre always so happy
I dont understand
Why are you thinking about
killing yourself"

I am not okay
I wanna be okay
I wish id be okay
I am not okay
x2

I'm Not Okay, Pt. 3

i'm not okay, pt.3

Featured Artist: https://soundcloud.com/itsyungvan

Prod/Mix/Master: Me

Lyrics:

She called me the other night
Says crying that shes fucking up her life
Says that she doesnt know what she wanna do
I said "girl, Im here for u"

Fast forward, 2 years, now we strangers
She found another one, he be lifting weights yea
Deleted number, thats what I am
I aint even mad, but she could explain

But still, I was never mad tho
I felt like I should but I didnt really care so
I lived my life, like she didnt exist
She may hit me up but I never miss

So yea, lets go even further
One night, phone rings but there is no name, oh
I dont even know if I wanna pick it up
3am, rejected, go back to bed

She broke my soul
She had it all
Left me with none
Feelings, now she dont even hit my phone
x4

You callled me drunk last night
told me that you’re thinking about leaving him
I guess he seems alright
but I don’t really see what you see in him
Left me for some no name who peaked in higschool 
playing home games
but now you text me acting so lame always talking bout the old days
Playing on my heart strings like a, ukalale 
only want me when you’re lonely cause you never text me daily
The only thing I fear is that you’ll leave me all allone again
Do you really mean it whhen you say you want to try again?
All my friends are telling me you’re bad for me but I don’t care
what’s the point of all the memories, if you’re not here

She broke my soul
She had it all
Left me with none
Feelings, now she dont even hit my phone
x2

Spotify/iTunes

She Don't Even Hit My Phone (feat. Yung Van)

Next song of my upcoming album - I hope that you'll enjoy it! It really means a lot to me <3

lyrics:

Ive been looking for the anwser for so long
No one believed me, but Imma make it work
Never felt okay, waiting for the day
When all of my problems will go away

Walking thru the day with my face down
I aint feelin ready, no not now
But I believe that someday 
Everything will be okay

I don't wanna get any worse
Pills aint helping me much more
I just wanna feel all right

I know I'll turn it around
Smile on my face, no acting now
And I won't be scared to say

That I feel alone
And so cold
That I need someone next to me right now
Dont wanna be alone
Cuz my live just feels so slow
Like its on hold
But at the end of the day
I know I'll be okay

My demons tryna take me
But I know its not my time to go
I aint gonna let them make me
Lie all the time about my feelings, so 

Imma break out of the cage
I was trapped inside my mind
So i wasnt okay
I still have a very long way to go
I aint giving up myself, not today no

I don't wanna get any worse
Pills aint helping me much more
I just wanna feel all right

I know I'll turn it around
Smile on my face, no acting now
And I won't be scared to say

That I feel alone
And so cold
That I need someone next to me right now
Dont wanna be alone
Cuz my live just feels so slow
Like its on hold
But at the end of the day
I know I'll be okay
x2

Deadfish

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